Feb 232015
 
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Angry Birds

Angry Birds (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Before you start thinking that this title means something deep or is a description of my character in World of Warcraft (do they still play that? I don’t.)  it isn’t.  This title is the truth.  I am sure this topic has been covered and you are most likely to click off of this post and leave the Coots site right now.  But hold on a second, you need to be logged in for a few more seconds for it to count.  Really Hang on.  Just a bit longer.

Have you ever noticed those videos over in the sidebar?  How about clicking on our personal blog sites?  maybe Facebook?  Click that link and head to Amazon.com and get yourself something nice and we can make a couple of pennies.  Ok are you good?  See what I did, I just took something normal and easy and managed to waste a bunch of time doing it.

You know, I am fairly good at it as well.  If I actually spent half the time writing as I do screwing around I would be able to say I write for hours and hours every day.  Unfortunately, I don’t seem to have that luxury.

I can spend time doing crap that doesn’t mean anything and why?  Am I afraid of the actual writing? No.  I usually justify it by saying if I start to write something I will just get interrupted and my wife will need something so I may as well not bother.  Before you know it Netflix and Angry Birds are calling you from that seductive corner of your computer.

I try to leave the computer completely but then my kindle beckons with that book I am having a hard time putting down….Damn, I should have washed some underwear instead.  I need more sleep.  Now the discussion needs to shift towards what needs to be done about it?  I think I have proven that the “Just Write” argument is out the window…gotta kill some pigs.

Cerebral Cortex location

Cerebral Cortex location (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There is just a niggling in the back of my cerebral cortex that says I can’t do this same old same old anymore.  We are heading to Florida in June and I thought this morning, “Well I guess I will just neglect the blogs some more” while I am gone.  and then, “No!  I can pre write some posts!”  and then, “Yea right, I can’t write the regular ones.”  That in turn inspired this post.

So I am going to reward myself when I write something by being able to shut off that damn Adele song for more than 10 minutes.  The wife got a hold of that song and the kids play it and she plays it and the radio plays it and it never seems to get out of the *explicitve deleted* repeat loop!

But I digress….how do you fellow monkeys fight the urges that keep is from doing actual work?  How do you more efficiently waste time so that you can still work?  Inquiring minds want to know….and if you remember that you are as old as me….

-Justin

PS. The podcast is going to be revived on this blog very soon.  If anyone has an idea about something you want to hear about or want to be a guest, let me know.

I am thinking of using a new format and maybe a “What can the Coots be Cantankerous about”  much like the “What can’t Adam Complain about” segment on the Adam Carolla Podcast.

Give me some topics…and vote for Ralph in the CNS leader poll already.  His fragile ego can’t handle one lonely vote.  And I don’t want to write the CNS any more than I have too.

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Feb 102015
 
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Main Street at the Magic Kingdom, Walt Disney ...

Main Street at the Magic Kingdom, Walt Disney World Resort, Lake Buena Vista, Florida, USA. The photo is taken presumably from the roof of the Walt Disney World Railroad, and the US Flag is in the foreground. In the background is the regal Cinderella Castle. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Is it just me or was Friday just yesterday.  Must be me becasue Friday was last week!  And then March is gone as well.

Oh Well.  These days it seems like time is fleeting and going faster than is really necessary, but it is still going!  We are trying to figure out what we will be doing when we get to Florida for Amelia’s Wish and there is an amazing amount of crap to do in Disney World.  It seems like we should be able to sit down and have the whole thing planned in an hour or two but we are going on a week or more and still don’t have everything nailed down.

When it does get nailed down, it will change though.  That is the only thing I am certain of.  Maybe I need to get Ralph to help out.  He has been halfway around the world.  I have a 6 hour trip.  With 4 kids.  Maybe I can get “Uncle Ralph” to come and we can pick up “Uncle Bob” on the way through.

That would be wild.  3 coots in the Magic Kingdom.  Sounds like a novel where at least one gets arrested.  Maybe I should write that as a series of shorts while we are gone.  I am going to be making videos and writing about the trip anyway over at Ameliasmakeawish.com.  I am rambling and have now forgotten the original point of this post.

