Feb 232015
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Sign at the entrance of Sun City West, Arizona
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Where is Global Warming when you need it?

This Coot is frustrated today. It may be just the weather. It is only December and we’ve got frost. What ever happened to that global warming thing? Wherever it went, bring it back because I need it. Still, I’d probably be frustrated even if if weren’t freezing because my life is boring. Something is wrong here. It’s not the way it happens on TV. I did the right stuff. I went to college as long as I could get away with it. I got a job- it was even an ‘interesting’ job. Then I retired. I followed the plan. I put up with serious shit and smiled even when I hated it. Then put my nose down, did the energizer bunny thing and got another job and then another. Then I won! I got to retire. Now I want my reward.

And what’s up with retirement?

So, I’m sitting around in my retirement bliss wondering where is all the fun. I put up with big time inconvenience for all my adult life so that one day I would get to retire and do what I wanted. Isn’t that what fun is all about? Thinking back, nobody was ever very clear about what that fun would be. The TV ads always show golf courses but since I never had time to play golf I would first have to learn. Going back to school again doesn’t sound like much fun to me. Then apparently when you retire you are supposed to go live with other old fogies. Apparently retirement fun is living in some place with a golf course along with a swarm of happy, semi-conscious old people sipping wine and watching the sunsets. Can you spell B O R I N G?

Did I get snookered big time? Is the Pope catholic?

Maybe I should have learned golf.

Maybe I should stop struggling. Maybe I should learn to play the golf and live in one of those senior communities. Let’s say that I’ve managed to put away enough money to move to one of those golf course ghettos. Would my life be better? I don’t think so. First, I’d be broke from buying into the place and couldn’t afford to travel. I’d be stuck there forever. Then I’d be surrounded by mindless twits who play golf all day. What would I talk about? And who could I talk to? When you live in a place like that, how often do you see people from the real world? How often would my family actually visit me and provide intelligent conversation? My retirement may be boring now but if I lived in a golf ghetto, I would be pleading for Alzheimer’s to take me into oblivion. That is no life for a self-respecting coot.

It is a serious existential question.

Dust off the Kierkegaard. Dig out the Sartre. What even made me buy into this retirement trap of happy senility? If there is a solution to my retirement problem, then I guess it is up to me to find it. Society has certainly let me down. If I had waked up sooner, I might have paddled up a different creek and become a rock star because they seem to go on forever. Never mind it won’t do me much good to cry about it now. I’ve got to take my boring life to a new plateau. I need to find something fulfilling to do and keep warm while doing it. Something that doesn’t require so much discipline. Forget golf. I’ll take up pyromania.

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Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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  19 Responses to “It’s December and this Coot is cold – and bored.”

  1. Ralph, right up until that last line I was gonna invite you to Georgia to join me on the AT (Appalaichan Trail for you newbies). My health is such that I can’t through hike the whole 2200 miles in one summer like I wanted, but I can do the trail a few miles at the time on 3-5 day hikes, taking up where I left off last time.

    Then you went and messed it up.

    I live in a tent…er, yurt…because in October 2008 a neighbor I’ve had “issues” with burnt my house down.

    I’ve had quite enough of pyromaniacs, thanks.

  2. Google tells me you’re meant to travel. And flit around happily pretending to be young.

    Aside from that last part, I think it may be on to something. You could be warm, you could do utterly ‘outrageous’ things if you wanted, you could visit all your blogging friends *cough*hint*cough*.

    When you were young didn’t you dream of setting off into the wild unknown? Maybe as Indiana Jones? Don your awesome hat and go do whatever you want like you’re supposed to!

    (As an aside, we have over a foot of snow here for once. Scotland not recommended as a travel destination at this point in ti- well, ever, unless you’re doing the tourist thing in our two weeks of summer)

  3. Bob,
    We could start at the north end. Then it would be highly unlikely that I would ever make it to your house – er yurt. Since you already have a pyromaniac neighbor, I hope you at least have a brick shithouse.

  4. Heather,
    I do want to travel, although for some reason Scotland has never been high on my list- it may be related to golf or perhaps hagisophobia. I am amazed to learn that snow is unusual in Scotland and yet there is only a two week period of summer. Still (no pun intended) I love Scotland for it’s whisky, truly a good single malt can overcome the most persistent case of hagisophobia.

  5. Not worth going to Scotland for more than a week or two lol.

    As for our weather; We get rain, grey skies, more rain, colder rain, some frost, sunny but cold, windy, cold and windy, sunny and windy. Its rare for us to get ‘Sunny’ or ‘Snow’ without another element of weather messing with it.

    All in all I prefer Canada.

  6. Heather,
    Now you are talking. Canada is boring personified. It is their national pastime. Too bad it’s cold there too.

  7. Is not =P You can do all sorts of crazy things there. Seriously.

  8. Heather,
    I know but Canadians are so much fun to make fun of. I just can’t contain myself.

  9. Heather: Eh?

    Ralph: I have better than that. I have a Glock.

  10. Its ok, I’m sure they make fun of you Americans too =P

  11. Bob,
    How good is your glock when you are sleeping?

  12. Heather,
    I don’t think Canadians realize that you might make fun of anybody else.

  13. Lol, met many Canadians?

  14. Heather,
    I’ve met my share. eh.

  15. My Rottweiler knows how to use my Glock.

  16. What about Gnat, the dog you blogged about?

  17. She’s now Jackie, per my girlfriend…and she’s useless as a defense. Barkes like hell when anyone comes up…from behind my legs.

    Besides, I think the Glock weighs more than she does.

  18. His and her bathtubs on the beach?

    I dunno man, I feel like just escaped by the skin of my teeth. Or nose. Or whatever. No retirement for me, nosireebob.

  19. Dave,
    My vision of retirement keeps changing. More and more it seems like a bad climax to an empty life.

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