Jun 052011
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finally...some good news!

Image by debaird™ via Flickr

It’s official.

The world has gone to hell. As the indefatigable Coot’s news staff scoured the news sources today, they were unable to find a single bit of good news. The weather is bad! The economy is getting worse by the minute. You can’t even eat vegetables or drink green tea because instead of making you healthier they can lay you flat. It’s enough to depress this Coot.

Still, whining is not the American way- at least the American way I learned. I’m not about going negative about all the negative news. The Coot’s News Service is going pro-active.

If the news media can’t be bothered to find good news in spite of the billions of dollars we throw at them, then, by golly, we are just going to find our own. Long study of the news profession has convinced me that the reporters make up at least 125% of all the stuff they print anyway. If they can do it , then certainly I can. And I know that you, the Coots readers can as well. I’m thinking of the news headlines that I would like to see on my morning newspaper. What would make me happy to face the new day and confident that we are heading to a bright future.  Headlines like this.

Scientists discover how to end the heartbreak of baldness.

Global Warming is over. New glacier formation reaches all time high.

Economic boom floods governments with cash. Legislators hard put to spend all the money.

Lawmakers lengthen each day to 25 hours giving everyone 7 extra hours of leisure time each week.

Government refines health pyramid. Fast food is declared healthy. The new motto is “If it tastes good then it’s good for you.”

So those are my good news headlines for this week. Now it’s your turn. What headlines would you like to see in your morning paper. Share your suggestions and lets put the news media on notice that since they make it all up anyway, we want them to give us good news.  Add your headlines to the comments and from all the Coots,

Have a Happy Week.





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Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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  7 Responses to “Coot’s News Service-Taking Charge of the News”

  1. Oh, oh, I can think of a couple!

    “Official work day length shortened to 4 hours to reflect recent research into productivity”
    “Students encouraged to travel for a year before chosing a major”
    “Barriers to immigration halved, workforce shifts globally”
    “Aids cured by medical scientists in Africa, world rejoices!”
    “Justin Bieber hit in head by freak hail storm, career on hold”

    And doesn’t that just reflect where I am in life? Hm.

  2. Heather, those are great. You have a promising career in journalism ahead.

  3. So much wishful thinking… still, someday maybe. =)

  4. Heateer,
    It’s up to your generation now.

  5. *shudder* Then I worry for the world. Unless I take over, then we’re all just dandy!

  6. “If it tastes good, it is good!”

    Works for me.

  7. Dave,
    But don’t forget there’s no accounting for tastes.

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