Coot’s News Service- News you can use!

 Posted by at 04:51  Headline News
Apr 082012
 

Down with consistency!

hobgoblins abound

Nothing to fear

They tell you that consistency is  the hobgoblin of small minds- whatever that is supposed to mean. We can’t be bothered by consistency here at Cantankerous Old Coots. One reason is that by the time you get into your dotage like this Coot, consistency is out of the question. I have done so many things in so many ways that practicing consistency would mean complete paralysis.

So today, Up with Inconsistency. 

The Coot’s News Service is a perfect example of inconsistency. We’ve reported good news. We’ve reported bad news. We have even reported no news. There is no question that CNS is not burdened with any hobgoblins, small though our minds may be. We go all over the map for our news report each week. The news stories today are no exception.  Today we’ve got News you can use.

Most news is useless. 

Most of the time news is titillating but essentially useless. You may be interested in a story about a military jet crashing into an apartment complex but aside from the fact that it wasn’t your apartment complex, you are no better off reading it. Newspapers, TV newscasts and the entire content of CNN and Fox News do nothing to make your life better. They sure won’t make you happy and there is nothing you can do to affect any of it anyway.  Bottom line, the time you spend watching or reading is a total waste of your time.

Today’s CNS is a game changer.

Today’s stories actually provide useful, actionable information that, acted upon can change your life for the better. Take this first story.

All Academic Fields of Study, Ranked by Realness

These days picking a major in college can be very difficult, with all the new categories. How can you pick a field of study that actually contains real, useful information that might actually prepare you to provide value to an employer? Use this handy guide to keep your college education real and avoid courses that contain only empty calories and leave you holding a big student loan debt when you can’t get a job.  Choose wisely!

The next story is valuable only to residents of my state of California who live in constant denial of reality. Californian’s are brainwashed from birth to believe that the way things are in California is the way things ought to be. The group think, government overreach and lack of accountability are accepted as good and the sniping from lesser states is dismissed as mere envy. Californian’s are blind to the truth of their own dysfunction and refuse to accept that Americans despise California and all it stands for.

Americans Hate California Even More Than They Hate New Jersey

There is probably nothing that can wake California from it’s mindless self worship unless and until the 30 percent that can still think for themselves take what resources the state has let them keep and moves out. Dream on California.

Take the stories today and make your life better. If you still believe that a college degree makes you more valuable then at least pick a major that is reality based. And for your own sake build your life in a state with a future. Leave California and head for New Jersey.

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Coots News Service-April Fools Edition

 Posted by at 03:18  Headline News
Apr 012012
 

Have you been fooled today?

sporting index april fool

sporting index april fool (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

Don’t feel let down or left out because the Coot’s News Service is here to help with our April Fools Day Edition of CNS- Headline News.

It’s April Fools Day.

To celebrate the Coots News Service presents a plethora of stories today. I can’t help loving that word plethora. It is so much fun to mouth that laws should be passed to make sure people use it frequently. It means ‘ a bunch of’ so make a note to self that every time you think about saying ‘a bunch of’ you say plethora instead. Your mouth will thank you and your friends will be impressed at your erudition.  But I digress.

Moving along to the news, my original thought was to make up a news story in honor of the day and then confess at the end that it was merely an April Fools joke. What I discovered is that making up a news story is hard work so today’s post is a compromise. Only one of the stories today is made up. The task for our faithful readers this April Fools Day is to guess which story is false and the reason you know it to be false. There is a bonus for identifying the true story contributed by our very own Coot, Bob who, uncharacteristically put in extra hours this week.

So examine these headlines carefully. There will be no links to the news stories since those links would reveal which story is a fake. Instead post your guess in the comments and then check back tomorrow to find out if you are correct. The winner will receive a certificate of honorary Coot-hood and an interview by yours truly so don’t miss this opportunity for fame.

Now for the stories.

The first story involves animals, actually several animals attacking a lone hiker.

Man claims attack by lion, saved by a bear

In the second story we have a jogger threatened by a predatory animal

Predator Shocks Jogger

The third story tells how the Subway Foot-long has become an endangered species in San Francisco

$5 FOOTLONGS CUT SHORT IN SAN FRANCISCO

And finally, a developer in New York City plans an apartment building taller than the World Trade Center.

432 Park Avenue Will Reach 1,397 Feet, Taller Even Than the World Trade Center

Put on your thinking caps and tell me which of the stories is a fake. Bonus points tie-breaker if you can tell which story was contributed by Bob. Check back tomorrow for the answer and discover who is our next honorary Coot.

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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CNS for March 25, 2012- Do it yourself!

