No News is Good News

 Posted by at 12:08  Headline News
Sep 082011
 
Have I Got News for You

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The world is going to hell in a handbasket- whatever that means.  For this week, I’m putting a good face on a bad situation. Since all I can find this week is bad news, I’m skipping the news summary. Lately it’s getting harder and harder to find any good news out there. It’s enough to make me pessimistic.  It also makes me wonder what’s going on? There are earthquakes here and tornadoes there. The economy is not budging. It’s been down for years and it seems to be going down further.  Spreading that gloom and doom can only make things worse.

It’s time for Plan B.

I’ve been scouring the news sources further and further from the mainstream hoping fto find something good but it’s just no use. The only thing cheerful going on is that Royal Wedding in England but happy as those royals seem to be and crazy as the clothes they put on to celebrate are, I just can’t go there. In America, King George was the last monarch we paid attention to and he blew it. This American can’t even manage a snicker at the Royal goings on.  It’s like seeing your parents go senile.

There is no future in news.

Right now , I’m wondering what’s the point? Bad news is bad news. There isn’t any way to avoid it and I’m feeling that the last thing anyone needs is somebody reminding them how bad off they are. So today I’m proposing an alternative. Either we drop this news summary altogether or we shift gears. I’m open to suggestions. Maybe readers know some good news and are willing to pass it along. I’m not sure what makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is pandering to the forces dragging our spirits down whether they occupy the seat of government or the TV studios. If they can’t find us some good news than I guess we will just have to make some up.

This week’s good news is that there is no bad news.

One way of another, the Cantankerous Old Coots through with bad news. This week, the good news is that the Coot’s News Service will not be passing along any bad news. If you need it, you know where to find it. The Good News is that from now on here at CNS there is no bad news.  Next week, who knows.  We’re making this up as we go.

 

Now put on your thinking caps and pass along your suggestions for finding good news for next week. If you don’t help, I may be forced to make some up.

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Sep 072011
 
Licentie

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kjkjk

Good News!

As our faithful readers know, last week was a blowout. I couldn’t find any good news and so I decided that no news is good news and indulged in a snit. Well, I was worried this week as I looked over the headlines. I know I threatened to make my own news if that’s what it took to find good news but you can all feel relieved. This week I found some good news.

 

Let’s start with the economy. Finally maybe things are looking up because there are new jobs appearing around the country. It beats me why anyone would hire anybody but for whatever reason they are. For some reason the unemployment rate went up too. It’s not such good news when there are more new people looking for jobs than new jobs. Still with this economy, I’m ready to grasp at any straw.

Job Creation Much Better Than Expected; Rate Hits 9%

The EU has been in a bad way lately with so many countries owning more than they are worth. It was making the Euro look pretty lame in their bid to become a world currency. Greece was thinking about dropping the Euro and once the defection started, the rest of the PIGS would surely follow. Well, Greece says they wouldn’t think of leaving the Euro zone. I guess those bailouts really work.

Greece denies report it’s seeking to leave euro

Locally there is more good news. Our recently departed governor is returning to his old career. Apparently he was an entertainer of some sort. It ‘s hard to imagine what kind of success a short guy with a saggy face and a hicky Austrian accent could make for himself in Hollywood but he must have made some connections during his time in office. I don’t think Californians will be interested in seeing any more of him but according to a Hollywood hack,

“I guarantee that you’ll get another look at Arnold Schwarzenegger in this movie,”

That’s enough to keep me away.

Arnold Schwarzenegger picks drama for comeback

Closer to home, Sacramento keeps the lights on at night.

Don’t the city fathers know that that’s what street lights are for? I would say something about the brightest bulbs not deciding to reside in the city whose claim to fame is that it is two hours from places you would like to be but then I’d have to explain why I live here –  or maybe not.

City Takes Unique Approach To Deter Copper Thieves

Good news for the tourist season in Martha’s Vinyard. They sighted the first great white of the season. This is sure to keep the hoi polloi away from the playground of the idle rich . This will be good news for the Jersey Shore too. Snooky will have lots of business.

Great white zeroes in on whale off Vineyard

Young ladies these days seem to have minds of their own. After a Toronto cop suggested that dressing like a slut might cause men to thing that that’s actually what you are and act accordingly, spontaneous demonstrations popped up on college campuses all  over honoring  sluts. I always wondered why educating women is a good idea. This proves my point.

Cop’s rape comment sparks wave of ‘SlutWalks’

Finally, a heartwarming story to wrap up this weeks CNS. Marie Osmond gets married again –  to her first husband. Doesn’t it just warm your heat?

Love, etc.: Marie Osmond remarries long-ago ex-husband

So now we’re back in the groove with the news. Enjoy.

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Sep 042011
 
Supernova Companion Star

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Summer is over!

Labor Day Weekend is a time when good news is critical. Back to school! Back to work. There is a lot of pressure to shape up, get serious and deliver.  It’s the last three day weekend until February and everybody needs a little help keeping positive over the next six months. But never fear, the Coots News Service has you covered this week. Not that it was easy, mind you, but that’s our job and we take it very seriously.

Speaking of school!

I know that education is very controversial these days. Some people think that we don’t spend enough money and that’s why Johnny can’t read and others think that the schools spend too much time and money teaching things that kids ought to learn at home (if they need to learn it at all). Those discussions can get quite active and unfriendly at times but maybe there is a way to make everybody happy. Recent research says that teaching love in schools can be very beneficial (and they don’t mean learning how to put a condom on a banana).

