Coots lesson 11: Pants are optional

 Posted by at 03:54  Coot Law, Coots Lessons, Plain 'ol Cantankerous
Mar 182013
 

This lesson could be the penultimate Coot lesson.  It isn’t, but it could be.  Throughout all of these lessons so far we have been working to promote Cantankerosity.  If you have been following closely you have learned to say what you think and not dither.  You have learned to use sarcasm and the difference between being an angry old fart and a Cantankerous Old Coot.

If you have taken to heart and studied diligently then you are most definitely on you way to Cantankerousness Grasshopper.   This lesson is one way of gauging your final test of Cantankerosity.

Picture if you will the elderly gentleman in a rest home.  He is not wearing pants.  He is railing against Politicians (see this post, and this one).  He is yelling at nurses and doing his best to avoid the orderlies who are trying to cover him.  Does he care?  No!  He continues to run around and yell.

Now you may be saying this man is demented, sick in the head, a victim of Alzheimers disease.  I say No!  He is a Cantankerous Old Coot.  His Cantankerosity has been finely crafted and honed over the course of several years and now, he hides his devilish ways behind insane medical diagnosis’s.

This is our mission, to create a fine figure of Cantankerousness who is not afraid to do exactly what it is they want to.  Pants are optional.  A test of your cantankerous training will not be to parade around without pants (at least for now) but it will be to cultivate the attitude to be able to do so.

Get over your society imposed embarrassment and do something for yourself.  Say what you think.  Do what you think needs to be done.  Be yourself.  Pants are optional.

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

Ask A Coot Saturday: Question 2

 Posted by at 04:53  Ask A Coot!
Sep 202012
 

Hello out there!  I hope that you are having a great Saturday today and the rest of the weekend is looking up.

Today’s question comes to us from “Jane” in Phoenix, AZ.  I do have to apologize to Bob for not getting this question to him sooner, he will have to have a cantankerous response in the comments.

“Jane” writes,

“Dear Cantankerous old Coots,  I just read your Friday column about Black Friday and I had to ask a question.  I just got back from a madcap day of shopping and spending way too much time and money for way too little items to hold.  I have seen that Bob likes to make his gifts and Justin will be doing similar things, so when is the right time to say goodbye to the shopping and spending hamster wheel and give homeade items?  And, If I give homeade stuff, will my family be mad that I didn’t spend money on them?  Just wondering, “Jane”.”

Well “Jane” as usual this is not a question that is easily answered.  Bob will probably have a better take on it in the comments.  I for one like to spend money on my kids.  I like to give them toys.  I like to give fun things for Christmas.  But, the past couple of years there has been so many toys that they don’t care about at the end of the season that we are scaling back.  We are having each of the kids make presents for their siblings instead of picking up the first thing that they see in the store that is in thier price range.  They are very excited about it.  As for other family members, (extended) it just gets to be a silly hassle trying to find gifts.  My parents don’t need anything, I don’t have the money to buy all of my nephews presents as well as my sisters so they get a family gift.  And this year family gifts are baked.  We are going to make cookies (from Bob’s shortbread recipie check it out at juicy maters.com) and these cookies will also be given to the neighbors for the holiday on fancy paper plates.  We may even spring for some colored plastic wrap but it is not likely.  So if the family doesn’t like the fact you are not going to spend money on them tough.  Maybe you should have that talk with them now, the we can’t afford much, let’s just do family presents talk.  That should help.  if not, screw ’em. –Justin

Ralph chimes in:

Dear Jane,

As you think about making your own Christmas gifts, I suggest that you keep this in mind.  When was the last time you received a homemade gift and how did it make you feel.  For me, it brings back all the Christmas gifts my kids made for me over the years.  Were they great gifts?  I have to say no.  Did I use them?  I have to say no.  Did I like them?  I have to say no.  What I can say is that I pretended to like and use them because I loved my kids.  So my advice to you as you consider giving something homemade for Christmas is that you ask yourself if the recipient will love the gift because it is you that is giving it.  If you have a speicial relationship then it won’t matter what you give and homemade is ok.  Otherwise, I suggest going to the store.

Ralph

Thanks for the question “Jane”!  If you have a question that you would like a cantankerous take on email us at askacoot@cantanerousoldcoots.com or leave it in the contact form to the right.  Thanks for reading!

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

DumbAss DA – Zero tolerance at work

 Posted by at 06:27  Bob's Politics, Down with, Plain 'ol Cantankerous, Podcast
Sep 032012
 

Well folks…I’m a day late…but better late than never.

Today we’ll talk about a district attorney in Cobb County, Georgia…a dumbass DA who is judgement deficient…who show as well as possible two things.

