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No News is Good News

Posted by Ralph at 12:08 Headline News

Sep 082011

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The world is going to hell in a handbasket- whatever that means. For this week, I’m putting a good face on a bad situation. Since all I can find this week is bad news, I’m skipping the news summary. Lately it’s getting harder and harder to find any good news out there. It’s enough to make me pessimistic. It also makes me wonder what’s going on? There are earthquakes here and tornadoes there. The economy is not budging. It’s been down for years and it seems to be going down further. Spreading that gloom and doom can only make things worse.

It’s time for Plan B.

I’ve been scouring the news sources further and further from the mainstream hoping fto find something good but it’s just no use. The only thing cheerful going on is that Royal Wedding in England but happy as those royals seem to be and crazy as the clothes they put on to celebrate are, I just can’t go there. In America, King George was the last monarch we paid attention to and he blew it. This American can’t even manage a snicker at the Royal goings on. It’s like seeing your parents go senile.

There is no future in news.

Right now , I’m wondering what’s the point? Bad news is bad news. There isn’t any way to avoid it and I’m feeling that the last thing anyone needs is somebody reminding them how bad off they are. So today I’m proposing an alternative. Either we drop this news summary altogether or we shift gears. I’m open to suggestions. Maybe readers know some good news and are willing to pass it along. I’m not sure what makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is pandering to the forces dragging our spirits down whether they occupy the seat of government or the TV studios. If they can’t find us some good news than I guess we will just have to make some up.

This week’s good news is that there is no bad news.

One way of another, the Cantankerous Old Coots through with bad news. This week, the good news is that the Coot’s News Service will not be passing along any bad news. If you need it, you know where to find it. The Good News is that from now on here at CNS there is no bad news. Next week, who knows. We’re making this up as we go.

Now put on your thinking caps and pass along your suggestions for finding good news for next week. If you don’t help, I may be forced to make some up.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Coots News Service-There is help out there-Just ask!

Posted by Ralph at 12:21 Headline News

Aug 282011

This photo shows the place where the rainbow r...

Image via Wikipedia

Look for the Good!

There is just too much fixation on negatives these days. Nobody ever expects good things to happen. You drive to the grocery store and expect to be hit by a guy that doesn’t believe in stop signs. Take a walk and expect a pigeon to plant a load on your head. Nobody expects anything good and therefore nobody ever seeks the good- even demands it. Well the Coots want you to suspend all that negativity and believe that good things can happen, even to you, even today. That cynical attitude you have developed just ensures negative results. The world is full of good things just waiting to happen and people who want to make you happy but first you have to believe. They like to say “Shit happens.” but they forget that “Rainbows happen.” too. So look for and demand those rainbows. The shit can take care of itself.

This week we have several examples and the first one is cosmic in its impact. Lucy was right!

Astronomers discover planet made of diamond

Everybody makes fun of these twenty-something billionaires who built fortunes creating social media venues. Not that they care what we think. At least that’s how I used to think. But then I discover that they have a higher calling than getting rich helping us make fools of yourselves on the web. Some of these guys are building a new web venture to encourage people. It is nothing short of inspiring.

Twitter Founders Want to Make Money Encouraging People

At the risk of being negative here, I have to interrupt these positive stories with a negative on of sorts. But since it demonstrates how venial and stupid the government Is , I just can’t resist. It seems that the government has it’s panties in a bunch because it is losing money when people drop out of college, from the government perspective. It seems they haven’t noticed that all these new billionaires are college dropouts. It looks to me like the new destitute are the ones that believed the propaganda and went into debt up to their eyeteeth to pay for a college degree that can’t get them a job at McDonald’s. That’s the government for you!

Report: College Dropouts Rob Feds of Billions

Now back to the good news. I’ll bet you remember your mother telling you to write polite letters when you want results and I’ll bet you blew your mother off (in a nice way, of course). I’ll be you don’t believe that letters are good for anything these days except killing trees and filling landfills. Well even in these cynical times, one boy finds that, just like your mother said, a simple letter can get results.

