Mar 252012
 

Well, I did get one vote last week.

That’s one third of the votes cast in our survey. Maybe it’s not a mandate but it’s better than a kick in the teeth so here we are with another edition of the Coots News Service. Trying to find upbeat stories gets harder and harder. If there is good news going on anywhere, the reporters sure do a great job in covering it up.

Too old to drive?

It may not be good news but the environmental disaster that is Germany just keeps rolling on as this story tells.  It seems that senior drivers in Germany are causing more accidents and nobody wants to do anything about it.  It’s not that German seniors are bad drivers so much as the German driving laws don’t account for diminished driving skills with aging. The German philosophy is ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’. They don’t ask seniors to prove that they still have the chops to drive.  Once you have a drivers license, you never have to requalify.  The result is more accidents involving seniors. But the politicians, as usual, don’t want to antagonize a voting block even if it means putting everybody at risk.

 Unrestricted Seniors Endanger German Roads 

Germany still shies away from stricter rules, insisting that retirees’ right to drive should not be restricted. Anyone who has ever passed the driving test is allowed to get into the driver’s seat, even if he or she is 95, has been using a stair lift at home for years and no longer recognizes the neighbors. The only thing government officials, doctors or relatives can do is to encourage them to give up driving.

I spent some time trying to find stories that are upbeat or provide help in making life better and finally inspiration stick. It’s always been my thought that if people stopped spending $10 or more a day on fancy coffee drinks at Starbucks, the recession would be over. Saving that money would probable make up for the surge in gas prices and eliminate hunger as well. It isn’t that there is anything wrong with coffee. Coffee is good. Recently, scientists have actually proved it. But who needs all the extra calories and the extravagant costs of those fancy coffee drinks? Nobody, that’s who.

Be a Better Home Barista 

There are nearly 7 million tons of coffee beans consumed worldwide on a yearly basis. Coffee consumption is rivaled only by tap water in North America. If you’re a coffee drinker and you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you had coffee but no coffee maker, you know how frustrating it can be to figure out a way to brew a cup of morning coffee to start your day. Here’s a quick, easy method for brewing a pot of coffee when your resources are limited.

 

So today, the CNS serves you up information on how to get that healthy coffee working for you while saving money. Drop the barista at Starbucks and do it yourself at home., Everybody wins.

If anybody still has a suggestion for this CNS assignment, even though I won by a landslide, you can still cast your vote right here.

 

Enhanced by Zemanta
Mar 232012
 
swearing in cartoon
Image via Wikipedia

I am working hard to refine my Cantankerosity and hone it to the rusty butcher knife edge that Ralph has achieved.  One of the tools that must be used to acheive fine Cantankerosity is Sarcasm.  Sarcasm, done correctly, is one of the finest things the English Language ever produced.

Done poorly, well, you may as well type it out and let a computer try to read it.  It just doesn’t have the same punch.  Kids will cry and adults will tremble when they are faced with a truly masterful sarcastic stream of consciousness.  I have heard say that the British are the 7th degree Jedi Masters of Sarcasm, I am working up to that.  I believe that I am at about level 5.

Now, Sarcasm is not for everyone.  Some people try, but most of their sarcastic powers are lost in turns of the language that either make no sense or are trying so hard to be sarcastic as to just be a joke.  Sarcasm is like Cantankerosity.  Many can try, but only a few can truly wield the power.  It must be learned and then practiced in order to be effective.

Sarcasm can sometimes be misinterpreted.  Subtle digs at peoples lineage are usually sarcastic.  Calling someone a Son of a Whore is more descriptive and probably truthful.  You see how I wove sarcasm into the end of that sentence?  Subtle sarcasm is something that must be deftly handled or you are just muttering under your breath.  Of course, maybe you are doing that as well, there is plenty of room at the Coot house for you people.

Sarcasm is also able to fit just about anywhere you are.  It can be laced with enough profanity to make a sailor fall to the ground weeping or it can be clean enough for church, I just would keep it out of the prayers.  The big guy has a way of making lightning hit juuuussstt where he wants to.  Personally, I think it is more difficult and requires a higher mastery of the sarcastic ways to leave the profanity out.

Even the lowest most uneducated lout can spout off a string of profanity, but it may not be sarcastic.  The Definition of Sarcasm tells us that it comes from the greek word that means to tear flesh.  That is exciting.  Not only is Sarcasm fun, but if you take the word very literally, you will be a murder suspect.

That is where the mastery comes in.  You can give someone a complex that will take years and thousand of dollars in therapy to undo.  You can make the weak cry.  You can make your dad punch a wall and hit a stud.  Your goals will have been realized.

So take this from Coots Lesson #6, Never Underestimate Sarcasm.  If you use it correctly, you will not only be Cootish but very Cantankerous.  If you use it incorrectly, you will just sound like an idiot.  If you want some really good sarcastic training, go watch some British Comedy.  Monty Python has some of the best ever filmed.

Your homework has been assigned.

That is all.

-Justin

Mar 212012
 

Of course I am using technology to rant.  I used technology to come up with this post.  I used real life to get mad about it.  I was reading Dave Doolin’s Website In A Weekend and he had an article about using the WPTouch plugin and how it makes your blog readable on your fancy internet connected cell phone.

Of course we have this plugin on our blog, it may drive me nuts but people read blogs on cell phones.  I am not sure about the Constitutionality of this but…

Here is what else drives me nuts.  Cell phones in general.  I have been against cell phones in many ways for a long time.  I don’t like the constant availability, or the dependence people place on them.  Right now I have a phone that is pre-paid and doesn’t do anything but make and receive calls.  There is a calculator that I use to do gas mileage in the car at fill ups but other than that, there is no camera, touch screen or internet.

It is good to have around when I go to the store for my wife and she needs something else that was not on the list.  It may be good to have around in an emergency but I have not needed it because I carry tools in my car and can fix most things with a set of open end wrenches, channel lock pliers a screwdriver, duct tape, and my personal favorite, zip ties.  If it were not for the fact that I needed to be constantly available while waiting for my daughters kidney transplant I may have gotten rid of the phone altogether.

It bugs the living hell out of me when my dad calls from his house on his cell phone to my cell phone at my house.  I don’t even answer anymore.  I call him back on the house phone.

I am not necessarily against having a phone to communicate but the whole prestige and snottiness of these iPhone users, Blackberry etc. bothers the hell out of me.  Take this for example.  My daughter is 9 years old and in 3rd grade.  There are several, read again, SEVERAL kids that have cell phones.  Their parents allow them to have the phone.  They are the higher end phones.  It is a bunch of bull.  They pretend that they are better than the other kids and hold it over their heads.

I will not be giving my 9 year old a cell phone that works.  There is no way that she needs it.  There is no reason for anyone in elementary school to need a cell phone.  They Cause problems, Texting is the devils new tool of destruction.  I do not have the ability to text message.  I don’t want it.

I am not so sure that I even like you reading this on your iPhone or android enabled device.  I like my computer.  The big one.  I am tired of people being able to be in constant communication or on the internet.  Screw it all, I am going fishing.

Got a comment? The comment section is open at the bottom, be aware you may get a guest post out of it!

-Justin

Mar 212012
 

Travel raises questions!

When in Italy, blend in

Is it time for lunch yet?

A Cantankerous Old Coot is inclined to be set in his ways. It’s not exactly a job requirement. It just seems to work out that way. Maybe it’s the number of miles on the odometer that makes you finally decide that what you are used to is what needs to happen. Maybe the mind gets rigid and fixated over time. Maybe it’s a personality disorder. I can’t explain. All I can say is that somewhere along the line I decided that some things are right and others are not and that I’m not the one that needs to change.

I never gave it much thought but lately I pretty much knew the way things ought to go, what ought to happen and how I like things to be. I have been around the block. All the years invested in life have left me feeling pretty comfortable that I have life all figured out. No need now to make any changes or consider alternatives. But then I had to complicate things and travel to a foreign country.

Those foreign countries are different.

Let’s face it. Foreign countries are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you will find. To start off, foreign countries are full of foreigners and foreigners have odd behaviors, odd systems and as the icing on the cake, most of them speak a foreign language even though they may call it English. I’ve just returned from Italy where they do speak a foreign language and I have to say that if a country has to speak a foreign language, Italian seems like a pretty good choice. It is lyrical to listen to, has lots of cognates and many Italians know enough English to get you by with basic needs. Besides, Italians seem to like people and want to help. Language was an obstacle but not a problem. Nothing odd at all about foreigners speaking a foreign language. I can live with people speaking Italian.

It’s their priorities! 

What shook this Coot up was some other odd things Italians do. They don’t think that commercial activity is all important. They shut down at noon and don’t open up until after 3:00. They throw away three hours of good selling time. What a waste. In America, we pretty much expect a store to be open all the time, even 24 hours. Nothing odd about that. After all the customer is always right and so whenever the customer wants to buy something, the store should be open to sell it. It makes perfect sense. Italians, however,  see it differently.

Don’t mess lunch! 

They like their lunch hour- or three. The stores open at a reasonable time- say 9:00 in the morning and then stay open until noon when they close for lunch. Lunch can be until 3:00 or 3:30 and then they open again until 6:00 when it’s time to get ready for dinner. They don’t actually eat until 8:00 but they have to get ready. There is a definite sense of priorities here and it is not selling that last damn widget.

It looks odd at first.

They all look so good.

Dinner isn't until 8:00

To a tourist fresh off the plane, this whole commercial schedule seems lunatic. We can’t imagine setting up a business for the convenience of the store owner and not the customer. We can’t figure out what to do in that empty time slot when the store is closed. It is maddening to throw away good hours in the middle of the day when money could change hands, profits could be made and people could be working. To an American, the waste of time and resources is appalling. No wonder Italy is not a world power. It’s very odd, at least until you stay in Italy for a while..

