Coot’s Law 21- Cantankerosity Lasts

 Posted by at 11:02  Coots Lessons
Feb 232015
 

Remember Life’s Lessons.

Today’s lesson is about what is important in life- and what doesn’t matter at all. At each stage along the way, things seem important but as we move along in life, what was important yesterday doesn’t seem so important today. Listening to others just confuses things more. The result is lots of wasted time and energy along the way. With age comes wisdom. That’s what they say and after 70 years of life I can finally agree? I’ve done a lot of silly things along the way and only now do I begin to understand what is important. Each phase of life comes and goes and with each one, it seems that another stupid notion about life gets beat down.

It’s hard to believe that it’s 50 years since I was a cocky young pup ready to take on the world. Back then I was smarter than anybody I knew, didn’t need anyone to tell me what to do and when they did I wouldn’t listen. I was smart and the world was there for me to take. Too bad I didn’t know how.

40 years ago I finished school ready to make my fortune and start my family. I was not only smart, I was educated to boot. Who wouldn’t want to be me? Look out world.

30 years ago somehow the promises hadn’t panned out so well. The career was stalled. Home life was monotonous and there just wasn’t enough money for the good life. But I was still smart and there was more time.

20 years ago, my kids had grown into cocky young pups who thought their old man was full of shit. I was getting to be the old guy at work and there still wasn’t enough money. How long until I can retire?

10 years ago, retirement stared me in the face and when I stepped over the line, I found that there was nothing there. No fun. No adventure. And more important, no money.

So much wasted time!

What happened?

So that brings me back to the present. All through my life, the characteristics that I depended on to keep me going let me down. One by one, I discovered that nothing lasts. Here at the back end of life, it is very clear that the only thing left to keep me going is cantankerosity. You can’t depend on good looks, IQ, personal magnetism or even luck. The only thing is to let yourself loose. You have to be all that you can be, let it all hang out and show your inner self, warts and all without worrying about what anybody might think. You still might not be the world beater you aimed for but they sure as hell won’t ignore you.

Looks are fleeting

I never thought much about looks back then. I didn’t have to. I was young. I figured it would always be the same. Then one day I discovered that when I wasn’t looking my waist had gotten bigger than my chest and covered my belt. My wavy locks were now thin and lank and my hairline receded as my waistline advanced. It was a good thing I’d decided to get married a few years ago because I’d never get to first base at the singles bar these days.

There is always somebody smarter

I soon learned that I wasn’t as smart as I thought. Or, at least , the rest of the world didn’t see how smart I really was. There was always some guy with a better answer or a dumb boss afraid to be shown up. Being smart wasn’t enough to make it big and being smart all the time is very exhausting. If you don’t get beat down by the next guy on the make, you wear yourself to a frazzle keeping up with of the pack. You can’t win.

Your kids wear you down and let you down.

You start the family adventure full on confidence. With all you know and the superior genetics you bring, your kids have it made. They will be world beaters and you will be known as the world’s greatest Dad. It is inevitable. Except it’s not. Good as those genetics might be, it still takes work and your kids got their schooling in California where self esteem rules. They want it all with no effort. Nothing you do to impress, cajole, intimidate or demand the hard work and effort to excel at school registers. They aren’t impressed. They have their own plans.

Your career ends with a whimper.

Your final humiliation is ending your career baby sitting. What ought to be your last few years of respectful dignified status as the senior officer at work turns south, when a buyout changes the management and new direction brings in your worst nightmare- a twenty-something hotshot. He will save the company and your job is to keep him happy. He thinks you are a pathetic loser and humiliates you daily in ways too subtle to file a complaint about. Not that it matters because they would love to find an excuse to fire you anyway.

So now you are retired.

Finally it’s your time. No more work. No more kids in the house. Time for you and the old lady to rock. Except rocking just ain’t what it used to be and neither are you. Between the afternoon nap, the arthritis in your hips and the fact that you are living on 50 percent of your inadequate salary, the only rocking you feel up to is that rocking chair on the front porch.

After a lifetime, It all comes down to this. Nothing good lasts and all those hopes and dreams, wishful expectations and even hard work and good attitude just don’t matter in the end. At long last, the truth that you missed all along the way is clear. You tried to hard to play the game. You counted too much on your abilities and good looks. You expected the world to treat you with the same respect you showed it. The world shined you on and you believed it. Now you have nothing to show for all your effort. You blew it. You were a nice guy through it all and look where it got you.

