Down with Google +1

 Posted by at 09:38  Down with
Mar 192013
 
COOL

Image by marc falardeau via Flickr

 

I’m no whiner like Bob.

Sometimes, though, you just have to tell it like it is. The world is just not fair. Some people are ‘Cool’ and some people are not. I thought that those days were long over for me, I mean worrying about being ‘Cool’. I know it might be hard to believe but back in high school, I wasn’t cool. In those days, there were two kinds of kids.- the ‘Cool’ ones and the rest. I was one of the rest. I never knew what it was like to be ‘Cool’. I had to guess but it sure looked good to me. The ‘Cool’ kids all hung our together doing ‘Cool’ things and the rest of us watched. Most of my high school fantasies involved somehow being mistaken for one of the ‘Cool’ kids. Well it never happened.

Going through life, being ‘Cool’ faded in importance the farther I got from high school. At work, it wasn’t so important being cool. In fact, sometimes to my delight being ‘Cool’ was a disadvantage for my competition. Over time, I forgot about my painful high school years. I still wasn’t ‘Cool’ but it didn’t keep me from being moderately successful in life. My kids knew but it really didn’t matter because even ‘Cool’ parents aren’t ‘Cool’ to their kids. I coped. The scars healed and I was able to pretend that it was never really very important. Then I started blogging.

UnCool Redux. 

Before long, I was in the same sorry state as when I started high school. I didn’t know anybody. I didn’t know where anything was. And once again, the world was divided into two groups- the ‘Cool’ kids like Darren and Leo and the rest. It’s pretty much the same hopeless state of mind because what separates the ‘Cool’ from the unCool is stuff you can’t learn – at least I can’t figure it out. In high school, the ‘Cool’ guys were the jocks, the cheerleaders and the student government smooth talkers. Band geeks like me just didn’t qualify.

 So what makes ‘Cool’ guys ‘Cool’?

It is stlll a mystery to me what makes a ‘Cool” blogger ‘Cool. The ‘Cool’ bloggers aren’t necessarily great looking. They have other qualities that set them apart. The trouble is that those qualities are hard to identify and harder to learn. It isn’t the number of words that they write. It is that in those words they manage to touch their readers. You can’t bottle that skill and sell it (although number of the ‘Cool’ bloggers try and us unCool bloggers are willing to buy). It’s like that Supreme Court Justice said about pornography. He can’t define it but he know it when he sees it. Because it is so hard to identify the difference, the Blogging Gods invented Google and on the web, you know that guys are ‘Cool’ when Google tells you the are Cool’.

Well, I’m still not ‘Cool’.

These days with all the social media like Facebook and Twitter it’s easy to build up a following. They may all be band geeks just like me but it takes a little effort find that out.  After getting my feet wet I began to feel comfortable with social media. Facebook and Twitter were great. Why add any more? But then I started hearing about Google +1. It sounded ‘Cool’. I wanted to find out.

But it is by invitation only.

That’s why I’m so upset withGoogle and their new Googlie +1. At first I just dismissed it as another Social Media site. I told myself why bother. I’ve already got friends. But the buzz got stronger. People talked about how it was different from Facebook, how it gave your community different dimensions. I was intrigued. Then the enchanting Guy Kawasaki posted about it. I read the post and decided to investigate. Maybe I could still be ‘Cool’. Maybe I could even be part of Guy;s community, The old high school freshman in me was still working. I wanted to belong with the cool kids.

So the problem is that Google +1is by invitation only and I’m not invited. Sure, Guy is “Cool’ and he says jump right on board. But he didn’t mention, that you have to be ‘Cool’ to do it. Google rubbed my nose right in it when I requested to join, “Maybe later.” they told me. “We are still working out the kinks.” Well, I know what that means. It mean that I’m not ‘Cool’ and everybody knows it. Google didn’t even have to check. They knew that if I was cool enough for Google+1, I’d already have been invited.

 

 

Mar 192013
 
Jack Russell Terrier

Image by ikuman via Flickr

OK…I’m fat chubby overweight, I admit it. So? That doesn’t mean I deserve the discomfort of The Dog Days, the hottest, most sultry days of summer…and those days are here, with a vengeance.

If God meant man to be hot during June, July, August, or any other month for that matter, He wouldn’t have invented Rheem, Carrier, and Trane.

My dog, Jackie, agrees wholeheartedly. She is miserable. Normally the heat wouldn’t bother her…hell, normally NOTHING bothers her…but right now she tries to climb into the refrigerator every time I open the door to get more lemonade.

Heat…cold…wet…nothing usually bothers Jackie. She’s a mix of pit bull, Jack Russell terrier, and plain ‘ol hound, and she is about as laid back as a dog gets.

Don’t get me wrong…the Jack Russell in her gives her energy…a LOT of energy. I’ve often thought I might find a friend who takes valium and borrow some to give Jackie…she has WAY too much energy for an old fart like me…but her attitude is really laid back. Nothing upsets her, nothing disturbs her.

Usually.

But then, she usually isn’t pregnant. And she was pregnant. Very pregnant. Note I said she “was” pregnant. Until 3:30am last Wednesday.

Now she is not pregnant. Now she is a mommy…a brand new first time mommy. Septuplets. In this heat. She told me to tell y’all that these days are badly misnamed. As a dog, she sees nothing about these hot days to make them appeal to a dog, so she wants us to quit calling them “Dog Days”. She thinks they ought to be called “Idiot Days” because only an idiot would like ‘em.

I agree.

She really only has herself to blame though. I had planned to wait until she had her first “heat” and then have her “fixed”. The problem is, the horny little hussy got pregnant at her first opportunity.