The benefits of adding love to your school’s curriculum

While you are at it, do something for yourself as well. None of us is getting any younger and if you are like me, each year makes it just a bit harder to pretend that you are still a 25 year old stud. Well it seems that there is something you can do to feel younger. You can be positive and expect the best.

Look on the bright side of life if you want to feel young, say researchers

And if you a re beyond even the hope of feeling young, you can at least decide that when it is time to move on you do it in the greenest way possible. I think there was a movie about this back in the 60’s. They even called it green even before the wackos thought the term up.  Makes you wonder.

YOU CAN NOW LIQUEFY YOUR BODY FOR A ‘GREENER’ BURIAL

And now for something special to do this weekend. Not just the old same old same old stuff that everybody does but something really cool. Like watching a supernova.

THE PLANET’S CLOSEST SUPERNOVA IN 25 YEARS CAN BE SEEN THIS WEEKEND

Now to close down this weeks CNS report, the best news of all. There are many reasons to love Southwest Airlines- great schedules, cheap fares, no hubs, stand-up comics flying the planes. What more could you ask?  Well, there is more!  Now they have topped all those feats and made flying a bit more civilized. I may never fly with another airlines.

Saggy Pants Cost Green Day Singer His Airline Seat

So this wraps up our news for Labor Day. Make the most of it and stay positive. Whatever happens when life goes back to normal after the weekend, the Coots News Service will have more good news for you next week.

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Sep 012011
 
The Mona Lisa (or La Joconde, La Gioconda).

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sopi

Stop the Partying!

In spite of the 200 post milestone here at Cantankerous Old Coots, it’s the weekend and time for the Coot’s News Service weekly update. And what better way to celebrate Coothood than to pay our respects to a genuine Cantankerous Old Coot, Pete Rose, who celebrated his 70th birthday this week.

HITS KING PETE ROSE HITS 70

There was bad news on the economic front as the President gets his wish- Gas prices are skyrocketing. People would be buying those new hybrid cars by the carton- if only they had jobs.

Gas at $4 in nation’s capital, 5 states; NY next

It’s gotten so bad that in Texas, people willingly face the drug wars to buy their gas in Mexico where is only costs $2.80.

How about Gas for $2.80 a Gallon?

There is more bad news. In Italy they are exhuming Mona Lisa- or at least the body of the woman suspected to be the inspiration for the painting.

Mona Lisa to be exhumed

For good news this week, we travel to Chicago where firefighters revived a pit bull from near death after a fire by using CPR.

Dog Rescued From Fire, Revived With CPR

If you get frustrated with your computer which seems to have ideas of its own, researchers at Washington University may have your fix. They have found an implant that lets people control computers telepathically.

Patients with temporary surgical implant able to control computers by thoughts

And finally, for our readers that need their Justin Bieber fix each week, CNS located the mop-haired singer in the Caribbean having some kind of problem with his privates. Oh the travails of stardom.

Justin Bieber’s caught shorts

So that’s our news update for this week. Leave your comments on your favorite story.

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Aug 282011
 
This photo shows the place where the rainbow r...

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Look for the Good! 

There is just too much fixation on negatives these days.  Nobody ever expects good things to happen. You drive to the grocery store and  expect to be hit by a guy that doesn’t believe in stop signs. Take a walk and expect a pigeon to plant a load on your head. Nobody expects anything good and therefore nobody ever seeks the good- even demands it. Well the Coots want you to suspend all that negativity and believe that good things can happen, even to you, even today. That cynical attitude you have developed just ensures negative results. The world is full of good things just waiting to happen and people who want to make you happy but first you have to believe.  They like to say “Shit happens.” but they forget that “Rainbows happen.”  too. So look for and demand those rainbows.  The shit can take care of itself.

This week we have several examples and the first one is cosmic in its impact. Lucy was right!

Astronomers discover planet made of diamond

Everybody makes fun of these twenty-something billionaires who built fortunes creating social media venues. Not that they care what we think. At least that’s how I used to think.  But then I discover that they have a higher calling than getting rich helping us make fools of yourselves on the web. Some of these guys are building a new web venture to encourage people. It is nothing short of inspiring.

Twitter Founders Want to Make Money Encouraging People

At the risk of being negative here, I have to interrupt these positive stories with a negative on of sorts. But since it demonstrates how venial and stupid the government Is , I just can’t resist. It seems that the government has it’s panties in a bunch because it is losing money when people drop out of college, from the government perspective. It seems they haven’t noticed that all these new billionaires are college dropouts. It looks to me like the new destitute are the ones that believed the propaganda and went into debt up to their eyeteeth to pay for a college degree that can’t get them a job at McDonald’s. That’s the government for you!

Report: College Dropouts Rob Feds of Billions

Now back to the good news. I’ll bet you remember your mother telling you to write polite letters when you want results and I’ll bet you blew your mother off (in a nice way, of course). I’ll be you don’t believe that letters are good for anything these days except killing trees and filling landfills. Well even in these cynical times, one boy finds that, just like your mother said, a simple letter can get results.

Va. boy’s wallet disappears, but handwritten letter gets results

Finally, I saved the best story for last because it proves the simple truth that the world is full of people waiting to help their fellow man. But before all these wonderful people can help they need you to do just one thing. They need you to ask.

Hungry man tweets about steak, gets surprise delivery

So buck up all you cynical and hardened Coots out there. The world is not the awful place the media wants you to believe it is. It is full of wonderful possibilities and giving people. And remember that you don’t know what is in the heart of that scowling guy on the bus. You can’t see into the mind of the cop giving you a speeding ticket. They may be hoodwinked by the media just like you have been. But down deep they want to find the good in people and help their fellow man. Give them a smile and expect the best. It sure can’t hurt!

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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