Apr 162012
 

Hey Folks!  It is about time there was another podcast here on Cantankerous Old Coots.  I know it has been a while, sorry about that but we are back with a slightly more refined and professional format!

[powerpress]

Check out these links from the podcast:

  1. Cantankerous Old Coots University,
  2. Cantankerous Old Coots Mailing list,
  3. Justins deals and offers mailing list
  4. Ask a Coot!

Thanks for listening, Tune in again next week for more Cantankerousness!

-Justin

Apr 152012
 

The end of sex in Sweden

Fragaria vesca close-up 1

Fragaria vesca close-up 1 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s the end of the world as we know it once again. This time has nothing to do with the Aztek calendar. It’s not some made up fantasy. This time it is serious. Sweden has decided to eliminate sex.

It was always strange to me growing up that Sweden (the home of my father’s forebears) epitomized sex during my formative years. The closest I got to this seathing hotbed of Swedish sexuality was movies. American movies only suggested that there was something called sex. If you wanted to know more, it took a trip to the ‘art’ theater where the topic was flaunted in European films particularly Swedish ones like Wild Strawberries and I am curious yellow. Sweden was known for sexy women like Anita Eckberg and it was every teenaged boy’s dream that his parents would engage a Swedish au pair to watch his younger siblings.

That was then but apparently all that is water under the bridge because Sweden has declared an end to sex. From now on no more male and female. No more he (hon) and she (han). From now on no matter what your sex you will be hen.  From now on, Swedish sex kittens will be unisex.  Where’s the fun with that?

Sweden’s New Gender-Neutral Pronoun: Hen

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Apr 082012
 

Down with consistency!

hobgoblins abound

Nothing to fear

They tell you that consistency is  the hobgoblin of small minds- whatever that is supposed to mean. We can’t be bothered by consistency here at Cantankerous Old Coots. One reason is that by the time you get into your dotage like this Coot, consistency is out of the question. I have done so many things in so many ways that practicing consistency would mean complete paralysis.

So today, Up with Inconsistency. 

The Coot’s News Service is a perfect example of inconsistency. We’ve reported good news. We’ve reported bad news. We have even reported no news. There is no question that CNS is not burdened with any hobgoblins, small though our minds may be. We go all over the map for our news report each week. The news stories today are no exception.  Today we’ve got News you can use.

Most news is useless. 

Most of the time news is titillating but essentially useless. You may be interested in a story about a military jet crashing into an apartment complex but aside from the fact that it wasn’t your apartment complex, you are no better off reading it. Newspapers, TV newscasts and the entire content of CNN and Fox News do nothing to make your life better. They sure won’t make you happy and there is nothing you can do to affect any of it anyway.  Bottom line, the time you spend watching or reading is a total waste of your time.

Today’s CNS is a game changer.

Today’s stories actually provide useful, actionable information that, acted upon can change your life for the better. Take this first story.

All Academic Fields of Study, Ranked by Realness

These days picking a major in college can be very difficult, with all the new categories. How can you pick a field of study that actually contains real, useful information that might actually prepare you to provide value to an employer? Use this handy guide to keep your college education real and avoid courses that contain only empty calories and leave you holding a big student loan debt when you can’t get a job.  Choose wisely!

The next story is valuable only to residents of my state of California who live in constant denial of reality. Californian’s are brainwashed from birth to believe that the way things are in California is the way things ought to be. The group think, government overreach and lack of accountability are accepted as good and the sniping from lesser states is dismissed as mere envy. Californian’s are blind to the truth of their own dysfunction and refuse to accept that Americans despise California and all it stands for.

Americans Hate California Even More Than They Hate New Jersey

There is probably nothing that can wake California from it’s mindless self worship unless and until the 30 percent that can still think for themselves take what resources the state has let them keep and moves out. Dream on California.

Take the stories today and make your life better. If you still believe that a college degree makes you more valuable then at least pick a major that is reality based. And for your own sake build your life in a state with a future. Leave California and head for New Jersey.

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Apr 022012
 
A fishing icon.
Image via Wikipedia

Sunday was Father’s Day.  The great day when we honor our fathers and try to come up with something meaningful for a gift.  My 10 year old made a plaster mold of an apple that she was very excited about.  They can’t make ashtray’s in school any more.  I did manage to curtail the sarcasm and embrace the meaning of the gift as well as toss some change in it.

