Sep 192013
 

** EDITORS NOTE: Today we finally have a guest post from our long time contributor Hansi.  Go check out his blog at Hansi’s Hallucinations.  He has some funny stories and some interesting drawings, all done by him.  Be sure to welcome him as our newest guest Coot.  He has now finally earned his degree from Coots University, this post was his dissertation.  He will defend it in the comments.  Thanks for the post Hansi, we look forward to more!**

 

I went to a memorial service for this old Probation Officer I worked with the other day. [ The service was the other day, not me working with him. That was a long time ago]. And speaking about a long time ago, I got to see a lot of former co-workers; all of whom are retired. Now that was a trip.

If the pay is right, i all works out.

The talk consisted of mostly “What are you doing” or “Are you still doing…?” And a lot of typical retiree subject matter: one’s health, which Medicare supplemental ya have, and all that small-talk that confirms , Yes, you are a geezer.  But when they asked me what I was doing , I almost felt guilty or ashamed ” I’m still there, I’m working part-time for probation.” Well that dropped some jaws.  Some folks couldn’t believe it, others just shook their heads.  The thought of going back was repugnant to many of them. But I thought, ‘To hell with em”. Most of them were the same persons that made the place so horrible to begin with.

Most beings I follow in the Blog-o-sphere are either retired or desperately wanting to be retired. That even includes my thirty year old Son.  I had to counsel him. by the way, that he had at least twenty five more years of eating shit before he could retire; something that didn’t sound too appetizing to him.  So I thought I’d do a halfway serious piece on retirement, and from a guy who is actually retired and not one of them fictional characters you see stories about in Yahoo Finance written by some thirty year old salesman in the Mutual Fund Industry.

I had a thirty year career as a probation officer and retired in 2004 at age fifty seven.  I really didn’t consider being a probation officer as a ‘career’ so much, but more of a job I had for a hell of a long time.  If you would have told back in college that I’d end up in corrections (the side that had the keys), I would a said, “What have you be smoking, and give me some?”.  The only thing I really did liked about probation, was the shock value of telling people what I did for a living..  “You must like working with people”, being a standard response.   Right, if you’re a PO, you don’t like working with people, you like screwin’ with them.  And by the way I did met some real up-standing folks as a PO, real gems, role-model material.

Why did I retire?  Cause I couldn’t stand it anymore!  And I could do it. And I decided to get the hell out.   Funny thing was, within nine months, after a brief sojourn doing volunteer work [that mythical source of promised meaningfulness for retirees] at Food Share, I was back! But not as a PO, but as a CSO: Corrections Services Officer. See, I used to work overtime at our old Juvenile Hall, but only cause I could make time and a half doing so (getting closer to what work is all about).  And our Agency just completed work on a brand new, state of the art “Facility”  [jail for kids] and needed experienced people to staff it.  I could work part-time, when I wanted, and was paid at top step DPO which was now more that what I made when working.

Sometimes you hardly notice.

See the secret to working in retirement is: you gotta have a good reason. Why else would ya want to go back and work for the same god-damned idiotic fools that made your life so miserable in the first place?.  And that good reason was Money, for me.  I got to admit though that I did kinda liked working in The Juvenile Facility.  It was like those “Locked Up” shows on MSNBC; searching cells, doing extractions and all that stuff. Now that was a real contact high, working with younger male co-workers in what was a super charged testosterone laden environment with Jizz levels off the charts.  Made me feel young again, breaking up fights and using pepper spray.

Most importantly, working in retirement allowed my wife and I to travel the world: Peru, New Zealand, Europe, the Yucatan and numerous side trips in the States.  I was a little travel-whore: will work for airfare. But really, it was a financial opportunity that I couldn’t pass-up. Well I worked until mid 2009, when the financial collapse caused the “County” to cut back, and us part-timers were the first to go.  But I’m back again, now working on massive drunk driver caseloads, sitting in front of a computer cranking out bullshit for four hours a day, three times a week [not to unlike blogging]. Probation had money again; were desperate again; and here I was…again.

The reason?  This was yet another financial opportunity I just couldn’t pass up.  The money is outstanding, the hours what I choose, and I’m pretty much left alone to crank out BS.   And in this economy, getting good paying part-time job ain’t easy.  Getting any job ain’t easy.

So what’s my point?  Working in retirement can be a good thing, even if it’s for the same incompetents you worked for before [if they were competent, they probably wouldn’t have needed me back again]. If you have skills that are still marketable, use ’em (or more correctly, rent them out).  My retired teacher buddy is doing something similar.  Being in an elementary school classroom again would kill him, but supervising home school families once a week is sweet.   Maybe everybody can’t do this, but if you can, I’d encourage to put aside all old feelings and try going back.  Hey they still may be sons of bitches, but if they pay well….oh well.

Well that’s this old Coot’s story. Not a very compelling argument for working after you’ve retired. But if one sees an opportunity, for anything really, you gotta jump on it, even in retirement.

 

Hansi

Hansi is a self-confessed geezer who just cant stop working so long as they let him work on his terms. Hansi was born and raised in Southern California and staying medicated allows him to remain serene and happy in that crazy place.

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Sep 022013
 

It’s another milestone for the Coots

The Regents of Cantankerous Old Coots University

Award to Hansi of Hansi's Hallucinations

Hansi of Hansi’s Hallucinations is the man!

