Sep 202012
 

Hello out there!  I hope that you are having a great Saturday today and the rest of the weekend is looking up.

Today’s question comes to us from “Jane” in Phoenix, AZ.  I do have to apologize to Bob for not getting this question to him sooner, he will have to have a cantankerous response in the comments.

“Jane” writes,

“Dear Cantankerous old Coots,  I just read your Friday column about Black Friday and I had to ask a question.  I just got back from a madcap day of shopping and spending way too much time and money for way too little items to hold.  I have seen that Bob likes to make his gifts and Justin will be doing similar things, so when is the right time to say goodbye to the shopping and spending hamster wheel and give homeade items?  And, If I give homeade stuff, will my family be mad that I didn’t spend money on them?  Just wondering, “Jane”.”

Well “Jane” as usual this is not a question that is easily answered.  Bob will probably have a better take on it in the comments.  I for one like to spend money on my kids.  I like to give them toys.  I like to give fun things for Christmas.  But, the past couple of years there has been so many toys that they don’t care about at the end of the season that we are scaling back.  We are having each of the kids make presents for their siblings instead of picking up the first thing that they see in the store that is in thier price range.  They are very excited about it.  As for other family members, (extended) it just gets to be a silly hassle trying to find gifts.  My parents don’t need anything, I don’t have the money to buy all of my nephews presents as well as my sisters so they get a family gift.  And this year family gifts are baked.  We are going to make cookies (from Bob’s shortbread recipie check it out at juicy maters.com) and these cookies will also be given to the neighbors for the holiday on fancy paper plates.  We may even spring for some colored plastic wrap but it is not likely.  So if the family doesn’t like the fact you are not going to spend money on them tough.  Maybe you should have that talk with them now, the we can’t afford much, let’s just do family presents talk.  That should help.  if not, screw ’em. –Justin

Ralph chimes in:

Dear Jane,

As you think about making your own Christmas gifts, I suggest that you keep this in mind.  When was the last time you received a homemade gift and how did it make you feel.  For me, it brings back all the Christmas gifts my kids made for me over the years.  Were they great gifts?  I have to say no.  Did I use them?  I have to say no.  Did I like them?  I have to say no.  What I can say is that I pretended to like and use them because I loved my kids.  So my advice to you as you consider giving something homemade for Christmas is that you ask yourself if the recipient will love the gift because it is you that is giving it.  If you have a speicial relationship then it won’t matter what you give and homemade is ok.  Otherwise, I suggest going to the store.

Ralph

Thanks for the question “Jane”!  If you have a question that you would like a cantankerous take on email us at askacoot@cantanerousoldcoots.com or leave it in the contact form to the right.  Thanks for reading!

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Aug 032012
 
MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA - DECEMBER 22:  Christmas...

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

Justin just reminded me that there are only two weeks until Christmas. Depending on your circumstances that might seem like good news or bad news but whichever it is for you, it won’t be long now. The big day is almost here, But the great thing about retirement is that somehow, it’s just not such a big deal.

 

For some folks this means a bunch of hassle. Take shopping. It as been years since I set foot in a Toys R Us but I remember in years past that I shopped late at night in a vain attempt to avoid the crowds.

English: store at , Singapore.

Image via Wikipedia

These days I just don’t have much shopping pressure going on. I haven’t bought a Christmas present yet and when I do, I don’t plan to brave the crowds at the mall. I expect to do it on line from Amazon.

 

We don’t have a tree up yet. With the kids out of the house, it gets harder and harder to get our and do it. My wife thinks it is a waste of effort. I’d say right now we’ve got about a 50% chance of doing a tree this year. I know it is the right thing to do and the only way I’m going to work up any real Christmas spirit. But it is still a challenge. Around my house, my wife is Scrooge and I’m Bob Cratchit. Where are those ghosts when you need them?

And then there are the Christmas cards? I’m going to send them but my original plan to create a photo montage of the year is looking like a non starter. I’ve got pictures somewhere but I just don’t have the time to find them. Then I have to put the card together. Somehow that has to happen this week – or not at all. It will probably be a stock card.

 

I don’t do lights either. A few years back, I decided to put up Christmas lights since our new house is only one story. I bought them and put them up thinking that it would finally satisfy my son who had been whining for years about having the only parents that didn’t decorate their house. Well instead of patting me on the back he pointed out that my lights were crocked unlike Mike’s across the street. That was the end of Christmas lights for me. I’ll just enjoy Mike’s and if my son wants lights, he can put them up himself.

So that’s what I have left to do for Christmas this year. Compared to other years when the kids were little, it doesn’t seem like much. Still I wonder if I will actually get it all done.  I haven’t even loaded the Christmas music in the CD player.

Well, enough about me.  What about your Christmas commitments and priorities?  What is your least favorite Christmas tradition and if you have eliminated it altogether, share that in a comment.

