Coot’s News Service Report for June 26, 2011

 Posted by at 10:25  Headline News
Jun 262011
 
Sunflowers in Fargo, North Dakota.

Image via Wikipedia

Continuing the quest for good news!

Mixed results today as the Coots News Service searched for signs of good news in the media. With school out and people taking vacations, you would expect a more carefree mood even among the gloom promoters in the media. It’s too early in the political season, for the government to start bombarding us with what a wonderful job they have done in restoring the country to economic vitality.  That won’t start coming until later.

So looking further we find that the Japanese are workikng to repair the radioactivity from their damaged nuclear power plants by growing sunflowers. I always associate sunflowers with Kansas– the sunflower state, where my parents were born. What could be more cheerfull than fields of sunflowers all over Japan just soaking up all that errant radioactivity. If’s even better because all around the world, people can help by growing sunflowers and sending the seeds to Japan. No explanation about what to do with all the radioactive sunflower seeds however.

Sunflowers to clean radioactive soil in Japan

In Russia, another example of botched news reporting. Miraculously, a woman pronounced dead in a local hospital wakes up at her funeral. It’s good news if you stop there, unfortnately the reporters just can’t let well enough alone. They have to give your the whole story.

Russian woman, Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov, dies at her own funeral after being mistaken for dead

Closer to home, tbe state of Nevad has taken a stand on increasing road safety by approving legislation that eliminates the biggest threat to safety on the roads today, the drivers. In Nevada, from now on you can let your car do the driving. I don’t have a clue what Google has to do with this but maybe the video can tell us.

Google good news: Nevada’s yes to driverless cars

Canada, our neighbor to the north, provides the US with many things- Comedians come to mind. Someone should do a study about why Canadian comedians flee to the US. Still Canada provides us with inspiration for social issues. It all started with socialized medicine, a specialty in the great white north and moving south but there is another social trend in Canada as well- sexless children.

SORT OF A TREND: RAISE YOUR KID TOTALLY ‘GENDER NEUTRAL’

Talk about an important issue for today. With all the issues caused by sex and the trouble that kids get into because of it, what could be better than getting rid of sex altogether. Heck, if you don’t know that sex exists and can’t tell a man from a woman, how could you get into trouble? Those Canadians are brilliant.

Finally for good news we fall back on our old standby- Justin Bieber. The plucky lad just launched his frangrance line at Macy’s and despite all the crowds and mayhem, our hero is doing just fine.

Justin Bieber gets tackled during fragrance unveiling in New York

Good news is still hard to find but I’m encouraged by today’s stories suggest that reporters may be responding to our program. Support the good news cause by ignoring bad news and spreading the good.  Got some good news you want to share.  Add it in a comment.

 


Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Coot’s News Service- Headline News for March 20, 2011

 Posted by at 10:27  Headline News
Mar 202011
 
The pavement of Copacabana Beach, Rio de Janei...

Image via Wikipedia

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Stop with the news from Japan!

It’s a crazy week. More Japan news than you can shake a stick at crowding the media still after more than a week. You won’t find any of that stuff here.

Whatever! There is still important news that needs highlighting and the Coots News Service will dig it out for you.

The President takes a break from all the pressures of office, heading for Brazil with his family. He is enjoying the hot Brazilian beats and tropical beauty, perhaps even checking out the Girl from Ipamema. He is rumored to be disappointed at missing Carnivale. He was heard expressing dismay that despite telling officials about his planned trip, they did not delay Carnivale for his arrival. Some people don’t learn.  Brazilians are apparently unaware that the President takes his time making decisions and expects the world to stop while he decides. I guess they will get it someday.

President Obama lands in Brazil while conservatives blast trip during chaos in Japan, Libya

No matter, the poor Pres just can’t get a break. Rudderless European countries long used to leadership from the United States just can’t seem to get their shit together and move out of the spare bedroom. Obama has been trying tough love but European leaders are still confused whether to do their homework or sneak out and party.

European governments “completely puzzled” about U.S. position on Libya

Party on, Dudes.

Meanwhile, world leadership emerges from the oddest places. Take Sarah Palin. She’s been a controversial figure in the US for several years now but her influence is going international. The Arab League is taking her lead as they desperately struggle to earn world respect.  Hint, It takes more than terrorism and economic stagnation to get world approval.