Maybe the sands of time that I started with should be compared with the brain cells that seem to be deserting me at much the same rate. I could blame it on sleep deprivation or getting older, but I don’t know the cause.

How fast is your hourglass being emptied?  And what should be the more pressing question, are you going to be able to turn it over?  If you remember, Dorthy tried in vain to turn over the hourglass that the witch set for her….is that where we are here?

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Feb 152013
 
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Senility.  Some days I wonder if I am on that path or if i am just having brain overload.  It seems the world now is trying hard to break people.  Break them and crush their spirits and very souls.  I look at my kids now, out of school and, well, sitting in the house.  They don’t go outside very much saying “I’m bored” or “It’s too hot”.  Well it isn’t as hot as the first ring of Hell, or Florida for that matter.

Kids Watching House Burn Down

Kids Watching House Burn Down (Photo credit: Kiwi NZ)

Kids do not remember how to play with an old can for hours.  Or a stick that is both baseball bat and sword, sometimes in the same game.  Have you ever had to win a duel to reach first base?  (And not with your girlfriend.)  Yes these kids like to sit inside and watch TV or play video games.  My 12 year old will read for hours and hours.  I can’t complain about that too much, I used to do the same thing, but she has friends to play with.

I have 3 bikes collecting dust in the garage that only get pulled out now and again.  So, what am I to do?  I would really like to get some work done on the old computer here, and try to make some money, or heaven forbid, a podcast.  I could try one but the screaming of the kids would most likely have DCFS over here to find out how I was torturing them.

I have tried unplugging the TV.   They just go to their rooms and scream at each other.  I have sent them outside.  The only time they want to stay out there is when the sprinklers are on and they can get wet.  My yard could grow rice some days.  I guess all that I can do is wait for 3 more weeks and then 3 out of four kids will be back to school……I’ll tell you, I don’t know which I am looking forward to, the NFL season or the kids being in school.

I think the kids being in school will win.  Have a good weekend.

-Justin

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Oct 022011
 
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ballot box

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It’s unanimous!

Well, our readers have spoken- all two of them and it’s unanimous. Nobody defended our practice of selecting the best good news stories each week to highlight here at COC. With no equivocation they say, “Give me a rant!”

While we do aim to please here at COC, it is an open question who should be the recipient of that pleasure. We’ve never bought the notion that the customer is always right. Still with only two customers who care enough to actually vote, can we afford to piss them off? I’d take the question to the editorial board here but frankly between Bob’s weekend visitation and Justin’s kids, Saturday is just not a good day for decisions. If this week’s edition is going out, it’s up to me to stop dithering.  As they say, If it is to be, it’s up to me. So what’s it going to be? A good rant or more news. I say, lets have both.

Sometimes I just amaze myself.

Florida holds fast to January 31 primary date

The first story I turned up this week is about the Florida legislature deciding to move their presidential primary earlier. They want to hold it on January 31. Now you might say to yourself, “Self, what do I care when those sun crazed loons in Florida hold their primary?” And your reasonable self might answer. “You know, self, I don’t give a rat’s ass when those sun-crazed loons vote.” But that’s not the problem. The problem is that residents of four states get special treatment. Only four states get to hold their primary elections before March 6 and therefore decide the frontrunner. The rest get second class billing.  And we all get stuck with the losers those teacher’s pet states pick.  

“Who are those four?” you ask “and why are they special?” The four special status states are Iowa, Nevada, New Hampshire and South Carolina. Voters in those states basically get to decide who gets selected as the Republican presidential candidate. I thought we were all equal here.

This year, Florida says that it wants to matter. So they are moving their primary election before March 6 so that Floridians can join the chosen few voters that matter. Now you have to agree that it would be hard to pick out four kinkier states than the four special states and if you wanted to add a fifth nut job state, Florida could certainly hold it’s own but that’s not really the point. When it comes to picking a presidential nominee, why should some states get more pull than others?