[powerpress]

1.) Zero tolerance is the same as zero thinking, zero intelligence, and…

2.) He needs to go in the next election.  Don’t worry…he’ll find work. He seems well suited to asking the question, “Do you want fries with that?

 

Do y’all have any zero-tolerance stories to tell?

Related articles

Bob@HayleStorm Interactive

Bob comes to us with a skeptical attitude and a full cup of Cantankerousness. He also writes about homesteading and yurts over at JuicyMaters.com and rants about politics at Common-Sense-Conversation.com Most of the time, though, you'll find him at HayleStorm.net, cranking out great websites for clients OR writing tutorials teaching them to build their own sites.

More Posts - Website - Twitter

What a Coot Could Be….

 Posted by at 08:34  Coot Smirk, Coots Lessons, Plain 'ol Cantankerous
Jul 252012
 

We are Cantankerous, that is established.  For some reason, when we start talking about Coots, Zemanta (a groovy little plugin that helps you add pictures to your posts) brings up this:

Common Coots

Image via Wikipedia

These are Coots.  Worse they are common coots.  At this site, we strive to be way beyond common.  Typing “Coots” into Google gives you 10 different sites with definitions of the birds.  Finally at number 11 is our site, the Cantankerous Old Coots.com.  Not too bad, but we are ever striving to get that higher.  As our Alexa rank rises alongside the readership of this site, Google can’t help but put us above some mangy waterfowl.

I would like to start typing Coots in this blog and wait for Zemanta to bring up these pictures:

 or even  or heaven forbid

  Of course it could just as easily bring up

 and I don’t even know who that guy is.

Alas, dreams they be and as ethereal as the wind unless all of you keep coming back and telling your friends about us.  The year is almost over now and there are big things in store for 2012.  Stay tuned.  and in the meantime, review our manifesto with the link below and number 14 of the Coots Lessons.  You can learn all about being Cantankerous with the lessons and join Hansi as a graduate of the prestigious and venerable Coots University.

Check it out over the weekend.

-Justin

Related articles

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

Burgeoning Cantankerosity!

 Posted by at 04:38  Coot Law, Coots Lessons, Plain 'ol Cantankerous
Jun 172012
 
Puberty Blues

Image via Wikipedia

Next Week the coots will be Writing our monthly theme: this month, Oil Stains!  I hope Bob gets his stuff fixed so that he can unleash…he has a good one coming.  Dont forget to head over to the sidebar there on the right and vote for our April theme.  There promises to be some good stuff there also.  You can also send us suggestions, the email form is over there as well.  I would really like to write on a topic suggested by the readers.  You know who you are.  I would also like some input on the podcasts; I haven’t done one for a while and I would like to get back to it.  I do want some help though.  Topics for the podcast?  want to be a guest?  We can do that.  Send me an email and let me know.   Enough of this, onto today’s post.

This didn’t get posted last week for a number of reasons.  I am not going to count them.  Anyway, I have an interesting situation over here.  Ralph and Bob have already been through this stage but it is new for me. That stage is puberty.  For my DAUGHTER not me you tools.  Yes my 10 year old is starting that horrific  special wonderful incredibly necessary but oh my dear lord how are we going to live through the hormones shift so innocently called puberty.

While I am not exactly terrified, I am planning a fortified bunker in my basement so that I can lock her away into it.  With these hormones that are beginning to rage, I can see another form of rage building in her.  That rage is quickly becoming cantankerosity.  She has a way to go of course but I am not sure how I am going to handle this.  Do I let her develop on her own or do I give gentle nudges and tuition in Cantankerous Old Coots University?  I am leaning towards the latter.

I can see now just how valuable the lessons of Cantankerous Old Coots University are when I have someone to mold into her own coot.  She has been in training for a black belt in sarcasm for 10 years now.  She is no where near the Jedi level that I hold, but she is coming along.  Focusing hormones and rage into sarcasm and cantankerosity is a challenge that I am at least uniquely qualified for.  I have to get her away from the fatalistic attitude that she is starting to get.

It is time to form her and guide those hormones into a cantankerosity worthy of the great masters, Howard Beal, Ralph, Bob, Redd Fox and others.  But she still has to be a decent girl that people will want to hang out with.  Someone who will bring boys home that I won’t have to bury in the backyard after the first date.  There is a particular challenge there, she is a good person now, but I can see how easily she could rebel and turn into….well…that girl I need to lock in the basement.

So, what to do?  The first step is a deep breath.  Next, subtle guidance to channel the onslaught of hormones into something productive.  I see her own blog in the near future.  After that, more deep breaths and the lessons of Cantankerous Old Coots University.  If you haven’t checked them out, you really should.

Thanks for your support and remember that tuition dollars are due by the end of March.

Later.

Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

 Older Entries  Newer Entries