Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

CFBTN (Coots Funny Bone Tickler News) for Friday May 4.

 Posted by at 13:51  Funny News, principles
Jun 012013
 
1926 Ford Model T

1926 Ford Model T (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello everyone.  If you haven’t noticed, a slight change to our posting schedule is now placing the CFBTN on Friday!  That’s right I will have a few stories here to get you through your weekend.

Now, I was perusing theonion.com and fark.com for some good news stories because they usually have the humor already distilled.  I did find that the regular news is full of funny stuff and it is not too far fetched to get the funny from my local news.  But not today.  Let’s get right to it shall we?

Fergus Falls man arrested for disorderly conduct while mowing lawn in loin cloth

And you guys thought this was a free country and Bob was more than a little crazy for his Tinfoil Hat Club.  Ha!  I just bought some Reynolds wrap….

All yours for £1.75millon: Entire village for sale includes a haunted castle, a Lordship title, 70 homes and approval for a holiday park

I’ll tell you, I am saving my pennies and hoping they have a payment plan.  I did the conversion for you, that equals $2,826,580.71.  I could be a real Lord and then my kids would have to listen to me or I could have them thrown in the dungeon!

Zoo keeper licked constipated monkey’s buttocks for an hour to help it defecate a peanut

This guy is either a) Way too committed to his job, b) a pervert, or c)…you know there is no other choice except all of the above and that is what I vote.  Good grief, get some ex-lax already.

Mosquitoes Don’t Even Need To Bite Us, Study Shows

I knew it all along…..

And a related story: (this one is an audio clip)    Justice….sweet Justice

And now your political funny:

Romney Courts Hispanic Vote With Animated Sombrero-Wearing Parrot

I just don’t quite know what to do…

And now, here is a video wrapping up the week in transportation:

Kid Screaming Behind Passenger During Entire Plane Crash 

I do agree with the last sentence, criticize if you want but you clicked on it.

And finally, I found this story.

Today Now! Host Undergoes Horrifically Painful Surgery Live On Air

I do believe that this country is too into video.  Everywhere.  I am worried that Bob may try something like this when he gets his government scrambler implanted….
Have a great weekend, if you have a suggestion for the CFBTN send it to me: Justin@cantankerousoldcoots.com.

and sorry for the ads on the videos, but hey, they are free.

Later.

-Justin

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Down with Dumb Car Technology

 Posted by at 06:18  Down with, rants
Apr 052013
 

I was looking at a magazine the other day and there was an ad for the new Toyota mini-van.  A couple of things really bothered me about it.  First it was a Toyota.  I was always raised that the only cars you should buy should be American.

Right or wrong, those slant eyed Hirotito followers are not going to get any of my money.  Thank you Grandpa.  I guess if you fought the Japanese in WWII you are entitled to that opinion and can drill it into your kids.  I have never owned a Japanese car.

Anyhow, this minivan has a 180 degree camera in the back of it that is hooked to some little communist plot view screen up front so you can back out of the driveway without running over Juniors tricycle or even junior himself.  Bad enough in and of itself, but the tagline “Daddy Like” just made me want to find that copywriter and shove one of those cameras up an orifice.  Choose one, I don’t care.

I am very frustrated that people need to have things like cameras in their cars.  What happened to that simple convention of actually turning around and looking out the back window?  Are we that soft?  What happened to people being able to DRIVE their cars???

I used to work at U-Haul.  There were several employees there that could not park trucks to save their butts.  They couldn’t back up using only their mirrors.  If they lacked the training beforehand, they should have learned fairly quickly.  Some couldn’t even drive a stick, but that is another post.

I want to find an older car for my kids to learn how to drive.  Stick shift, AM radio, no airbags, no air conditioning, power steering if they are lucky.  I want them to be able to drive forward with confidence.  I want them to be able to look, actually look, behind them and drive backwards.  I want them to be able to use their mirrors to back up! I want them to be able to avoid an accident.  They don’t even get a cellphone.  Too distracting.

I think the world would be safer if we didn’t spend so much time trying to make cars safer, and make the drivers better.  I don’t know the stats and I am not going to look them up but I would be willing to bet that there are more accidents now than there were 40 years ago when people didn’t have all of the crap to distract them.  Airbags are great, but so is a 4000 pound car.  Hang up.  Drive.  Learn what your vehicle can do.  Pay attention.  None of this should be hard.

I don’t want any of this sissy crap foreign cars with “Daddy Like” as the tagline.  I would seriously doubt that a man wrote that ad.  At least not a real man who has ever field dressed something.  Or changed an alternator out.

“Daddy Like” in my book should be changed to “Whoever like this ad can cram it and get some real driving skills.”

But I’m just saying.

Tomorrow a digest post!

-Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Coots lesson 11: Pants are optional

 Posted by at 03:54  Coot Law, Coots Lessons, Plain 'ol Cantankerous
Mar 182013
 

This lesson could be the penultimate Coot lesson.  It isn’t, but it could be.  Throughout all of these lessons so far we have been working to promote Cantankerosity.  If you have been following closely you have learned to say what you think and not dither.  You have learned to use sarcasm and the difference between being an angry old fart and a Cantankerous Old Coot.

If you have taken to heart and studied diligently then you are most definitely on you way to Cantankerousness Grasshopper.   This lesson is one way of gauging your final test of Cantankerosity.

Picture if you will the elderly gentleman in a rest home.  He is not wearing pants.  He is railing against Politicians (see this post, and this one).  He is yelling at nurses and doing his best to avoid the orderlies who are trying to cover him.  Does he care?  No!  He continues to run around and yell.

