Cantankerous Old Coots

Down with Spring

Posted by Ralph at 11:03 Uncategorized

Feb 232015

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Spring is over rated.

You dream about it all Winter long and then when it gets here, all it means is more work.

Those long, cold winter months are a real trial. Each day, it seems that the Sun just gets above horizon and it is already setting. You eat breakfast in the dark and it is already night time when you have supper. There are only a few hours of sunlight each day. Then with the Winter storms, you often don’t even get that. All through the Winter, you dream about those first Spring days, the warm breezes, the flowers. It’s barely enough to keep you sane.

Spring is a tease.

She doesn’t just appear. She comes and goes. Maybe you will see a string of warm sunny days early on, catching the early Spring flowers and highlighting their beauty. But then, just as quickly she will disappear . You turn the furnace back on and wonder if Winter will ever go away. And the pattern continues. You think each patch of warm weather will mean no more Winter. Each time, there are a few more flowers, but it is still a day to day thing. Winter holds on tight and the fact that they days are longer only serves to increase the frustration that it’s not warm yet.

Eventually, though, the day begin to stay warm. Buds are popping all over the place. The leaves break out on the trees and flowers are everywhere. Finally you can shut off the furnace and thankfully, it’s not yet time to turn on the air conditioner. Spring is finally here.

Not so fast.

Spring is a devious lass, full of mischief. All the while, she is teasing us with the promise of her charms, she holds back so that we never really get to indulge in the pleasures of warm weather. We get out briefly and then scurry back to the warmth of home when she lets Winter return. So this means that while the plants are gearing up their show, we never get the opportunity to clean up the winter damage and neglect. All those months indoors have left a lot of work to do putting the yard in condition.

So when Sprint finally is here instead of being able to enjoy it, we don’t get to sit around and smell the flowers. That patio furniture sit lonely and unoccupied. Now that the weather is finally nice, there is a big backlog of yard work. It’s going to be Summer before I get caught up.

Coot Lesson 9: Self Editing is not Cantankerous!

Posted by Justin at 11:03 Coots Lessons, Plain 'ol Cantankerous

Feb 232015

While discretion may be the better part of valor, and it will probably save your marriage more than once, that self editing is not cantankerous.

In previous lessons you learned to say what you think and say it when you feel it. This lesson is really no different, just a re-iteration of what should be an ingrained part of your cantankerousness already.

Say what is on your mind and damn the consequences.

America has been proven time and time again to be a great place to live. We have a fantastic Constitution that guarantees Citizens the right to free speech. That has been taken to extremes in the past but it is still a a core value for Americans.

While there are several states that still strive to limit the freedom of speech that Federal law guarantees, the truth is, the pandering, mealy mouthed politicians of this country are trying to play both sides against the middle and make this country a bunch of poofy, we can all get along if we don’t talk to each other mean sissies.

Face it, you are going to piss someone off in your lifetime. Not everyone is going to like you. You will not be friends with everyone. You may be likeable and people will like you, or at least tolerate you but not everyone will. There are people I can’t stand to be around so I don’t associate with them.

The problem comes when you are trying to use this self editing to change your intent or position to try and get everyone to like you. It can’t be done. It is much better to come out and say what you need to say and risk offending people. It will either work out or it won’t. Either way it will feed your cantankerousness.

Sure, you may get in trouble, you may even go to jail, but you are still true to your new cantankerous self. The constitution guarantees it, cantakerousness demands it, but it is still hard to get over that social block that has been beaten into us by our mothers to be nice. Get over it. it will be ok.

I would like to quote John Adams or George Washington here, but I can’t think of anything appropriate so I will settle for Denis Leary. “Life sucks, get a helmet.” That should sum it up nicely. Quit editing yourself and say what you think.

Unless of course it will endanger your marriage or send you to federal prison for what promises to be the “longest night of your life” (Shawshank Redemption, look it up) then, discretion is the better part of valor.

Soldier on good people,

Justin

Head to the Rodeo

Posted by Justin at 11:03 principles, Softer side

Feb 232015

This post isn’t particularly cantankerous but it is my cootish responsibility to mix things up for you lay people. Unpredictability is cantankerous in itself under the right circumstances. That is a subject for a later Coot Lesson. If you don’t like it today, RT this post and leave a comment before waiting until Friday for the next lesson.

Last Friday, I wrote on Catharsis Of The Bogue (my other blog) about unplugging and spending time with your family. That post is here. Last night I took my older kids to the rodeo. It was part of our “Days of 47” celebration which is like founders day here in Salt Lake.

I’ll tell you, we went and watched horses and cows flip guys around and into the dirt and I didn’t think once about blogging or what I had to do when I got home. I didn’t realize it unti llater but it was so good to just be in the moment and to be there with my kids.

This was their first rodeo so they didn’t know what to expect and they were fascinated at what these guys were doing. I have been to several and so I explained to them until I was hoarse what was going on and they dug every minute of that 2 1/2 hours. My 7 year old son didn’t ask once when it was going to be over or when he could watch TV. The large replay screen mayhave helped with that. There was some tech at this rodeo.

It was the first rodeo I had ever been to that started with a laser show. All in all, I highly recommend taking time out from the electronic pursuits and spending some time unplugged. I will always recommend the rodeo. One confession, there was a guy selling shirts there that I talked to about a possible affiliate type collaboration on the net, but that was at intermission so it doesn’t really count.

-Justin

Down with Spring

Posted by Ralph at 11:03 Down with

Feb 232015

It’s no big deal!

People make a big deal out of Spring but I‘ve decided it’s nothing special. There is no perfect season. I should know after all these years. The delights of Spring exist mainly in the imagination just like most all the other good things. Our fantasies are generally wishful thinking about the next season after putting up with the worst of the current season. We long for warm sunny days after the chill of winter. After Summer’s inferno, even winter cold seems appealing.

