Jul 152012
 

Up with Lifestyle 

Lifestyle is important to Cantankerous Old Coots. We feel like we deserve something for putting up with life for all these years. Aging isn’t all that much fun so we are always on the lookout for enjoyments, even small ones. This week’s stories provide some of those small pleasures.

Demi’s boy toy

Lets start with space. Space was our future when this Coot was a kid. I fully expected colonies on the Moon by the end of the century. I was dreaming.  Back then I didn’t understand government.  Up until the 60’s we were on target with Kennedy leading the charge but after the huge arousal from the Moon landings, NASA went all coitus interruptus on us. All progress stopped and we abandoned the rockets that could get us there.  Man in space was looking like a hopeless wet dream until Sir Richard stepped up to the plate.

Now not only will man be going back to space, it can be you. Sir Richard says that 2013 is when you can purchase a trip to space; no muss, no fuss, no government red tape. Just bring money. This Coot won’t be on the virgin Virgin flight but I’ll be there in spirit and feeling some satisfaction that the dreams of man in space from my youth are coming true- even if it means seeing Ashton Kutcher on board. I wonder what Sir Richard would charge to leave him there?  Maybe Bruce would help.

Branson taking people into space in 2013

This next story is for all you guys that wonder what those $200 bottles of wine taste like and what James Bond knows about wine drinking that you didn’t learn in the backseat of your roommate’s car. I know I’ve never been able to justify paying even $25 for a bottle of wine but I always figured it was just my piss-poor palette that wasn’t refined enough to appreciate a fine wine. Now it seems my palette may not be so piss poor after all.

Is There Really A Taste Difference Between Cheap and Expensive Wines?

English: NYC signing September 1, 2009 at Nint...

English: NYC signing September 1, 2009 at Nintendo Store – New York City, USA (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Finally a story that really doesn’t have much to do with unfulfilled expectations. I never expected much from Justin Bieber and to give him credit he never disappoints. Still the idea of this snot-nosed kid getting adulation from pre-pubescent girls around the world is pretty hard to take. Somebody needs to introduce this kid to the harsh realities of life so it is a small pleasure to see someone trying to take him down.

Woman Sues Justin Bieber for Hearing Loss 

 

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Sep 012011
 
The Mona Lisa (or La Joconde, La Gioconda).

Image via Wikipedia

sopi

Stop the Partying!

In spite of the 200 post milestone here at Cantankerous Old Coots, it’s the weekend and time for the Coot’s News Service weekly update. And what better way to celebrate Coothood than to pay our respects to a genuine Cantankerous Old Coot, Pete Rose, who celebrated his 70th birthday this week.

HITS KING PETE ROSE HITS 70

There was bad news on the economic front as the President gets his wish- Gas prices are skyrocketing. People would be buying those new hybrid cars by the carton- if only they had jobs.

Gas at $4 in nation’s capital, 5 states; NY next

It’s gotten so bad that in Texas, people willingly face the drug wars to buy their gas in Mexico where is only costs $2.80.

How about Gas for $2.80 a Gallon?

There is more bad news. In Italy they are exhuming Mona Lisa- or at least the body of the woman suspected to be the inspiration for the painting.

Mona Lisa to be exhumed

For good news this week, we travel to Chicago where firefighters revived a pit bull from near death after a fire by using CPR.

Dog Rescued From Fire, Revived With CPR

If you get frustrated with your computer which seems to have ideas of its own, researchers at Washington University may have your fix. They have found an implant that lets people control computers telepathically.

Patients with temporary surgical implant able to control computers by thoughts

And finally, for our readers that need their Justin Bieber fix each week, CNS located the mop-haired singer in the Caribbean having some kind of problem with his privates. Oh the travails of stardom.

Justin Bieber’s caught shorts

So that’s our news update for this week. Leave your comments on your favorite story.

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Jul 172011
 
Adult male Grand Cayman Blue Iguana. Photo by ...

Image via Wikipedia

 I’m so excited!

The good news abounds this week. I just don’t know where to start so lets just begin with the story with the biggest hype- the new Harry Potter movie. From what I read it’s a blockbuster. It just another demonstration to me of our failing civilization and culture to see the world go gaga over upper class British prep school wizards. Sorry, I just can’t relate. I was mildly curious at the first one but the boarding school venue and the outlandish happenings left me happy to pass on any more visits to Hogwarts. I mean those kids don’t even play soccer or polo. They ride dragons.

So you may wonder why I include this new blockbuster in the good news. As usual these days you have to work to make anything good news and the good news here is that THIS IS THE LAST ONE! There won’t be any more of this damn silliness.

Final Harry Potter movie opens in theaters

The rest of this week’s stories take less manipulation. You can see the benefit immediately. Take flying cars. I’ve been taunted by the promise of flying cars for most of my life. They were always going to save us from rush hour traffic but the problem was they were always promised and never delivered. Well, at long last, the wait is over because in Florida you are going to be able to get one and pull it into your garage.

THE FUTURE IS HERE: THESE ‘TRANSITION’ FLYING CARS APPROVED AS ‘STREET LEGAL’

And there is more good news from Florida. Graffiti which plagues cities all over the states has become a tourist attraction in Miami. Whether this says that Graffiti artists are more talented in Florida or just that Florida knows how to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, it just demonstrates that PT Barnum was right.

Graffiti tours turn Miami street art into attraction

Right and left, endangered species are falling off the list. Apparently the sky is not falling like the green nuts keep telling us because as we learned from Jurassic Park, “Life will find a way.” First the blue iguana rebounds.

Blue iguana rebounds from extinction

Next we learn that two leopards have been hiding.

