Hello sheep.  Following up on Ralph’s post from last week, I have decided to not just rewrite the fabulous Coot’s lessons, but to start over on the road to uniformity, conformity, and the bland whiteness of looking at a world with the wool pulled over your eyes.  So to speak.

Today I would like to start off with a little bit of conformity.  If Ralph, Bob and I cannot be your guides to Cantankerousness, then we will have to be your shepherds.  And, just a warning, sometimes it takes the stick in order to get an unruly sheep to behave.  Ralph even sent me this picture of him teaching his sons the conformity lesson.

So conformity tells us that we should all be the same.  Everything should be nearly identical in our beige lives under the blue sky.  You.  Over there in the pink shirt.  Go put on the grey uniform.  You.  Over there with the uncombed hair.  Report for haircut and style.  You.  Over there thinking that this is a joke and not really serious.  Get over here and prepare to be beaten into line.

There will be no free thinking anymore.  Previously we have tried to put out lessons and articles that allowed you all to make up your own minds and look at the world freely and go your own way.  Not anymore.  You will go our way.  If you try to go your own way, we will bring you back and make fun of you on Twitter.  If you try to think something different than what we want you to know, we will come over to your house and show you what an electric cattle prod is for.

I hope Heather wants to think differently, because I would love to go to Scotland.  So for now, all of you out there, prepare to follow the norm.  Prepare to follow us.  Prepare to actually be a sheep and follow.  You will never get off of the treadmill and your view will never change.  Enjoy the sameness.

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• Long Live the Sanctimonious Old Sheep! (cantankerousoldcoots.com)