Then too, modern life makes weather largely irrelevant. With the exception of the occasional blizzard or hurricane, we can pretty much ignore weather. Still, we dream about the perfect Spring day hyped by newspapers, TV and radio. Even when the weather is perfect, we hardly notice. We live in a bubble these days, moving rapidly from one artificial environment to another enduring the brief exposure to nature with mild annoyance.

Sure sign of Spring – Robin – Bird (Photo credit: blmiers2)

Real weather is so lame! Each delight is burdened by some annoying reality. Breathe in the balmy, fragrant Spring air and spend the rest of the day stuffed up with allergies. Lounge on the soft Spring grass and end up with hundreds of bug bites. Take off your shirt to let the pleasant Spring sun warm your skin and end up with your first sunburn of the season. Imagination is much more comfortable than reality.

I prefer fantasy.

We ignore the reality and indulge the ideal. We remember those special days that reflect the best each season offers- the cool summer day after a rainstorm, the first day the daffodils begin to bloom, that Saturday when the leaves show their most brilliant color, the first snow on the mountains. Each of those days is special and makes a statement about the best each season can offer. Unfortunately there are very few of those days- some years not even one- and the rest are a disappointing mixed bag.

A further problem is that Spring is a transition between the cold of Winter and the heat of Summer, it a constant state of flux. What I always want in Spring is just enough warmth so that I enjoy being outdoors. It’s beautiful when the buds are bursting and the spring flowers popping but what I dream of is the balmy temperatures, 90 days of 70 degree days would be perfect. Ideally, Spring would arrive promptly in the early weeks of March with pleasant warmth and last until the end of May. Rain is ok so long as it comes at night leaving the buds and blossoms dewy and fragrant and the days sunny.

Of course, that’s not how it works. We don’t get 90 days of perfect weather. Spring begins with snow and ends with an inferno. At first, it is a tease. Glimmers of warmth, swept away by Winter cold fighting to retain dominance. Showers and sometimes even real thunderstorms come and stay for days at a time. Those perfect days are hard to come by. Then it gets worse.

Winter loses its hold but just when it seems that Spring can finally dominate, Summer engages. We start to get warm or even hot temperatures breaking into those balmy Spring days and as time passes, hot begins to dominate. What ought to be a perfectly delightful period of pleasant temperatures while everything greens up and begins to bloom is a battle zone where moderation first battles cold and when it finally seems to have control is attacked by Summer. It is a time of endless frustration.

Spring is a tease!

So I say down with Spring, that eternal tease that promises so much and gives to little. No wonder we live our lives moving from one artificial environment to another drugged up with antihistamines. With Winter and Summer you know you are going to get unpleasantness and discomfort. You expect to seek refuge in the comforts of your home indulging in the best artificial environments that money can buy. Winter and Summer are honest. Spring, that dewy innocent appearing season which promises so much and delivers so little is a dishonest tramp. That’s the way I see it and right now I can’t wait for the harsh realities of summer. I don’t want any more of Spring’s empty promises. How about you?

Coot Lesson 5- Let your face show what you think.

Posted by Ralph at 11:03 Coots Lessons

Feb 232015

Being Cantankerous is not easy.

I it not easy being a Cantankerous Old Coot. You might think that all you need to learn is how to be rude and obnoxious. You would be very wrong. It is a way of life- a way of seeing the world and when you become a master, there are many skills that come into play. One that you might never think about is your facial expressions. Sometimes a look is all that a Coot will need to establish effective communication. In every case a facial expression can add that finishing touch that signals you really mean what you say.

People don’t want straight talk

These days, so many people are superficial. They aren’t serious. Their statements are tentative or joking. People just don’t expect you to lay the truth on them. They look closely to see if you are kidding. They don’t want to deal with the truth. They don’t want to deal with you if you are telling the truth and they will go to any length to delude themselves about your intent. If they think that you are kidding, then they can shrug away your statement and move on, skating away from a confrontation either with you or the truth you have just laid on them. Don’t make it easy for them. You fail as a cantankerous old coot if you let this happen. Your facial expression is the clincher.

Lets Review the Lessons so far

Lets take a minute and review the lessons so far. In Lesson 1, we learned to let your feelings out freeing you to be real. Lesson 2 reminded us all that what other people think is unimportant. You don’t have time for worrying about whatever silliness is keeping them awake at night. Lesson 3 reminded us that polite is just an excuse for lying. Finally Lesson 4 emphasized that immediate response is important. Don’t hold back or reserve your first thoughts. Just let her rip. The importance for Lesson 5, Let your Face show you mean it is that unless you get Lesson 5, you can blow off all the other lessons. Your words may tell the world what you really think and blow away any pretensions from your companions but if you don’t reinforce this with your facial expression, everything you worked for is lost. Break a smile and people will think you are kidding or being playful. Keep your expression neutral and they can interpret your statement as a misstatement.

This brings us to Lesson 5

Lesson 5 is vital because your expression must support and reinforce everything you have learned so far. It must be stern and serious. It can run the gamut of emotions from scowl to downright contempt. It must take no prisoners, leave no stone unturned and be so controlled that no one can have any doubt that you mean exactly what you are saying. Lesson 5 is the hardest lesson because no matter how well you learn the other lessons, we are so controlled by the urge to be nice that almost without thinking our facial expressions will try to make nice. As with most every thing in life, practice makes perfect so observe yourself in the mirror and find your weaknesses. Maybe your eyes twinkle or your mouth just can’t help curling up in a Mona Lisa smile. Whatever they are, find them and get them under control.

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