Apr 252014
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“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”

Erma Bombeck

“For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn’t that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you’re average – hey, let’s get a pizza!”

Jay Leno

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and the Coots will be doing what all good American’s do on Thanksgiving – overeating all the things we shouldn’t be eating anyway. We are not worried about this. After all it’s only one day a year and the truth is, the damage is done. We are already fat.

Let the skinny guys worry about the consequences of a second helping of sweet potatoes. They are probably the guys that only take twelve minutes to eat Thanksgiving dinner. When you have been around the block a few times, you get to know what’s important in life. Stuffing yourself on a home cooked dinner prepared by your wife and served with love is one of the biggies. Those six-pack abs might have helped you catch her in the first place but if that is all you have to offer, you will end up a lonely old stud muffin.

If you’ve got a sweetie fixing you a Thanksgiving spread tomorrow, be sure that you show the proper appreciation. Give that dinner all the love and gluttony that it deserves. Savor those flavors. Stack that food high on your plate and eat hearty; take seconds and thirds. Loosen your belt and let your belly flow free. That is what Thanksgiving is all about. As Jay Leno tells us, you’re not fat, you’re average.


Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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  4 Responses to “Happy Thanksgiving From the Coots”

  1. Damn Ralph…I detect a bit of out-of-the-boxedness from you…some Just Do IT – ness…keep it up PAST Thanksgiving…LOL…its caled progress, and as any AA member would tell you…Progress not perfection.

  2. There are 3 halftimes tomorrow….I guess I will be eating in 45 minutes. And I am cooking most of it!

  3. Justin,
    Thrice is nice!

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