Up with Wolves

 Posted by at 06:02  Up With
Dec 262012
 
Wolves Eating with Dominance Display

Image by Douglas Brown via Flickr

Just a minute!

Justin keeps us level headed around the old Cantankerous Old Coots campfire. Sometimes when the old cantankerous spirit starts moving me it just carries me away like those rampaging mountain streams up the hill from the old homestead. Sometimes I just let the spirit take me on a wild detour. I go with the flow, get my mojo working and ride the rapids into a dead end. (That was every cliché I could remember but if I missed any, please leave a comment because in my book, you can never have enough cliches.) So, as Justin reminds me, I got carried away about sheep lately. It’s time to move on.

Sheep are a fact of life.

But that doesn’t mean you let them take charge.  Like so many other uncontrollables today, sheep are both a problem and an opportunity. While sheep may not contribute to the dialogue here at Cantankerous Old Coots or anyplace else for that matter, if we intend for COC to dominate the blogosphere, we can’t do it without the support of sheep. There are just too many of them.

It’s a known fact that the population today is 95% sheep- probably more. You can’t have a successful blog if you bash 95% of your potential audience. But I can be dense. I was missing that point, being all engaged with my sheep fixation. Justin, however, was on top of the situation. He was watching our course while I scuttled the ship. Fortified from his early morning kettle bell meditation and smelling of baby powder, he stepped in to put things right .

Justin sounds a wake up call.

“Get your mind back on track.” He signaled subtly. “Sheep are the bread and butter here at COC, stop beating them up and focus on wolves.”

I hate to admit Justin’s brilliance because there is always payback. He runs a tight ship. I may have to eat crow in the staff meetings and do menial tasks for the next month but it’s better than chasing sheep around the pasture.  The truth is obvious.  There is no future in sheep. They are either maddening or invisible. Neither is any fun even when  you get to pick which you prefer. Justin counsels to pick invisible and I am forced to agree. (We’d ask Bob but he’s still looking for clean underwear.) So the consensus here at COC is that from now on sheep will be invisible. We know they are out there. We know that they constitute at least 95% of our potential audience. We know that if they do read COC, they won’t comment or fill out our surveys. We also know that even the most stubborn sheep will read COC from time to time and we are OK with that. We just aren’t going to tailor our communications to sheep.

The future is wolves.

Wolves are the new media darlings whether in Yellowstone Park or in the blogosphere. Wolves are restoring the ecosystems wherever they are re-introduced. I don’t doubt that a few wolves introduced into the right environment can solve all the world’s problems. Global warming- add wolves and make it better. Not enough jobs. Introduce wolf packs into the workplace to thin down the overpopulation. So if wolves are the future, COC is going to the wolves too.  Are you coming along with us?  We are safer in a crowd.

 

 

Dec 262012
 

The word is pain!

A Buenos Aires Taxi

It didn’t take this Coot long to find something he doesn’t like about Buenos Aires. You know how it goes. You discover something great that make life better and lightens your day. But then you find that it has a flaw- and not just a minor flaw that you can excuse and joke about but a major one that you notice every time you use it and causes you to look and feel foolish as well as experiencing pain. You use the damned thing because you need it but you go through hell every time.

The thing that continues to bug me here in Buenos Aires even though our trip would be much less enjoyable if they didn’t exist is the taxi’s. I hate to complain because there is so much positive about the cabs. To begin with, they are everywhere and easy to hail when you need one. Where ever we go. At whatever time we are out we can find a taxi. Not only that, they are inexpensive. They aren’t as cheap as the Subte (subway) but you don’t have to stand while you ride and they are much cooler. Pounding the pavement following my photographer wife can be grueling and when you can’t face riding the Subte, the taxi’s are a quick way home.

The taxi’s are wonderful. With many fine features, they do make getting around sprawling Buenos Aires manageable but those feature come at a cost. I really do appreciate the Buenos Aires taxi’s but each time I use one I pay dearly. It is agony to get in and out of one. Maybe it’s no problem for your average Portano. It is a big problem for a tall, old Coot with some pain in the knee joints. Getting in and out of the darn things is painful and time consuming because the back doors are built for midgets with tiny feet.

Just a bit of background on the Buenos Aires taxi’s. They are all black and yellow with the same paint job even though there are multiple taxi companies. They are all four door vehicles but can be any make. We have seen Chevy’s, VW’s, Peugeot’s, Citroen’s, and other I can’t identify. They are all uncomfortably small with doors that don’t leave room for my big feet or room to get my knees out of the way. If you are tall it is a problem to get in and out but if you have any joint pain, it is torture.

