Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

Down with Organic Food

Posted by Ralph at 11:58 Down with

Nov 032013

Don’t Eat That!

Everybody is telling us how unhealthy our food it these days. Everywhere you look, they tell you that artificial fertilizers and chemicals have ruined our food supply. The fruits and vegetables at the supermarkets aren’t safe. They aren’t healthy. In fact, according to conventional wisdom, they are killing us. Well, I say bullshit to all that. These are the same Luddites that tell us we have to stop driving cars because technology is causing global warming. They are hysterical fools and if you believe them you are nothing but a sheep..

Take your pick – Pests? Pesticides?

Think about it. Why is it that we use pesticides in the first place? Duh! We don’t like bugs in our food or we don’t like it when the bugs get first shot at it. We like our fruit to look and taste good. We like our food without pests. That is what pesticides do. They get rid of pests.

Eat ugly

“Not good enough!” say the ‘experts. For your health you should eat the ugly, blotched organic stuff from the local market or, if you are Bill Gates, you can get the gorgeous, pampered organic stuff from Whole Foods. But does it really matter, health-wise? I say no.

Pesticides kill pests.

First of all, think about the word pesticide. What is the prime directive for a pesticide? You don’t have to be Einstein to figure out that it is to kill pests. Pesticides kill pests. We don’t call them humanicides! They aren’t designed to kill humans. With a few notable exceptions, humans are not pests. If you want to kill humans with pesticides, you would have to drown them in the stuff. The small amounts that are still present on the foods we buy hardly register to our bodies,

Scared of the big C?

This means nothing to the ‘experts’ who want us to live in caves and eat wormy, bug infested food. ‘Pesticides cause cancer,’ they shriek, They ignore the reality that those tests use thousands of times the quantities on rats that are prone to tumors in the first place. Well, I say that carrots and potatoes cause cancer too, if you eat enough of them.

Grow up!

I’m not paying for organic food and I’m not buying the hype that I am going to die unless I eat buggy organics or use up my life savings shopping at Whole Foods. I say that a little pesticide never hurt anybody. I can’t say that about bugs.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Up With Mediocrity

Posted by Ralph at 11:58 Up With

Nov 032013

Image via Wikipedia

“Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.” Joseph Heller

Coots want to honor mediocrity today. It is easy to take mediocrity for granted. It looks so easy but it is not. People fail to appreciate the difficulty in maintaining an even keel in life; charting that difficult course between accomplishment and blithering idiocy. Most people just can’t manage this. Try as they might, they fail. They either excel at something without even noticing or expose their stupidity because they don’t know how to maintain proper discipline. Humans are complex and operate on many levels which makes the seemingly simple task of being mediocre almost impossible. Most people have some dimension of their being which stands out. There seems always to be some talent or skill which is unique or memorable and most people just don’t have the skills to cover it up. This is why for most people being mediocre is impossible. No matter how hard they try to tone down those areas, they just can’t do it. Something stands out.

Only Masters Achieve True Mediocrity

Only masters can become truly mediocre. The truly mediocre maintain a marvelous balance moderating any aspects of their life where they risk being noticed or even worse being considered exceptional. In the old days, the world was run by such people. We used to talk about getting through college with gentlemen C’s and it was a genuine compliment respecting the sense of balance and mastery to stay on that narrow path for four years without once doing anything memorable. These were people you could respect to serve you well as elected officials, bankers, insurance agents or teachers. They didn’t have an agenda. They weren’t driven by ego or ideology. You could rely on their discretion because they had worked so hard over their lives to avoid taking a position or adopting an agenda. They had successfully beaten down any extremes of achievement or talent. They would never overshadow you or make you embarrassed.

That was then, this is now.

It’s a whole new ballgame today. Nobody has the discipline and conviction to achieve mediocrity. Without that moderation and discipline, people just let their abilities run amok, exposing incredible gaps in judgment and ability on the one hand and total disregard for modesty and decorum on the other. These days everybody operates on the ‘Lake Woebegon” standard where everybody is above average. People go out of their way to demonstrate the skills and abilities that are truly exceptional no matter how little value those talents might actually have for society or how it exposes their stupidity. They even consider making utter fools of themselves an accomplishment since they mistake attention for appreciation. And thus today we have a world where everybody wants to be special and unique even if that uniqueness has no value to anybody else or brands them as a clown.