Good News for 2 Rare Leopard Species [Video]

But there is more good news. You know how you keep hearing about drinking 8 glasses of water a day. It’s been bugging me for years. Nobody ever cared how many glasses of water I drank as a kid- or how many sodas either. They somebody claiming to be a scientist started fussing about drinking enough water and telling you that enough meant eight was the right amount. Then you started seeing people carrying water bottles around with them- in the car and at office meetings. It seemed nutty until everybody was doing it. Well it turns out that it is nutty. You don’t need to drink eight glasses of water a day- or even seven or six. Now the word is that you drink when you are thirsty. What a concept. God had it all figured out. There isn’t a quota and your body knows when it needs water. It’s enough to make you lose faith in science.

Eight Glasses of Water a Day Is ‘Nonsense’

And the final good news is about our favorite young vocalist. Not only is our young man lucky in love. He turns out to be a great business man as well. His new fragrance is breaking records,

Justin Bieber fragrance ‘Someday’ could shatter celeb scent records; Likely best seller of 2011

This is definitely a red letter day for good news. Don’t expect every week to be this good. Read each of these stories carefully and savor them. They may need to last you for some time.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Jun 262011
 
Sunflowers in Fargo, North Dakota.

Image via Wikipedia

Continuing the quest for good news!

Mixed results today as the Coots News Service searched for signs of good news in the media. With school out and people taking vacations, you would expect a more carefree mood even among the gloom promoters in the media. It’s too early in the political season, for the government to start bombarding us with what a wonderful job they have done in restoring the country to economic vitality.  That won’t start coming until later.

So looking further we find that the Japanese are workikng to repair the radioactivity from their damaged nuclear power plants by growing sunflowers. I always associate sunflowers with Kansas– the sunflower state, where my parents were born. What could be more cheerfull than fields of sunflowers all over Japan just soaking up all that errant radioactivity. If’s even better because all around the world, people can help by growing sunflowers and sending the seeds to Japan. No explanation about what to do with all the radioactive sunflower seeds however.

Sunflowers to clean radioactive soil in Japan

In Russia, another example of botched news reporting. Miraculously, a woman pronounced dead in a local hospital wakes up at her funeral. It’s good news if you stop there, unfortnately the reporters just can’t let well enough alone. They have to give your the whole story.

Russian woman, Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov, dies at her own funeral after being mistaken for dead

Closer to home, tbe state of Nevad has taken a stand on increasing road safety by approving legislation that eliminates the biggest threat to safety on the roads today, the drivers. In Nevada, from now on you can let your car do the driving. I don’t have a clue what Google has to do with this but maybe the video can tell us.

Google good news: Nevada’s yes to driverless cars

Canada, our neighbor to the north, provides the US with many things- Comedians come to mind. Someone should do a study about why Canadian comedians flee to the US. Still Canada provides us with inspiration for social issues. It all started with socialized medicine, a specialty in the great white north and moving south but there is another social trend in Canada as well- sexless children.

SORT OF A TREND: RAISE YOUR KID TOTALLY ‘GENDER NEUTRAL’

Talk about an important issue for today. With all the issues caused by sex and the trouble that kids get into because of it, what could be better than getting rid of sex altogether. Heck, if you don’t know that sex exists and can’t tell a man from a woman, how could you get into trouble? Those Canadians are brilliant.

Finally for good news we fall back on our old standby- Justin Bieber. The plucky lad just launched his frangrance line at Macy’s and despite all the crowds and mayhem, our hero is doing just fine.

Justin Bieber gets tackled during fragrance unveiling in New York

Good news is still hard to find but I’m encouraged by today’s stories suggest that reporters may be responding to our program. Support the good news cause by ignoring bad news and spreading the good.  Got some good news you want to share.  Add it in a comment.

 


Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Apr 242011
 
"Sky of bad weather". There is many ...

Image via Wikipedia

Headline News

It’s been a struggle to find any good news this week.  The weather has been dreary.  Earth Day was a big bust and gas prices keep going higher.  Most Americans are fed up with the bad economy and were hoping that Spring would mark some imprevements. Alas, it seems that despite the heroic efforts of our leaders in Washington, there just doesn’t seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Americans pessimistic about economy: poll says

Gas prices are up. Food prices are up. What are we expected to do when the only people getting raises are prison guards in California.  Is this what the President promised?

Jerry Brown defends prison guard contract

Some folks are saying that all this bad news could tip the economy.  I hope that’s good news.

Killer Combo of High Gas, Food Prices at Key Tipping Point

Boy, it’s enough to get you really depressed. Surely there is some good economic news? After a great deal of effort, I managed to find that there is one segment of the economy that thinks we are getting better. I’m not sure how good this is as an economic indicator but beggers can’t be choosers. Apparently if you want to get divorced bad enough, you will decide that the economy is improving. It’s working to make things better for lawyers.

Recovery prompts US divorce rebound

Around the world, people are dealing with the bad economy in other ways.  A man in China demonstrated remarkable resiliance with bad economic times and provides an example for Americans. Maybe we don’t need that four bedroom Cape Cod with a picket fence after all.

I live in a pipe

Boomers are used to driving the economy and breaking new ground. Now that they are beginning to retire we begin to see that they aren’t content with their father’s retirement. That’s not good enough.  Boomers do it different.  They retire to new jobs.

Many Baby Boomers retire to new job

And we close the news for this week with the antithesis of baby boomers- Justin Bieber- a trendmaker if I ever saw one. Don’t expect him to respond to your Twitter. You might as well expect to win the lottery.

Justin Bieber hits 9 million Twitter followers, keeps on rolling

 

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook