Plain 'ol Cantankerous

Black Friday

Posted by Justin at 18:17 Plain 'ol Cantankerous, rants

Jul 072014

: Image by thinbegin via Flickr

Do you get caught up in the business of what has become common in these here United States and gone forth into the great unknown that is Black Friday? You know you get a newspaper chocked full of advertisements to make your kids drool and then you head out into the cold early in the morning (or late at night) to get a “deal” on these things?

Well as I type this it is almost 7am. decent people should be asleep or just waking up if you are one of those “morning” type people. I am not one of those. Still, Toys R Us opened on Thanksgiving night at 2200, sorry, 10 pm to let the sales start. Walmart started selling stuff at 1201 am. Sometimes I am still amazed at the lengths that parents go to to make Christmas special for their kids. (*note, this is a stock picture and not of the toys r us I was at. if it were, I would have started about beyond the picture at least double if not triple the people that are shown here*)

Tonight I saw some very interesting points of Humanity. I saw grumblers and malcontents waiting in line with the placid and the comical, all hoping to get inside the store before the 12 degrees afforded to us by a doozy cold front froze parts that we would rather have not frozen. I saw people just grabbing things, for the sole purpose that they were on sale and then proceeding to misread the 20 items or less sign and seem to see an extra zero on it. I could blame fatigue, but it was on 0230 at that point.

One thing I didn’t see was people fighting over things. I have always heard stories of things coming to blows over a toy or a movie, but I didn’t see any of that. I guess the earlier times opening helped out with that. I also saw people in relatively good spirits. People who were forced to be together by the commercialness that Christmas has become. But most people were nice to each other, or ignored most everyone else (like I did) while plugged into my MP3 player. I thought at one point that there was some hope, albeit small and shrunken like the raisin you find under the stove next spring, that humanity can endure.

So yes I fell, no jumped, into the quagmire that is Black Friday and came out tired but unscathed on the other side. It made me all the more happy that we decided to have our kids make gifts for each other and for the Grandparents. It beats waiting in the cold. And then I got a call from my wife that you could get darn near everything online for the same price. What a load of crap.

I would so love it if anyone reading this would regale us with tales of Black Friday present or Black Friday past. The comment section is lonely and wants to hear from you. Yes you, guy in the red shirt, leave a comment! And then please share via one of the many exciting social networking sites listed below.

Thanks for reading, I can’t wait to hear your stories.

-Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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An Italian Anatomy Lesson from Venice

Posted by Ralph at 18:17 Plain 'ol Cantankerous

Jul 072014

Travel is broadening

At least that’s what I hear. That may be true but this coot came back a few pounds lighter than when I left on my trip. Whether it is due to all that walking, I can’t say. I do know that there was plenty of great food to eat in Venice but I kept it under control.

I don’t think that’s the real meaning of the saying however. I think they are talking about understanding people and customs as much as your waistline and I did discover some interesting things about Italians that bear serious consideration, like those long lunches. Other aspects of the Italian lifestyle leave me bewildered however. And they seem to center around the bathroom.

Venetians seemed pretty normal

In spite of the exotic environment but once I saw the bathroom in the Venice apartment, I started looking over the men pretty carefully. They seemed to have the usual equipment in the usual places but you would never know it from the convenience I found in our bathroom. I finally reached an accommodation about how to use the darn thing but they sure didn’t make it easy.

Yeah, I do know about those bidet things and I strongly believe that the left side of my device might be one of them. I always thought I knew what they were for but close examination left me baffled about how to use it. I didn’t worry about it because those things are for women but I was still curious. Thinking that my wife would automatically know what to do with it, I asked her. “Beats me.” she said. “There is no seat so I just left it alone.” No help from her.

I played with the controls without a single insight. It looks like a waste of good money to me but I’m not here to judge. There must be some secret that Italian women learn and keep to themselves. After all, if it was any good, every American bathroom would have one. No need to make it my problem.

What would you do with this thing?

It’s the other half of that thing that really bugs me. I know what it’s for. What I can’t figure out is how in the world is a man supposed to use it. Let me explain.

Toilets in America are designed to accommodate men and women with their different equipment. What that means is that toilet bowls are generally oval or at worst round. The little beauty in our apartment was indeed oval but it was oval in the wrong dimension (wide rather than deep) providing no accommodation for male apparatus and making taking care of business much more complex and messy.

I was unable to discuss this problem with any Italians due to my inability to speak Italian but I found myself examining the anatomies of Italian men. Were they built different from American’s? I could see that they are generally shorter but I can’t believe that that is the explanation In addition, in spite of our stereotypes, Italian men (or at least Venetians) are generally lean. Short and skinny might work on that toilet but unless Italian men are assembled differently, I don’t believe it helps that much. There is just no way to sit on that thing and do your business when it involves both number one and number two without leaving a puddle on the floor. I can’t believe that this is what anybody wants.

My solution to this problem was to stand for number one and sit for number two. It isn’t what I’m used to and certainly not my preference but not having to clean the bathroom floor was a sufficient reward. I had an opportunity to experience other bathrooms in Venice and discovered that in public places, men were not provided a bidet. And I discovered that there are some toilets that provide the proper accommodation for the male anatomy to sit comfortably. I feel much better about Italians as a result.