Can we turn back the clock to better days?

This Coot would like to see a return to the civil and comfortable world full of carefully modulated, mediocre people. Those were the good old days. Life was simple. Mediocrity was given its proper respect. It would be great to return to those better times. Break down all the egocentric meism that infects society and show people the value of a non-threatening mediocre society. People should be recognized and appreciated for the ability to moderate any exceptional abilities they have down to a unexceptional mediocrity.

Stop the Meism

Coots want to stop all the proliferation of honors degrees celebrating the exceptional and show respect for the good old gentleman’s C student. The ones that ran our world and kept in on an even keel for so long. Enough of this egocentric self worship. Bring back the serenity and happiness that comes with a world full of committedly mediocre people. Are you willing to join the mediocre bandwagon? What are your ideas about how we can return to those better times?

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Down with Seat Belt Laws

Posted by Ralph at 09:16 Down with

Oct 252013

There is a big campaign going on in California. Cash Cow Cops, this time the California Highway Patrol (CHP) have bought billboards up and down the state warning us to “Click it or ticket”. This catchy little slogan means that if the Cash Cow Cops catch you without your seatbelt fastened, they will pull you over and you will pay $142. Nanny state progressives are forever going on about how many lives seat belts save and how much it costs us when people are injured. Spare no cost, they tell us, to save the lives of fools. What has this country come to?

Or pay my salary.

I can remember back in high school, cars didn’t have seat belts and when they were first offered, it was as a ‘safety’ option. Gradually, car manufacturers were forced to provide seat belts on all cars. Then we had seat belts and a shoulder belt. This was a really awkward and uncomfortable arrangement until somebody figured out that you could combine them. Still, it was your choice. Wear the seat belt and protect your life. Don’t wear the seatbelt and die. Darwin would decide.

This was completely unacceptable for nanny state progressives however and seat belt laws hit California in 1986. We want you to wear seat belts, they told us, because we love you but we would never make the police ticket you. That didn’t last long because nothing riles a nanny state progressive more than somebody doing something that is bad for them. They care so much about me that it just bunches up their underwear when I do something that risks my well being. Even my mother didn’t care so much.

So, of course, they had to use the Cash Cow Cops to make us pay for our reckless behavior and to save us from the uncontrolled hospital costs for the bad apples. California is a financial basket case but we do have the resources to change the focus of the CHP from keeping the traffic flowing to being home room monitors. The additional revenue will help keep those officers’ tanks full and we all can feel good that we are no longer responsible for our own destinies since the state is now keeping us in line.

Now just to be clear, I am no dummy; no Darwin reject, I. I use my seat belt because I want to live if I have an accident. What I resent is anybody telling me to do it because they know what is best. That is damn un-American and I resent it. I have every right as an American to be a damn fool so long as I don’t hurt anybody else in the process. If I don’t wear a seat belt, I am the one at risk. Everybody else is as safe as they want to be. No where in the Constitution does it say that the state is going to step in and protect me from being a fool but that is where we are going today. Maybe you think the nanny state progressives are right and that I must be forced for my own good to wear a seat belt but as you support them, think about what they will do once they have us all clicking those seat belts. Do you want them to tell you what to eat? No more fast food for you! Look out because it is coming. Nothing can stop a nanny state progressive when it comes to keeping you safe.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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The Sound of Kettlebells in the Morning

Posted by Ralph at 09:16 Softer side

Oct 252013

: Image by Yasuhiko Ito via Flickr

Justin is one of a kind

Justin, my hotheaded young compatriot here at Coots has a lot on his plate. Being a stay at home dad is no picnic but it does add to the pressure for a fiction writer, blogger and musician. Society and Justin’s wife demand that he reign in his natural cantankerous nature to provide the warm nurture that his children need. Its a lot of pressure for a Coot. But don’t worry, Justin has a way to let off steam and release his creative juices as well. He is a modest lad (we have to work on that here at Coots before he introduces too much of his softer side into the blog). You won’t find him tooting his horn even though he is a musical virtuoso. When life gets too hectic, he retreats to his mancave and takes up his kettlebells.