 Finally!

Today’s lesson is that it’s not too late to salvage the rest of your pitiful life, even if you are an old, over the hill coot like me. Stop counting on your skill, talents and good looks to take you to the top. Stop expecting to be treated with respect while you shovel somebody else’s shit. Don’t get upset about being used as a doormat. Stop worrying about being the nice guy and expecting that others will like you for it. It won’t work anyway and you will still end up a loser. Let it all out. Vent all those frustrations and smashed hopes. Let all those good intentions go and be Cantankerous.

Say what you feel! Let them know what you really think. Don’t pull your punches and stop being a wimp. No matter what you do, you are still destined to end up old and ugly, frustrated with the lumps life has handed you and disappointed at being let down by the people around you. Don’t waste another moment being the nice guy and expecting fair treatment. Nice guys finish last and as long as that is your destiny, you might as well enjoy it. The next guy that passes you by be sure to point fat ass and that he runs like a girl.

It may be a small pleasure. It may be petty. But it will help you stop feeling like such a loser. At least when you are old, ugly, smelly and make strange noises you can’t control, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you won’t be forgotten or forgettable. Cantankerosity is forever.

I am a Giant Waster of Time

 Posted by at 11:02  Plain 'ol Cantankerous, principles, rants
Feb 232015
 
Angry Birds

Angry Birds (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Before you start thinking that this title means something deep or is a description of my character in World of Warcraft (do they still play that? I don’t.)  it isn’t.  This title is the truth.  I am sure this topic has been covered and you are most likely to click off of this post and leave the Coots site right now.  But hold on a second, you need to be logged in for a few more seconds for it to count.  Really Hang on.  Just a bit longer.

Have you ever noticed those videos over in the sidebar?  How about clicking on our personal blog sites?  maybe Facebook?  Click that link and head to Amazon.com and get yourself something nice and we can make a couple of pennies.  Ok are you good?  See what I did, I just took something normal and easy and managed to waste a bunch of time doing it.

You know, I am fairly good at it as well.  If I actually spent half the time writing as I do screwing around I would be able to say I write for hours and hours every day.  Unfortunately, I don’t seem to have that luxury.

I can spend time doing crap that doesn’t mean anything and why?  Am I afraid of the actual writing? No.  I usually justify it by saying if I start to write something I will just get interrupted and my wife will need something so I may as well not bother.  Before you know it Netflix and Angry Birds are calling you from that seductive corner of your computer.

I try to leave the computer completely but then my kindle beckons with that book I am having a hard time putting down….Damn, I should have washed some underwear instead.  I need more sleep.  Now the discussion needs to shift towards what needs to be done about it?  I think I have proven that the “Just Write” argument is out the window…gotta kill some pigs.

Cerebral Cortex location

Cerebral Cortex location (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There is just a niggling in the back of my cerebral cortex that says I can’t do this same old same old anymore.  We are heading to Florida in June and I thought this morning, “Well I guess I will just neglect the blogs some more” while I am gone.  and then, “No!  I can pre write some posts!”  and then, “Yea right, I can’t write the regular ones.”  That in turn inspired this post.

So I am going to reward myself when I write something by being able to shut off that damn Adele song for more than 10 minutes.  The wife got a hold of that song and the kids play it and she plays it and the radio plays it and it never seems to get out of the *explicitve deleted* repeat loop!

But I digress….how do you fellow monkeys fight the urges that keep is from doing actual work?  How do you more efficiently waste time so that you can still work?  Inquiring minds want to know….and if you remember that you are as old as me….

-Justin

PS. The podcast is going to be revived on this blog very soon.  If anyone has an idea about something you want to hear about or want to be a guest, let me know.

I am thinking of using a new format and maybe a “What can the Coots be Cantankerous about”  much like the “What can’t Adam Complain about” segment on the Adam Carolla Podcast.

Give me some topics…and vote for Ralph in the CNS leader poll already.  His fragile ego can’t handle one lonely vote.  And I don’t want to write the CNS any more than I have too.

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Lookee here…see what Obama built!