Somewhere about the fifth day in Italy, a seismic shift happens. The world starts to look different. You begin to tell yourself, “What’s the hurry?” All the rushing around seeing things, the frantic urgency of checking items off the list begins to raise questions. What is the point of pushing yourself to fatigue and dealing daily with sore muscles and aching bones when you can kick back and enjoy life. After all, this is a vacation and not a work assignment. There is nobody to please except yourself.

Oddly, it stopped seeming odd. 

I soon discovered that there was nothing I needed to buy during those three hours. If I don’t manage to buy it later, I’ll figure out something else to use. I can make do or just do without. No need to rush my digestion or move away from the sunny campo. I might even take a nap. By this time, it was hard to remember what was so important anyway or where I put my list. Italians may not get much done but they sure have a good time not doing it.

So back in the states trying to make sense of my time in Italy and put my life back in order, I’m struggling to regain my old priorities. I still know that a country like Italy is odd with its emphasis  on personal time and the joys of a leisurely lunch and I’m not about to change my opinion. After 70 years, that old American drive is there to stay. I do admit to wavering some about which lifestyle is better. Somehow, it seems to me that an unbiased appraisal might suggest that the American way is not the best after all but I’m not going there. It’s nearly noon and I can think about it over a glass of wine or two after I eat lunch.

Enhanced by Zemanta
Mar 182012
 

It’s all over!

In Justin's kettlebell studio

I’m talking about the vacation- not the Coots News Service.  Darn!  The vacation is over and it’s time to get back to the old grind. I’m not even rested yet.  Still, I have to thank Justin for stepping up with the news reports while I was away playing. I don’t take this effort lightly.  It can’t have been easy on him to pick up the slack after years with his feet up in the back office.  I know he has a lot on his plate as a stay at home Dad with a serious kettlebell fixation but he definitely delivered the goods this time.

He had six stories!

That’s seis if you happen to be in Italy which, of course I was just last week. The man knows how to deliver. He does have four kids after all. If he weren’t the boss, I’d suspect that he is after my job. Not only that, he got comments out of Ella and Amy, something I have never accomplished. If I didn’t know about Justin’s aversion to actually doing the work, I’d be worried.

Still, Cantankerous Old Coots is all about making customers happy so long as it doesn’t involve compromising our standards so it’s only fair to ask our readers to vote their preference for the COC news correspondant. Let us know who you want to find the weeks best stories to keep our readers au currant and cutting edge. Share your feelings in a comment or if you hesitate to associate yourself in any public way to our site, vote in our survey. We promise that no one will ever know you were here. But first, here is this weeks CNS report.

Germany has problems – again. 

It's not easy to put out the trash

It’s probably because I just got back from Europe that I was drawn to the first story. It’s from Gernany but I think that envronmental craziness has infected Italy as well (expect more about this later). A few weeks back I reported that Germany was going bankrupt- not from bailing out Greece but by building solar energy facilities. The big problem is that everybody forgot that the sun don’t shine in Germany so there is very little output from these wonderful, state of the art facilities and they are driving the cost of electricity through the roof. This week, it seems that there are problems with other German environmental wacko programs that Germany has espoused contrary to reason and judgement.(Do you ever wonder why we always think that Germans are smart?)  For example, they make you seperate trash four ways and then just destroy all four in the same way (except for token amounts of recycling.) Water conservation has meant that the sewer systems do not self clean and the water savings must be used to flush them periodically to eliminate serious bad ordors. Mercury pollution is introduced into the homes from the energy saving lightbulbs mandated by the state and the air tight new insulation standards have caused mold to grow everywhere it shouldn’t. Environmentalizm is causing an ecological nightmare in Germany.

Germany’s Failing Environmental Projects 

People who shop in organic grocery stores, eat a vegan diet or drive an electric car are free to do so. But this should not give them the right to lecture others on the environmentally correct way to live their lives. Things are sometimes more complicated than they seem at first glance.

Newspapers in the news.

Back home, in a story near and dear to the CNS, we find that the newpaper business is collapsing. Print newspapers are an endangered species, apparently unprotected by the EPA and they struggle to survive by charging for online content. It all seems like a questionable strategy to this Coot. I can’t imagine how long CNS would stay wround if we depended on readers to pay for our insights. Still there may be hope in nich marketing.

Bleak outlook for US newspapers 

” newspapers also still have some unique content to draw readers in, from sports to local politics. He added: “Obituaries are a good thing. You’re not going to find out whether your friends are alive or dead any place else.” 

So that’s the CNS report for this week but before you forget, take a moment and leave a comment telling us which correspondent you prefer- Justin or yours truly.  Or just answer the survey question.  We aim to make it painless so that we can deliver the customer satisfaction you have come to expect from CNS.

Who do you prefer to deliver the CNS news report?

  • Find somebody good! (67%, 2 Votes)
  • Ralph (33%, 1 Votes)
  • Justin (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 3

Loading ... Loading ...
Enhanced by Zemanta