cantankerosity |

cantankerosity | - Part 4

Down with lazy, no good, non-writing buggers.

Posted by Justin at 11:02 Coot Smirk, Down with, Plain 'ol Cantankerous, principles

Feb 232015

This post is about me. It is about ineptitude, insolence and laziness. I couldn’t think of another “i” word that meant laziness. I could have looked it up but that would defeat the purpose of laziness.

There’s A Fine Line between Rest and Laziness (Photo credit: SaraiRachel)

For a long time, Ralph has been at the head of this site. For reasons known to the Universe and the laws of B.S., Bob and I have been largely absent. Bob has an excuse, he is Bob. I could come up with excuses too, but they all boil down to laziness. You know the old saying, “Excuses are like assholes, everybody has one.”

I am not going to sit here and write yet another post saying how I should post more, I am going to try and figure out just what should be done to the lazy good for nothings who go and start a site and then don’t do anything with it.

Drawing and quartering seems a bit harsh. flogging? Maybe. Turn the whole damn thing over to Ralph? Nah, that is the sure way to lose all control. So, I will write a Down with post. It is now April and the showers are starting here in Utah.

What does that have to do with writing? Nothing. Just a random thought. What do I need to do about posting? That is the question. The Coots has existed to try and bring a modicum of reality to the web. We seek to enlighten this generation about being yourself, and just letting things go. We even have tried to get you all to join us for Cantankerous Lessons. None of that has worked. I do hope Bob is getting some traction on his podcasts, they are actually quite good, and guaranteed to make you feel at least something.

I am working on yet another iteration of the old Cantankerous Old Coots podcast myself. But, I don’t know that people would be interested in hearing me bitch and moan about the world, even though it works for Bob. What I would like to do is have guests. People who would be interested in joining myself and maybe even Ralph and Bob, to talk about the world and this pussy footing, politically correct, sissified country that we are now inhabiting.

I would really like to hear from the hundreds of people that visit this blog each day hoping that Ralph will pull another nugget of cantankerous wisdom out of his ass and make you all smile. I hope is is not a disappointment when it is Bob or I that graces this page. If you are interested in joining me for an episode of “The Cantankerosity Sessions”, send me an email or comment below.

I plan on recording the episodes over Skype, unless you happen to live in the Greater Salt Lake area, and then we will still do it over Skype. You can be a part of history, or at least lost in the endless sea of podcasts that inhabit iTunes.

Imagine now that I am doing the Jedi wave and saying, “You will come and be part of the podcast. The Coots are your friends, and friends talk about what bugs them.” Bugs them like lazy, no good, non writing buggers. Join me. Be Cantankerous. The first Cantankerosity Session will hit you next week, with or without you.

-Justin

Jeremiah Brandreth (1790 – 7 November 1817) was an out-of-work stocking maker who lived in Sutton-in-Ashfield, Nottinghamshire who was hanged for treason. He was known as “The Nottingham Captain”. He and two of his conspirators were the last people to be beheaded with an axe in Britain (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Cantankerous Limericks

Posted by Ralph at 11:02 Plain 'ol Cantankerous

Feb 232015

I have to confess that I have always loved limericks. I like the rhythm, the way you can play with the accent and push near rhymes. Finally I love the way that limericks are never serious. Nobody would ever write a love poem in limerick form. So when I sat down to compose a cantankerous post for today, my mind drifted and before you know it I was creating limericks. They aren’t masterpieces but I modestly claim them as adequate. Comments are appreciated as are any of your own limericks to complement this post.

Cantankerosity

So cantankerous was Bobby Jim,
with a physiognomy so grim
That he barely could smile
To mask lying and guile
Causing folks to stay distant from him.

Facebook

Winning friends is the call of the day
Influencing them – making them stay
Dale Carnegie’s dictum
In extremis is sick-dom
Facebook friendships make Dale’s seem passe.

Middle Age Spread

Tim was lean, mean and fit- a role model
of healthy prime manhood , no twaddle,
But his appetite grew
’till his belt buckle blew
Now his swagger has turned to a waddle.

Reliability??? I should have known

Posted by Justin at 11:48 Plain 'ol Cantankerous, principles, rants

Nov 262014

Bij de vuurkorf in Bodegraven (Parents in law) (Photo credit: Johan Koolwaaij)

There is a universal joke about how bad ones mother in law is. My Mother in law goes on a very stringent set of bipolar behavior, where she is good for some things and a complete pain for others. Isn’t that how it is for everyone? Some slight background, this isn’t new. I have been either dating or married to my wife for 19 years now, so this is not new!

This morning is the focus of this rant however. A main statement, If you commit to something, BE THERE! I don’t care if you didn’t get 53 reminders and my 11 year old didn’t tell you yesterday, you committed to be there so BE THERE. I could only shake my head in, not disappointment but realization that this is normal.

Back from the appointment I was late for now and everything is back to normal. Meaning, it will be hard to rely on her in the future. There was quite a while when we didn’t even ask because she had cancelled at the last minute.

Then there was the time I had half of my kids in the hospital and she bailed on the other two because it was too hard. That was a tense ride home from the hospital. I made record time and it was a good thing she wasn’t there or I may have had to dig a hole in the backyard, if you get my meaning. I am not even kidding about that one.