Va. boy’s wallet disappears, but handwritten letter gets results

Finally, I saved the best story for last because it proves the simple truth that the world is full of people waiting to help their fellow man. But before all these wonderful people can help they need you to do just one thing. They need you to ask.

Hungry man tweets about steak, gets surprise delivery

So buck up all you cynical and hardened Coots out there. The world is not the awful place the media wants you to believe it is. It is full of wonderful possibilities and giving people. And remember that you don’t know what is in the heart of that scowling guy on the bus. You can’t see into the mind of the cop giving you a speeding ticket. They may be hoodwinked by the media just like you have been. But down deep they want to find the good in people and help their fellow man. Give them a smile and expect the best. It sure can’t hurt!

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Coot’s News Service- There’s good news this week!

Posted by Ralph at 05:33 Headline News

Jul 172011

Adult male Grand Cayman Blue Iguana. Photo by ...

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I’m so excited!

The good news abounds this week. I just don’t know where to start so lets just begin with the story with the biggest hype- the new Harry Potter movie. From what I read it’s a blockbuster. It just another demonstration to me of our failing civilization and culture to see the world go gaga over upper class British prep school wizards. Sorry, I just can’t relate. I was mildly curious at the first one but the boarding school venue and the outlandish happenings left me happy to pass on any more visits to Hogwarts. I mean those kids don’t even play soccer or polo. They ride dragons.

So you may wonder why I include this new blockbuster in the good news. As usual these days you have to work to make anything good news and the good news here is that THIS IS THE LAST ONE! There won’t be any more of this damn silliness.

Final Harry Potter movie opens in theaters

The rest of this week’s stories take less manipulation. You can see the benefit immediately. Take flying cars. I’ve been taunted by the promise of flying cars for most of my life. They were always going to save us from rush hour traffic but the problem was they were always promised and never delivered. Well, at long last, the wait is over because in Florida you are going to be able to get one and pull it into your garage.

THE FUTURE IS HERE: THESE ‘TRANSITION’ FLYING CARS APPROVED AS ‘STREET LEGAL’

And there is more good news from Florida. Graffiti which plagues cities all over the states has become a tourist attraction in Miami. Whether this says that Graffiti artists are more talented in Florida or just that Florida knows how to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, it just demonstrates that PT Barnum was right.

Graffiti tours turn Miami street art into attraction

Right and left, endangered species are falling off the list. Apparently the sky is not falling like the green nuts keep telling us because as we learned from Jurassic Park, “Life will find a way.” First the blue iguana rebounds.

Blue iguana rebounds from extinction

Next we learn that two leopards have been hiding.

Good News for 2 Rare Leopard Species [Video]

But there is more good news. You know how you keep hearing about drinking 8 glasses of water a day. It’s been bugging me for years. Nobody ever cared how many glasses of water I drank as a kid- or how many sodas either. They somebody claiming to be a scientist started fussing about drinking enough water and telling you that enough meant eight was the right amount. Then you started seeing people carrying water bottles around with them- in the car and at office meetings. It seemed nutty until everybody was doing it. Well it turns out that it is nutty. You don’t need to drink eight glasses of water a day- or even seven or six. Now the word is that you drink when you are thirsty. What a concept. God had it all figured out. There isn’t a quota and your body knows when it needs water. It’s enough to make you lose faith in science.

Eight Glasses of Water a Day Is ‘Nonsense’

And the final good news is about our favorite young vocalist. Not only is our young man lucky in love. He turns out to be a great business man as well. His new fragrance is breaking records,

Justin Bieber fragrance ‘Someday’ could shatter celeb scent records; Likely best seller of 2011

This is definitely a red letter day for good news. Don’t expect every week to be this good. Read each of these stories carefully and savor them. They may need to last you for some time.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Coot’s News Service Report for June 26, 2011

Posted by Ralph at 10:25 Headline News

Jun 262011

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Continuing the quest for good news!

