This post makes twenty of our world famous Cantankerous Old Coots Lessons. Most people think that all it takes is time to make a Cantankerous Old Coot but we are here to tell you otherwise. Some of you may have the natural instincts but most people need help. That is why we produced the Lessons. If you missed them then start with Lesson 1.
What do you do with lemons?
Getting to your golden years is very much like making lemons out of lemonade or a silk purse out of a sows ear. It means you have run out of all the good options and what’s left is pretty damn poor. Of course for some it’s worse than others. If you were a hot chick or a studly dude in your younger years, it sucks getting old. The best you can hope for is being described as distinguished or attractive but your days as hot or studly are gone forever. On the other hand if you were homely or worse to begin with each year brings the good lookers down closer to your level. It’s a small boost but homely guys don’t need much. It’s music to my ears when someone comments how studly Bob sure does look old and haggard with his walker. If you were homely to begin with your looks might even improve.
Aging has no favorites.
So all of us, good looking or not get old. We don’t have a choice. No matter how much we spend on cosmetics and supplements or how many hours we work out at the gym. We still can’t avoid getting old. It’s not optional. It’s not a state of mind. It’s not something that will go away if you ignore it. Getting old is one of the cold, wet mackerels of life that you just have to accept.
Go for it!
So today’s Coot’s Lesson is to take aging and all it’s symptoms as a badge of honor. Make those creaking joints and sagging guts work for you. Flaunt them and demand every benefit society and your friends and family are willing to offer. Grab that senior discount wherever you find it. Maybe it is even worth going to an actual movie once in a while. Take that special seat on the bus and evict that punk kid with the boom box who is hogging it. Maybe he’ll mug you when you get off at your stop but on the bus, you’re the man.
And finally give up the old pretense that you are as good as ever. You are old and feeble and don’t you forget it. Let those youngsters take care of you. dammit old people can’t be expected to pull their weight. Let the youngsters do the heavy lifting because the years are hanging heavy on your old bones. They should be grateful that you can still manage to show up. When you do help, make sure that everybody can see how much it requires from your weary old body. Make sure they can hear those creaky joints and know how much effort it is taking for you to participate. Then when you’ve got them feeling really guilty and they tell you to relax, sink yourself in the softest chair you can find and watch everybody else work.
Dammit , you earned it.