Mar 312015
 
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Birthday, Cake with candles

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Hello everyone. Well, why you are waiting for the next installment from the coots, it has come to my attention that Monday has been gathering cobwebs around here. I guess it is either up to me to change that or delegate it to someone else.

As for today, Facebook has informed me that this is the day that Bob was dug out from under a rock somewhere in the back country and mercilessly prodded into a lifetime of Cantankerosity.

Finally, a thing that Facebook is actually good for. At any rate we here at the Coots, well at least me and I would assume Ralph but his cantankerous button has been turned up to high lately, would like to wish our colleague Bob a Happy Birthday.

I will have to come up with some fancy song like in one of those restaurants who can’t bring themselves to go traditional because of pending charges from Michael Jackson. Wait, Michael is dead, who got all of the Beatles songs and Happy Birthday rights?

Well, happy birthday Bob, I don’t expect tomorrows live broadcast to be too cantankerous, it was just your Birthday after all. But then again, last week all of his plumbing in the yurt tried to go to hell on him.

There is no telling with Bob.

Happy Birthday Brother,
-Justin

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Feb 232015
 
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Well hello there!  I know at least 2 of our regular readers just fell off of their chairs when they saw that I had written this article and not Ralph.  It has been a long time since this site has been much of anything except Ralph’s other blog.  But fear not!  Ralph is not the only one ready to Cantankerify your brains.  I have grand plans of a series about Mother in Law’s that has taken a month to get the venom out of.  More on that to come.

Yes

Cover of Yes

So gentle readers I am back.  And here is what I have noticed.  One of the key words for this site is Old.  Yes, old.  And I am getting old.  Granted, I am almost 38 and in the grand scheme of things, that is not considered old.  These days, even Bob and Ralph are not really considered old, retired or not.  But, I am getting old.

Long time readers of any of my blogs (links here to my other blogs…..well maybe not) know that 5 years ago my 1 year old daughter ended up in kidney failure.  2 years of dialysis, a kidney transplant, and 3 years later we took her on a Make A Wish Trip to Disney World(can’t help that link it is the whole trip).  That whole experience during those 5 years aged me.  Enough to be a viable member off this blog, even if not old yet.

Life has thrown me some cement curve balls the past couple of years and I can’t catch very well.  So I have been knocked down bleeding, but I still have managed to stand back up.  But it ages me further.  So here I sit, with 4 kids growing up, a pile of bills (that could really use some help from you if you happen to be shopping at Amazon.  Just click to Amazon through my link over there in the sidebar.  Thanks.)  an attitude that is becoming more and more cantankerous, and a body that just feels old.

Ralph is always jealous of the sweet music that emanates from the kettlebells.   I still like using the things but my rapidly aging body keeps telling me to slow down.  I have finally got my elbow back to useful after 2 weeks.  And then there are the grey hairs, and the unwanted ear hair that my wife seems to find great pleasure in curling with her fingernails if I don’t get it trimmed fast enough.

(St Mary and St Barlok)Monument to Sir Ralph F...

(St Mary and St Barlok)Monument to Sir Ralph Fitzherbert,d.1483,and his wife:detail of tomb-chest. Ralph’s children are shown on the side of the tomb. first three are Richard, Thomas and John – this is John who was Ralph’s heir. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

And the need for sleep.  And it goes on and on.  And it will not end until someone is nailing shut my pine box.  One of the most disturbing things that my wife and I have been looking at over the past little while is what to do with our kids if something happens to both of us.  That is a, well necessary thing but good hell it is depressing.  And then looking at life insurance for both of us, and on the kids.  Not to mention retirement savings.

As much as I hate thinking about it, one of these days, hopefully about 65 years in the future, I will be gone.  My kids will need that life insurance to pay for the funeral or at least the dynamite to blow me up with.  And maybe they will have a bit left over at the end.  There is insurance for that as well.  Now I am bumming myself out.

We all get older.  in reality it all happens at the same rate.  There are still 365.25 days in a year and the years go by one after the other.  The adage is still true, “The only certainties in life are Death And Taxes.”  And they will tax the hell out of you when you die.  Bah.  I need to get with Ralph and have him teach me how to not feel so old.  But for now, I have kids to raise.  16 more years and the wife and I are buying a 1958 Corvette  2 seater and cruising the country….sans kids.

I had better get writing, but first some liniment and a nap…..in the middle ages I would be an old man…and most days lately, I feel like it.

What about all of you out there reading this?  How do you feel?

Anyway, here is to more blog post from someone other than Ralph, as much as we love his take on things.

-Justin

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Feb 232015
 
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Well folks, in the grand tradition of sites everywhere I am participating in yet another year end post.  Today I have a few awards to hand out.

 

We will start right here with the coots:

Justin, that’s me, gets the Laziest Coot  with the most Crap to Do award.  I award myself this because it seems the hours that used to be productive are now stolen by a 1 year old and cleaning up the house.  I can only hope that 2012 will allow me to get more sleep and concentrate more on my business and making some dough.  Both bread and money.

Ralph will get the Most Persistent award.  It seems like he has nothing better to do most of the time so he writes.  He has kept this blog afloat this year and even went above and beyond to get a post out on Christmas.  Well done Ralph.

Bob gets an award that is similar to mine.  He gets the Too Damn Much on His Plate for His Own Good award.  This year has seen him start several sites and purchase much software that will keep him occupied for hours trying to figure it out.  And then he suckers me into his world as well….

