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The Cantankerous World View about Cantankerosity

Posted by Ralph at 11:02 Plain 'ol Cantankerous

Feb 232015

20-20 Hindsights

Mick forever!

These days, thankfully, nobody expects much from an old coot. No need to be movie star handsome or a rock star, although come to think about it there are some pretty old rock stars out there still drawing audiences no matter how badly they aged. By the time you get to your 60’s the hot jock and the pimply nerd look about the same- old and wrinkled. Nobody looks all lthat great when they are old. If you are still breathing and can walk up a stair or two, you pass muster. In fact, ugly guys have an advantage because when you start at the bottom there is nowhere to go but up. Nobody ever says we didn’t age well. But I’m getting off track.

Growing up, my mother always used to tell me that beauty was in the eye of the beholder. Like most kids I didn’t pay much attention to anything my parents had to say. Looking back, maybe I should have. It might have given me some comfort about never finding a girl willing to go out with me. I thought I looked pretty good but how could I begin to understand the mind of a teenage girl? She also told me that beauty was only skin deep. People would recognize my inner beauty even if I wasn’t Rock Hudson. Somehow that didn’t work out so well for me either. I’m still waiting for someone to recognize my inner beauty. Oh well.

What else is personal?

Thinking about how beauty is relative and personal got me thinking how many of life’s pleasures are personal judgment and preference too. Not everybody likes spicy food and what some people think is delicious causes others to puke. The Cantankerous Old Coots have staked a claim on a particular world view that we call cantankerosity. It isn’t rocket science and book learning. In fact, it comes naturally when you deal year after year with organizations set up by, for and administered by mindless sheep. Most of us get trapped in that sheepish mindset early in life at our mother’s knees or in the classroom but there are a few non-conformists who don’t get the message. Some never succumbed. Others sensed over time that the only reason for those rules was to ensure that nobody ever got off the reservation and made trouble for the top dogs. Something made those people wonder what was behind the curtain; how the grass on the other side of the fence tasted and why it was purple instead of green.

So here we are.

From the best designers

Here are the few, the independent and the disrespectful- the Cantankerous Old Coots. The sheep in their safe pens eye us warily because they fear the unknown that we embrace. We see the things they have learned to ignore. We know that the Emperor is naked (and that he is butt-ugly to boot). We march to our own drummer and not the well-organized marching band. They fear that if they listen to us, they might lose their comfortable easy life altogether. They might actually have to think for themselves and take responsibility for their miserable lives. Not my problem.

So back to the Cantankerous Old Coots

Of course this draws the cantankerous,whether they are old or young, successful or struggling, handsome or ugly, together. It explains how young Justin, the stay at home Dad, kettlebell virtuoso and internet entrepreneur built his team at COC to include Bob, the rising, internet media mogul, political pundit and Appalachian yurt guru and myself, the suave, sophisticated and over-educated LA exile stuck in the hick-filled Sierra foothills far from the ocean and civilization. There isn’t any other excuse, I can find.

But back to the point!

Still, talking about beauty being in the eye of the beholder, today I’m discovering that Cantankerosity is a personal judgment too. Maybe we all share the same special qualities that make us cantankerous. Maybe the readers of this blog can identify those special qualities and conclude that yes, Justin, Bob and Ralph are birds of a feather because we think alike. If you see it, then you need to share that insight down below. Maybe we share some inner force but I’m not so sure. I’ve been working with these guys for nearly a year now and I’ve had time to assess their strengths and monitor their weaknesses. I have come to my own conclusion about the Coot’s team and being a qualified Cantankerous Old Coot, I’m going to share it with the world and let the chips fall where they may.

I know cantankerousity when I see it. I live and breath cantankerousity. Cantankeroisytis my life. So when I say something is cantankerous, you can believe it. So here is my judgment. I’m cantankerous. Bob and Justin are just plain nuts!

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Up with Old Age

Posted by Ralph at 17:01 Up With

Jun 022014

Making a Silk purse out of a sow’s ear is a life mission.

The Old Coot (Photo credit: goingslo)

One of our principles here at Cantankerous Old Coots is not to hold back. We believe in straight talk, calling a spade a spade and facing the music. We understand that those are the behaviors embraced by a man of integrity and we firmly support the notion that in the English language, at least, a man of integrity is generic, encompassing both major sexes and even a few of the minor ones. Cantankerous Old Coots aspire to be men of integrity but we also modestly confess that telling it like it is is also a direct product of the aging process.

What else can you do when all those bodily functions and physical abilities desert you? You rant. And when ranting just doesn’t satisfy you start picking the world around you to pieces. You notice it’s failures and you tell is like it is. You can’t change reality or bring back your youthful energy, physical prowess and libido but it serves notice that you have had it up to here with old age and you aren’t going to take it any more. You channel Howard Beal. Of course, it doesn’t fix anything but, at least, it distracts you for the moment.

