Feb 232015
 
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I am not as old as Ralph.  I was too young to remember all of the good things in the ’70’s.  I do remember MTV’s launch, Reagan’s inauguration and the Challenger disaster.  I have also seen the country turn into a nearly spineless glob of crap.  People will say we are strong.  Well we were.  Clinton came along and shut down so much military that we are not the crushing powerhouse we used to be.

Good thing the rest of the world has deteriorated as well.  I am here at 36 years old looking back at how we have brought drugs, rap music and that bull-crap “Green” movement to the country.  For some reason the last 15 years or so have been filled with people spouting sewage about how it is everyone’s fault that we have nice things.

If you don’t have those stupid twisty light bulbs and high efficiency toilets you are a bad bad person!  Unplug your TV at night so it doesn’t take .005 cents worth of electricity.  I refuse to do this.  I leave my computer on all night too.

I miss my 1977 V8 Ford Pickup that got 8 miles to a gallon if I was lucky.  That sucker had some torque and power.  I saw a show on the Travel Channel the other day where they were still using the styrofoam containers at the McDonalds in Italy.  I miss those.

I am thoroughly convinced that my Great Grandfather would fall over dead if he saw how this country was going.  Of course he would be in jail for assaulting the guy that came by telling him he couldn’t water his lawn that much or how his fertilizer was not “approved”.  Knowing my Grandpa, he would probably lynch the sucker in his apple tree.

I hate being part of this generation of pussification.  I am about sick to death of going green.  I am tired of the city where I live wanting everyone to recycle but only picking up the can every other week.  I am only recycling less than half of what I could.  And why bother.

Like our good friend Howard Beal, “I’m Mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”  I am going to go burn something in my backyard.  I have a firepit, and as long as you “cook” something on it they don’t complain.  There is a dog next door…..

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Feb 232015
 
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Coots Lesson #4: Say It When You Feel It.

We don’t Worry.

Are you one of those people who worry about being “politically correct”?  Do you always think out what you want to say before you say it?  Do you get home later and say to yourself “I should have said….”

Well then this lesson is for you.  In the pursuit of Cantankerousness, there is not much room for political correctness.  As Ralph has so eloquently said in the past, polite is a euphemism for a lie.  This is the same for the political correctness BS that is so prevalent in our society.

Let It Out!

There is way too much self editing these days.  Too many times we have to stop our tongues so that we don’t offend people.  Well that is over and done with.  In the continuous pursuit of being a better person I now believe that the best thing to do is just say what comes to your mind.

Lose that internal filter that clogs up with what you “should” say, and just say what you mean.  It may anger people but shooting straight is the best way to deal with society as a whole.  Keep your lies and your equivocations; quit pandering to people who don’t really mean anything to you.

Don’t keep it bottled up.

If the time is right to give any said SOB the MapQuest directions to Hell, so be it.  Tell people what you think right then and there.  If you keep it bottled up you will probably end up killing someone.  While that may seem attractive at the time, it will only land you in jail and keep you from voting or owning a gun.  Telling people what you think right then won’t land you in jail most of the time.  Slander is another post altogether.

So here is today’s homework: if somebody pisses you off, tell them.  Don’t just sit around and mutter, tell them off in a loud and clear voice that leaves no room for doubt.  Like our good friend Howard Beal did, stand up and say, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”  Don’t take it.  Give it.  You are well on your way to being a Cantankerous Old Coot.

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Feb 232015
 
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Hello All.   Today I am going to write again about cantankerousity.  I have good reason to believe that the most cantankerous animal will be revealed here.

Now, I can make a good case for Ralph, he is bringing us cantankerousness and leading the charge here at Cantakerous Old Coots.  He only gets an honorable mention today though.

I have been reading a book that was written in the early part of the 20th century by a British Soldier who lived most of his life in India.  The man is Jim Corbett and the book is called the Maneaters of Kumaon.  This book is about the authors treks through the wilds of India in search of todays most cantakerous animal, the man-eating tiger.

While this book sound like Great White Hunter vs lowly animal, it is not, in fact Corbett was a conservationist who would not shoot a tiger that was not proven to be a man eater.  One of the largest tiger preserves in the world is in India and named for him.  This book is a great adventure story and reading it I keep hearing the voice of my Great Grandfather recounting his stories.  Check this book out, it is good.

Now onto the Cantankerousness… Tigers are huge, powerful animals.  They are designed to be one of the ultimate predators.  Zoo tigers cannot compare to the yarns spun out by Corbett about the intelligence and cunning of the tiger.

Further research shows that they are, or were depending on populations, the apex predator in several of the jungle regions of Asia.  Leopards are close.  Tigers are just magnificent.  Now I am going to get comments (hopefully) about lions, crocodiles and sharks being the most cantankerous.  Maybe they are in their spheres, but in a fair fight, (impossible for sharks) I would put money on the tiger.

