Feb 232015
 
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Being Cantankerous is not easy.

I it not easy being a Cantankerous Old Coot. You might think that all you need to learn is how to be rude and obnoxious. You would be very wrong. It is a way of life- a way of seeing the world and when you become a master, there are many skills that come into play. One that you might never think about is your facial expressions. Sometimes a look is all that a Coot will need to establish effective communication. In every case a facial expression can add that finishing touch that signals you really mean what you say.

People don’t want straight talk

These days, so many people are superficial. They aren’t serious. Their statements are tentative or joking. People just don’t expect you to lay the truth on them. They look closely to see if you are kidding. They don’t want to deal with the truth. They don’t want to deal with you if you are telling the truth and they will go to any length to delude themselves about your intent. If they think that you are kidding, then they can shrug away your statement and move on, skating away from a confrontation either with you or the truth you have just laid on them. Don’t make it easy for them. You fail as a cantankerous old coot if you let this happen. Your facial expression is the clincher.

Lets Review the Lessons so far

Lets take a minute and review the lessons so far. In Lesson 1, we learned to let your feelings out freeing you to be real. Lesson 2 reminded us all that what other people think is unimportant. You don’t have time for worrying about whatever silliness is keeping them awake at night. Lesson 3 reminded us that polite is just an excuse for lying. Finally Lesson 4 emphasized that immediate response is important. Don’t hold back or reserve your first thoughts. Just let her rip. The importance for Lesson 5, Let your Face show you mean it is that unless you get Lesson 5, you can blow off all the other lessons. Your words may tell the world what you really think and blow away any pretensions from your companions but if you don’t reinforce this with your facial expression, everything you worked for is lost. Break a smile and people will think you are kidding or being playful. Keep your expression neutral and they can interpret your statement as a misstatement.

This brings us to Lesson 5

Lesson 5 is vital because your expression must support and reinforce everything you have learned so far. It must be stern and serious. It can run the gamut of emotions from scowl to downright contempt. It must take no prisoners, leave no stone unturned and be so controlled that no one can have any doubt that you mean exactly what you are saying. Lesson 5 is the hardest lesson because no matter how well you learn the other lessons, we are so controlled by the urge to be nice that almost without thinking our facial expressions will try to make nice. As with most every thing in life, practice makes perfect so observe yourself in the mirror and find your weaknesses. Maybe your eyes twinkle or your mouth just can’t help curling up in a Mona Lisa smile. Whatever they are, find them and get them under control.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Feb 232015
 
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Coots on a tire

Coots on a tire (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It seems that all I do on here anymore is bitch.  And it is sounding like a broken freaking record.  But it is something posted at least.  Here is the deal.  Cantakerous Old Coots is darn near a one person operation from Ralph.  I put some stuff in once in a while.  Bob has been MIA while working through his various programs and computer problems.

So some input, what should we do with the Coots?  I am sure that Ralph is getting tired of being the only Cantankerous one here, and I am not sure about his commitment to Cantankerosity after that Venice trip.  He may need some more time to revive that cantankerous attitude.

As for me, I am trying to get back in the writing saddle all over the board.  I ostensibly call myself a writer and creator of web content but I am resting on my laurels from the past.  So, if you are reading this, tell me what you would like to see from the Coots.  New content daily?  A break from Ralph?  Podcast revive?  Bob’s politics?  More News? More Hansi?

That comment section down there has been more active in the past couple of weeks than it has in a while.  Keep it up.  Let us know what the people want.  While this is far from a democracy here, we will listen to your suggestions and implement or reject as needed.  You all just have to let us know.  We will be anxiously awaiting, well more like just sitting here doing something else waiting for comments to come in and enlighten us.

You all can do it.  Just a few words down there.  In the comments.  you know at the bottom.

More to come…..

-Justin

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Feb 232015
 
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Thursday is the day Thanksgiving.  The day where we give thanks.  We give thanks to each other and the country and generally blow smoke up each others asses.

This post is no different.  Today the Coots would like to thank everyone who comes here and reads this silly blog, or as it should be called, Ralph Carlson’s second blog.

Personally, I would like to thank Ralph for keeping this thing afloat and running.  I would like to thank Bob for pretending to care about this site.   Continue reading »

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Feb 232015
 
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Yesterday on Twitter I sent out an advertisement for this blog.  I said, “Cantankerify Yourself.”  I am now making up words ala our last president, George W. Bush.  But, just because it is not in the dictionary now, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be there.

