The EU (European Union for all you folks who live under a rock) has don’t it’s best to ruin Europe financially…and they have done bang-up job of it.
Now, as though European-style socialism weren’t bad enough, they take balloons away from kiddies!
Oh well…maybe it’s caused a “law of unintended consequences” moment…the former British PM has had enough, it seems. John Major is calling for the reigning in of EU powers.
[powerpress]
What do you do when you can’t count on USA Today for your headlines. So far, this Coot has depended on USA Today to point to the big stories of the week. Today, however USA is behind the times. Their top story reveals the secrets of Black Friday. Someone needs to tell USA Today that Black Friday was two days ago. It’s old news. Coots learn to be resourceful however so today we are turning to the doyen of news media, the old gray lady, The New York Times. We will be more selective with the stories since the NYT seems to think that more stories are important than does USA Today.
TOP NEWS
The FBI caught a young Somail- born US ctizen attempting to bomb a tree lighting ceremony in Portland Oregon. They discovered the young man’s interest in jihadist activities and assisted him with his dream project- bombing an event with lots of children. He is reported to have said that Oregon is a good place to bomb because nobody pays any attention to Oregon. I guess he is not a football fan.
The new Republican majority in the House of Representatives will focus on finding waste and duplication in government programs. The new chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee will seek new subpoena powers for watchdog agencies. The target will be the operations of the unaccountable Tzars managing health care and other important reforms in the government. Coot’s would prefer taking the Tzars out altogether but this is a first step to expose their activities and shine some light on their activities.
Robots are alive and well and working for the military.
After last weeks attack of a South Korean island by North Korea, the joint naval exercises go on as planned. Nobody quite knows what to do with a destitute and paranoid nuclear power. No problem with crazy countries having the bomb. No need to worry about Iran either.
Savage attack wakes South Koreans to reality that love is not the answer. After all these years or enabling the economy of North Korea by feeding the people, South Koreans are shocked, shocked to discover that people in the north are evil. It’s a little late for action however because by providing all that food aid for these years, North Korea was able to develop enough bombs to destroy the south. Oh, well.
So that is what the New York Times says is important today. Who are the coots to argue.
Lots of Coots will remember the psychedelic 60’s with pot parties and LSD trips. Those were the days when drugs were fun instead of treatment for what ails you. Larry was always up front about alcohol – or maybe he just couldn’t hide it but now he comes clean. Larry thinks that a little LSD trip is just what our politicians need to get their heads on straight. Maybe he is right. Nothing else seems to work.
Ronni Chasen is certainly not a household name but is apparently a well-known Hollywood publicist. Coots are not sure what a publicist does but we think it is similar to Aunt Agnes back home. Out Auntie knew who was pregnant and even better who was at risk of being pregnant. You never knew if it was safe to talk to her because she always managed to find out what you didn’t want anybody to know. Still, if you didn’t talk to her you would never learn the latest gossip. Apparently Auntie missed out by staying in Missouri. Nobody ever told her that she could earn a living doing what she loved. Still, she is 87 and going strong unlike Ronni. Police seem baffled that a suspect would rather kill himself than talk to them. Perhaps a Dale Carnegie course would help.
There must be something in the water there in Ukraine that affects behavior because just last week we were reading about topless demonstrations there. Oh wait, there is something in the water. There was something about fallout from a nuclear power plant a few years back. Now it seems that humanists in Ukraine are concerned that humans have not shown proper respect for fallen aliens. It is not clear why these aliens are falling and what is drawing them to Ukraine. Coots wonder if it is the topless demonstrators that have distracted the aliens and caused them to fall – or perhaps it is just another consequence from Chernobyl.
Coots have been troubled lately by California prisons. Recently the courts are considering whether treatment for prisoners is so bad that 40 thousand of them need to be released, apparently so they can go on Medical. Now we learn that there is a proliferation of cell phones in California prisons. The apparent cause of this epidemic is the poor pay for prison guards who can make $1,000 each time they deliver a cell phone to a prisoner. One of the happy new cell phone users, a criminal named Charles Manson reached out and touched people is several states. Coots aren’t sure if he is one of the 40,000 being considered for release.
After two years in office, President Obama has pardoned nine lucky prisoners.
