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Should we rename us the Stumbling Old Coots?

Ask A Coot!, Plain 'ol Cantankerous, rants 2 Responses »

Apr 162012

Coots on a tire (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It seems that all I do on here anymore is bitch. And it is sounding like a broken freaking record. But it is something posted at least. Here is the deal. Cantakerous Old Coots is darn near a one person operation from Ralph. I put some stuff in once in a while. Bob has been MIA while working through his various programs and computer problems.

So some input, what should we do with the Coots? I am sure that Ralph is getting tired of being the only Cantankerous one here, and I am not sure about his commitment to Cantankerosity after that Venice trip. He may need some more time to revive that cantankerous attitude.

As for me, I am trying to get back in the writing saddle all over the board. I ostensibly call myself a writer and creator of web content but I am resting on my laurels from the past. So, if you are reading this, tell me what you would like to see from the Coots. New content daily? A break from Ralph? Podcast revive? Bob’s politics? More News? More Hansi?

That comment section down there has been more active in the past couple of weeks than it has in a while. Keep it up. Let us know what the people want. While this is far from a democracy here, we will listen to your suggestions and implement or reject as needed. You all just have to let us know. We will be anxiously awaiting, well more like just sitting here doing something else waiting for comments to come in and enlighten us.

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Coots Lesson #6: Never Underestimate Sarcasm

Coots Lessons, Plain 'ol Cantankerous 5 Responses »

Mar 232012

Originally posted 2010-06-25 10:41:30. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

: Image via Wikipedia

I am working hard to refine my Cantankerosity and hone it to the rusty butcher knife edge that Ralph has achieved. One of the tools that must be used to acheive fine Cantankerosity is Sarcasm. Sarcasm, done correctly, is one of the finest things the English Language ever produced.

Done poorly, well, you may as well type it out and let a computer try to read it. It just doesn’t have the same punch. Kids will cry and adults will tremble when they are faced with a truly masterful sarcastic stream of consciousness. I have heard say that the British are the 7th degree Jedi Masters of Sarcasm, I am working up to that. I believe that I am at about level 5.

Now, Sarcasm is not for everyone. Some people try, but most of their sarcastic powers are lost in turns of the language that either make no sense or are trying so hard to be sarcastic as to just be a joke. Sarcasm is like Cantankerosity. Many can try, but only a few can truly wield the power. It must be learned and then practiced in order to be effective.

Sarcasm can sometimes be misinterpreted. Subtle digs at peoples lineage are usually sarcastic. Calling someone a Son of a Whore is more descriptive and probably truthful. You see how I wove sarcasm into the end of that sentence? Subtle sarcasm is something that must be deftly handled or you are just muttering under your breath. Of course, maybe you are doing that as well, there is plenty of room at the Coot house for you people.

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Coot Lesson #3 – Polite is over rated!

Coot Law, Coots Lessons, principles 8 Responses »

Feb 152012

Originally posted 2010-05-28 09:21:26. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Don’t be dense!

This should be pretty obvious if you have been following our lessons. Unfortunately these days most people are pretty dense and seem unable to follow a stream of logic so we are going to be very blunt. Polite is a synonym for lie. It is just that simple. If you choose to remain oblivious to simple truths, we can’t do anything about it. Human nature is pathetic. We continually ask people to tell us things that we know are untrue. If you have to ask your husband whether a dress makes you look fat, you already know the answer. “Of course it does!” So now the poor man has two bad choices. He can say yes which will make you hate him for confirming the truth or he can say no which will make you hate him for lying. Most husbands are taught to be polite and lie through their teeth and most wives delight in making it impossible for them to be honest. No wonder marriage is in trouble these days.

Stop being a mealy mouthed liar!

We always seek to be inoffensive which of course causes us to lie. “That was a great cup of coffee, Carol. Can I have a refill.” The coffee tastes like battery acid. It is luke warm and the cream is curdled. “I’d love another piece of that delicious cake, Mrs. Smith.” The cake in questions is lumpy and tasteless. Who wins with such behavior? The answer, of course is nobody. If you don’t set these people straight, they will continue to inflict their shoddy goods on other unsuspecting victims. If they believe you they will have your encouragement to do it. If they don’t believe you, they brand you either as a fool or liar.

Be straight at work!

You may think that we are singling out women here but men are just as inclined to this foolishness as women. It just attaches to different activities. When it gets into the workplace, it is even worse because we are expected to lie as a condition of employment. Your boss may be a fool but he is unlikely to keep paying you if you tell him. Imagine the chaos if you said what you were thinking. Is the customer always right? Of course not. Could you fix their problem and get them out of your face if they would just shut up and go away. Of course. Because we think that polite is important, we waste everybody’s time and make everybody upset. It is a darn nuisance. Continue reading »

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Come to me and be Cantankerified.

principles, Technology 4 Responses »

Feb 122012

Originally posted 2010-04-08 08:00:14. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Yesterday on Twitter I sent out an advertisement for this blog. I said, “Cantankerify Yourself.” I am now making up words ala our last president, George W. Bush. But, just because it is not in the dictionary now, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be there.

Definition in the Coots dictionary: Cantakerify: V. 1. The act of becoming Cantankerous. 2. V. To educate yourself on the finer points of becoming Cantankerous. 3. V. To be transformed from mild mannered sheep to a Cantankerous Old Coot. 4. To hell with it it means what it means. If you can’t figure it out Einstein, go somewhere else.

Part of becoming a coot is being able to make stuff up and have the younger generation nod their little sheep heads and agree with your words of wisdom, just because you are older. I am reminded of Jeff Foxworthy and his bit about his dad being older and yelling at the dog to “gitonouttahere”. Sounds like a word. Who is going to argue with the old guy? He may give you the business end of his walker.

So I am making up words that will become part of the Cantankerous Old Coot subculture. Some will call it slang, some will embrace it fully. Some Cantankerous buggers may just ridicule me and beg for the business end of my walker. Or cane. Or Baseball Bat…..

This is the site of the Coots. We exist to rail against the wrongs that society has launched upon us. We will educate. We will entertain. We will Cantankerify.

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Travel Like a Coot

principles 7 Responses »

Feb 082012

Life’s a bitch..and then you die!

Coot Kiss (Photo credit: stewartmorris)

Heaven knows that the lifestyle of a Cantankerous Old Coot isn’t easy. It might seem glamorous and all but fame and fortune don’t come without a price. And then there is actually living up to the title. You have to be on your toes every minute, With all those messages urging you to take the well-worn path of ordinary, charting your own course through life takes determined and dogged commitment. You have to fight the urges to just settle for what everybody else does and do something special. Travel is no exception.

Travel these days means cruises. You can’t avoid the commercials showing happy people eating or playing on cruise ships. It’s like water torture except with pretty pictures. It is so hard to resist. What’s not to like? Lots of food in exotic locals while you are safely isolated from any of the harsh realities of actually visiting a foreign country, trying to understand a foreign language and deal with a foreign culture. You are quarantined in luxurious digs surrounded by shlubs just like you. And you have a crew whose job is to make sure you are happy while you float through alien cultures without ever having to engage. And did I mention the food?