Their intelligence is obvious from the fact that they can be trained for the circus and other acts.  Their cantakerosity is obvious, just ask Sigfreid and Roy.  I think they will be your friend until they are hungry.  Then you are just meat.

Which is what the book is about.  The tigers in this book were hunted and shot by Corbett on behalf of the Indian (dot not feather) Government.  All of these tigers were Man-Eaters.  And, just as an aside, most of them were female….Many similarities to human females…but that is another post.

Between 1907 and 1938 Corbett hunted and killed 19 tigers and 14 leopards, all proven to be Man-Eaters.   All together these cats were responsible for the deaths of more than 1200 people.  One tiger, by itself was responsible for 436 documented deaths.  Who knows how many it killed that were not documented.

These tigers were later proven to have physical problems that prevented them from hunting other prey and so they turned to something easier, people.  Many of these tigers had broken teeth or claws, old gunshot wounds that healed badly, and a good many had deeply embedded and infected porcupine quills that kept them from being natural hunters.

Tigers are smart as I have said before.  They know how to stalk within feet of people without being seen.  They attack quickly, and they are strong enough to drag away their prey quickly.  They hold grudges.  They remember people and situations.  They don’t give much of a crap if you yell or wave your arms.

I have learned much about tigers and their inherent cantankerousness.  Something to strive for when pursuing Cootness.  Heck my Chinese zodiac sign is the tiger, most of those say beware of the monkey, I say the monkey better watch his ass.

What are some of the most cantankerous animals you can think of?  I would love to know.

Later, Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Feb 232015
 
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Utah in the United States

You can't miss Utah

The weather in Utah is legendary for changing at a moments notice.  Ok maybe not legendary, but at least known to the public here.  Give it a minute the weather will change is a mantra we live by in the spring.

So When this post was written we had just finished a day of heavy rains.  The weather forecast said it was going to be partly cloudy and warmer.  I washed a load of towels to hang outside on the line.  Just getting ready to hang them out, and it starts raining.  I am sure mother nature was just thwarting me.

I had a few choice things to say to Nature at that point.  I kind of wanted to be Captain Dan in Forrest Gump screaming at the storm.  But, I had kids at home.

There will be another snowstorm, that is almost guaranteed.  Except it will be 80 this weekend and I have to get the lawn mower out before the jungle sets in.  My Great Grandpa, who had a garden that should have been on a magazine, always said, “Don’t plant anything until after Mother’s Day.”  That is sage advice here, because you will just get your tomatoes growing and it will freeze.  It just does here.

I have never been disappointed with that advice, even with pressure from my wife a few times becasue the weather was nice.  Didn’t plant, didn’t get frozen.  So, do you all have some interesting weather thwarting stories to share with us?  I would really like to hear them.  You can’t beat Mother Nature completely but you may be able to slap some sense into her once in a while.  Well, probably not.

Have a great Weekend.

-Justin

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Feb 232015
 
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We don’t care what you think.

Your mother may think you are clever and dote on your every word. You may have been brainwashed in our worthless education system to think that you have value just for breathing. You may even be a pillar in your community, a church elder, a school teacher or even a politician. In the end it doesn’t matter. Here at Coots, your opinion is worthless. If we wanted it, we would ask but we don’t have time to waste arguing about it. It’s a free country for now but every second we get pushed further and further into a world where we can’t say something because somebody else thinks different and we might offend them. Someone seems to have invented a civil right that makes is a crime to offend someone. While we still can; while there is still no addendum to the Bill of Rights to say that all us Americans have a God given right not to be offended, Coots is going on record to say that we don’t care what you think. You can think whatever stupid things you want. You can be a damn fool for all we care and we are pretty confident that you have everything it takes to be the best damn fool there is. We just don’t care. And we will tell you what a fool you are- as often as we can.

Its’ not easy telling it like it is

You would think that that would make us good guys in today’s feel-good world. It doesn’t seem to work that way. Unless you are Al Gore or the New York Times, society frowns on telling people what you think. Everybody is supposed to be smart enough to make up their own mind today. It is just that making up your own mind is reduced to parroting Al Gore or the New York Times. Being smart and making up your own mind is now nothing more than saying the right things at the right time. Nobody knows how to think for themselves or even that they aren’t thinking at all.

We know what we think

We don’t claim to be smart here at Coots. We don’t read the New York Times and we stay as far away from Al Gore as possible (when you get older, you just don’t like to be where it is cold). We do like to think, however. We think a lot. And when we think a lot we just can’t help blurting it all out. So we will. Disagree if you must. You can even add a comment to voice your disagreement. You can shout. You can scream. You can throw a tantrum. But in the end, we don’t care. We just don’t care what you think. We don’t care if you are offended. In fact, we hope you are. Somebody needs to straighten you out.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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