Palin Doctrine Emerges as Arab League Echoes Her Demarche on Libya

Back at home, we can’t seem to get a break on the economy, despite the President’s lazer-like focus on job growth down at Copacabana Beach,  unemployment is high and getting higher.

Unemployment rises in nearly all metro areas

It’s not just unemployment that is up. The cost of living has reached record levels too. I guess if everything goes up together, we won’t notice.

US Cost of Living Hits Record, Passing Pre-Crisis High

The UK has it’s problems as well. The legendary red squirrel is in decline, backed into a corner by the larger and more aggressive illegal aliens- the grays. These illegals had better watch out because the red squirrels have a real champion to defend them from the foreigner. It is none other than the formidable Prince Charles.  Watch out, he doesn’t sick Camilla on them.

Prince Charles: We must save the squirrel

It seems we have to go into outer space this week for some good news. Going to the Moon may be too much but  we actual managed to send a spacecraft to Mercury in order to get better information about the smallest planet in the solar system (apologies to the recently demoted Pluto who formerly held that title). Kudos to the engineers who created this craft to withstand extreme temperature variations so that we can learn more about our winged companion.

NASA milestone: MESSENGER spacecraft enters orbit around Mercury

Back at home, there is one sign of good news. In New Jersey, the governor has finally figured out how to get some value out of the broken, overpriced and failing education system. He is selling advertising. What’s nice is that they don’t have to worry about adult content because none of the kids riding the bus can read anyway. Everybody wins.

School buses give ads a ride

Well, I tried to find some good news this week. If I were you, I’d skip this whole report. Nothing here you can’t live without.

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Coot’s News Service- March 6, 2011

 Posted by at 10:03  Headline News
Mar 062011
 
Buttercream cupcakes made in Cheshire by Katja...

Image via Wikipedia

The Oscars are over.

Well we all survived the oscar show last week. Thankfully, we were spared the bad words. To bad we couldn’t use the same techniques to shut up the effusive thank yous. Now we can forget all the forgettable movies and move on with our lives. Still, there is a lot of bad news this week. The world is full of strife and conflict. It is all this Coot can do to find good news.

Starting right here at home, in the nation’s capitol, there is a war breaking out as invaders from the West Coast set up an outpost in Georgetown,

The new cupcake in town

It’s no wonder our hardworking lawmakers have such difficulty leading our country with this kind of conflict going on under their very noses

Then there is the revolt against the new airport security searches starting up in Texas.

Simpson files anti-body-scanner bill

It is so hard to move forward with s much distraction and dispute.

But the US isn’t the only country facing conflict. Even Italy, a country well known for its ability to make the trains run on time is finding that those well managed trains are damaging it’s national heritage. Who knew that David had weak ankles?

Michelangelo’s David could collapse due to high speed train building

When you have a problem, it is hard to know just where to start but give Italy credit for trying. They think that there are too many people in Italy that don’t speak Italian. I know it is a strange idea but this is Italy.  So now if you want to immigrate to Italy, Italy wants to know that you speak acceptbale Italian first. This may not fix David’s ankles but as they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Italy makes immigrants speak Italian for work visa

There is more disaster news this week, however. Scientists tell us that we have started a mass extinction that may be greater than any of the five that happened earlier. You remember the earlier extinctions, don’t you? One of them was the dinosaurs but the others must have happened while I was napping. I just don’t remember them. Anyway, this one is all man’s fault. Just like global warming. And it’s going to be a doozy.

World’s sixth mass extinction may be underway: study says

Not to worry, however, other sicentists have some good news for us. It seems they have found evidence that life existst elsewhere in the universe. Since there is a backup plan, no need to get your panties in a bunch about a few extinctions. Anyway, there are plenty of creatures I can do without. A little culling now and then is good for everybody.

Exclusive: NASA Scientist Claims Evidence of Alien Life on Meteorite

And finally to find some good news, we have to go to sports this week. You will all be happy to learn that at long last they are going to stop those Polo Matches in the Hamptons.  Mercedes Benz has decided that it will stop sponsoring this sport of effete snobs in its new effort to court the common man who buys more cars.

Hamptons polo faces end

And finally love and Nascar to put you in an upbeat mood for the coming week. A Utah couple celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary at the Las Vegas track. That’s love for you.

THEY ♥ NASCAR

That’s all until next week.