In addition to being a horny hussy, either her vision is bad or she has TERRIBLE taste in boyfriends. If the daddy is the dog I think he is, he is the dog version of Mortimer Snerd…in looks AND intellect. Of course, I probably shouldn’t be talking about lack of intellect right now…I AM the one who wasn’t smart enough to keep a dog inside or on a leash while she was in heat…


Anyway…I just wanted to introduce to the recent additions around here. I don’t subscribe to the old adage to not name an animal you are going to be getting rid of. I used to have a small goat dairy, and I always put the little bucks in the freezer when they were about 4 months old, and I named them too.

BBQ #1, BBQ #2, BBQ #3…

In that vein, I’ve named these as well, despite the fact I’m not keeping any. Free Gift #1, Free Gift #2, etc. In six weeks I’ll be spending a week outside the local Wally World on a Saturday, giving away puppies.

Any of y’all need the address to the Wal Mart in Jasper, GA?

EDIT:  Ralph wanted a picture, so…


 

  • Dogs on your ears (doggies.com)
  • Dog has four legs; not dob-bites-man story (josephfclark.wordpress.com)
Mar 192013
 

“We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that it is not true.” Robert Wilensky

Coots are modest human beings. We don’t hold high regard for our intelligence or marketing skills. That appraisal is reinforced daily when we check for comments here at our blog or review the reader stats. We are not about to produce literary genius here. There will be no Coot Sonnets pledging our unrequited love for all time; no epic poems glorifying Coots past. Our only softening in the realm of art is Justin’s sweet kettle bells
playing from time to time.
The web is a circus sideshow full of smoke and mirrors, snake oil and pretense. There is a sucker born every minute and from what we see, they all have blogs. They bought the notion they probably learned in the public school system that they have something to say and even worse that somebody cares. The web makes it easy to indulge that ignorance so here we are today with billions of words  of drivel to wade through each day when we venture into the web.

So the Coot message for today, shared modestly with our small select group of discriminating readers. Spread the word about Coots. Here you won’t find snake oil or smoke and mirrors. What you see is what you get. We don’t know shit! We don’t pretend to know shit! But we have been around the block a few times. We have seen much and we don’t like it. And that’s what we share. We tell it like it is. We call ’em as we see ’em. And we don’t demean our readers by sucking up to them. So if you want straight talk and real opinion, you are in the right place. If you want monkeys writing Shakespeare, try the Huffington Post.  Sign up for our mailing list and you even get priceless lessons on how you can develop your Cootness.  Where else can you get that?

Mar 192013
 

Do you REALLY want the US to be a “poor” nation?  We will be, unless…

You know, President Obama… Along with his minions in Congress (Democrats and Republicans alike) have suddenly decided that the cuts, you know… The cuts that were gonna be caused by the sequester, the cuts that Congress would work hard to avoid by actually getting something done (yeah, right…on what planet will that happen?), the cuts that are’nt really cuts… Are all of a sudden “draconian cuts”.

President Obama’s minions have worked very hard to intentionally make it appear that these horrific cuts will damage the nation, the economy, the poor, and of course… The children.

They always say it’s about the children.

The FDA now tells us that our food will be less safe, because they have to lay off food inspectors. (As if they did any good, anyway).

Anyway, I thought it might be nice to look at exactly how the government decides that these draconian cuts are going to destroy the country… How these draconian cuts are going to make the government less able to function this year than it did last year (as though it actually functioned well last year… NOT!)

Don’t be surprised while you’re watching the video to find out that what the government considers a cut and what real people consider a cut are two dramatically different things.
Here’s a newsflash folks.
 

President Obama, the Senate (including, probably, your senator) the House of Representatives (including, probably, your representative), and every single member of the Obama cabinet can only be described with three words:

bald faced liars.

Folks, you better wake up. You better do something. You better do something now. All you have to do to see where this is headed is look at what happened in Europe already this week. The European Union just ordered the banks and European countries to seize the assets of account owners. In Cyprus, banks were ordered to seize all assets over $35,000.

I suppose in Cyprus. If you have more than $35,000. You’re one of the evil rich.

Now, you have to ask yourself a question:

just how long are you going to put up with this shit?

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Mar 182013
 

This lesson could be the penultimate Coot lesson.  It isn’t, but it could be.  Throughout all of these lessons so far we have been working to promote Cantankerosity.  If you have been following closely you have learned to say what you think and not dither.  You have learned to use sarcasm and the difference between being an angry old fart and a Cantankerous Old Coot.

If you have taken to heart and studied diligently then you are most definitely on you way to Cantankerousness Grasshopper.   This lesson is one way of gauging your final test of Cantankerosity.

Picture if you will the elderly gentleman in a rest home.  He is not wearing pants.  He is railing against Politicians (see this post, and this one).  He is yelling at nurses and doing his best to avoid the orderlies who are trying to cover him.  Does he care?  No!  He continues to run around and yell.

Now you may be saying this man is demented, sick in the head, a victim of Alzheimers disease.  I say No!  He is a Cantankerous Old Coot.  His Cantankerosity has been finely crafted and honed over the course of several years and now, he hides his devilish ways behind insane medical diagnosis’s.

This is our mission, to create a fine figure of Cantankerousness who is not afraid to do exactly what it is they want to.  Pants are optional.  A test of your cantankerous training will not be to parade around without pants (at least for now) but it will be to cultivate the attitude to be able to do so.

Get over your society imposed embarrassment and do something for yourself.  Say what you think.  Do what you think needs to be done.  Be yourself.  Pants are optional.