Who do you prefer to deliver the CNS news report?

  • Find somebody good! (67%, 2 Votes)
  • Ralph (33%, 1 Votes)
  • Justin (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 3

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Dec 182011
 

Image by KeiBi via Flickr

It’s almost here!

Don’t tell me that the Coot’s are out of touch. Just a week ago I recounted my own personal dilemma about Christmas cards, Merry Christmas sentiments and the whole idea that Christmas is a religious holiday central to European heritage and Western Civilization.

Maybe I didn’t say all that but down underneath my words, those deep undercurrents of thought were swirling violently as I described my journey from simple country boy to nuanced, sophisticated and effete college grad. Now, in my dotage, I am learning that the nuance and sophistication don’t wear well and erode the spirit. I am drawn more and more back to the simple world of my youth where faith, trust and belief brought people together in a common cause and patriotism wasn’t embarrassing.

We can’t teach them to read but we must send them to college.

One of the casualties of today’s mission to inflict a college education on everyone is the adoption of this nuanced sophistication as SOP. Faith is stupid is today’s mantra. Religion therefore must be tempered with nuance and sophistication. No eternal damnation for the unbeliever! No absolute right or wrong. But still some intransigent people cling to faith and hold our society back from moving to the next level of transcendence where all is relative and nothing has meaning.  This can’t be tolerated!

Lib Radio Host Bill Press Tells Tebow: ‘S-T-F-U’ (Shut the F**k Up) About Jesus

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

Guys like Tim Tebow with their simple humility and faith just can’t be allowed to express their conflicting world view these days because kids might hear him and notice that there isn’t much meaning in the nuanced and sophisticated world they live in. He must be mocked and ridiculed into submission no matter what the Bill of Rights says.

 Congressmen can’t say ‘Merry Christmas’ in mail

Well today, nuance and sophistication hits the Congress. Congressmen can’t wish their constituents Merry Christmas unless they want to pay the postage out of their own pockets. Now that the nuanced and sophisticated have nearly completed their takeover of government, it is time to ‘Tim Tebow ‘ the members of Congress. No matter that most of their constituents would welcome a Christmas greeting from Congress. It might help them feel better about being raped and pillaged the rest of the year.

The takeover isn’t quite complete, however. The article explains that for some strange reason, the Senate is still free to say Merry Christmas. I’m waiting for the cries of complaint. Shut the F*** up, Senators!

And while it is still allowed.  “Merry Christmas to you all”

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Sep 142011
 
Neon signs, Mansfield, Ohio - City News and Co...
Image by brianbutko via Flickr

Its rain for Christmas where this Coot lives although it means lots of snow just a few miles up the mountains.  You might expect to hear Bah Humbug but today I’m mellow after getting sprung from a holding cell at the hospital.  This was my first hospital stay for over 50 years and I have to say that things haven’t improved.  Hospitals were a medieval institution 50 years ago and they are still medieval today.  You would think somebody would have had an idea about treating sickness in 500 years but apparently not.  Still this Coot is happy at being sprung (no mean feat even when you are healthy, I learned).  I was hoping for some encouraging news this week but it’s the usual lot.  Before we dive into the news, however, Merry Christmas from all the Coots.  And now the headlines.

U.S. Postal Service Ready for Busiest Mailing Day

The Post Office doesn’t get much appreciation these days but you have to admit they cope pretty well with their big season.  Monday is expected to be the busiest day for the Post Office this year as everyon rushes to get their Christmas mailing done in time for delivery before Christmas. 800 million piecers of mail are expected to enter the system on Monday which is 40% higher than the average daily traffic. Since the Post Office depends on revenue to support its services, they have to hope that this seasonal load stays strong as people forget how to write letters. This means it is probably time for this Coot to mail his Christmas cards.

Amazing Spectacle: Total Lunar Eclipse Monday Night

Too bad we can’t get a rain delay because Monday night a total eclipse of the moon will be visible from about half of the earth. North and South America as well as Western Europe and Eastern Asia will be able to view the earths shaow cover the moon in a 3 hour spectacle. This coot will miss it because of a series of storms pelting the west coast of the US. If the weather is good, however, everyone should check out the times and plan to watch. Unlike eclipses of the Sun, lunar eclipses are visible from everywhere the moon s above the horizon. Don’t miss it if your weather is good.

For $250M, Nigeria drops bribery charges against Cheney, Halliburton

Of course bribery, corruption and scandal are never seen in Africa which is known for the honesty and public service of its government officials so it is easy to see that attacking Halliburton was a no brainer. We all know that Halliburton never does anything honorable so they make an easy mark. Since we all know how evil Hallburton is, they must have corrupted some naive Nigerian official to be albe to complete a bribe. The only recourse for the Nigerian government was to sue in order to recover some of the funds which would otherwise have gone to the official. Just another victory for the Nigerian people.