 Posted by at 11:02  Bob's Politics, principles, videos
Feb 232015
 

President Obama enjoyed telling us that we “…didn’t build that!” Despite that, I think it only fair that we give credit where credit is due. That means that when Obama does something…when he builds something…we ought to give him credit for

English: Photograph of Iman Crosson holding ne...

whatever it is he built.

In today’s video I am more than happy to give him credit…full credit…for his construction skills. Let’s take a look at just what Obama HAS Continue reading »

The Cantankerous World View about Cantankerosity

 Posted by at 11:02  Plain 'ol Cantankerous
Feb 232015
 

20-20 Hindsights

 

But do you get what you need?

Mick forever!

These days, thankfully, nobody expects much from an old coot. No need to be movie star handsome or a rock star, although come to think about it there are some pretty old rock stars out there still drawing audiences no matter how badly they aged. By the time you get to your 60’s the hot jock and the pimply nerd look about the same- old and wrinkled. Nobody looks all lthat great when they are old. If you are still breathing and can walk up a stair or two, you pass muster. In fact, ugly guys have an advantage because when you start at the bottom there is nowhere to go but up. Nobody ever says we didn’t age well. But I’m getting off track.

Growing up, my mother always used to tell me that beauty was in the eye of the beholder. Like most kids I didn’t pay much attention to anything my parents had to say. Looking back, maybe I should have. It might have given me some comfort about never finding a girl willing to go out with me. I thought I looked pretty good but how could I begin to understand the mind of a teenage girl? She also told me that beauty was only skin deep. People would recognize my inner beauty even if I wasn’t Rock Hudson. Somehow that didn’t work out so well for me either. I’m still waiting for someone to recognize my inner beauty. Oh well.

 

What else is personal?

 

Thinking about how beauty is relative and personal got me thinking how many of life’s pleasures are personal judgment and preference too. Not everybody likes spicy food and what some people think is delicious causes others to puke. The Cantankerous Old Coots have staked a claim on a particular world view that we call cantankerosity. It isn’t rocket science and book learning. In fact, it comes naturally when you deal year after year with organizations set up by, for and administered by mindless sheep. Most of us get trapped in that sheepish mindset early in life at our mother’s knees or in the classroom but there are a few non-conformists who don’t get the message. Some never succumbed. Others sensed over time that the only reason for those rules was to ensure that nobody ever got off the reservation and made trouble for the top dogs. Something made those people wonder what was behind the curtain; how the grass on the other side of the fence tasted and why it was purple instead of green.

 

So here we are.

 

Well cut.

From the best designers

Here are the few, the independent and the disrespectful- the Cantankerous Old Coots. The sheep in their safe pens eye us warily because they fear the unknown that we embrace. We see the things they have learned to ignore. We know that the Emperor is naked (and that he is butt-ugly to boot). We march to our own drummer and not the well-organized marching band. They fear that if they listen to us, they might lose their comfortable easy life altogether. They might actually have to think for themselves and take responsibility for their miserable lives.  Not my problem.

 

So back to the Cantankerous Old Coots

 

Of course this draws the cantankerous,whether they are old or young, successful or struggling, handsome or ugly, together. It explains how young Justin, the stay at home Dad, kettlebell virtuoso and internet entrepreneur built his team at COC to include Bob, the rising, internet media mogul, political pundit and Appalachian yurt guru and myself, the suave, sophisticated and over-educated LA exile stuck in the hick-filled Sierra foothills far from the ocean and civilization. There isn’t any other excuse, I can find.

 

But back to the point!

 

Still, talking about beauty being in the eye of the beholder, today I’m discovering that Cantankerosity is a personal judgment too. Maybe we all share the same special qualities that make us cantankerous. Maybe the readers of this blog can identify those special qualities and conclude that yes, Justin, Bob and Ralph are birds of a feather because we think alike. If you see it, then you need to share that insight down below. Maybe we share some inner force but I’m not so sure. I’ve been working with these guys for nearly a year now and I’ve had time to assess their strengths and monitor their weaknesses. I have come to my own conclusion about the Coot’s team and being a qualified Cantankerous Old Coot, I’m going to share it with the world and let the chips fall where they may.

 

I know cantankerousity when I see it. I live and breath cantankerousity. Cantankeroisytis my life. So when I say something is cantankerous, you can believe it. So here is my judgment. I’m cantankerous. Bob and Justin are just plain nuts!

 

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