Haiku, Haiku, Why?

 Posted by at 04:14  Plain 'ol Cantankerous, rants
Jun 112014
 

Haiku.  Who picks these topics to vote on….ok it was me so I guess I asked for it.  I sat down to write this post and tried to figure out how to address haiku without writing a bunch of them.  (I did write this part of the post before Ralph got his post out, but had I written a bunch of haiku I would just look like a follower and that is in no way cantankerous.)   So I decided to see how many words I could think of that rhymed with haiku.

Here goes: achoo, pew, phew, do….. Eventually I am going to get in trouble for words that people get offended by.  Sorry Bob, I’ll stop with the list.

So now, I have to laugh at this picture, explaining a Japanese poem in Russian with a bit of English tossed in.  Just struck me as funny that’s all.

 

 

Ok so haiku, a small poem with a 5-7-5 structure.  Used to create something profound or beautiful in a structured, disciplined way.  I am not good sticking to those rules.  I like my meter to flow better.  Iambic Pentameter is kind of fun, sticking each like to 10 syllables but haiku is just not long enough.  That must mean I am too wordy.  (Shut up Ralph).

I do agree that limericks are much more fun to write and to read but that is not the topic.  You know I went and read the Wikipedia article about haiku and as much history and significance as they put into it,  it still sounds like a bunch of drunk Japanese guys writing BS and passing it off as art.

My opinion.  If you are a huge fan of the art, write me a post about it and I will run it.  Other wise…..at least limericks written by drunk Irishmen are funny or even profound.

So here is a Coots toast to Haiku:

I hope I never

am forced to write another

a stinking Haiku.

Have a good weekend kids, we will be back with more on Sunday with Ralph’s look at the news.  Right now, I have to go shovel some snow.  Spring in Utah, gotta love it.

 

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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When did Wal-Mart become Civilization?

 Posted by at 17:02  Plain 'ol Cantankerous, rants
Jun 022014
 
Street sign for Wal*Mart Drive, south of Gordo...

Image via Wikipedia

This past weekend I took the family camping and fishing for my daughters birthday.  It was her idea by the way.  We drove down to the middle of Utah to a great lake and caught a ton of fish.

What I noticed is that on the way back there was lots of empty space…in the dark at least.  Plenty of stuff in the day.  What I really noticed is, even on the freeway, it was dark.  Cars passing on both sides of us because a minivan with a tent trailer has to be slow right?  70 mph not quite enough for you jackasses is it? Anyway, there were islands of light along side of the freeway that rose out of the darkness like the moon coming over the mountain.  Which was happening at the same time but irrelevant to the story.

The island of light was, you guessed it, a Wal-Mart surrounded by several smaller stores all seeming to be sycophants to the great and powerful Oz, er Wal-Mart.  My wife said, “We are OK now, there is a Wal-Mart.”  I chuckled and we drove on.  Another 10 minutes or so (again still at 70 mph and getting passed) another Wal-Mart rose out of the stygian night.  I said, “We must be back close to civilization, there is another Wal-Mart.”

That was the joke now as we passed two more before hitting Provo, the first big city on our way back to Salt Lake.  After that there were more Wal-Marts and we already knew where they all are in the valley.  We finally made it home and speculated that we may have to hit a couple of those Wal-Marts in the future.  (Not a joke, when we didn’t have kids (and a couple times with the kids) we drove the two hours up to Evanston, Wyoming just for fun.  We would have pizza at the Shakey’s and then go to Wal-Mart because there wasn’t much else to do.  Now it is a joke to stop at a new Wal-Mart.  And no, they are not all the same.  Why just last year we stopped at the one in Price, Ut………)

I think the “old” part of Cantankerous Old Coots is coming out, I am rambling.  I just want to know exactly when Wal-Mart became synonymous with civilization….Any thoughts as we go into the weekend?

(I just realized that Wal-Mart should be kicking back some advertising every time I mentioned Wal-Mart in this post.  If I got a nickel for every one, I would have .65 cents…enough for a candy bar at Walmart.  Oh, that makes .70 cents.)

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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It’s here! Black Friday! *Finally*

 Posted by at 17:02  Coot Comedy, Coot Smirk, Plain 'ol Cantankerous, principles
Jun 022014
 

Yes ladies and gents, it is finally here, the time we have all been waiting anxiously for, the best holiday of the year, Black Friday!  Holy cow can you believe that Black Friday 2011 is here?!?  I am so excited I could almost pee myself.

Black Friday at May 9th 1873 at the Vienna sto...

Image via Wikipedia

I don’t care about anything else today, it is Black Friday and I am going to get some Christmas presents or die trying.  I want to end up in the hospital with a broken bone or two because I had to fight that one guy for the last Barbie Dream house at Toys R Us.  I want to shed blood in the pursuit of the commercial aspect of Christmas.

Christmas is now relegated to my third favorite holiday behind (in order) Black Friday and then Halloween.  I can’t believe that Christmas has hung on this long as the most popular holiday when Black Friday has been here for so long.  I am so going to throw away any part of the Christmas holiday that has to do with the Savior because, let’s face it, He isn’t going to be having any doorbusters right on the heels of Black Friday Eve, previously known as Thanksgiving.