A Genuine Renaissance Man

Granted they are an odd instrument but perfectly suited to a man who can skin a cat, change a diaper and then debug WordPress code on his break. Yes, Coot in training Justin is one of a kind. You wouldn’t know this from his folksy blog posts but the real Justin is beginning to surface here at Coots. Scratch that amiable exterior and you will find a growing cantankerosity.

Let that talent out from under the bushel.

Being such a modest, low-key kind of guy, normally he is secretive about his kettlebell playing, He doesn’t want to embarrass those with lesser talents. But recently I was able to capture snippets of the otherworldly beauty of his playing on the sly. It seems only right to share his talent here at Coots even though it does reveal a softer side that is out of character. So at the risk of exposing my own softer side, I feel compelled to reveal Justin – the master virtuoso of the kettlebells.

The sounds of Justin

Usually when he starts, he needs to let off some steam something this.

Then he will work into the more mellow music

and quickly transition to something even moremellow

Occasionally he will be reminded of something stressful and work it out likethis

but eventually he gets his groove mellow.

Show him how much you appreciate his talents.

Right now, I think he is in some kind of funk over a WordPress problem so I am sure that you would find him back at the mancave with his kettlebells right now. Leave him a message of encouragement at Coots or back at his home turf.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Oh how I hate to get up in the morning.

Posted by Ralph at 12:37 Reflections

Oct 112013

Getting out of bed in the morning is an act of false confidence. Jules Feiffer

It’s been a week since we got back from Argentina and life is beginning to get back to normal. I have to say that taking a long trip makes you stop and think about what is so wonderful about normal. Normal is what you are trying to get away from. In truth, normal is a comfort zone. It is the environment that allows you to relax and stop worrying about everything that might go wrong. But normal is what makes the trains run on time and gets the bills paid so we are working on getting back to normal.

In Argentina we were gradually drawn into the life schedule of Argentinians. We began eating later in the evening and not being so concerned about getting up in the morning. It didn’t happen overnight. It just crept into our lives. At first we didn’t even notice. The biggest reason is that you can’t find any restaurants that serve dinner before 8:00. At 8:00 they will let you sit down and give you a menu but it will probably be at least 30 minutes before they will get you a drink or take an order. Still, when you get your food at 9:00 or so, the restaurant will be deserted and only start to fill when you leave at 10:00. I’m not complaining about that. It is just one of the weird quirks of the Argentine lifestyle. They aren’t going to change it for us and so we coped. What we didn’t anticipate were the consequences of eating later.

Each morning, we got out of bed later and later. By our last week, nine in the morning seemed early. There were no consequences of this change because as tourists, nine was plenty of time to do our sightseeing. The downside of our new lifestyle pattern didn’t hit until we got back. All this week I have struggled to get out of bed in the morning.

There are plenty of excuses. Buenos Aires is four hours ahead of California which is enough of a difference to mess up your inner clock. I would wake up at 2:00 or so and then get back to sleep expecting to wake up at 7:00. I slept until 9 and even then didn’t want to get out of bed. There was nothing to look forward to. We weren’t on vacation any more but we didn’t have any work commitments either. We were still putting stuff away and getting the house back in shape. Nothing to look forward to about that.

Even when life began to become more normal, I couldn’t get myself out of bed each morning. I’m still struggling to get up before 9:00. It can’t still be the Argentine lifestyle because we’ve been eating at our normal time and getting to bed around 10. Getting enough sleep and getting up bright and early should be easy. So what’s the problem?

My theory is that it’s the disruption to my old routine- the normal day to day pattern that structured life before our trip. I had my life figured out back then. I had a schedule of tasks and priorities and that motivated me to get up and work. One month with no routine and a relaxed lifestyle has made that confidence disappear. I’m not sure what my priorities are for today and even less sure what is important and why. How important is getting that post written? Will it matter to anybody except me? What else could I do that would really make a difference.

This, in turn, raises the question about what I know about my priorities anyway. Am I doing something important or am I more like a dog chasing his tail- busy but going nowhere. Right now, my getting out of bed each morning is beginning to seem not so important. In time, I expect this all to pass but whether this should be considered progress or regression, I can’t say. I am driven to find meaning in life whether it actually exists or not so I expect that next week- or the week after at the latest- I will be back in the groove and focused. I can only hope that I am doing something that makes a difference. In any case, by then I will be too busy to spend much time worrying about it.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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