Today marks the first degree awarded by Cantankerous Old Coots University.  Congratulations to Hansi, the master hallucinator over at Hansi’s Hallucinations.  It is no mean feat to meet the requirement for this degree but he has proved worthy by actually reading five of the Coots News Service news summaries and leaving a comment.

For taking time from his busy schedule, Hansi has earned the respect of the faculty and staff at COCU and we are proud to welcome him as the first Associate Coot.  If you would like to emulate the illustrious Hansi and receive your own degree, just read and follow the instructions.  Just like Doritos, we can make more.

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Aug 112013
 

Schedules suck lets face it.  I lump deadlines in with schedules as well here.  They all suck.  Over the last few days my wife and I have been trying to come up with a schedule for the family to get back on in preparation for school starting in less than one month.  Whatever happened to the Lazziez-Faire school of summer?

Over the past few weeks all sense of timing and schedule have gone out of our kids.  They end up in bed at midnight, wake up near noon, eat whenever and don’t get all of their chores done.  Well now we have decided that this just won’t do any more so a schedule we have devised.  It is simple, spells out time for everything and it sucks.  I don’t want to be on a schedule but there it is, I have to, they have to.
And if a daily schedule is not bad enough, trying to figure out when to go on vacations amid all of the things that the kids get into and before school starts sucks just as bad.  At least we only have a few free days to go fishing, we can’t afford anything else.  At least the kids like camping.  And the only schedule I have to keep in the mountains has to do with the sun rising and setting and how much gas I have in my boat.

Schedules suck.  How do you feel about them?  Oh that’s right no one really reads this blog, or if they do, they don’t bother to interact so whatever.

Have a great weekend anyway.

-Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Jul 022013
 

Listen to this!—-> Frampton

If you didn’t bother listening to the audio clip above you missed out on some great Peter Frampton.  Today, I get to bring up the rear on this whole “feelings” theme.

First of all, did you like the themed edition of the Coots?  We are thinking that the first week of every month will be a theme week and you, the loyal readers of the Coots (i.e. Heather, Hansi and Dave) will be responsible for choosing that theme.  Go ahead and cast your vote right over there in the sidebar for March’s theme.  And if you have a suggestion for a theme by all means hit us with it via the contact form or in the comments.

Now onto the Cantankerousness.  We spend a lot of time here at the coots talking about basically feelings.  What feelings to have, what feelings to discard, and whose feelings to stomp into a mudhole when the time is right.  Ralph has reintroduced the Cantankerous Old Coots University to our growing audience and, hopefully, has started more and more people on the path to true Cantankerousness.

In a lot of ways, Cantankerousness equals freedom.  To be truly cantankerous, you will be embracing all of the core values that are wrapped up in the First Amendment.  Coots say what they think.  We say what needs to be said without regard for the sissy feelbads of this generation.

Sometimes, you just need to hear the hard stuff.  Like Denis Leary says, “Life sucks, get a helmet.”  Your feelings shouldn’t get in the way of the truth.  The history of America is filled with insensitivity and lack of regard for feelings.  We are stubborn and, well, cantankerous.  Do you think that the Revolutionary War would have been won or even fought if the colonists worried about the “feelings” of King George?  He sure didn’t care about us and we gave him the collective finger.

Think of the government policies regarding Indians.  (Yes I said Indians.  That is what they always were Native American is a whole other rant.  And my Great Grandmother was full blooded Arapaho so don’t give me any crap about it.)  The Indians that basically ruled what would become the United States were slaughtered and pushed to little tiny plots of undesirable land.  More than once.  And the ones who had the balls to resist (see Geronimo, ass kicker extraordinaire) were eventually snuffed out by the Government.

Cantankerousness is not just bitching about the world.  It is taking a stand and forcing your position down the throats of all the namby pamby do gooders who just don’t get what it means to be assertive.  Feelings are an invention of those who need something to explain their lack of intestinal fortitude.

This is the main mission of the Coots.  To try and jump start that intestinal fortitude that is lying dormant in so many people these days.  To show people that it is ok to put your feelings in a dark place in your heart and let them fester until they just can’t be contained anymore and you make someone cry telling them the truth and not holding back because of their “feelings”.

Now, watch this video, it sums up much of my personal philosophy very nicely.

Now tell me what you think about your feelings, the comments are open and waiting for your cantankerousness to flow.

Don’t forget to vote for next month’s theme.   Semper Fi.

-Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Jun 282013
 
Merry Christmas

Image via Wikipedia

You might suppose that the Cantankerous Old Coots have an endless supply of the character flaw we have dubbed Cantankerosity. You would be wrong. Cantankerosity is no common good easily purchased in large quantities at Costco. It is a rare and precious quality which must be refined each day from the dross of hum drum daily life. It requires mastery and dedication. In short, effervescent and fresh as it may appear to mere mortals, it is hard work.

So today in the week before Christmas, this Coot is taking a break. Maybe it is the Christmas spirit which in spite of all I can do to stop it  has seeped into my brain and short circuited normal impulses. Maybe it is just fatigue as we draw to the end of another year. Whatever the reason as we anticipate the culmination of the Christmas season, I’m just flat out drained of Cantankerosity.  So sue me!

I plan to enjoy the pleasures of the season and ftom all the Coots I wish you and your families the joy and peace of the season as well. And if you are worried that the spirit of Christmas will infuse the Cantankerous Old Coots with mellow blandness for the next year, stop worrying. The day after Christmas when I return all the stupid gifts somebody decided I need always gets me right back to normal.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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