Aug 072011
 
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2010 River Heights Sock Hop

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I say fire all the reporters.

Have you ever experienced such a pis poor offering of news as this week? Well it just pushes the Coot’s News Service to work harder finding stories that make the week brighter. Let’s start with the President who reached the half-century mark this week by having a cook-out followed by a sock hop in the White House . The country may be on the ropes but we’ve got a leader that knows how to party hearty. You go Prez!

Obama’s 50th Birthday bash: Stevie Wonder, Chris Rock, Tom Hanks, Whoopi Goldberg, Herbie Hancock, Jay Z

Continuing the good news, maybe you can’t afford to send Junior to Yale- or even community college but it doesn’t mean he can’t have a bright future. Plenty of big companies are run by college dropouts. Just tell him to get a job or- better yet- start up a company in the garage.

Biggest Businesses Run by College Dropouts

Continuing with the good news is this breakthrough research. It seems that living a healthy lifestyle is nothing but hogwash Scientists find that it doesn’t contribute a bean to living longer. It seems that you die when you are supposed to die no matter what you eat and how you exercise so forget all that healthy crap your doctor has pushed on you. Eat up! Loosen that belt and let it all hang out.

Living to see 100 is just luck, not lifestyle 

Have you been conned into a membership with Angies List yet. Apparently it helps you find the best suppliers but it is also a vehicle for complainers. Thanks to Angie, anyone with a beef can post a compliant about a business. Doctors are no exception. Would you like to know that Dr. J has cold hands? Maybe you’d like to avoid Dr. K who has bad breath. Well with all this negative going around Doctors have come back with their own website. This one lets other Doctors know what patients are chronic complainers. It’s only fair.

Doctors Turn The Tables On Their Patients With A New Patient Rating Site

Now we come to a breakthrough new product we may all be needing soon. It’s a coat that turns into a sleeping bag – perfect when you are homeless – a coat you can live in.

How A 21-Year-Old Design Student’s Sleeping-Bag Coat Could Break The Cycle Of Homelessness

We are going to wrap up the news this week with something light hearted. It’s a game. See if you can match the thief with the object they stole. I tried it and believe me it’s harder than it looks.

Match the arrestee with the item they allegedly stole.

That’s the news for this week. Given what we had to work with, I’m pretty pleased. Keep smiling no matter what the reporters throw at you until we post the next edition of CNS next week.  Keep smiling!

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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  3 Responses to “Coot’s News Service for August 7,2011”

  1. Well…so much for a thirty year career in Corrections. I got all the arrestee’s and the items they stole wrong 🙁

  2. Hansi,
    A thief is a thief. No reason, even after your distinguished career, to worry about details.

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