Over time I have developed better techniques but they aren’t pretty. Sometimes I can lie back and swivel my feet in the air to get them out of the door. Other times it is a long shuffle while I manually maneuver my feet through the tiny space provided. It isn’t fun or graceful and it is never painless. I have no idea whether the Argentine government specifies the size of the doors. What I do know is that whatever the make of the taxi, the doors are the same inadequate size. There is no reason to discriminate when you are looking for a taxi because whichever one one pick will be uncomfortably small. I do know that if I found one with a bigger door, the driver would get all my business.

 

 

 

Dec 132012
 

My fellow Coots, I have a question for you.

How come only rich people get free stuff on TV?

When reading Jenn’s post about being unable to relate to motivators who are nothing like you, I got to thinking. This is kind of out in left field from what her post says, but the sentiment is similar.

Have you ever noticed that, on most home decorating or fashion-based shows, the people featured on the shows are well-off? They may not be rich, but they always look to me like someone who doesn’t really “need” the help on a financial level. As someone who grew up so poor that I’m embarrassed to even talk about it, this really pisses me off.

On What Not To Wear, people with poor fashion sense are surprised by the show and then have their personal style mocked by the show’s hosts. It’s bitchy, but hey – that’s fashion. Usually the person being featured on that episode of the show has plenty of clothing – a nice full closet and maybe a few dressers’ worth of items. Not only do the hosts throw out the bulk of a person’s wardrobe, but they then turn around and hand the “fashion victim” a few thousand dollars to go replace those clothes. The castoff clothing gets thrown in a large garbage can, which I’m sure is partially for dramatic effect. I know those clothes are usually what I’d call “pig ugly”, but I still cringe a little every time I see it.

I’ve never seen or heard it mentioned, however, whether those clothes wind up being recycled or donated to people in need. Even if they’re deemed too hideous or damaged for people to wear in public, surely those clothes can be used for other things.  They could easily become blankets, jacket linings or pillow stuffing – and those aren’t even really creative ideas.  I also take some offense at the fact that, when seeing these people’s homes during the “throwing out” portion of the show, they don’t look like they’re poor. Financing a new wardrobe is expensive for everyone but the incredibly wealthy, and I get that. But just once, I’d like to see some poor unfortunate soul get the big fancy makeover and after-party instead of someone who doesn’t necessarily need it. Imagine how much further that new haircut and shopping spree could go for some recovering welfare mom, or minimum-wage worker trying to improve their lot in life.

One particular What Not to Wear makeover sticks out in my mind – I’m pretty sure the “fashion victim” that episode was a college professor. If someone with an advanced degree dresses like crap, let them hire a personal shopper for a day. Save the money and the airtime for someone who needs it. Never mind the fact that teachers classically don’t get paid that well, no matter what advanced degrees they have. That professor had a job, and a good one at that – let her replace her spandex bike shorts on her own dime.

Fashion shows aren’t the only ones that fall into this trap. With the exception of Extreme Makeover:Home Edition, most of the home decorating or renovation shows operate under the same premise. On Trading Spaces, I remember the people always had nice single homes – and from the looks of their neighborhoods, probably did well enough to be able to afford home renovations. Same with Design on a Dime, Clean House, and so on. I understand that the premise is more about the educational tips, but just once I’d like to see those shows head into a less-well-off area.

With the millions of Americans living in poor or impoverished conditions – especially now that so many people can’t afford to buy a new home or finance big-ticket repairs – those TV dollars would go so much further helping out people in need. Instead of the show’s hosts/helpers complaining about having to build a piece of furniture to hold that fancy new TV – how about you go to someone’s house where they need something repaired? Instead of painting a mural on someone’s bedroom ceiling, help a poor family fix their leaky roof.

Maybe people don’t want to see the hard-luck human interest stories all the time, and I understand that. TV is supposed to be entertainment, and an escape. You don’t want to sit there on your comfy couch marveling at how some poverty-line family gets by and feeling like a jerk for not donating more to charity every year. But damn, people. There could be a little something for those people. Once in a while. Failing that, just once.

Down with California

 Posted by at 06:13  Down with
Dec 132012
 
Santa Monica Freeway (Interstate 10), eastboun...
Image via Wikipedia

“California invented the concept of lifestyle. This alone warrants their doom.” Don DeLillo

I chose California

I wasn’t born in California. Missouri gets that honor. But I have lived in California long enough that nowhere else can claim my allegiance. When I came to California, and Los Angeles in particular, it was like dying and going to heaven. I hated the years I spent in the provincial East gagging on their cultural pretension and I had been desperate in my youth to escape the conventionalism of my midwest home. My take on California was that it was the midwestern idea of heaven. It had all the virtues of midwestern lifestyle with none of the drawbacks. You could buy anything you wanted, anytime and anywhere and the climate was perfect. No snow, except in the mountains where it was useful for skiing. Very little annoying rain with the necessary water being imported from elsewhere. There was culture but no pretension. There were great schools, great roads and parking anywhere you needed it -for free. What was not to like?

California Dreaming

Even then, in 1970, when I would drive the Santa Monica Freeway to the beach, I remember looking at the Hollywood Hills and thinking how fantastic LA must have been in the 40’s or 50’s. Raymond Chandler was in the air. Still, even in paradise, life happens and I lost myself in the excitement of marriage, family and job. Gradually the spirit of California began to change. The can do, pioneer attitude became a feeling of ‘I’ve got mine. Too bad for you.” Politicians began to turn on the automobile which made LA possible. Jerry Brown, when he became governor stopped building freeways because building more freeways just encouraged more cars. This insight led him to limit other infrastructure investments as well. In the 70’s California was at the top of all states in infrastructure and driving the freeways was pleasure. Today after 30 years of neglect, it is near the bottom in every category despite having the highest taxes in the country and the the LA freeways are a bad joke.

Starve Infrastructure, Feed Politicians!

You might wonder where all that money, not being spent on infrastructure, went. If not spending money on infrastructure means low taxes, maybe the private sector would step in the fill the void and make California even better. Alas, Jerry Brown and his political hack friends had a better Idea for using that money. They created a new class of professional politicians, well supported with high pay for political service either on an elected basis or on appointed commissions. Today, California is run by the highest paid bunch of political hacks the world has ever known. They have no worries and no accountability even when they are incapable and unwilling to perform the normally expected tasks. California is bankrupt in everything but name. The economy is wrecked. Businesses are leaving due to the high tax burden and wretched services but the political class is unworried. With an education system that teaches kids that they are wonderful without ever having to earn their way, voters want their legislators to care, not to manage and so they continue to elect them. Politicians can’t balance a budget but they can ban supermarkets from giving you a plastic bag. They know what is important. Currently they are debating the earth-shattering concern about aluminum bats which might be dangerous for little league rs. We may not have jobs in California but our kids will be safe.

Time to give up on California?

It is a tough dilemma for someone who remembers what California used to be before the politicians sucked it dry. How bad does it have to get before you give up on the golden state? And where can you go? Can California wake up and slough off the leeches that suck it dry? I have my doubts. I’m afraid that it is too late and that there is too much denial from native Californians schooled on the feel good philosophy pervading the culture. Then again look who is running for governor again this year – Jerry Brown. I don’t know what there is left for him to wreck but it does have me worried. Missouri starts to look better all the time.

Down with jogging!

 Posted by at 04:55  Down with
Dec 032012
 
USMC Marathon
Image via Wikipedia
“It’s unnatural for people to run around city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog out after them.” Mike Royko

Jogging is just wrong!

There is just something terribly wrong about jogging. The only time it makes sense is when trying to escape from some pending danger like maybe your kid’s birthday party or your mother-in-laws visit. Any other time it just courts disaster. First, I don’t believe the human body was designed to run because if it were, humans would look a whole lot different. For example, no other humanoid runs on two legs. If they want to get somewhere fast they go down on all fours like all the other running animals. Just because of our insistence on standing upright we suffer back problems all the time. Now compound that with jolting the spine and bouncing a heavy head while running. Nothing good can possible come from all that stress. For that reason I contend that running is just plain bad for the body. Walking or standing is enough strain for a spine designed for horizontal activity. Add to that the pounding on knee and ankle joints and you have a recipe for total disability. It wears me out just thinking about it. Why do people do it? It is simple and obvious.  Humans are a perverse and destructive species.

Then there is the madness of marathons

Sprints or laps are bad enough but then there are the few that are the crazy (and I mean that literally) people who run marathons. Maybe there was some justification for the first one. The Greeks didn’t have cellphones or even automobiles and there was an urgent message to relay. They didn’t have much choice.   Send a runner! Nowadays there is absolutely no good reason to run 26 miles unless you are mad as a hatter. Today only masochists would put their bodies through all that stress just to gloat about their pis poor judgment.  These are fools, bragging to the smarter people who have better things to do. It is not just the time wasted in actually running the marathon and then recovering from the damage it does to the body. No, on top of the 4 to 8 hours of torture invested in running the marathon, these fools put in months training their bodies to withstand the malicious torture that a marathon inflicts. If they made other people run marathons, we could lock them up as misanthropic, sadistic torturers. Since they do it to themselves, we have to give them a pass. There is just no nice way to put it. It is an intelligence problem. I am convinced that marathon runners are either missing some critical component of intelligence or were tortured and insecure as children.  Nothing else makes sense.

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