Greed and violence seem to mark Black Friday and what two aspects of a holiday could be better together.  If you aren’t standing in line waiting to leave with your $5 DVD player then you are watching your cart like a hawk to make sure that shifty looking guy in the black hat isn’t going to take it out of your cart.

Maybe we should curb some of the greedy grabbing that goes on by requiring everyone who is serious about shopping on this most glorious of holidays to carry a gun.  Sure some people are going to get shot, but that is the price you pay for stealing out of other people’s carts.   And because you are celebrating a holiday you can claim it was religious insanity and get off the hook for the shooting because the Judge would rather be out celebrating as well.

So folks, here is what you need to do.  Forget all about being nice.  Forget all about the “reason for the season.”  Focus on the gifts.  Aunt Mary really needs that 5 pound tub of popcorn.  Cousin Jim will love the Old Spice sampler pack.  Mom will be thrilled with a novelty frying pan packed with a candle that sort of smells like Paula Deen.  Wait, that is a Paula Deen branded novelty frying pan with a candle that smells like pie.  And of course don’t forget Dad, that summer sausage and cutting board set is just calling his name.

Then there are the kids.  If you watch tv long enough you will find all of the things that you need to go out and but immediately.  Ignore anyone who says “Make your gifts” or anyone who mentions anything religious.  Your new religion is Black Fridayism.

My Mother in law joined us for Thanksgiving yesterday and she had to leave before pie time because she had to join the cult of Black Friday.  People heading to Wal-mart right after dinner to get a few bucks off of toys are the real winners, the clergy of the Church of the Black Friday.

Let Black Friday take you places.  You will submit.  You are joining a cult.  You are wandering down a long, deserted road.  There is a sign post up ahead.  Next stop, the Black Friday zone.

You have been warned.  Go buy some meaningless presents and convince the family that it really was the thought that counts.

See you next week.

-Justin

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Coots Lesson 13: Same to you!

 Posted by at 10:36  Coots Lessons, Plain 'ol Cantankerous
Apr 022014
 

I witnessed a phenomenon in Wal-Mart tonight.  Maybe it was just Wal-Mart but there was a lady (term loosely used entirely based on gender and not the language) who was walking with a cart full of kids down the main aisle.  A guy with a couple of kids himself came out from a crossing aisle in front of her.  He said “Oh Sorry” as he got out of her way.  She replied with a few explicatives and “Fine just run over me!”

Now, you may be wondering what cantankerous lesson this could yield.  Well it is not the attitude of the woman, entirely.  She was what Ralph has referred to as an Angry Old Fart in this post. Now, what the man did was not cantankerous.  It was not even, well, very manly.

He meekly said, “I didn’t.” to the womans back as she was stalking away.  Now, the cantankerousness is available.  It should be used.  This situation left the woman, who was in the wrong (not by being a woman but by being a pain in the ass) with a feeling of superiority and self satisfaction.

I felt sorry for the guy and if I would have had a coots business card I would have given him the first 5 lessons at Coots University for free(it’s called foreshadowing kids, look it up), just to help this poor guy get his balls back from his wifes purse and be a man damnit!

I believe the correct response should have been something along the lines of, “You didn’t mind it last night!” or “Watch where you’re driving that stupid shopping cart you cow!”  Or even just “Same to you!” followed by a rude gesture or explosion of flatulence.

We are getting way too pacified people!  We let those few who think they are in charge brow beat the rest of us into giving in.  We let the medical community push us around under pretenses of patient confidentiality when it is all just a sham.  Why should people get away with being rude in any store when someone apologizes.

Sure, if you shop at all, there will be a moment when you step in front of someone or cut someone off or even walk out of an aisle too fast and nearly hit someone.  A polite “excuse me” or “sorry” should be sufficient to not make a federal case out of it.  Of course, there are those who want to push.

To them you can only respond with a “Same to you!” or “The sun seems to be going down would you mind bending over seeings as how the light shines from your ass?”

Take a stand.  Be a real person and not one of the faceless automatons who gives in to people who are louder or are seemingly more forceful.  Don’t just do what the nancy boys over in legal tell you you must do.  A coot says what he or she thinks.  A coot sticks to that.  Like we have said before, a true Coot will give the deserving party the Mapquest directions straight to Hell without passing go.

Quit being a ninny.

Watch for a huge, large, big, fantastic, stupendous, unprecedented announcement concerning this  site.  Stay tuned for more.

-Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Don’t you dare betray me Groundhog!

 Posted by at 10:36  Plain 'ol Cantankerous, rants
Apr 022014
 
Groundhog Day 2005 in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania
Image via Wikipedia

I hope everyone had a good break from the regular cantankerosity and enjoyed Heathers work.  She has some good rants on things us other Coots don’t think about.

Is anyone else out there getting tired of winter?  I know it has been very erratic around much of the US and still continues to be…strange weather to say the least.  Next Wednesday the weather prognosticator of all prognosticators will make his debut and tell us all whether we can look forward to 6 more weeks of winter or not.
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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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