 

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Ask a Coot Saturday: Question 3

 Posted by at 10:50  Ask A Coot!, Plain 'ol Cantankerous
Dec 112010
 
IMG_1143
Image by PSPMeet via Flickr

Hello there!  I hope this week was full of both Joy and Cantankerousness.  Today we have another Question answered by the Coots.  If you have a question that you would like Bob, Ralph and myself to answer, send it to askacoot@cantankerousoldcoots.com and we will bring 3 different takes on Cantankerosity.

First, I have a small bone to pick with you all, the reading audience.  I have not received nearly the response that I had hoped when we started the Ask A Coot feature.  As a matter of fact, I have no, I repeat NO more questions waiting.  I will have to make some more up.  And again, I really freakin’ confused at why these pictures keep showing up when the text is analyzed.  If you have a suggestion, let me know.

Today’s Question is almost philosophical in scope.  It comes to us from our own Ralph.  He wrote: :  So tell me, since the President pardons the Thankgiving Turkey every year, what does the President eat for Thanksgiving?

A great question.  I think it is only fair to let him answer first.

Ralph:

This seems to be a closely guarded secret leaving this Coot to speculation and reason in search for an answer.  Clearly it would be hypocritical for the President to pardon Turkey 1 and then kill and eat Turkey 2.  The Presidential turkey surely follows the same convention as the Presidential  airplane. Whichever one he is on is Air Force 1.  Applying this logic, any turkey reaching the President’s table is automatically Turkey 1.  Therefore the President cannot be eating turkey without at the same time being a total hypocrite.  Totally unacceptable.

As to what the President does eat, the mind can certainly boggle over the possibilities:  a nice rib rost, maybe a goose or an exultation of roasted larks.  Eating meat at all after pardoning the star seems to this coot to be the beginning of a very slippery slope.  Imagine what PETA would say?

Surely they would demand the pardon of any beasts destined for the President’s Thanksgiving or multiply pardons in the case of larks.  Being surrounded with PR geniuses, I am sure that the President plays it very safe on Thanksgiving.  First, the menu is top secret to protect against any misinterpretation of his sensitivity but second my theory is that Thanksgiving at the White House means the very safe and delicious vegetarian delight – tofurkey.

Justin:

Personally I think that this year he ate crow.   In more ways than one.  But in reality, I think that the White House is only occupied by liars and hypocrites.  Over the years the job has evolved to require it.  I don’t think there is any room in Washington for people to be totally honest anymore.  Abraham Lincoln would be sad.  Thomas Jefferson would shrug his shoulders.  George Washington would probably try to philosophize about the problem.  And all of them would be eating a lovely Turkey Dinner.

There is quite a mentality of “Here is what I believe, this is policy” and “don’t look this way because “policy” doesn’t apply to me.” that happens at the same time in modern politics.  All I can see is a bunch of posturing for cameras and the press, hoping to put a positive spin on whatever crisis is facing the country at the moment.  Behind the cameras, things go on as normal.  Now I am not saying that the men we elect to be president are not good people to start with.  (hold your protests even Jimmy Carter was good when he was a baby)  Politics changes men into people who pander to popular opinion and lie and breed hypocrisy.

Pardoning a turkey is just a silly thing that provides a photo opportunity for the President.  The turkey used to go to Disneyland and live a life of luxury, in turkey terms that is.  The turkey federation has been bringing turkeys to the White House for years, Eisenhower and Johnson ate their birds.  It took Kennedy to let the bird live.  It’s all silly.  Eat the damn bird, that is what they are bred for.  Besides, have you ever actually looked at a turkey?  Ugly as sin walking around, a beautiful thing roasted golden brown with dressing and cranberries.

What should the President eat?  Eat the Turkey.  Maybe we should start a new tradition where the president chops off the turkey’s head right there on national TV and then proceeds to field dress and pluck it.  Of course we would have to start beheading PETA’s people and that would be fine with me.  I don’t know that most of the current presidential prospects could handle dispatching a turkey.  I’ll bet Eisenhower could have without blinking an eye.

Well Folks that is a lot of information, and we have yet to hear from Bob.  he will weigh in in the comments and probably blow us all away.

Thanks for reading, and remember, send in your questions no matter the absurdity of it!  We will answer and change your name for anonymity’s sake.  Submit questions to askacoot@cantankerousoldcoots.com

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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