Which came first? The cantankerous or the coot.

One of the explanations for the existence of cantankerous old coots is the aging process. Getting old makes you just naturally turn cantankerous and, of course, when you turn cantankerous what is more natural than being called a coot. Most people will accept that as a straightforward explanation. Most people are fools. This is a very superficial perspective on aging , the kind that you develop when you are a youngster and don’t know any better. When you are young and everything works like it is supposed to, you just don’t know what you don’t know. Youngsters imagine that they understand life when, in fact, they are clueless.

Aging is one of those facts of life that we learn early on and think we understand. We observe old people but can’t fathom that life will take us all there- if we are lucky. The young mind sees old people and can’t truly believe that they were once young. They also have no way to understand their future; what it is like to be old. They believe it is all cosmetic, wrinkles and gray hair with the body still willing..

The Young don’t get it.

Youngsters can’t get their heads around the physical reality of aging. They don’t believe that it will actually happen to them. The young mind refuses to acknowledge it’s own aging . The young mind denies the physical deterioration of his body but each year that denial becomes harder to justify.

At some point the reality hits. Denial become impossible and the true test of life begins.

You begin to ask the important questions. What good are you? What justification can you find in struggling on? Who really cares? This is a painful and humiliating process: accepting old age after decades of denial. Some deal with it better than others. Many wilt with this acceptance and meekly surrender to decrepitude and dependence. Others just give up and expire. A few refuse to go quietly into the dark night of senility. They get mad. They fight back. They protest and complain. They get noticed. Sometimes they even matter. Those are the Cantankerous Old Coots.

But you never win.

Of course in the end, it makes absolutely no difference. Life on earth is finite. At some point the perceived advantages of continuing to exist start to lose out to the difficulties. Cantankerous Old Coots might hold on longer just for the sheer, good-matured fun of messing with Mother Nature but that is an individual decision. Cantankerous Old Coots aren’t in it to win. Nobody wins. For a Cantankerous Old Coot it is the battle. Did you give it all you had? And did anybody notice?

So where do you stand?

Are you a Cantankerous Old Coot, a foolish youngster or in denial? Going down easy or hard?

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Coots Lesson 20- Old Age is a Badge of Honor- Don’t waste it!

Posted by Ralph at 16:39 Coots Lessons

Mar 042014

This post makes twenty of our world famous Cantankerous Old Coots Lessons. Most people think that all it takes is time to make a Cantankerous Old Coot but we are here to tell you otherwise. Some of you may have the natural instincts but most people need help. That is why we produced the Lessons. If you missed them then start with Lesson 1.

What do you do with lemons?

Getting to your golden years is very much like making lemons out of lemonade or a silk purse out of a sows ear. It means you have run out of all the good options and what’s left is pretty damn poor. Of course for some it’s worse than others. If you were a hot chick or a studly dude in your younger years, it sucks getting old. The best you can hope for is being described as distinguished or attractive but your days as hot or studly are gone forever. On the other hand if you were homely or worse to begin with each year brings the good lookers down closer to your level. It’s a small boost but homely guys don’t need much. It’s music to my ears when someone comments how studly Bob sure does look old and haggard with his walker. If you were homely to begin with your looks might even improve.

Aging has no favorites.

So all of us, good looking or not get old. We don’t have a choice. No matter how much we spend on cosmetics and supplements or how many hours we work out at the gym. We still can’t avoid getting old. It’s not optional. It’s not a state of mind. It’s not something that will go away if you ignore it. Getting old is one of the cold, wet mackerels of life that you just have to accept.

Go for it!

So today’s Coot’s Lesson is to take aging and all it’s symptoms as a badge of honor. Make those creaking joints and sagging guts work for you. Flaunt them and demand every benefit society and your friends and family are willing to offer. Grab that senior discount wherever you find it. Maybe it is even worth going to an actual movie once in a while. Take that special seat on the bus and evict that punk kid with the boom box who is hogging it. Maybe he’ll mug you when you get off at your stop but on the bus, you’re the man.

And finally give up the old pretense that you are as good as ever. You are old and feeble and don’t you forget it. Let those youngsters take care of you. dammit old people can’t be expected to pull their weight. Let the youngsters do the heavy lifting because the years are hanging heavy on your old bones. They should be grateful that you can still manage to show up. When you do help, make sure that everybody can see how much it requires from your weary old body. Make sure they can hear those creaky joints and know how much effort it is taking for you to participate. Then when you’ve got them feeling really guilty and they tell you to relax, sink yourself in the softest chair you can find and watch everybody else work.

Dammit , you earned it.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Up with Old Age

Posted by Ralph at 11:30 Up With

Jan 312013

You just can’t avoid it.

