The Zen of Ashton Kutcher

 Posted by at 12:17  rants
Feb 012013
 
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No, I haven’t gone senile on you. No, the Coots do not embrace Ashton or his ilk. I don’t even know what silly show he may be staring in these days. So what, you ask, is boy toy Ashton Kutcher doing on Cantankerous Old Coots? Don’t we have any standards?

Makes me think of Ashton

Well the simple answer is that, of course, we don’t have any standards here at the Cantankerous Old Coots. Standards are for bland, boring people and we have higher aspirations. Still that isn’t an explanation. Lets  be blunt. Ashton just isn’t a Cantankerous Old Coot although give him fifty years and he might grow up enough to qualify. None the less, thanks to the miracle of Google, people looking for Ashton Kutcher end up at Cantankerous Old Coots. How’s that for poetic justice? Last week the most people coming to COC were looking for Ashton.

Blame it on Google! 

If you don’t understand Google, you might be surprised at this information but then I don’t think that anybody actually understands Google. Just the mention of Google makes my blood pressure rise. I can feel a rant coming on but I’m going to fight it off and get back to Ashton. Whatever the craziness of Google, I have to admit responsibility here. I happened to mention him in a post recently.

It’s not that I’m a fan of Ashton. In fact I don’t know a single celebrity today who turns me off more than Ashton Kutcher, the former boy-toy on That 70’s Show, better half of Demi Moore and Nikon huckster. He must be currently doing something but if he is, it’s a mystery to me. I really didn’t give much thought to mentioning him in a post a few weeks back. It was merely an aside, nothing of substance. But I guess nothing on the web gets past Google.

What happened to real men? 

I know virtually nothing about Ashton but even that small amount is way more that I’d like to know. He is just a strange, androgynous face on the TV screen. I guess he is supposed to be considered good looking but I don’t see it. But then I don’t get any of the new male stars. They look like girls to me even when they skip shaving. Brad Pitt, Leo de Caprio, I just don’t get it. Whatever happened to real men? And what happened to real women these days. What causes them to choose boy toys over real men. Must be something in the water- fluoride, perhaps.

I have no animus for Kutcher. Maybe he will grow up someday and settle into a comfortable role as a character actor. I wish him well. But in the meantime I sure don’t want him in my face. I’d like to be able to turn on the TV without seeing him. He is totally responsible for my decision to never buy a Nikon camera, whatever their technical merits. I can’t even hear the word Nikon without cringing. It brings to mind Ashton’s stick figure build (much like Jack from the Night Before Christmas) and creepy smile. My stomach is turning.

Over to you. 

Thanks to Google, we will probably keep on getting visitors looking for Ashton but I figure they have to me more bewildered than me about that. If I was a smart web programmer, I’d love to set up a welcoming page with a big picture of Bruce Willis. Since that is beyond my abilities, it will just have to stay like it is. Anybody want to stand up for Ashton? The floor is all yours.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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