 Posted by at 04:10  Headline News
Mar 252012
 

Well, I did get one vote last week.

That’s one third of the votes cast in our survey. Maybe it’s not a mandate but it’s better than a kick in the teeth so here we are with another edition of the Coots News Service. Trying to find upbeat stories gets harder and harder. If there is good news going on anywhere, the reporters sure do a great job in covering it up.

Too old to drive?

It may not be good news but the environmental disaster that is Germany just keeps rolling on as this story tells.  It seems that senior drivers in Germany are causing more accidents and nobody wants to do anything about it.  It’s not that German seniors are bad drivers so much as the German driving laws don’t account for diminished driving skills with aging. The German philosophy is ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’. They don’t ask seniors to prove that they still have the chops to drive.  Once you have a drivers license, you never have to requalify.  The result is more accidents involving seniors. But the politicians, as usual, don’t want to antagonize a voting block even if it means putting everybody at risk.

 Unrestricted Seniors Endanger German Roads 

Germany still shies away from stricter rules, insisting that retirees’ right to drive should not be restricted. Anyone who has ever passed the driving test is allowed to get into the driver’s seat, even if he or she is 95, has been using a stair lift at home for years and no longer recognizes the neighbors. The only thing government officials, doctors or relatives can do is to encourage them to give up driving.

I spent some time trying to find stories that are upbeat or provide help in making life better and finally inspiration stick. It’s always been my thought that if people stopped spending $10 or more a day on fancy coffee drinks at Starbucks, the recession would be over. Saving that money would probable make up for the surge in gas prices and eliminate hunger as well. It isn’t that there is anything wrong with coffee. Coffee is good. Recently, scientists have actually proved it. But who needs all the extra calories and the extravagant costs of those fancy coffee drinks? Nobody, that’s who.

Be a Better Home Barista 

There are nearly 7 million tons of coffee beans consumed worldwide on a yearly basis. Coffee consumption is rivaled only by tap water in North America. If you’re a coffee drinker and you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you had coffee but no coffee maker, you know how frustrating it can be to figure out a way to brew a cup of morning coffee to start your day. Here’s a quick, easy method for brewing a pot of coffee when your resources are limited.

 

So today, the CNS serves you up information on how to get that healthy coffee working for you while saving money. Drop the barista at Starbucks and do it yourself at home., Everybody wins.

If anybody still has a suggestion for this CNS assignment, even though I won by a landslide, you can still cast your vote right here.

 

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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CNS for March 18, 2012 You get to vote!

 Posted by at 04:20  Headline News
Mar 182012
 

It’s all over!

In Justin's kettlebell studio

I’m talking about the vacation- not the Coots News Service.  Darn!  The vacation is over and it’s time to get back to the old grind. I’m not even rested yet.  Still, I have to thank Justin for stepping up with the news reports while I was away playing. I don’t take this effort lightly.  It can’t have been easy on him to pick up the slack after years with his feet up in the back office.  I know he has a lot on his plate as a stay at home Dad with a serious kettlebell fixation but he definitely delivered the goods this time.

He had six stories!

That’s seis if you happen to be in Italy which, of course I was just last week. The man knows how to deliver. He does have four kids after all. If he weren’t the boss, I’d suspect that he is after my job. Not only that, he got comments out of Ella and Amy, something I have never accomplished. If I didn’t know about Justin’s aversion to actually doing the work, I’d be worried.

Still, Cantankerous Old Coots is all about making customers happy so long as it doesn’t involve compromising our standards so it’s only fair to ask our readers to vote their preference for the COC news correspondant. Let us know who you want to find the weeks best stories to keep our readers au currant and cutting edge. Share your feelings in a comment or if you hesitate to associate yourself in any public way to our site, vote in our survey. We promise that no one will ever know you were here. But first, here is this weeks CNS report.

Germany has problems – again. 

It's not easy to put out the trash

It’s probably because I just got back from Europe that I was drawn to the first story. It’s from Gernany but I think that envronmental craziness has infected Italy as well (expect more about this later). A few weeks back I reported that Germany was going bankrupt- not from bailing out Greece but by building solar energy facilities. The big problem is that everybody forgot that the sun don’t shine in Germany so there is very little output from these wonderful, state of the art facilities and they are driving the cost of electricity through the roof. This week, it seems that there are problems with other German environmental wacko programs that Germany has espoused contrary to reason and judgement.(Do you ever wonder why we always think that Germans are smart?)  For example, they make you seperate trash four ways and then just destroy all four in the same way (except for token amounts of recycling.) Water conservation has meant that the sewer systems do not self clean and the water savings must be used to flush them periodically to eliminate serious bad ordors. Mercury pollution is introduced into the homes from the energy saving lightbulbs mandated by the state and the air tight new insulation standards have caused mold to grow everywhere it shouldn’t. Environmentalizm is causing an ecological nightmare in Germany.

