Hey! It’s April Fools Day! What a Load of Crap.

 Posted by at 11:48  Plain 'ol Cantankerous, rants
Nov 262014
 

Hey Folks, Justin here.  I am coming to you live on what is one of the stupidest holidays in the entire world.  April Fools Day.  Informal though it may be, why do we still bother to “celebrate” something that most of the world doesn’t even truly know the origins of?  It seems there was a reference to it in Canterbury Tales back in 1392 that was badly translated and people were made to endure a full day of pranks and foolishness.

By the way kids, (notice I didn’t use that horrific BTW that has become so friggin’ popular.  That is a whole ‘nother rant) back in 527 AD Byzantine Emperor Justinian delcared that on April 2nd all Justin’s in the world should have homage paid and gifts of “gold, silver and precious things in great quantity.”  Check it out, that is tomorrow, I will just wait for all of the good things to roll in.

You see, that actually sound legit (almost) even though I made the whole thing up.  Much like April Fool’s Day.  My wife is currently preparing devious deceptions to taunt the kids with.  She loves it.  My kids love to play pranks and “get mom and dad”.  I don’t get it.  I have never really gotten it.  I don’t care to play pranks for the most part.  If I want to make someone look silly I can use words better than some silly prank.

So if you are into pranks, go for it.  Just know that there are some people out there who really don’t give the rear cavity of a rat about it.

On another note, Congrats again to Hansi for earning his degree from the Cantankerous Old Coots University.  he is now qualified to teach Cantankerosity and is an adjunct professor.  We will be featuring his first lesson next Tuesday, April 5.

And for the theme writing contest.  We have a clear winner this month with 4 votes to the 2 everything else got.  The topic that we will be writing on for the week of April 4th to April 8th is, (drumroll please) is, (no really, a drumroll here is appropriate) fine, with no drumroll the topic is Haiku.  We will just have to see what splendid and fascinating things that we can write about a simple Japanese Poem.

So that will be all today, go out and do something cantankerous.  Maybe just scream at someone who tries to pull a prank on you, or really fly off of the handle and make them cry.  That will be my goal, make a prankster cry.  Unfortunately, the only ones who will be around to pull pranks are the kids, and homework and chores make them cry anyway.  Good thing my new sink doesn’t have the separate sprayer anymore.

Thanks for reading, how are you going to get through today?

Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Dog Days…and Just Dogs

 Posted by at 09:38  Coot Comedy
Mar 192013
 
Jack Russell Terrier

Image by ikuman via Flickr

OK…I’m fat chubby overweight, I admit it. So? That doesn’t mean I deserve the discomfort of The Dog Days, the hottest, most sultry days of summer…and those days are here, with a vengeance.

If God meant man to be hot during June, July, August, or any other month for that matter, He wouldn’t have invented Rheem, Carrier, and Trane.

My dog, Jackie, agrees wholeheartedly. She is miserable. Normally the heat wouldn’t bother her…hell, normally NOTHING bothers her…but right now she tries to climb into the refrigerator every time I open the door to get more lemonade.

Heat…cold…wet…nothing usually bothers Jackie. She’s a mix of pit bull, Jack Russell terrier, and plain ‘ol hound, and she is about as laid back as a dog gets.

Don’t get me wrong…the Jack Russell in her gives her energy…a LOT of energy. I’ve often thought I might find a friend who takes valium and borrow some to give Jackie…she has WAY too much energy for an old fart like me…but her attitude is really laid back. Nothing upsets her, nothing disturbs her.

Usually.

But then, she usually isn’t pregnant. And she was pregnant. Very pregnant. Note I said she “was” pregnant. Until 3:30am last Wednesday.

Now she is not pregnant. Now she is a mommy…a brand new first time mommy. Septuplets. In this heat. She told me to tell y’all that these days are badly misnamed. As a dog, she sees nothing about these hot days to make them appeal to a dog, so she wants us to quit calling them “Dog Days”. She thinks they ought to be called “Idiot Days” because only an idiot would like ‘em.

I agree.

She really only has herself to blame though. I had planned to wait until she had her first “heat” and then have her “fixed”. The problem is, the horny little hussy got pregnant at her first opportunity.

In addition to being a horny hussy, either her vision is bad or she has TERRIBLE taste in boyfriends. If the daddy is the dog I think he is, he is the dog version of Mortimer Snerd…in looks AND intellect. Of course, I probably shouldn’t be talking about lack of intellect right now…I AM the one who wasn’t smart enough to keep a dog inside or on a leash while she was in heat…


Anyway…I just wanted to introduce to the recent additions around here. I don’t subscribe to the old adage to not name an animal you are going to be getting rid of. I used to have a small goat dairy, and I always put the little bucks in the freezer when they were about 4 months old, and I named them too.

BBQ #1, BBQ #2, BBQ #3…

In that vein, I’ve named these as well, despite the fact I’m not keeping any. Free Gift #1, Free Gift #2, etc. In six weeks I’ll be spending a week outside the local Wally World on a Saturday, giving away puppies.

Any of y’all need the address to the Wal Mart in Jasper, GA?

EDIT:  Ralph wanted a picture, so…


 

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Bob@HayleStorm Interactive

Bob comes to us with a skeptical attitude and a full cup of Cantankerousness. He also writes about homesteading and yurts over at JuicyMaters.com and rants about politics at Common-Sense-Conversation.com Most of the time, though, you'll find him at HayleStorm.net, cranking out great websites for clients OR writing tutorials teaching them to build their own sites.

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