Whatever the criteria involved in selecting the bathroom equipment in our apartment, it seems that Italians are normal human beings after all. It does make we wonder about our hosts- the American owners of the apartment we rented. It may not be an Italian problem after all.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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How Obama could justify martial law

Posted by Bob@HayleStorm Interactive at 18:17 Bob's Politics, Plain 'ol Cantankerous, principles, rants, videos

Jul 072014

Last week’s video discussed the possibility of the November elections being postponed or cancelled by President Obama if he felt his tenure was being threatened. That video posited that he might find an excuse to declare a national emergency

and martial law in order to continue to hold office if it looked like the election might not go his way.

While that suggestion smacks of paranoia…the show IS The Tinfoil Hat Club, folks…it IS a possibility that he just might try to do it. There is one problem, however. How could he gin up enough “civil unrest” to be able to actually pull it off? This week’s video takes a look at HOW to intentionally cause widespread civil unrest…and maybe, just maybe, get Continue reading »

Bob@HayleStorm Interactive

Bob comes to us with a skeptical attitude and a full cup of Cantankerousness. He also writes about homesteading and yurts over at JuicyMaters.com and rants about politics at Common-Sense-Conversation.com Most of the time, though, you'll find him at HayleStorm.net, cranking out great websites for clients OR writing tutorials teaching them to build their own sites.

Where has my cantankerosity gone?

Posted by Ralph at 18:17 Plain 'ol Cantankerous

Jul 072014

It’s embarrassing.

Image via Wikipedia

Here we are winding up a year that set records for making sow’s ears out of silk purses. The world is going to hell in a hand basket (yes I know this is a trite cliché but sometimes only a trite cliché can convey your meaning). What I’m trying to say here is that the only thing good about 2011 is that we are almost done with it.

I say good riddance.

But what I’m embarrassed about today is that I’ve lost the will to rant. Search as I might in my inner being, it’s just not there. It may be just the joy and happiness of the season washing away all that bitter acid. Possibly it’s that I’m just overwhelmed by peace and joy not to mention too much to eat. I’m at a loss to explain it. You see, I’ve never had this problem before. Ranting has been second nature, easy as falling off a log.

This year, it’s different.

I’m a weepy wuss. Getting that cloying Christmas update from Cousin Zach never overwhelmed me before. This year I actually thought his new grandson was cute and reading about his road trip to Cedar Rapids made me envious. Then there is the food. That extra piece of pie never overwhelmed my natural distrust of human nature. This year stuffing my face completely unnecessary high calorie treats isn’t just making me fat. Each piece of pie or glass of eggnog is turning me into more of a pussy cat.

It can’t be old age.

Heck I’ve been old for years. There is no way to deny it. Sometimes I can fool myself into forgetting it, if I stay away from mirrors and the arthritis goes quiet. It’s just not something you can hide. If old age were the reason, this would have happened years ago.

So on this final week of what has to be one of the worst years yet, I am full of the milk of human kindness and unable to think a negative thought about anybody. It’s a sorry state of affairs. Whatever the cause, I have hopes that 2012 will restore my life to its former state.

So that’s my resolve for 2012.

I aim to restore my natural distrust in the judgment of others and my honest and completely justified lack of faith in human nature. I think if I can just finish off the last of the holiday food and get the decorations put away, there is hope that I can begin the year in a suitably cantankerous frame of mind.

Meanwhile, while the Christmas spirit and food buzz still clouds my mind, I can’t help myself from wishing you all a happy and prosperous New Year.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Let California fail

Posted by Bob@HayleStorm Interactive at 04:14 Plain 'ol Cantankerous, rants

Jun 112014

Yesterday voters sent a message to Washington: “Change course, or the price will be worse next time.”

Sure, the slaughter could have been worse…indeed many wished it had been…but the reality is the change was historic. I’ll cover the post-mortem over at JuicyMaters.com later today, but here and now I’d like to make one point:

It’s time to cut California loose and let the self-destruction be theirs to deal with.

Californians, with skyrocketing unemployment, home foreclosure rates far above the national average, and a border war with Mexico being sabotaged by sanctuary city after sanctuary city, had a choice. They could continue with the single most partisan senator in congress, Barbara Boxer, a woman who is more concerned with being called “senator” instead of “M’am”, a woman who considers feeding at the government trough high cuisine, a woman who has never had to make a payroll or create a job, or…

They could choose Carly Fiorina, a proven CEO of a major tech company, who actually created jobs (despite lies told by the Boxer campaign) and who understands living within a budget and not spending money you don’t have.

They could choose “Governor Moonbeam”, a governor from the history books whose failed policies in the past were a large part of the start of the state’s present woes, a classic tax and spend big government liberal, or…

They could choose Meg Whitman, another female former big company CEO whose business background would serve California well these days.

In both cases, Californians chose the big government, big tit to suck, alternative. Fine. Let them rely on the nanny state…but let their nanny state be their own, not the rest of the country.

Republicans now control the purse strings in congress. When California comes begging for the inevitable bail out, congress should tell them “folks deserve help when they first help themselves, and you didn’t, California.”

“You are on your own. Tell Jerry and Babs to fix it.”