One of our principles here at Cantankerous Old Coots is not to hold back. We believe in straight talk, calling a spade a spade and

The Old Coot (Photo credit: goingslo)

facing the music. We understand that those are the behaviors of a man of integrity and we firmly support the notion that in the English language, at least, a man of integrity is generic, encompassing both major sexes and even a few of the minor ones. Cantankerous Old Coots aspire to be men of integrity but we also modestly confess that telling it like it is is also a direct product of the aging process.

Which came first? The cantankerous or the coot.

The young can’t handle it!

At some point the reality hits. Denial become impossible and the true test of life begins.

It’s all futile.

Are you a Cantankerous Old Coot, a foolish youngster or in denial? Going down easy or hard?

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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What’s odd and what’s not

Posted by Ralph at 04:01 Reflections

Mar 212012

Travel raises questions!

Is it time for lunch yet?

A Cantankerous Old Coot is inclined to be set in his ways. It’s not exactly a job requirement. It just seems to work out that way. Maybe it’s the number of miles on the odometer that makes you finally decide that what you are used to is what needs to happen. Maybe the mind gets rigid and fixated over time. Maybe it’s a personality disorder. I can’t explain. All I can say is that somewhere along the line I decided that some things are right and others are not and that I’m not the one that needs to change.

I never gave it much thought but lately I pretty much knew the way things ought to go, what ought to happen and how I like things to be. I have been around the block. All the years invested in life have left me feeling pretty comfortable that I have life all figured out. No need now to make any changes or consider alternatives. But then I had to complicate things and travel to a foreign country.

Those foreign countries are different.

Let’s face it. Foreign countries are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you will find. To start off, foreign countries are full of foreigners and foreigners have odd behaviors, odd systems and as the icing on the cake, most of them speak a foreign language even though they may call it English. I’ve just returned from Italy where they do speak a foreign language and I have to say that if a country has to speak a foreign language, Italian seems like a pretty good choice. It is lyrical to listen to, has lots of cognates and many Italians know enough English to get you by with basic needs. Besides, Italians seem to like people and want to help. Language was an obstacle but not a problem. Nothing odd at all about foreigners speaking a foreign language. I can live with people speaking Italian.

It’s their priorities!

What shook this Coot up was some other odd things Italians do. They don’t think that commercial activity is all important. They shut down at noon and don’t open up until after 3:00. They throw away three hours of good selling time. What a waste. In America, we pretty much expect a store to be open all the time, even 24 hours. Nothing odd about that. After all the customer is always right and so whenever the customer wants to buy something, the store should be open to sell it. It makes perfect sense. Italians, however, see it differently.

Don’t mess lunch!

They like their lunch hour- or three. The stores open at a reasonable time- say 9:00 in the morning and then stay open until noon when they close for lunch. Lunch can be until 3:00 or 3:30 and then they open again until 6:00 when it’s time to get ready for dinner. They don’t actually eat until 8:00 but they have to get ready. There is a definite sense of priorities here and it is not selling that last damn widget.

It looks odd at first.

Dinner isn't until 8:00

To a tourist fresh off the plane, this whole commercial schedule seems lunatic. We can’t imagine setting up a business for the convenience of the store owner and not the customer. We can’t figure out what to do in that empty time slot when the store is closed. It is maddening to throw away good hours in the middle of the day when money could change hands, profits could be made and people could be working. To an American, the waste of time and resources is appalling. No wonder Italy is not a world power. It’s very odd, at least until you stay in Italy for a while..

Somewhere about the fifth day in Italy, a seismic shift happens. The world starts to look different. You begin to tell yourself, “What’s the hurry?” All the rushing around seeing things, the frantic urgency of checking items off the list begins to raise questions. What is the point of pushing yourself to fatigue and dealing daily with sore muscles and aching bones when you can kick back and enjoy life. After all, this is a vacation and not a work assignment. There is nobody to please except yourself.

Oddly, it stopped seeming odd.

I soon discovered that there was nothing I needed to buy during those three hours. If I don’t manage to buy it later, I’ll figure out something else to use. I can make do or just do without. No need to rush my digestion or move away from the sunny campo. I might even take a nap. By this time, it was hard to remember what was so important anyway or where I put my list. Italians may not get much done but they sure have a good time not doing it.

So back in the states trying to make sense of my time in Italy and put my life back in order, I’m struggling to regain my old priorities. I still know that a country like Italy is odd with its emphasis on personal time and the joys of a leisurely lunch and I’m not about to change my opinion. After 70 years, that old American drive is there to stay. I do admit to wavering some about which lifestyle is better. Somehow, it seems to me that an unbiased appraisal might suggest that the American way is not the best after all but I’m not going there. It’s nearly noon and I can think about it over a glass of wine or two after I eat lunch.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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