Down with jogging!

 Posted by at 04:55  Down with
Dec 032012
 
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USMC Marathon
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“It’s unnatural for people to run around city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog out after them.” Mike Royko

Jogging is just wrong!

There is just something terribly wrong about jogging. The only time it makes sense is when trying to escape from some pending danger like maybe your kid’s birthday party or your mother-in-laws visit. Any other time it just courts disaster. First, I don’t believe the human body was designed to run because if it were, humans would look a whole lot different. For example, no other humanoid runs on two legs. If they want to get somewhere fast they go down on all fours like all the other running animals. Just because of our insistence on standing upright we suffer back problems all the time. Now compound that with jolting the spine and bouncing a heavy head while running. Nothing good can possible come from all that stress. For that reason I contend that running is just plain bad for the body. Walking or standing is enough strain for a spine designed for horizontal activity. Add to that the pounding on knee and ankle joints and you have a recipe for total disability. It wears me out just thinking about it. Why do people do it? It is simple and obvious.  Humans are a perverse and destructive species.

Then there is the madness of marathons

Sprints or laps are bad enough but then there are the few that are the crazy (and I mean that literally) people who run marathons. Maybe there was some justification for the first one. The Greeks didn’t have cellphones or even automobiles and there was an urgent message to relay. They didn’t have much choice.   Send a runner! Nowadays there is absolutely no good reason to run 26 miles unless you are mad as a hatter. Today only masochists would put their bodies through all that stress just to gloat about their pis poor judgment.  These are fools, bragging to the smarter people who have better things to do. It is not just the time wasted in actually running the marathon and then recovering from the damage it does to the body. No, on top of the 4 to 8 hours of torture invested in running the marathon, these fools put in months training their bodies to withstand the malicious torture that a marathon inflicts. If they made other people run marathons, we could lock them up as misanthropic, sadistic torturers. Since they do it to themselves, we have to give them a pass. There is just no nice way to put it. It is an intelligence problem. I am convinced that marathon runners are either missing some critical component of intelligence or were tortured and insecure as children.  Nothing else makes sense.

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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  5 Responses to “Down with jogging!”

  1. We marathon runners are not smart men.

  2. I was expecting you to at least attempt to justify them. It is no fun ranting if nobody gets upset.

  3. See. It was a ninja attack back. Very stealth like. The equanimity with which I took the rant (like water off a ducks ass) created tension in you. Now the only way for you to relieve that tension is to go for a jog.

    See… I am truly devious.

  4. Steve,
    The test revenge will be the body damage from years of jogging. My tension reliever is a long walk.

  5. Of course I meant best not test.

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