Jul 292014
 

Forget what your mother told you.

Here at Cantankerous Old Coots we believe in letting your feelings out. Maybe your mother taught you to be nice. She may have told you “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Well, we say forget what your mother said. How far has your mother’s advice got you anyway. We say, if you feel it, then let it out.

Permit No Time Bombs

The way we see it, those bottled-up emotions are time bombs, wreaking havoc on your health and well-being. Keeping quiet just lets that pressure build up and, even worse, encourages those fools causing all the upset to keep doing what they are doing. Keeping quiet not only makes it bad for you now; it makes it worse in the future.

Niceness is Phoney

All this niceness is phony anyway. You know what people are really thinking. It’s what you are thinking but just not willing to say. They may tell you that you are looking good and that your new grandchild is so cute but you know the truth. Old age never improved anybody’s looks and that grandchild is a wrinkled mess, even if they do say he resembles you. Wouldn’t it be a relief not to have to pretend that you believe them? Don’t you think they deserve the same honesty from you? Of course they do. Do yourself and them a favor and just let it out, tell them the truth.

Like this

“Joe, you old scoundrel, you are even fatter than the last time I saw you. You get any bigger and I’ll have to get you a wheelbarrow to lug that belly around.”

“Sally, you old fool, whoever told you that pink was a hair color? You look like you got your head caught in a cotton candy machine.”

“Dick, you blithering idiot, what makes you think that combing those two hairs over your bald spot will turn you into Fabio?”

Do everybody a favor

You see the point? Friends do not let friends make fools of themselves. So do yourself and them a favor, let it all out. Trust us. You mother was a fool.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Jul 292014
 
Plunge dipping sheep

Image via Wikipedia

Hello sheep.  Following up on Ralph’s post from last week, I have decided to not just rewrite the fabulous Coot’s lessons, but to start over on the road to uniformity, conformity, and the bland whiteness of looking at a world with the wool pulled over your eyes.  So to speak.

Today I would like to start off with a little bit of conformity.  If Ralph, Bob and I cannot be your guides to Cantankerousness, then we will have to be your shepherds.  And, just a warning, sometimes it takes the stick in order to get an unruly sheep to behave.  Ralph even sent me this picture of him teaching his sons the conformity lesson.

So conformity tells us that we should all be the same.  Everything should be nearly identical in our beige lives under the blue sky.  You.  Over there in the pink shirt.  Go put on the grey uniform.  You.  Over there with the uncombed hair.  Report for haircut and style.  You.  Over there thinking that this is a joke and not really serious.  Get over here and prepare to be beaten into line.

There will be no free thinking anymore.  Previously we have tried to put out lessons and articles that allowed you all to make up your own minds and look at the world freely and go your own way.  Not anymore.  You will go our way.  If you try to go your own way, we will bring you back and make fun of you on Twitter.  If you try to think something different than what we want you to know, we will come over to your house and show you what an electric cattle prod is for.

I hope Heather wants to think differently, because I would love to go to Scotland.  So for now, all of you out there, prepare to follow the norm.  Prepare to follow us.  Prepare to actually be a sheep and follow.  You will never get off of the treadmill and your view will never change.  Enjoy the sameness.

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Jul 072014
 

Last week’s video discussed the possibility of the November elections being postponed or cancelled by President Obama if he felt his tenure was being threatened.  That video posited that he might find an excuse to declare a national emergency

NO Martial Law

and martial law in order to continue to hold office if it looked like the election might not go his way.

While that suggestion smacks of paranoia…the show IS The Tinfoil Hat Club, folks…it IS a possibility that he just might try to do it.  There is one problem, however.  How could he gin up enough “civil unrest” to be able to actually pull it off?  This week’s video takes a look at HOW to intentionally cause widespread civil unrest…and maybe, just maybe, get Continue reading »

Bob@HayleStorm Interactive

Bob comes to us with a skeptical attitude and a full cup of Cantankerousness. He also writes about homesteading and yurts over at JuicyMaters.com and rants about politics at Common-Sense-Conversation.com Most of the time, though, you'll find him at HayleStorm.net, cranking out great websites for clients OR writing tutorials teaching them to build their own sites.

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Jul 072014
 
City Lights, France-Italy Border (NASA, Intern...

City Lights, France-Italy Border (NASA, International Space Station Science, 04/28/10) (Photo credit: NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center)

By now, Ralph is winging his way over the ocean heading towards the land of canals and spaghetti, Italy.  He has his bags packed, his cell phones rented, and this blog pushed to the back of his mind where it will reside with many other undesirable things like pond scum.

A vacation.  Do you ever have a “vacation” that you come back from, rested, relaxed, and ready to return to work?  Yea me neither.  I am hoping that it will be different for Ralph.  See, he is just going with his wife to Italy.  We can only hope that he brings her back with him.  I guess it depends just how bad the flight actually is.  But that is another story.

Over the past year I do believe that I have grown complacent, letting Ralph and Bob, well mostly Ralph, have at this site and run with it.  Now It is back to me and the fine work that used to fly from my fingers.

Have a great Vacation Ralph, you deserve it.

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Jul 072014
 

Don’t be dense!

This should be pretty obvious if you have been following our lessons. Unfortunately these days most people are pretty dense and seem unable to follow a stream of logic so we are going to be very blunt. Polite is a synonym for lie. It is just that simple. If you choose to remain oblivious to simple truths, we can’t do anything about it. Human nature is pathetic. We continually ask people to tell us things that we know are untrue. If you have to ask your husband whether a dress makes you look fat, you already know the answer. “Of course it does!” So now the poor man has two bad choices. He can say yes which will make you hate him for confirming the truth or he can say no which will make you hate him for lying. Most husbands are taught to be polite and lie through their teeth and most wives delight in making it impossible for them to be honest. No wonder marriage is in trouble these days.

Stop being a mealy mouthed liar!

We always seek to be inoffensive which of course causes us to lie. “That was a great cup of coffee, Carol. Can I have a refill.” The coffee tastes like battery acid. It is luke warm and the cream is curdled. “I’d love another piece of that delicious cake, Mrs. Smith.” The cake in questions is lumpy and tasteless. Who wins with such behavior? The answer, of course is nobody. If you don’t set these people straight, they will continue to inflict their shoddy goods on other unsuspecting victims. If they believe you they will have your encouragement to do it. If they don’t believe you, they brand you either as a fool or liar.

Be straight at work!

You may think that we are singling out women here but men are just as inclined to this foolishness as women. It just attaches to different activities. When it gets into the workplace, it is even worse because we are expected to lie as a condition of employment. Your boss may be a fool but he is unlikely to keep paying you if you tell him. Imagine the chaos if you said what you were thinking. Is the customer always right? Of course not. Could you fix their problem and get them out of your face if they would just shut up and go away. Of course. Because we think that polite is important, we waste everybody’s time and make everybody upset. It is a darn nuisance.

You aren’t getting any younger you know !

Cut out the crap. Tell it straight. Stop the lies and stop pretending that polite isn’t a synonym for lying, You don’t have tine for games. Time is a wasting and nobody is getting any younger. Next time somebody expects you to waste your time and theirs with mealy mouthed and duplicitous politeness, just say no. Tell them the truth and lets get on with life.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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