Mixed results today as the Coots News Service searched for signs of good news in the media. With school out and people taking vacations, you would expect a more carefree mood even among the gloom promoters in the media. It’s too early in the political season, for the government to start bombarding us with what a wonderful job they have done in restoring the country to economic vitality. That won’t start coming until later.

So looking further we find that the Japanese are workikng to repair the radioactivity from their damaged nuclear power plants by growing sunflowers. I always associate sunflowers with Kansas– the sunflower state, where my parents were born. What could be more cheerfull than fields of sunflowers all over Japan just soaking up all that errant radioactivity. If’s even better because all around the world, people can help by growing sunflowers and sending the seeds to Japan. No explanation about what to do with all the radioactive sunflower seeds however.

Sunflowers to clean radioactive soil in Japan

In Russia, another example of botched news reporting. Miraculously, a woman pronounced dead in a local hospital wakes up at her funeral. It’s good news if you stop there, unfortnately the reporters just can’t let well enough alone. They have to give your the whole story.

Russian woman, Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov, dies at her own funeral after being mistaken for dead

Closer to home, tbe state of Nevad has taken a stand on increasing road safety by approving legislation that eliminates the biggest threat to safety on the roads today, the drivers. In Nevada, from now on you can let your car do the driving. I don’t have a clue what Google has to do with this but maybe the video can tell us.

Google good news: Nevada’s yes to driverless cars

Canada, our neighbor to the north, provides the US with many things- Comedians come to mind. Someone should do a study about why Canadian comedians flee to the US. Still Canada provides us with inspiration for social issues. It all started with socialized medicine, a specialty in the great white north and moving south but there is another social trend in Canada as well- sexless children.

SORT OF A TREND: RAISE YOUR KID TOTALLY ‘GENDER NEUTRAL’

Talk about an important issue for today. With all the issues caused by sex and the trouble that kids get into because of it, what could be better than getting rid of sex altogether. Heck, if you don’t know that sex exists and can’t tell a man from a woman, how could you get into trouble? Those Canadians are brilliant.

Finally for good news we fall back on our old standby- Justin Bieber. The plucky lad just launched his frangrance line at Macy’s and despite all the crowds and mayhem, our hero is doing just fine.

Justin Bieber gets tackled during fragrance unveiling in New York

Good news is still hard to find but I’m encouraged by today’s stories suggest that reporters may be responding to our program. Support the good news cause by ignoring bad news and spreading the good. Got some good news you want to share. Add it in a comment.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Coot’s News Service-Taking Charge of the News

Posted by Ralph at 05:40 Headline News

Jun 052011

Image by debaird™ via Flickr

It’s official.

The world has gone to hell. As the indefatigable Coot’s news staff scoured the news sources today, they were unable to find a single bit of good news. The weather is bad! The economy is getting worse by the minute. You can’t even eat vegetables or drink green tea because instead of making you healthier they can lay you flat. It’s enough to depress this Coot.

Still, whining is not the American way- at least the American way I learned. I’m not about going negative about all the negative news. The Coot’s News Service is going pro-active.

If the news media can’t be bothered to find good news in spite of the billions of dollars we throw at them, then, by golly, we are just going to find our own. Long study of the news profession has convinced me that the reporters make up at least 125% of all the stuff they print anyway. If they can do it , then certainly I can. And I know that you, the Coots readers can as well. I’m thinking of the news headlines that I would like to see on my morning newspaper. What would make me happy to face the new day and confident that we are heading to a bright future. Headlines like this.

Scientists discover how to end the heartbreak of baldness.

Global Warming is over. New glacier formation reaches all time high.

Economic boom floods governments with cash. Legislators hard put to spend all the money.

Lawmakers lengthen each day to 25 hours giving everyone 7 extra hours of leisure time each week.

Government refines health pyramid. Fast food is declared healthy. The new motto is “If it tastes good then it’s good for you.”

So those are my good news headlines for this week. Now it’s your turn. What headlines would you like to see in your morning paper. Share your suggestions and lets put the news media on notice that since they make it all up anyway, we want them to give us good news. Add your headlines to the comments and from all the Coots,

Have a Happy Week.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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