Sep 022014
 
Christmas card with Caspar Milquetoast by H. T...

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Today, for a change, we are serious!

You’re accustomed to light hearted, trivial musings about life here at Cantankerous Old Coots but today brace yourself for some deeper thinking. If you thought that checking out the Coots would be mindless diversion, today, the Coots are asking for more.  Change is in the air.  Lick your finger and check which way the wind is blowing.  When you feel secure then read on.

One of the original ideas for the Cantankerous Old Coots was to provide a framework for people to shed their Casper Milquetoast personas and develop an unique brand of what we like to call cantankerousity- letting the chips fall where they may and standing up for yourself in a world that glorifies sheep. (We never said that we weren’t suckers for cliches).

We tried inspiration.

So began the series of Coots Lessons, intended to help people foster an independent frame of mind.  We formulated 16 Coots lessons covering a wide range of life experiences. These lessons were intended to provide the basis for an E-Book and eventually a body of instruction in the Cantankerous Old Coots University.

And then?

Well, life happens, and it seems that Cantankerous Old Coots have just as many problems reading the public as anybody else. We published that E-Book- a beautifully designed primer for getting started on the road to Cantankerosity. The only price for this valuable product was to join our community by signing up for our list. We anticipated that every reader would want to have this helpful document on their very own personal computers for easy reference and encouragement.

We were wrong.

At every step along the road, we sought evidence that somewhere out in cyberspace, there is an audience yearning to break out of the mindless ordinariness of daily life; the dreary monotony of not making waves. Alas, it seems that independent thought is dead in modern society. Instead of an eager audience of cantankerous people or even cantankerous wannabees, it seems that our vast and growing audience of readers is nothing but lookiloos- folks that love the idea of independent thinking but  are too afraid of their shadows (or what other people might think) to actually be independent.

Not Coots but Sheep

At the next Coot’s Convergence (that’s a business meeting for the uninitiated) I’m going to propose that we change the blog’s mission statement to better fit our audience. I’m going to propose that Cantankerous Old Coots be changed to Sanctimonious Old Sheep. Under the new motto we will revise our lessons to help our audience fulfill their destiny to make no waves, get lost in the background and make absolutely no difference in the world for anybody in their life.

The New Agenda

These are the tentative changes to the first five Coots, I mean Sheep, lessons.

Coot Lesson #1 – Let your feeling out!

Sheep Lesson #1 – Embrace the Uniformity!

Coot Lesson #2 – We don’t care what you think.

Sheep Lesson #2 It’s all about them

Coot Lesson #3 – Polite is over rated!

Sheep Lesson #3 – Mind your manners!

Coot Lesson 4- Say It When You Feel It!

Sheep Lesson #4 – Not so Fast

Coot Lesson 5- Let your face show what you think.

Sheep Lesson #5 – Show your happy face.

Give ’em what they want! That’s our new motto.

I’m convinced that this change will bring this blog into convergence with our audience, leaving them safely in their comfort zones and sleeping peacfully each night. I think that mindlessly reinforcing the conformity and bland acceptance that is modern life will grow our audience even faster in the future and provide safe cover for all the sheep out their to join our community and leave their own conventional wisdom in the comment area.

Cantankerous Old Coots is so out of date and 20th century. Long live the Sanctimonious Old Sheep!  Go ahead now sheep, it’s safe to comment!

 

 

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Sep 022014
 

Great men don’t grow on trees.

Once in a lifetime, maybe even two lifetimes, a great man comes along. Who knows if it is the times that make the man or if the quality of greatness just can’t be contained and bursts through whatever the times. Whatever, it is clear to me that we now have such a man in the White House. Who can deny that our President brings together Kansas common sense, third world understanding and Ivy League intellect in one polished bundle. I have to confess that until now his greatness eluded me. I was intrigued when he was first anointed in the Iowa caucuses. After all what could those ethanol sniffing rubes in our heartland know about greatness?  He emerged as a man to watch but I didn’t think he had the seasoning to make it through the grueling primaries just to get the Democrat Party nomination let alone take the prize. There were a few tense moments but the competition collapsed under the charm and wit of the future President.

