Coots read the news so you don’t have to

Dallas Star Larry Hagman’s LSD Trip

Lots of Coots will remember the psychedelic 60’s with pot parties and LSD trips. Those were the days when drugs were fun instead of treatment for what ails you. Larry was always up front about alcohol – or maybe he just couldn’t hide it but now he comes clean. Larry thinks that a little LSD trip is just what our politicians need to get their heads on straight. Maybe he is right. Nothing else seems to work.

Police still uncertain if ex-con was involved in Hollywood publicist’s murder

Ronni Chasen is certainly not a household name but is apparently a well-known Hollywood publicist. Coots are not sure what a publicist does but we think it is similar to Aunt Agnes back home. Out Auntie knew who was pregnant and even better who was at risk of being pregnant. You never knew if it was safe to talk to her because she always managed to find out what you didn’t want anybody to know. Still, if you didn’t talk to her you would never learn the latest gossip. Apparently Auntie missed out by staying in Missouri. Nobody ever told her that she could earn a living doing what she loved. Still, she is 87 and  going strong unlike Ronni. Police seem baffled that a suspect would rather kill himself than talk to them. Perhaps a Dale Carnegie course would help.

UFO enthusiasts want to build memorial to ‘fallen aliens’ in Ukraine

There must be something in the water there in Ukraine that affects behavior because just last week we were reading about topless demonstrations there. Oh wait, there is something in the water. There was something about fallout from a nuclear power plant a few years back. Now it seems that humanists in Ukraine are concerned that humans have not shown proper respect for fallen aliens. It is not clear why these aliens are falling and what is drawing them to Ukraine. Coots wonder if it is the topless demonstrators that have distracted the aliens and caused them to fall – or perhaps it is just another consequence from Chernobyl.

Cellphones abound in California prisons

Coots have been troubled lately by California prisons. Recently the courts are considering whether treatment for prisoners is so bad that 40 thousand of them need to be released, apparently so they can go on Medical. Now we learn that there is a proliferation of cell phones in California prisons. The apparent cause of this epidemic is the poor pay for prison guards who can make $1,000 each time they deliver a cell phone to a prisoner. One of the happy new cell phone users, a criminal named Charles Manson reached out and touched people is several states. Coots aren’t sure if he is one of the 40,000 being considered for release.

Obama issues first pardons (nine of them)

After two years in office, President Obama has pardoned nine lucky prisoners.

“The President was moved by the strength of the applicants’ post-conviction efforts at atonement, as well as their superior citizenship and individual achievements in the years since their convictions,”

It isn’t clear how they managed to impress the President with their redemption but none of them appear to be serving time. None of them are from California either. OK, Mr. President, the Coots can see that you are a compassionate man of the people. Now what about my taxes?

Obama talks to Karzai, thanks U.S. troops during Afghanistan visit

During a surprise trip to Afghanistan, the President thanked the troops and said that because of their efforts Afghanistan would never again be a haven for hostile troops. After declaring victory, the troop withdrawals will begin next summer. There was no comment from the Taliban.

Obama gets bad news on the unemployment front

Coots don’t understand why newspapers think this is bad news for the President, After all, he still has a job.Following  nearly six months of lazer-like focus on what Vice President Joe Biden calls the three letter word – J O B S, unemployment goes up. Maybe the best thing that can happen for unemployed Americans would be some diversion for the administration. Let’s send the President on another trip. There must be some country that wants to see him.

Obama aides, Republicans talk tax cuts (quietly)

The White House and Republican leaders are rumored to be talking quietly to finally resolve the tax increase scheduled to happen on January 1st. These increases are the result of putting a time limit on the tax reductions from 10 years ago. With the economy in the tank, the pressure is on Democrats to relent but even a wipe out last month hasn’t made much of an impact. This Coot see the Democrats as having the same philosophy as my wife. Every thing I earn is our money while what she earns is hers. I get to spend what she thinks is not needed elsewhere. Democrats want everything I earn to help them do good. They don’t even think that the tax increase in January is enough. Next year looks even tougher than this one.

That’s the news for today.  Now this Coot is off to take a nap.