Germany’s Failing Environmental Projects 

People who shop in organic grocery stores, eat a vegan diet or drive an electric car are free to do so. But this should not give them the right to lecture others on the environmentally correct way to live their lives. Things are sometimes more complicated than they seem at first glance.

Newspapers in the news.

Back home, in a story near and dear to the CNS, we find that the newpaper business is collapsing. Print newspapers are an endangered species, apparently unprotected by the EPA and they struggle to survive by charging for online content. It all seems like a questionable strategy to this Coot. I can’t imagine how long CNS would stay wround if we depended on readers to pay for our insights. Still there may be hope in nich marketing.

Bleak outlook for US newspapers 

” newspapers also still have some unique content to draw readers in, from sports to local politics. He added: “Obituaries are a good thing. You’re not going to find out whether your friends are alive or dead any place else.” 

So that’s the CNS report for this week but before you forget, take a moment and leave a comment telling us which correspondent you prefer- Justin or yours truly.  Or just answer the survey question.  We aim to make it painless so that we can deliver the customer satisfaction you have come to expect from CNS.

Who do you prefer to deliver the CNS news report?

  • Find somebody good! (67%, 2 Votes)
  • Ralph (33%, 1 Votes)
  • Justin (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 3

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Coots News Service for 11 Mar 2012, Testicles, Urine, and Pink Slime

 Posted by at 11:53  Headline News, principles
Mar 112012
 

 

English: Google Streetview cars parking in fro...

Image via Wikipedia

Well folks, this is another edition of the CNS for March 11 2012.  Next week Ralph will be back form Venice and his cantankerous take on the news will be your to enjoy again.  As for today, I have a couple of things for you.  I didn’t dig as deep for news because, again, the news is just depressing.

Lets get started with: Outdoor urinator sues Google Streetview after being caught in the act

Now this is rather funny.  Google street view is fun to play with, we have used it to map out our trips to Disneyland in the past, and to see what our house looked like 3 years ago.  I have read stories about people flashing the camera and trying to get their body parts shown to the world.  But can’t a man pee in his driveway in peace?? Apparently not.

 US soldier kills 16 Afghans, deepening crisis

You know, I wholeheartedly support our troops but this makes me wonder.  What was the provocation and why are we treated to one side of the story and a sterile “we are looking into it” response?   I have to believe there was a reason and not just wanton slaughter.

User big brother 1984

Image via Wikipedia

At SXSW, apps buzz is location, location, location

It seems that SXSW is now Big Brother…I sense the government behind this somewhere.

Storied carrier, ‘the Big E,’ makes final voyage

It is the end of another era.  Another reminder of how things come and go, and how we are all destined for a scrapyard somewhere.

Carnival for testicular cancer raises funds, awareness

Raise your hand if you think that this story was chosen just so I could get the word ‘testicle’ in a post!  All of you? Correct.  I couldn’t pass up a carnival for testicles story.  Sure it is a good cause but I think I would be uncomfortable being there.  All I can think of is that game where you pound the lever with a hammer and try to hit the bell on top…smashing a testicle and shooting the thing up a giant penis toward the gong….

If you look, there is not anything related to a testicle at this thing.

 

And finally, Ralph sent me this story, it hit him even in Venice.

USDA BUYS 7 MILLION POUNDS OF ‘PINK SLIME’ FOR SCHOOL LUNCHES

My mixed feelings for this story have had me debating for 3 days.  First of all, this sounds like a bad idea.  I don’t want my kids eating Pink Slime.  It sounds like something they dump on you when you get a question wrong in that game show.  Then you see the process.  Even that has good and bad with it.  Use all the meat possible- Good.  That meat being fit for dogs until liberally doused with Ammonia? Bad.  This is exactly why my kids don’t get to eat school lunch anymore.

And it is all legal and sanctioned by the USDA, a government agency that is supposed to help us avoid things like this.  Check out some of the other links below about pink slime and prepare to be outraged.  Where is the FDA in all this?  We can’t get lifesaving medications approved for use in this country, ones that have been helping Europeans for years, but we can let our kids eat this crap???

I want to backhand someone.

Tell the USDA: Don’t buy any more pink slime for school lunches. Click here to automatically sign the petition.

Have a good week folks.

-Justin

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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