Now looking back, it is all clear. He said he was going to transform the country and indeed he has. The power of his election swept huge majorities in both houses of Congress and the rest is history. The man is impressive.

But wait, there’s more

Much as I had to respect his accomplishments up to now, however, my respect for his greatness got an even bigger boost recently when I discovered that among his impressive talents was one I never suspected- the man can read my heart.

He knows my inner secrets

Deep in my innermost being there is an uncontrollable urge that takes primacy over all others. I don’t usually express it publicly but truly every action that I take is based on a force I can’t control. I never knew what to call it. I never spoke about it until now and it was never a big topic with my political bedfellows even though I was sure that we shared this urge. It wasn’t until the President called me out that I recognized it for what it was- my holy grail. The Presidents great insight pierced my being to the core and reveled that it was more than an urge; even more than a passion. It was the holy grail of my being. I lust to give tax cuts to the wealthy.

It feels so good to be free at last

I can’t tell you what a relief the President’s great insight provided me. I had always been confused by actions for which I could never identify a core belief. Before I never understood how my actions and political beliefs must have been incomprehensible to others. Our President was not confused. He saw clearly into my heart and spoke truth to my confusion. Democrats have always been confounded by the inexplicable behavior of Republicans because it made no sense. How could Republicans be so stupid and self-destructive by giving tax cuts to people with more money than they have. They didn’t understand that uncontrollable urge and certainly not its power over Republicans. They never realized that this peculiar urge was our Holy Grail.

Thanks to the President’s wisdom, I am free from confusion and doubt. Now that I understand the forces controlling me, I can hope for salvation and maybe even a cure for my malady. I owe it all to a great man – President Obama.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Close but no cigar!

 Posted by at 18:09  principles
Jul 292014
 

Maybe you have seen this early Jack Nicholson movie Five Easy Pieces.  I am not recommending it if you haven’t because Jack Nicholson as a concert pianist working in the oil fields of California is a bit hard to accept.  Jack, in his youth, is showing the curmudgeon qualities that he perfected in his mature roles.  Notice that he is not enjoying his confrontation with the surly waitress one bit.  There is no joy in the battle and even though he wins in logic, not only does Jack not get his toast, he doesn’t get breakfast at all.  Keep this video in mind as you anticipate the Coot Lesson for Friday, Cantankerous Old Coots are not Angry Old Farts.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Jul 292014
 

Babysitter-001

No this isn’t another post about crap….per se.  This is about being a decent neighbor.  We have lived in this house now for a little over a year and in that time we have gotten very tired of our neighbors.  Well one set that lives next door.  They don’t bother us very much as far as direct interaction but, they are a pain in the proverbial ass.

What is that smell???  Oh yea, the old meat wrappers on the side of the BBQ grill that are marinating in the 100 degree heat.

What is that?  a 2 year old girl running naked in the front yard?  Oh, a naked 5 year old boy following?  Ummmm Parents?  Babysitter?  Oh there she is smoking on the front porch talking on the phone.  Oh the older kids are home from school, let the screaming, profanity laden put downs begin!

Continue reading »

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Jul 292014
 
Adequate ventilation has also been regarded as...

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Hello all.  You may be asking yourself why Justin is writing this post instead of Bob.  Ok it is more likely you didn’t even notice until I brought it up.  Anyway, our good friend Bob has been having some rather serious health issues as of late and spent this past weekend in the hospital.

These are the times people hope they have the best nurses who are skilled and who have taken online nursing classes.

The details are his to share but let me say that in the medical field, even the most simple and straightforward of things can be the most dangerous.  He spent the weekend in the hospital and should be out soon for some recovery before he goes back in again.  He will be spending far too much time, heck he has spent far too much time in hospitals already.

He told us he took his laptop with him to keep up on what is going on, but, I know how hard it was to use the computer when I was a visitor in the hospital with my daughter, much less the patient in a morphine daze.

Anyway, Bob being Bob, I know he will try to log on and see where the internet is leaving him so I would ask all of you reading this post right here, right now, to comment and send Bob your get well wishes.  You can always email him as well, bob@cantankerousoldcoots.com.  Let him know you are thinking of him and we hope he will make a speedy recovery and get back to writing here and over at JuicyMaters.com.

Thanks for reading.

-Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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