Arizona, Nevada accuse Bank of America of foreclosure fraud

These states say that B of A deceived homeowners who thought they were getting their home loans modified and then foreclosed anyway. B of A cries foul claiming that they were trying to negotiate some better arrangements. As far as the Coots cam tell, the TARP buyout has so corrupted the process that banks like B of A even if they weren’t inherently evil get no benefit from refinancing loans so they prefer to foreclose. What makes them evil is the attempt to appear to work with the home owners while getting the loan off the books. Where is Barney Frank when you need him?

191 inmates flee Mexican jail near Laredo, Texas

Coots are in a quandary here. We don’t know why it is newsworthy that people want to break out of Mexican jails even when they are close to Loredo Texas. We believe that Mexican jails are all equally unpleasant places no matter where they are located. We wonder what the message is here. Is the security worse close to the Texas border? Maybe it is just the lure of the border that seems to capture all Mexicans these days. With the border so close, they just can’t control themselves. The story doesn’t explain their motive or how long it took them to cross the border to safety in the US where nobody will bother them.  Whatever happened to reporting the news.  I learned that you needed to have the five W’s.  What, Where, When, Why and Who.  Step it up guys!

Laura Bush speaks by phone to Suu Kyi

The government of Myanmar has release pro-democracy activist Aung San Suu Kyi. Now we learn that Laura Bush has talked to her by telephone. We don’t know what was said or if she has been invited to the ranch. In fact this story reveals only two previously unknown facts. We now know that it is possible to reach residents of Myanmar by telephone and also learn that it is apparently ok to call Myanmar Burma. Neither of these makes much difference to this Coot. I’ve always called Burma Burma.

Chicago voters back city casino, poll says

In a stunning blow to the Daley machine in Chicago, voters now say that they no longer trust the Daley family that has run Chicago for over 50 years to keep the lights on and the politicians greased. They now want casinos to pay the bills instead of the Daley bosses. This Coot still has fond memories of the first Daley who was mayor when he attended college in Chicago. The man was a master of everything except, perhaps the English language. I remember him telling us that the City had achieved a new, high platitude of success. As a smart-assed undergraduate, I thought he misspoke. After watching Chicago for nearly 50 years, I am reconsidering. Maybe he was right on.

WikiLeaks founder charges ‘smear campaign’ against him

Julian Assange, the Wikileaks founder was finally caught in Britain and is fighting attempts by Sweden to extradite him  to Sweden to face rape charges. Apparently the national security of the US and it’s allies is unimportant because the US government seems unwilling to make any charges despite serious damage from the leaked documents. The Swedes are apparently unable to tolerate a little friendly rape.  Interviews with the reclusive Assange safely ensconced at the estate of a supporter, reveal why he has staked his career on leaking documents. The man is incapable of thinking an independent thought. He explains his activities thusly:

“We must remember that this is not the beginning of the end, it’s the end of the beginning,” he said.

It is indeed, Mr. Assange. It is indeed unless , of course it is the middle of the middle.

Now enjoy your Christmas season without worrying about those annoying headlines.  Nothing important is scheduled to happen over the next week and even if it does you will be powerless to stop it so just relax and overeat.  You need to have something to make a New Years resolution about.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Sep 022011
 
Snowmen, bells, and candy cane sugar cookies.
Image via Wikipedia

It’s Christmas- Feel the love?

It’s just part of my cantankerous nature to shun the shopping frenzy of the season but up until now it was impossible to avoid completely. With kids you have to get the spirit because it is part of the contract.   Now that I’m retired I spend more time with my wife which is good but often the time is spent accompanying her while she is shopping. This isn’t bad so long as I don’t have to do anything but it does force me to participate in insanities I would otherwise avoid like stores. These days I find that the Christmas season still has all the frenzy that I remember but I can no longer find the spirit.

Bring back the good old days.

When I was a kid, there was magic at Christmas. Department stores would compete to have the best Santa display, devoting whole floors to creating a winter wonderland. They also competed to create the best store windows. (When is the last time you saw a store window?) My family would go downtown (25 miles from the farm) just to visit Santa and see the display windows. Of course today anyplace but New York, and San Francisco downtowns are dead as are all the competing department stores. These days Macy’s stands alone. Shopping malls didn’t come along until later but even then, downtown was where the action was.

Malls leave me cold

I don’t much like shopping malls. It has been six months since I visited a mall and a year since I actually spent any money there. They have the crowds; they have decorations;.they have Santa but they don’t have any spirit for me. It is all just empty noise. I’ll be doing my shopping on line. It is easy but there lies the rub. I’m just going through the numbers. I don’t have any Christmas spirit and I don’t know what I can do about it. There is no hassle. No panic. No frustration about finding a parking spot. I am calm cool and collected waiting for the UPS guy to deliver. I just don’t have any Christmas spirit this year.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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