I’ve heard that it’s all about money. Apparently by putting the early campaigning in small states, the candidates can save money. Well, all I can say is that if we picked the four smallest states, none of them would be included. The four smallest states are Wyoming, Vermont, North Dakota and Alaska. There must be something else. Maybe the voters in those states are smarter, making them better qualified for picking the best candidates. Maybe that’s it. Just looking at the rates of high school graduation as a proxy for smart voters, we find that Iowa is number one in high school graduation but the other three states are at the bottom. That can’t be the reason either. Let’s face it, there is no good reason that these states deserve any special status in picking our president. And there is no reason why Florida shouldn’t have just as much say as South Carolina. And while we are thinking about it what about the Coots home states of California, Utah and Georgia.  (That’s a scary thought, isn’t it?)

Put me on record saying that I’ve had it with candidates picked by those four teacher’s pet states. As far as I’m concerned, those four states are responsible for the sorry state of our country and the pandering, mealy mouthed politicians that we somehow get stuck with. Whatever reason there might be for giving those states first dibs on selecting candidates, it is clear that it was a piss-poor idea and their record should disqualify them from future voting.

I don’t know why any states should get more pull but I do know that if there are any states that shouldn’t have it, those states are Nevada, Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina. Considering the political mess we are in, I’m inclined to say that they should be banned from voting altogether but for now, I’d settle for making them vote last. If you have to have any states voting first, then there shouldn’t be any favorites at all, just pick the early primary states out of a hat. And leave those four teacher’s pets out of the drawing altogether.  Maybe even banish them to Canada.  Let them learn to vote in French.

 

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Jul 172011
 
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Adult male Grand Cayman Blue Iguana. Photo by ...

Image via Wikipedia

 I’m so excited!

The good news abounds this week. I just don’t know where to start so lets just begin with the story with the biggest hype- the new Harry Potter movie. From what I read it’s a blockbuster. It just another demonstration to me of our failing civilization and culture to see the world go gaga over upper class British prep school wizards. Sorry, I just can’t relate. I was mildly curious at the first one but the boarding school venue and the outlandish happenings left me happy to pass on any more visits to Hogwarts. I mean those kids don’t even play soccer or polo. They ride dragons.

So you may wonder why I include this new blockbuster in the good news. As usual these days you have to work to make anything good news and the good news here is that THIS IS THE LAST ONE! There won’t be any more of this damn silliness.

Final Harry Potter movie opens in theaters

The rest of this week’s stories take less manipulation. You can see the benefit immediately. Take flying cars. I’ve been taunted by the promise of flying cars for most of my life. They were always going to save us from rush hour traffic but the problem was they were always promised and never delivered. Well, at long last, the wait is over because in Florida you are going to be able to get one and pull it into your garage.

THE FUTURE IS HERE: THESE ‘TRANSITION’ FLYING CARS APPROVED AS ‘STREET LEGAL’

And there is more good news from Florida. Graffiti which plagues cities all over the states has become a tourist attraction in Miami. Whether this says that Graffiti artists are more talented in Florida or just that Florida knows how to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, it just demonstrates that PT Barnum was right.

Graffiti tours turn Miami street art into attraction

Right and left, endangered species are falling off the list. Apparently the sky is not falling like the green nuts keep telling us because as we learned from Jurassic Park, “Life will find a way.” First the blue iguana rebounds.

Blue iguana rebounds from extinction

Next we learn that two leopards have been hiding.

Good News for 2 Rare Leopard Species [Video]

But there is more good news. You know how you keep hearing about drinking 8 glasses of water a day. It’s been bugging me for years. Nobody ever cared how many glasses of water I drank as a kid- or how many sodas either. They somebody claiming to be a scientist started fussing about drinking enough water and telling you that enough meant eight was the right amount. Then you started seeing people carrying water bottles around with them- in the car and at office meetings. It seemed nutty until everybody was doing it. Well it turns out that it is nutty. You don’t need to drink eight glasses of water a day- or even seven or six. Now the word is that you drink when you are thirsty. What a concept. God had it all figured out. There isn’t a quota and your body knows when it needs water. It’s enough to make you lose faith in science.

Eight Glasses of Water a Day Is ‘Nonsense’

And the final good news is about our favorite young vocalist. Not only is our young man lucky in love. He turns out to be a great business man as well. His new fragrance is breaking records,

Justin Bieber fragrance ‘Someday’ could shatter celeb scent records; Likely best seller of 2011

This is definitely a red letter day for good news. Don’t expect every week to be this good. Read each of these stories carefully and savor them. They may need to last you for some time.

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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