But we are supposed to forgive and all of that but that can be hard especially when it happens repeatedly. Besides, how does forgiveness allow for cantankerosity? Rants and touchy feely don’t go well together unless you are really doing it right.

Later.

-Justin

Hey! It’s April Fools Day! What a Load of Crap.

Posted by Justin at 11:48 Plain 'ol Cantankerous, rants

Nov 262014

Hey Folks, Justin here. I am coming to you live on what is one of the stupidest holidays in the entire world. April Fools Day. Informal though it may be, why do we still bother to “celebrate” something that most of the world doesn’t even truly know the origins of? It seems there was a reference to it in Canterbury Tales back in 1392 that was badly translated and people were made to endure a full day of pranks and foolishness.

By the way kids, (notice I didn’t use that horrific BTW that has become so friggin’ popular. That is a whole ‘nother rant) back in 527 AD Byzantine Emperor Justinian delcared that on April 2nd all Justin’s in the world should have homage paid and gifts of “gold, silver and precious things in great quantity.” Check it out, that is tomorrow, I will just wait for all of the good things to roll in.

You see, that actually sound legit (almost) even though I made the whole thing up. Much like April Fool’s Day. My wife is currently preparing devious deceptions to taunt the kids with. She loves it. My kids love to play pranks and “get mom and dad”. I don’t get it. I have never really gotten it. I don’t care to play pranks for the most part. If I want to make someone look silly I can use words better than some silly prank.

So if you are into pranks, go for it. Just know that there are some people out there who really don’t give the rear cavity of a rat about it.

On another note, Congrats again to Hansi for earning his degree from the Cantankerous Old Coots University. he is now qualified to teach Cantankerosity and is an adjunct professor. We will be featuring his first lesson next Tuesday, April 5.

And for the theme writing contest. We have a clear winner this month with 4 votes to the 2 everything else got. The topic that we will be writing on for the week of April 4th to April 8th is, (drumroll please) is, (no really, a drumroll here is appropriate) fine, with no drumroll the topic is Haiku. We will just have to see what splendid and fascinating things that we can write about a simple Japanese Poem.

So that will be all today, go out and do something cantankerous. Maybe just scream at someone who tries to pull a prank on you, or really fly off of the handle and make them cry. That will be my goal, make a prankster cry. Unfortunately, the only ones who will be around to pull pranks are the kids, and homework and chores make them cry anyway. Good thing my new sink doesn’t have the separate sprayer anymore.

Thanks for reading, how are you going to get through today?

Justin

I know I’m late.

Posted by Ralph at 11:48 Plain 'ol Cantankerous

Nov 262014

Well, I missed it.

bob X 4 (Photo credit: jacob earl)

I know how much our faithful readers count on getting regular doses of cantankerosity and until now I’ve been committed to living up to my responsibilities here at COC. Heaven knows, somebody has to do it. Justin may be the grand visionary and slave driver but lets just say that he goes AWOL from time to time. Between the kids and the kettle bells, it is hard to keep his attention. Then, of course, there is Bob. You wouldn’t think that life in the wilds of rural Georgia would be so complicated but I’m afraid that every so often Bob goes all nuanced on us. Lately I fear he has his sights on Oprah and her wide-ranging network of influence. Becoming a network mogul keeps his eyes on the prize and distracts him from the mundane production of content. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he is trying to displace Justin.

Anyway, since I’m the only Indian left actually producing content here at COC, it is a heavy responsibility and yesterday I just flat out wimped. I had a post half written when I ran out of steam. The vim and vinegar necessary to season the post just turned to watery gruel and I had to stop. It sits there still, filed away in my computer waiting for future inspiration. I feel bad about that and I hate to go Bob and Justin on our faithful readers but it is not my fault. I have been distracted lately and I feel I must confess my lack of focus and offer an excuse.

It’s not much

when compared to Justin’s kids or Bob’s frozen pipes and it perhaps reveals that the strong focused mind that has carried me through life to this point may be failing, perhaps even drifting into senility but the faithful readers here at Coots deserve nothing less than the truth. In four weeks, this Coot, along with my long suffering wife are leaving the country to visit Europe. It’s been 40 years since either of us set foot in Europe so we are excited and anxious at the same time and it is hard to focus on business as usual..

It’s not the trip itself

Plugs look different

Making the trip isn’t what raises the concerns. We are great tourists. It’s the details. What kinds of electrical adapters will we need to power our electronics? Do we need a voltage converter for our computers. Is my Skype account set up correctly to call home and will our ATM cards work on those foreign bank machines? Will I go crazy in a cramped coach airline seat on an 11 hour flight and will the sleeping pills my doctor gave me actually allow me to sleep on the flight. And thoseare just the things I can think of.

I know that nothing that I worry about will actually be a problem. That is the major life lesson of my seven decades so far. I have pretty much learned to stop worrying about problems I can foresee. What I really worry about is the ones that don’t occur to me now. I can’t possibly prepare for them but maybe if I continue to fuss about what I do know, I will stumble over something else that really requires my thinking.

Enough for now.

I’ll close up this posts for now and promise to do my best to keep the content flowing, maybe even from the continent itself but maybe you can help me. If there are world travelers reading this, there is one thing I ask from you. Share with me the things that you never anticipated during your travels that you should have thought about before you started. I still have four weeks to work on them. It just may be enough.

Older Entries Newer Entries