“The President was moved by the strength of the applicants’ post-conviction efforts at atonement, as well as their superior citizenship and individual achievements in the years since their convictions,”
It isn’t clear how they managed to impress the President with their redemption but none of them appear to be serving time. None of them are from California either. OK, Mr. President, the Coots can see that you are a compassionate man of the people. Now what about my taxes?
During a surprise trip to Afghanistan, the President thanked the troops and said that because of their efforts Afghanistan would never again be a haven for hostile troops. After declaring victory, the troop withdrawals will begin next summer. There was no comment from the Taliban.
Coots don’t understand why newspapers think this is bad news for the President, After all, he still has a job.Following nearly six months of lazer-like focus on what Vice President Joe Biden calls the three letter word – J O B S, unemployment goes up. Maybe the best thing that can happen for unemployed Americans would be some diversion for the administration. Let’s send the President on another trip. There must be some country that wants to see him.
The White House and Republican leaders are rumored to be talking quietly to finally resolve the tax increase scheduled to happen on January 1st. These increases are the result of putting a time limit on the tax reductions from 10 years ago. With the economy in the tank, the pressure is on Democrats to relent but even a wipe out last month hasn’t made much of an impact. This Coot see the Democrats as having the same philosophy as my wife. Every thing I earn is our money while what she earns is hers. I get to spend what she thinks is not needed elsewhere. Democrats want everything I earn to help them do good. They don’t even think that the tax increase in January is enough. Next year looks even tougher than this one.
That’s the news for today. Now this Coot is off to take a nap.
Image via Wikipedia
The secret is out about Cantankerous Old Coots. We are really softies at heart, full of love for our fellow man and our sweeties. So naturally on the eve of Valentine’s Day, all good Coots are looking for the perfect gift. Just in time the Coot’s News Service has found the perfect gift for that hard to please sweetie for whom flowers are trite and and candy just reminds them that they are still trying to work off the extra pounds from Christmas. For you who are still looking for a last minute gift, there is time, if you hurry.
And while you are checking out the zoo, find out what to expect from the Oscars this year. Heidi has the answers.
Heidi will be appearing on the Jimmy Kimmel show to predict the Oscar winners later this month. She hopes to have the same success that Paul the octopus had with the World Cup but without the consequences. Sadly Paul died from unkown causes. Wish her luck.
Coots are very protective of our position in society. It is bad enough getting old but when you have to defend your reputation in society, life can be very hard. That is why the Coots have been following the story of the LA Geezer bank robber. There is certainly romance and a raffish charm to this guy but some people are suggesting that he way be only an opportunist- a young guy hiding behind a mask that only makes him look like a geezer.
And speaking about giving gifts, liberals, whose favorite activities involved giving gifts of your money while calling you stingy are up in arms at the idea that they would have to pay for their biased news service. The new conservative House of Representatives is looking to make major cuts in the Nation’s budget including National Public Radio and Sesame Street. Coots have always wondered why these estimable operations seem unable to support themselves. Apparently the only people that watch these shows are deadbeats.
But now for the good news. CNS know that our readers are eager to find at least one story each week with good news and this week we have two. First, studies show that despite the media hype, this years weather is no weirder than last years – or any years.
And this story from Pravda (it must be true if it is in Pravda, right?). Stop worrying about that omelet you ate for breakfast. Eggs are healthier than every.
Now, before you settle back for a nice Sunday of football, (Oh, darn, now what am I going to do?), Cantankerous Old Coots wants to remind you that this week marks the first week that our readers can qualify for credit from Cantankerous Old Coots University Extension. Readers who tell us in a comment which story each week is the one they least needed to hear for five weeks will be recognized. You can start today or if you are in a hurry you can go back to earlier weeks and do them all at once. Finally, go to the right top corner of this page and vote for your favorite topic for March.
You know about feelings don’t you?