Now you may be saying this man is demented, sick in the head, a victim of Alzheimers disease.  I say No!  He is a Cantankerous Old Coot.  His Cantankerosity has been finely crafted and honed over the course of several years and now, he hides his devilish ways behind insane medical diagnosis’s.

This is our mission, to create a fine figure of Cantankerousness who is not afraid to do exactly what it is they want to.  Pants are optional.  A test of your cantankerous training will not be to parade around without pants (at least for now) but it will be to cultivate the attitude to be able to do so.

Get over your society imposed embarrassment and do something for yourself.  Say what you think.  Do what you think needs to be done.  Be yourself.  Pants are optional.

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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No Cash? What do you mean you don’t take Cash?!?!

 Posted by at 05:26  Down with, Plain 'ol Cantankerous, principles
Mar 072013
 
The Morgan silver dollar

Image via Wikipedia

I never thought I would see the day when there were places right here in these United States where they didn’t like cash.  Cash is no longer king, and sometimes the green is not good.

First some small history.  If you have read my blogs over this summer you will have some small inkling of the size of the pile of crap that has fallen on us.  Long story short, (side note at this thought, zemanta just brought up some pics to put on the page, I am hoping a manure pile is one of them) anyway, long story short, we have decided to nearly forego the banking industry and go back to a mostly cash system for our budget.

Seems like a good idea right?  Get the direct deposit, go withdraw it, be hyper accurate with records and it should work out fine.  Biggest problem, some places give you dirty looks when you pull out cash.  Some look on in puzzlement as former presidents look out from their assigned currencies.

Some say “Oh, we don’t get much cash.”  or some don’t even take it.  I tried to pay my rent with cash and they said no.  I had to go get a cashiers check or pay over the net with a credit card.  Hmmm.  Imagine that, here is perfectly good money, issued by the Government for the people by the people and protected under miles of codes and laws, and they don’t want it.  All they want is the numbers in the bank account.

It is not like I am paying in chickens or anything.  Back in my grandparents day, they had cash.  You got paid in cash or a check that you cashed at the bank.  You paid cash for groceries.  You paid cash for gas.  If you didn’t have cash, you didn’t buy that extra candy bar.  Debit cards are way too easy to use and they get you in trouble.

I could have called this article “Down with Debit Cards.”  We got nailed with the timing of debit cards to the tune of about $1400 in the past 6 months.  May not be catastrophic but that is rent and groceries for a month.  The issue is timing.  and the fact that the banks need to make up some revenue that they are not getting from loans and other government restrictions.

So I am working hard to keep my bank accounts at a minimum and use that debit card as little as possible.  I have had to plan on getting gas during the times when a person is actually in the place to take my cash.  I have had to really keep track because I know that when the cash is gone, there is no more.  It brings a whole new level of frugality that debit cards and easy credit have taken away.

Plus you can have fun with it.  I sold some fitness equipment earlier this week and took the check to the bank to cash.  They asked how I wanted it back and I told him a sack of dollar coins.  He looked nervous before I chuckled and told him what bills I wanted.  I would still like to have $1000 in dollar coins.  Walmart would have an apoplexy when we got groceries.

Anyway, have a great weekend, Remember Talk Like A pirate Day is on Monday, I hope you have all decorated and have been watching your pirate movies and singing your sea chanteys around the grog pot.  There will be a special edition of the podcast on Monday, the reason there was not one yesterday.   It is taking a lot to put together, but it should be entertaining.  I have had not interest in joining in on the podcast, so **like deleted to preserve family content**

I will be having some special guests that will remain unnamed until the naming during the podcast.  I would say you don’t want to miss it, but then again you might.  In that case I will email it to everyone who visits this site and  clog their servers and email systems so that I can take over.  Cyber hijacking.  Anyway, have a fun weekend.

ONE MORE THING!  Happy Birthday to Ralph earlier this week, he got older and probably more cantankerous.  Wish him a happy belated birthday.

Later – Justin

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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And then there was the time….

 Posted by at 14:09  principles, rants
Feb 152013
 

Senility.  Some days I wonder if I am on that path or if i am just having brain overload.  It seems the world now is trying hard to break people.  Break them and crush their spirits and very souls.  I look at my kids now, out of school and, well, sitting in the house.  They don’t go outside very much saying “I’m bored” or “It’s too hot”.  Well it isn’t as hot as the first ring of Hell, or Florida for that matter.

Kids Watching House Burn Down

Kids Watching House Burn Down (Photo credit: Kiwi NZ)

Kids do not remember how to play with an old can for hours.  Or a stick that is both baseball bat and sword, sometimes in the same game.  Have you ever had to win a duel to reach first base?  (And not with your girlfriend.)  Yes these kids like to sit inside and watch TV or play video games.  My 12 year old will read for hours and hours.  I can’t complain about that too much, I used to do the same thing, but she has friends to play with.

I have 3 bikes collecting dust in the garage that only get pulled out now and again.  So, what am I to do?  I would really like to get some work done on the old computer here, and try to make some money, or heaven forbid, a podcast.  I could try one but the screaming of the kids would most likely have DCFS over here to find out how I was torturing them.

I have tried unplugging the TV.   They just go to their rooms and scream at each other.  I have sent them outside.  The only time they want to stay out there is when the sprinklers are on and they can get wet.  My yard could grow rice some days.  I guess all that I can do is wait for 3 more weeks and then 3 out of four kids will be back to school……I’ll tell you, I don’t know which I am looking forward to, the NFL season or the kids being in school.

I think the kids being in school will win.  Have a good weekend.

-Justin

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

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