Up with poetry!

 Posted by at 11:48  Up With
Nov 262014
 
Oscar Wilde, three-quarter length portrait, fa...

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Especially BAD poetry. 

All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling. Oscar Wilde

When you are learning about blogging, you will listen to most anybody that seems successful. When I started out, that was anybody who had been blogging longer than I had. So I stumbled around quite a bit in the early days before I found my ‘voice’. I listened to all kinds of advice, particularly about improving my writing skills. Since I thought I was a pretty good writer, I tended to avoid the really hard stuff like writing serious pieces with structure and logic. What I preferred was the stuff you could just wing. One of the ideas I actually pursued was the suggestion that you could learn about writing by writing poetry, even bad poetry.

I have never in my life been very much attracted to poetry. I hate the kitschy rhyming cliches in greeting cards and I can’t understand the free flowing stuff from the ‘real’ poets. Sometimes Shakespeare gets through but mostly I’m a lost cause for poetry. So naturally the idea of writing ‘bad’ poetry was very tempting. How could I go wrong?

My preference is limericks. I know that they are lowbrow but they have the only rhythm that I understand and they are usually humorous. So that is where I started. I posted them on my blog feeling that I shouldn’t waste all that effort. Here is an example.

 

Blogger Jack

There once was a blogger named Jack

Whose writing was loaded with drack

His intelligence was shorte

For cliches were his forte

SEO kept Jack’s jack in the black.

If that isn’t bad enough for you I have a whole page full of bad poetry you can check out.

But even worse, earlier this year Justin got the hare brained idea that we weren’t high brow enough here at COC and he gave us one of his ultimatums. He demanded that we all write haiku for our weekly posts. Poetry wasn’t enough for Justin. He needed us to write in inscrutable oriental mode. He demanded haiku. Well one thing a Coot learns early on is don’t mess with Justin so whatever crazy idea he comes up with, the Coots deliver. So we wrote cantankerous haiku like the one below.

Boring, routine day

Take the road less traveled

Be cantankerous

So if writing bad poetry was any clue about good writing, the Coots would have a Nobel Prize or at least a Pulitzer. We’re still waiting for the phone call.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Sep 022014
 
up arrow
Image by TheTruthAbout… via Flickr

Maybe you think that we are too negative at Coots.  All the time you keep hearing about things we don’t like.  You might conclude that Coots are never positive and that we don’t like things.  You would be very wrong but to be fair – how would you know.  After long conferences  and much cantankerosity, the Coots have a solution.  We are going to show you our positive sides from time to time.  We are going to title these posts ‘Up With” and in them we will highlight things that we like and want to see more of.  Look for the first of these posts soon and then expect to see more of them from time to time.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Up with Memory Loss

 Posted by at 18:09  Up With
Jul 292014
 
To Do List

“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” Rita Mae Brown

There are some good things about getting old. You get better at rationalization.  At least when things start not working so well, you make an effort to discover something that is better about your life these days. It’s a challenge but aging is not for the weak. Survivors do whatever it takes and become experts at rationalization.

Crutches can help

Memory is one of the things that doesn’t work so well these days. Witness the lists scattered all around my house in my attempt to keep control of everything. But lists don’t fix everything.  Lists don’t help remembering what name goes with the familiar, smiling face at the supermarket as I struggle to find clues about who this person is. Mostly I hurry on after saying ‘Nice to see you again.’ but there is always the nagging thought that maybe I really do want to talk to them if I only knew who they were. It would be nice if that brain could still remember everyone I know and keep me current on all my responsibilities. Sadly, my brain seems to be in retirement mode also and it only works when it wants to. But that is not so bad as you think.

The good side of memory loss

It turns out that there are benefits to not remembering things. The old coot member (this is clearly a Freudian slip.  Should have been memory of course) may be failing but it is not as bad as you might think. People don’t expect much from you anyway. What makes it sweet it that everybody gives you a pass because you’re old. Forgot to pick up your wife at the doctor? No problem because everybody is re leaved that you managed to get home at all. Don’t recognize that face with the hand reaching out to shake yours? No problem because you do remember that he loaned you money last week. When you get old, people just expect you to forget so why not make it work for you?

Eliminate what you don’t like to do

Take control of your life like never before by eliminating everything you don’t want to do. After all, you’re old and nobody expects you to remember things so help them out. Only remember what you want to do. All you need to say when somebody asks is that you forgot. They can’t hold you accountable for the aging process. You get a pass. When the expectations are below ground level, just showing up makes every body happy.