Our readers my not know what a tight ship Justin runs here at Coots. Lowly hacks like me and Bob get crushed under the heel of Justin’s big plans for world domination. I know he puts out the impression of a mild mannered, stay-at-home Dad-all sweetness and light -but there is a dark side to to Justin. His newest inspiration is that we have a theme each week to vent our spleens or maybe bladders on. And believe me when Justin wants something, you don’t get in his way. You have to pity those poor kids of his. Anyway the idea is that our faithful readers will vote on the topic of the week. Between you and me, I think this is hopeless. From what I can tell, our readers are too pussified to venture an opinion. I figure that reading Coot’s is the only relief they have from their humdrum lives but they don’t have the nerve to let anyone know that they have such poor judgment and taste by leaving a comment. That is fine by me but Justin is quite another story. He gets pissed – and when Justin gets pissed, you don’t want to be anywhere nearby.
“If they won’t comment.” says Justin, “Then I will just track them down and expose them publicly as Coot’s readers.”
Talk about hurt feelings! So be afraid, Coot’s readers, be very afraid. My feelings aren’t hurt!. It’s no skin off my nose but between you and me, things will be mellower here at Coot’s if we can keep Justin happy, so for your own good and mine, leave a comment with a suggestion for next week, or just answer his damn survey. And don’t forget, you can still get credit from COCU when you comment telling which story you least needed to hear. Five responses gets you credit for the first COCU course. Now, get to work!
If you have never been to idyllic Lancaster California then you may not appreciate how important a little pleasant diversion might be to residents of that dismal town. Southern California is full of delightful cities all of which are over-packed with the rich and famous. It is also full of cities located in ugly and inhospitable environments whose only excuse for existence is the mere two hour commute to LA. Lancaster is one of those cities and kudos to the Mayor who wants to lighten the harsh environment with delightful bird sounds. The man deserves a medal. He has feelings.
Everybody loves chocolate, especially with Valentine’s Day coming up. Nothing stirs up the feelings like chocolate. And now on the verge of Valentines Day we hear that the world could run out of chocolate by 2014. Quelle horreur! But wait! No, we are not running our of chocolate, we are running our of sustainable chocolate. This suggests that we will have plenty of unsustainable chocolate. It also suggests that someone is playing games here, If we run our of sustainable chocolate then it wasn’t sustainable in the first place. Now I’m getting upset and that’s not the feeling we are looking for today. I’m going to look for a soothing cup of non-sustainable cocoa and take a time out.
My head is reeling! I am filled with feeling. I’m a poet and don’t know it. Don’t you just love those crime tip lines. I feel good every time one of the tips solves a crime. It turns out that some cops feel good about these tips too. Like this Dallas cop. She is not feeling so good after being arrested for diverting $250,000 of tip money into her personal account. You just gotta love those clever cash cow cops.
This Michigan educator is feeling good these days with a big retirement package after his fifteen year career ended. Surely the public understands that this is a small price to pay for the high quality education delivered these days. Apparently locals don’t agree. What does this do for your feelings?
Even terrorists have feelings as this tragic story from Russia shows. The lovely wife of a jailed terrorist was intending to blow up a populated locale in Moscow on New Years Eve- perhaps just to feel connected to her jailed hubby. Sadly, one of her comrades had feeling too and sent her a text message with New Years wishes on the cell phone intended to detonate her bomb when she reached her target. She was still in the safe house. She could not be reached for comment.
Talk about hurt Feelings! Travelers may have feelings about being felt up by the friendly Government employees that make up the TSA but so what. Like any good government bureaucracy, the TSA has feelings too, And they are not about to have their good monopoly threatened. “NO MORE PRIVATE SCREENINGS” say the friendly government officials from Homeland Security.
But on Friday, the TSA denied an application by Springfield-Branson Airport in Missouri to privatize its checkpoint workforce, and in a statement, Pistole indicated other applications likewise will be denied.
“I examined the contractor screening program and decided not to expand the program beyond the current 16 airports as I do not see any clear or substantial advantage to do so at this time,” Pistole said.
Certainly there is no substantial advantage to government bureaucrats at having any competition and we all know that that is all that matters.
And finally, who can’t feel for the hapless Charlie Sheen and the even more hapless people who depend on him for their living. How would you like to be a cast member of his show, or worse the producers. Most of all I feel sorry for the losers that don’t have any more of a life than to watch his show. They are probably the same losers you see driving on the wrong side of the road that still have Obama stickers on their cars.
Now, make Justin happy and leave a comment. Don’t make him mad.