Definition in the Coots dictionary:  Cantakerify: V.  1. The act of becoming Cantankerous.  2. V. To educate yourself on the finer points of becoming Cantankerous.  3. V. To be transformed from mild mannered sheep to a Cantankerous Old Coot.  4. To hell with it it means what it means.  If you can’t figure it out Einstein, go somewhere else.

Part of becoming a coot is being able to make stuff up and have the younger generation nod their little sheep heads and agree with your words of wisdom, just because you are older.  I am reminded of Jeff Foxworthy and his bit about his dad being older and yelling at the dog to “gitonouttahere”.  Sounds like a word.  Who is going to argue with the old guy?  He may give you the business end of his walker.

So I am making up words that will become part of the Cantankerous Old Coot subculture.  Some will call it slang, some will embrace it fully.  Some Cantankerous buggers may just ridicule me and beg for the business end of my walker.  Or cane.  Or Baseball Bat…..

This is the site of the Coots.  We exist to rail against the wrongs that society has launched upon us.  We will educate.  We will entertain.  We will Cantankerify.

Are there any words that you feel belong on here?  Let us know in the comments.  I think I may have a dictionary page.  I think I will give a free month subscription to the site to whoever sends in the best word.  You can sign up for our mailing list too and keep up with the Coots.  We won’t bombard you with crap that you don’t want, that is a rant in itself.   The Cantankerous Old Coots are coming and we can’t be stopped!

-Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Feb 232015
 
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Hello All.   Today I am going to write again about cantankerousity.  I have good reason to believe that the most cantankerous animal will be revealed here.

Now, I can make a good case for Ralph, he is bringing us cantankerousness and leading the charge here at Cantakerous Old Coots.  He only gets an honorable mention today though.

I have been reading a book that was written in the early part of the 20th century by a British Soldier who lived most of his life in India.  The man is Jim Corbett and the book is called the Maneaters of Kumaon.  This book is about the authors treks through the wilds of India in search of todays most cantakerous animal, the man-eating tiger.

While this book sound like Great White Hunter vs lowly animal, it is not, in fact Corbett was a conservationist who would not shoot a tiger that was not proven to be a man eater.  One of the largest tiger preserves in the world is in India and named for him.  This book is a great adventure story and reading it I keep hearing the voice of my Great Grandfather recounting his stories.  Check this book out, it is good.

Now onto the Cantankerousness… Tigers are huge, powerful animals.  They are designed to be one of the ultimate predators.  Zoo tigers cannot compare to the yarns spun out by Corbett about the intelligence and cunning of the tiger.

Further research shows that they are, or were depending on populations, the apex predator in several of the jungle regions of Asia.  Leopards are close.  Tigers are just magnificent.  Now I am going to get comments (hopefully) about lions, crocodiles and sharks being the most cantankerous.  Maybe they are in their spheres, but in a fair fight, (impossible for sharks) I would put money on the tiger.

Their intelligence is obvious from the fact that they can be trained for the circus and other acts.  Their cantakerosity is obvious, just ask Sigfreid and Roy.  I think they will be your friend until they are hungry.  Then you are just meat.

Which is what the book is about.  The tigers in this book were hunted and shot by Corbett on behalf of the Indian (dot not feather) Government.  All of these tigers were Man-Eaters.  And, just as an aside, most of them were female….Many similarities to human females…but that is another post.

Between 1907 and 1938 Corbett hunted and killed 19 tigers and 14 leopards, all proven to be Man-Eaters.   All together these cats were responsible for the deaths of more than 1200 people.  One tiger, by itself was responsible for 436 documented deaths.  Who knows how many it killed that were not documented.

These tigers were later proven to have physical problems that prevented them from hunting other prey and so they turned to something easier, people.  Many of these tigers had broken teeth or claws, old gunshot wounds that healed badly, and a good many had deeply embedded and infected porcupine quills that kept them from being natural hunters.

Tigers are smart as I have said before.  They know how to stalk within feet of people without being seen.  They attack quickly, and they are strong enough to drag away their prey quickly.  They hold grudges.  They remember people and situations.  They don’t give much of a crap if you yell or wave your arms.

I have learned much about tigers and their inherent cantankerousness.  Something to strive for when pursuing Cootness.  Heck my Chinese zodiac sign is the tiger, most of those say beware of the monkey, I say the monkey better watch his ass.

What are some of the most cantankerous animals you can think of?  I would love to know.

Later, Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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