*******Since you readers seem to have forgotten the invitation of past posts and completely ignored the Cantankerous Old Coots University, I will chalk to up to short term memory loss and give you all another chance.  Sign up for our mailing list and receive the first few lessons of the Cantankerous Old Coots University absolutely free.  You will also be signed up for future mailings and special offerings.  If you join us before September 7th, you will be eligible for a big discount on the whole Cantankerous Old Coots University course.  If you don’t, I have your IP address…..I’m just sayin’…..

-Justin






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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Up with Crazy!

 Posted by at 18:09  Up With
Jul 292014
 

Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live.

Charles Bukowski

Have you ever gone crazy? Of course you’d never admit it but face the truth, crazy people think they are fine. So if and when you go crazy you don’t have a clue. If you are really crazy , it’s the world that’s gone mad. You are just trying to cope. Everyone wants to believe that crazy is coo coo, that a crazy person is evil and out to destroy the world. When the reality is that crazy people just aren’t willing to accept the same constraints that you do. Sometimes attacking crazy makes sense- take serial killers. Other times you can be crazy but the world applauds – take workaholics. Society loves workaholics and vilifies serial killers. But they are both crazy.

Crazy is all about following conventions, coloring within the lines and waiting patiently in lines. If those things make sense to you then you probably aren’t crazy. In fact, you probably believe that people who follow conventions are the crazy ones. It’s enough to drive someone mad. Continue reading »

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Up with Christmas Cards!

 Posted by at 18:17  Up With
Jul 072014
 
The world's first commercially produced Christ...

Image via Wikipedia

Back in college, I learned sophistication and nuance. The old fashioned stodgy lifestyle of my parents mid-western home was passe. I was becoming an educated, discriminating man of the world and it was time to put away childish things and one of those things was Christmas cards.

It was a struggle.

I was torn because this new sophistication wasn’t logical. Christmas (and religion of course) were merely an opiate for the masses and should be shunned. But it wasn’t so simple because sophisticated and nuanced people didn’t want to miss out on Christmas presents or the partying of the season. They sent out Holiday cards that communicated innocuous good wishes for the ‘season’ and exchanged gifts. Their secular lifestyle was unruffled without actually offending anybody..

 Then there were the Jews.

For the first time in my life, I discovered that not everybody celebrated Christmas. In my culturally deprived hometown, everybody was a nominal Christian. I knew about Jews. I’d even seen one or two in person but they weren’t part of my life. In college, they were everywhere. I discovered that they were pretty normal, except for the oddity of not celebrating Easter or Christmas although it struck me as convenient that they had a compensating holiday at the same time.  That alone is should be enough to make you believe in God.

 And, of course, the atheists.

For the first time in my life, I had to think about the impact of sending a Christmas card to a non-believer. It was my first lesson in applying  sophistication and nuance. If I know that someone is not a Christian, it it proper to send them a Christmas card? This was really a non-issue since college students don’t normally send Christmas cards and if they do, it is probably just to family and friends from home not to their sophisticated and nuanced college buds.  Still, I agonized.

Once that small doubt is inserted, it becomes harder and harder to act. Should I send a Christmas card to people I know to be non-Christian? Should I send them an innocuous holiday card? Or nothing at all? Once you start down that path, it is hard to stop. How do you know someone’s heart. Why should you assume that they celebrate Christmas? How can you be so arrogant and insensitive? The natural process finally tells you to send everybody a holiday card or just forget the whole damn thing. That way the only people you can possibly offend are real Christians and as I learned in college, they are all nut jobs anyway.

When you are sophisticated and nuanced you play it safe.

So I’ve played it pretty safe with holiday cards through my life. I pretty much tiptoed around the actual Christmas meaning and kept the whole message pretty secular. “Party-on, Dudes!”

Lately, though, my veneer of sophistication seems to be wearing thin. Each year sees a diminished role of religion in the celebration and it’s beginning to bother me. After all, religion is one of the things that separates man from animals. Despite all the effort on the part of the nuanced and sophisticated atheists and agnostics running our institutions these days, we remain  a Christian country. If being religious makes you a nut job then our founding fathers were nut jobs.

 So what’s your point?

Well, I’m getting off track here. The point I started out with is that I am finally comfortable with sending ‘real’ Christmas cards and not the safe and innocuous holiday cards. I have finally determined that what they mean is not that I want to push Christianity on anybody but at Christmas time, I want everybody, Christian or not to think about the meaning of Christmas. It is my message to them that I hope they will share in the joy of the message for believers and non-believers.  That is the spirit of the season.

Bottom line, I’m finally over my holiday confusion. It may not be nuanced and sophisticated but this year I’m sending Christmas cards.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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