Dec 232014
 

I don’t know about you but I’m fed up with Search Engine Optimization, Page Rank and kowtowing to the great god Google. What do they want from me? What do they want from the world and can anything stop them?

Google says their mission is ‘to organize the world’s information and make it universally accessible and useful.’ Did you ever hear anything more like big brother in your life? Even Obama hasn’t suggested doing this as he eliminates the private sector economy. And these clever people at Google have figured out how to make us pay for it without thinking unlike those clumsy and ineffective taxes the government uses to get our money.

But back to the SEO. Have you read the helpful instructions you can find everywhere on the web about how to make Google happy?  Even if you read them, do you have a clue about what Google really wants? You hear all the time that if you create high quality content, the web is a piece of cake but when you begin to study SEO you learn that it is bull crap because Google can’t read and wouldn’t know good writing from from the typing of 10,000 monkeys. If you write good copy but fail to appease the god Google, nobody will ever find you, read you and appreciate your effort. Why bother?

To make Google happy, don’t waste your time refining your prose because writing is old fashioned and irrelevant. Nobody cares because thanks to Google, nobody will know that it even exists. If you want to be successful you have to pack your collection of words (why even call it writing?) with a  word or phrase that somebody might search for. Salt enough of those keywords throughout your word aggregation and Google will send you readers. No muss, no fuss and best of all, no tedious writing effort. Anything will do.

Google has spawned a whole new industry of products and services to help witless people with more money than they can spend to propagate their word aggregations around the web to provide ‘credibility’ (in the form of back links) to your aggregations. Put those mutated word aggregations in enough places and rearrange their words in enough ways and Google will reward you with a higher page rank. Just like the annoying TV ads that finally get etched into your brain and make you mindlessly grab the products when you shop, if you saturate the web with your word aggregations, you overwhelm the competition and achieve value to Google.  After all nothing else matters any more.  And all it took was a few hundred dollars and some software.

So today I say to Google, ‘Do no harm’. If Google can’t read and won’t even try to learn, then stop pretending that Google knows how to find value and content. Call a spade a spade. Google isn’t about writing or content – unless you value keywords. I can’t get too excited about them but then, I’m a Coot. They are probably all that Tweet- addled Gens X and Y can handle. Google doesn’t care a rat’s ass for writing. What Google loves is picture frames for keywords.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Dec 232014
 
The new NFL logo went into use at the 2008 draft.
Image via Wikipedia

Ha!  Got you on that one didn’t I.  Truth is I love football and now that it is back, albeit in preseason, the world is a better place, the planets are aligning and peace is coming.  But not amid NFL fans.

Here is what I am on about today.  My )(**&^^&*&&*^&^%*(&^*^&%*()_(*^%^&(*&%^$% kids and their complaining about me watching football.  I have choice words for them.  It is not like they have been raised from the womb to be football fans.  Not like some of the first outfits they ever wore bore Bronco blue and orange.  Not like the first phrase I was trying to get out of them was “Go Broncos!”

It is not even like they don’t have jersey’s to wear for games!  They just complain.  One goes so far as to complain about fishing but that is another post.

Granted this is just pre-season today.  There are 3 more preseason games to make them come around.  Or not.  I really don’t care as long as they don’t thwart my viewing.

I anxiously await more football.  For now, I want to go fishing.  But I have to get some money made.  Have a great Monday and look for a special promotion next week!

-Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Dec 232014
 
This is the current logo for The Rant
Image via Wikipedia

Do you see what I have been reduced to this week?  I am actually going to write a rant about another rant.  My brain is getting soft this week, maybe I need to split up the podcasts.

So, the other day I was sent a link to this rant that I have reproduced below.  The audio is not very good, it is not your speakers.  The day that I received this link I didn’t have time to watch it right away.  But I thought, hey, it’s a Bill Murray Rant it has to be good right?

I finally got around to watching it and was sorely disappointed.  Not only was it an extremely poor rant, it was way to scripted and poorly acted.  Not what I expected from a Bill Murray rant.

In fact, it was so bad that I had to go listen to my Denis Leary CD just to get my ears burning with a good rant or two.