I love my kids and they are a lost of fun, and a great source of frustration and cantankerosity.  If you are ever going to be a real Cantankerous Old Coot, you must have kids, they bring out that certain…something that you just can’t get organically.

So on Sunday, Fathers Day, I get to do what I want right?  Well I wanted to sleep all day but that wasn’t happening so I went to my backup, Fishing.  Always ready to go fishing.  I did need to get my little boat ready and set up so we could take it.  This is where I start to notice I am turning into my father.  I have avoided that for almost 36 years but it is now coming on me.

I was busy getting things from my shed to put in the boat and was trying to get my 7 year old to help me.  You know important things like seats, or life jackets, or gas for the motor.  it was getting hot, and I actually said to my son, “If your not going to help just get the hell out of the way!”  Wow, that is what my dad used to say to me.

After the third or fourth time I had to stop and think “Stop it!” I took a breath and tried to reset and pull away from that black hole of A-type personality that has my Dad at the center of it like some evil emperor sitting on a throne of my crushed dreams and abandoned hopes.

I really don’t want to burden my kids that way.  I would like to leave them hopes and dreams as they grow.  While that may not be very Cantankerous, it will at least keep my kids close to the family.

I finally got everything together all the while muttering under my breath very cootishly.  Eventually we hit the lake and got actually fishing.  I took my son out for the first round and he “fished”  and darn near caught something in his first 10 minutes.

Me? I was fighting the boat in the wind and the waves so my pole sat in the rod holder and bent with the speed of the boat.  Eventually I swapped my son for my daughter who didn’t want to fish until I told her I would leave her in the middle of the lake to swim back unless she fished.  She fished.

Didn’t catch anything with her either.  I still had a great time out on the water fishing with my kids.  I know they will be out on their own way too fast and these are important times.  I also wish they would be some sort of luck when it came to fishing.

My dad always caught twice as many as I did even using the same bait.  I can’t wait until I hit that point.

Then maybe I wont have to load everything back up by myself and mutter again at how much crap we need to take.

Have a good one, Coots lesson #6 is up for Friday and Ralph has a great cantankerous rant for Monday.  Look for Coots products coming soon!

-Justin

Apr 012012
 

Have you been fooled today?

sporting index april fool

sporting index april fool (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

Don’t feel let down or left out because the Coot’s News Service is here to help with our April Fools Day Edition of CNS- Headline News.

It’s April Fools Day.

To celebrate the Coots News Service presents a plethora of stories today. I can’t help loving that word plethora. It is so much fun to mouth that laws should be passed to make sure people use it frequently. It means ‘ a bunch of’ so make a note to self that every time you think about saying ‘a bunch of’ you say plethora instead. Your mouth will thank you and your friends will be impressed at your erudition.  But I digress.

Moving along to the news, my original thought was to make up a news story in honor of the day and then confess at the end that it was merely an April Fools joke. What I discovered is that making up a news story is hard work so today’s post is a compromise. Only one of the stories today is made up. The task for our faithful readers this April Fools Day is to guess which story is false and the reason you know it to be false. There is a bonus for identifying the true story contributed by our very own Coot, Bob who, uncharacteristically put in extra hours this week.

So examine these headlines carefully. There will be no links to the news stories since those links would reveal which story is a fake. Instead post your guess in the comments and then check back tomorrow to find out if you are correct. The winner will receive a certificate of honorary Coot-hood and an interview by yours truly so don’t miss this opportunity for fame.

Now for the stories.

The first story involves animals, actually several animals attacking a lone hiker.

Man claims attack by lion, saved by a bear

In the second story we have a jogger threatened by a predatory animal

Predator Shocks Jogger

The third story tells how the Subway Foot-long has become an endangered species in San Francisco

$5 FOOTLONGS CUT SHORT IN SAN FRANCISCO

And finally, a developer in New York City plans an apartment building taller than the World Trade Center.

432 Park Avenue Will Reach 1,397 Feet, Taller Even Than the World Trade Center

Put on your thinking caps and tell me which of the stories is a fake. Bonus points tie-breaker if you can tell which story was contributed by Bob. Check back tomorrow for the answer and discover who is our next honorary Coot.

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