To Hansi, he gets the Only Person Who Reads this Blog Consistently and Comments award.  If it wasn’t for  him, we would have no interaction at all.

To Steve Jobs, the About Damn Time You Gave Up award.  Now I am not against Steve Jobs, but, good grief if you know what I mean.

To JustHost.com, they get the You Lost A Customer With Your Crap Policies and Mediocre Customer Service award.  That title says it all, but the best service I have received from them over the last 2 years was when I was canceling my account there.

and in a related award, To HostGator.com.  There is a reason everyone and their dog recommends them.  They get the You Gained A Customer With Clear Policies and Customer Service That Should Be The Textbook Model for Customer Service Around The World In Every Field award.

To Google, you get the award for making us all paranoid about SEO rankings and what we are going to do to keep from getting blackballed in the rankings.  I call it the “Thanks For Making All Of Us Your Bitch” Award.

To Bing, you get the What The Hell Is Bing Anyway award.

and finally to our lawmakers in Washington, you get the I Voted For This?? award for proposing SOPA.  Look it up if you wish I don’t want to explain it more than to say it is stupidity on the hoof, at your expense.

Well that about wraps it up for this year and this edition of the Coots Awards.  We are staring firmly into the gaping maw of 2012 and I am kind of getting a “Sarlaac Pit” feeling, it is going to be a long year.

Yet, for all of that, Happy New Year from the Coots.  Now go get your Christmas Lights down and lets look forward to Martin Luther King Day.

-Justin

 

PS here are some doozy articles that we have written and you may have missed.  Enjoy.

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Feb 232015
 
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This post is about me. It is about ineptitude, insolence and laziness. I couldn’t think of another “i” word that meant laziness. I could have looked it up but that would defeat the purpose of laziness.

There's A Fine Line between Rest and Laziness

There’s A Fine Line between Rest and Laziness (Photo credit: SaraiRachel)

For a long time, Ralph has been at the head of this site.  For reasons known to the Universe and the laws of B.S., Bob and I have been largely absent.  Bob has an excuse, he is Bob.  I could come up with excuses too, but they all boil down to laziness.  You know the old saying, “Excuses are like assholes, everybody has one.”

I am not going to sit here and write yet another post saying how I should post more, I am going to try and figure out just what should be done to the lazy good for nothings who go and start a site and then don’t do anything with it.

Drawing and quartering seems a bit harsh.  flogging?  Maybe.  Turn the whole damn thing over to Ralph? Nah, that is the sure way to lose all control.  So, I will write a Down with post.  It is now April and the showers are starting here in Utah.

What does that have to do with writing?  Nothing.  Just a random thought.  What do I need to do about posting?  That is the question.  The Coots has existed to try and bring a modicum of reality to the web.  We seek to enlighten this generation about being yourself, and just letting things go.  We even have tried to get you all to join us for Cantankerous Lessons.  None of that has worked.  I do hope Bob is getting some traction on his podcasts, they are actually quite good, and guaranteed to make you feel at least something.

I am working on yet another iteration of the old Cantankerous Old Coots podcast myself.  But, I don’t know that people would be interested in hearing me bitch and moan about the world, even though it works for Bob.  What I would like to do is have guests.  People who would be interested in joining myself and maybe even Ralph and Bob, to talk about the world and this pussy footing, politically correct, sissified country that we are now inhabiting.

I would really like to hear from the hundreds of people that visit this blog each day hoping that Ralph will pull another nugget of cantankerous wisdom out of his ass and make you all smile.  I hope is is not a disappointment when it is Bob or I that graces this page.  If you are interested in joining me for an episode of “The Cantankerosity Sessions”, send me an email or comment below.

I plan on recording the episodes over Skype, unless you happen to live in the Greater Salt Lake area, and then we will still do it over Skype.  You can be a part of history, or at least lost in the endless sea of podcasts that inhabit iTunes.

Imagine now that I am doing the Jedi wave and saying, “You will come and be part of the podcast.  The Coots are your friends, and friends talk about what bugs them.”  Bugs them like lazy, no good, non writing buggers.  Join me.  Be Cantankerous.  The first Cantankerosity Session will hit you next week,  with or without you.

-Justin

Jeremiah Brandreth (1790 – 7 November 1817) wa...

Jeremiah Brandreth (1790 – 7 November 1817) was an out-of-work stocking maker who lived in Sutton-in-Ashfield, Nottinghamshire who was hanged for treason. He was known as “The Nottingham Captain”. He and two of his conspirators were the last people to be beheaded with an axe in Britain (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Feb 232015
 
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Another week of 2012 down the drain, February almost at an end, where is it all going?  Well Bob is off on his quest to be the go to guy for wordpress video blogging, and Ralph is getting ready to be either an Italian, or an American lost in Italy.  So that leaves me, riding a stumbling pony around the Cantankerous Old Coots stable.

So with all of the lack of discipline and lack of posts from me it will either be a ghost town of old promoted posts or I will get back into the good saddle and write like I used to when this whole blogging thing got going.

I am inspecting my girth strap as we speak.  Posts will be new and fresh, hopefully they will be interesting.

Have a great Trip Ralph, make your wife think she is more important than blogging for a while….

Bob, well,  I don’t know.

See you all on Wednesday.

-Justin

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

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