What is the point and why would you want to watch this clip now?  Well I don’t have a good answer for that.  I think it is a case of an actor who can really deliver some lines in movies gets pegged to try stand up.  And then doesn’t write it himself.  There is just no soul to it.  I don’t blame Bill Murray, I blame whoever wrote this piece of garbage.

I only agree with the line about R2D2 being a fine actor.  Can’t go wrong with a Star Wars reference.  Here is a tip from me to you, completely free but still a part of the Cantankerous Old Coots University.  If you are going to rant on something, it had better sound real.  You can write it out and memorize it but when you deliver it, it should sound like you are extemporizing and not like you are reading the phone book.

Check out Bill Hicks, Denis Leary, George Carlin and old Dennis Miller for how to do it right.  If you are really adventurous, Sam Kinison awaits you.

Send in your questions for Ask A Coot Saturday and have a great weekend.

-Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Nov 262014
 

Another week of “non-funny” political news…this is getting old.  Looking at silly government stupidity is a lot more fun!

This week I have a show for you that is duplicated across 4 sites…JuicyMaters, Common Sense Conversation, and Haylestorm Interactive, along with being here at Cantankerous Old Coots.  It’s not that I’m too lazy to do separate shows this week…though that IS an incentive…it is that it is a message everyone who uses the internet needs to be familiar with.

Anyway…some of you might have noticed many sites on the internet were protesting something called “SOPA” Wednesday.  Some sites like Wikipedia were completely gone for the day.  Some sites, like da Coots, had an opening page about the protest that visitors could click through to get to the site.  And then, there were site owners who did nothing.  Ralph, Justin, and I felt the issue was important enough to take Coots dark.  Here is why:

[powerpress]

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Bob@HayleStorm Interactive

Bob comes to us with a skeptical attitude and a full cup of Cantankerousness. He also writes about homesteading and yurts over at JuicyMaters.com and rants about politics at Common-Sense-Conversation.com Most of the time, though, you'll find him at HayleStorm.net, cranking out great websites for clients OR writing tutorials teaching them to build their own sites.

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Nov 262014
 
Curtiss P-40 Tomahawk

Image by cliff1066™ via Flickr

…which would be understandable, I suppose.  After all, He DOES have a lot to keep up with.

There’s the whole Libya thing, and Obama’s confusing statements about what is going on over there.  He says Kaddafi HAS to go, then says we aren’t targeting him personally.  Uh huh…that Tomahawk poked its nose under his tent flap on accident, right?

“Shit!  Missed Kaddafi, but got that punk-ass kid of his!”

And what is it the White House wants us to call what we are doing?  Not war.  No…they say this is a “kinetic military action”.  Huh?  Over 125 Tomahawk missiles (at $1.5m each) raining down on MY head would be war…and I just might lose that one.  Obama can call it what he wants, but when the military does what it’s designed to do…break things and kill people (as opposed to what it’s used for a LOT these days, a global Meals-on-Wheels Program)…it’s called war.

Ask Kaddafi what HE calls it.

Speaking of Lybia…

“Hey Bob!  I thought this post was about God’s being confused!”

“Shaddup Justin…you too, Ralph…I’m getting’ there…”

As I was sayin’ BEFORE being so rudely interrupted…speaking of Libya, since when does the United States, supposedly the most powerful nation on earth, have to get the permission of the frogs, the limeys and the UN to go kick some bully’s ass?

(Did ya hear this one…Question: “Why do the French plant large, overhanging trees along their main boulevards?”  Answer: “Because the Germans prefer to march in the shade.”)

Anyway, the way I know God is confused is the weather.  Yep, the weather.

You know that old saying “April showers bring May flowers?  Well, apparently God thinks it’s April already.  It’s been raining here for four days, and is forecast to rain for ten more.

We ARE supposed to get a break…from 2:00 to 2:15pm on Thursday.  Anybody got some SCUBA gear I can borrow?

Bob@HayleStorm Interactive

Bob comes to us with a skeptical attitude and a full cup of Cantankerousness. He also writes about homesteading and yurts over at JuicyMaters.com and rants about politics at Common-Sense-Conversation.com Most of the time, though, you'll find him at HayleStorm.net, cranking out great websites for clients OR writing tutorials teaching them to build their own sites.

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