“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.”

Redd Fox

Unless you are a total recluse, you know some health nuts. These people are fixated on ‘taking care of their bodies’. They would never dream of eating a hamburger. It’s got to be a broiled chicken breast or if they are total loons- a vegeburger. Then they pretend to enjoy their food while they smirk at you and your unhealthy choice. They know how much fat is in anything you name and whether it is saturated, unsaturated, poly-unsaturated or, the crème de la crème of bad, trans fat. These are the people who decided ,in the interest of their own good health, not to eat anything that tastes good. Since they get no pleasure from food, they compensate by making you feel bad eating something delicious. It is an evil perversion and health nuts deserve a special place in hell.

It’s pretty clear that health nuttiness doesn’t make them healthier. They don’t look any better. They get sick just as often and instead of enjoying life they take pride in making sure that anybody around them can’t enjoy life. There is never an end to their quest for perfect health. Taking one step on the path, instead of producing praise just causes them to step up the program- and the abuse

“Bob, it is so good that you have given up eating read meat. Your body will be so happy.”

As you smile at their encouragement they continue.

“Of course, you really want to give up that nasty meat all together. It’s so bad for you.”

And its not just food. Maybe you start taking walks to keep that blood flowing and clear your head. You feel pretty good. Just don’t tell the health nut.

“Fred, that’s a great first step.”

Don’t get cocky because they continue.

“We’ll have you doing an Iron Man in no time.”

This coot has learned over time not to give a health nut any encouragement. These unhappy people only live to suck all the joy de vivre out of anyone unfortunate enough to be in the same room with them. Don’t give them an inch. Don’t concede even the smallest of their points because when you do, they have you where they want you- feeling guilty.

Enjoy yourself and let health be damned. Eat that savory hamburger with pleasure, wiping your chin from time to time as the delicious juices drip. Walk if you must but be careful about jogging because the next step is running a marathon. Focus on enjoyment and don’t let guilt get his foot in the door. Health nuts have forgone pleasure to achieve the false nirvana of ‘good health’. The only pleasure they have left is suckering you to follow them. If you concede an inch to their fixation, you are as good as doomed to join them. If not in the achievement of perfect health- at least by reaching a state of perfect unhappiness.

It is a slippery slope to health nuttitidude.