Need some help with Cantankerousity? Don’t forget the Coot’s Lessons

 Posted by at 04:53  Coots Lessons
Sep 202012
 

Back in the Day…

Step away from the pack.

When we started Cantankerous Old Coots, there were just two of us- Justin, the wild-eyed dreamer and stay at home Dad and Ralph- the over the hill dreamer and frustrated retiree. As we stumbled through the launch and developed our plans for the blog, our first thought was that Cantankerous Old Coots would be a beacon in a dull, conformist world. We wanted to create a landmark of contrarian thinking and inspiration for sheep everywhere who were lost on the road of life.

We had both suffered from following the crowd and trying to please everybody and were now attempting to recover our Independence and joie de vivre by letting it all hang out. We were repelled by the conformist, non-conformism of today’s youth where letting it all hang out seemed to mean letting your boxers show by wearing your jeans under your crotch. We were bored by the look alike cars and mindless music, the inanity of modern humor and the insecurity causing modern man to seek status by wearing clothes with designer names written on them like a billboard.

We didn’t believe we were alone… 

We believed that we weren’t the only people bugged by these developments. So we began Cantankerous Old Coots to tell it like we saw it. We hoped that this would be the start of a community. Next we decided to help people who might feel some anxiety about the direction the world was heading but not yet ready to tell their friends about their feelings. We wanted to find intelligent, insightful people who were beginning to push out of the kool-aid stupor of modern life but still uncomfortable about speaking out. For these folks we established Cantankerous Old Coots University (COCU) which consisted of lessons devoted to encouraging one aspect of Cantankerousity. To date, 21 of these lessons are available for readers of Cantankerous Old Coots. A few of these lessons have been quite popular. Others languish in relative obscurity in the archives of Cantankerous Old Coots.

It is time for that to change.

Today I would like to review three of those Coot’s Lessons as a service to newer readers who may have missed their initial publication. Today’s lessons might be categorized as emphasizing urgency as an important quality of cantankerousity. Taking action with immediacy and vigor is basic to the cantankerous mind and lifestyle. So here are the three review lessons for today.

 Take Coot’s Lesson 1 – Let it out.

“Maybe your mother taught you to be nice. She may have told you “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Well, we say forget what your mother said. How far has your mother’s advice got you anyway. We say, if you feel it, then let it out.. “

Then review Coot’s Lesson 4 – Say it when you feel it.

“Are you one of those people who worry about being “politically correct”?  Do you always think out what ‘you want to say before you say it?  Do you get home later and say to yourself ‘I should have said….’ “

Finally follow Coot’s Lesson 7 -Coot’s Don’t Dither

“..decisiveness is more important than being right. Others may worry about making the right decision. Cantankerous Old Coots know that getting all the facts and weighing the pros and cons is less important than action. “

So take a moment today and review these three Coot’s Lessons and use them in your life. Don’t get hung up on doing the ‘right’ thing. You know the right thing already. You just aren’t willing to take the heat for acting on it. Maybe you need more inspiration. If so Ginger Baker may be your man.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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What a Coot Could Be….

 Posted by at 08:34  Coot Smirk, Coots Lessons, Plain 'ol Cantankerous
Jul 252012
 

We are Cantankerous, that is established.  For some reason, when we start talking about Coots, Zemanta (a groovy little plugin that helps you add pictures to your posts) brings up this:

Common Coots

Image via Wikipedia

These are Coots.  Worse they are common coots.  At this site, we strive to be way beyond common.  Typing “Coots” into Google gives you 10 different sites with definitions of the birds.  Finally at number 11 is our site, the Cantankerous Old Coots.com.  Not too bad, but we are ever striving to get that higher.  As our Alexa rank rises alongside the readership of this site, Google can’t help but put us above some mangy waterfowl.

I would like to start typing Coots in this blog and wait for Zemanta to bring up these pictures:

 or even  or heaven forbid

  Of course it could just as easily bring up

 and I don’t even know who that guy is.

Alas, dreams they be and as ethereal as the wind unless all of you keep coming back and telling your friends about us.  The year is almost over now and there are big things in store for 2012.  Stay tuned.  and in the meantime, review our manifesto with the link below and number 14 of the Coots Lessons.  You can learn all about being Cantankerous with the lessons and join Hansi as a graduate of the prestigious and venerable Coots University.

Check it out over the weekend.

-Justin

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Burgeoning Cantankerosity!

 Posted by at 04:38  Coot Law, Coots Lessons, Plain 'ol Cantankerous
Jun 172012
 
Puberty Blues

Image via Wikipedia

Next Week the coots will be Writing our monthly theme: this month, Oil Stains!  I hope Bob gets his stuff fixed so that he can unleash…he has a good one coming.  Dont forget to head over to the sidebar there on the right and vote for our April theme.  There promises to be some good stuff there also.  You can also send us suggestions, the email form is over there as well.  I would really like to write on a topic suggested by the readers.  You know who you are.  I would also like some input on the podcasts; I haven’t done one for a while and I would like to get back to it.  I do want some help though.  Topics for the podcast?  want to be a guest?  We can do that.  Send me an email and let me know.   Enough of this, onto today’s post.

This didn’t get posted last week for a number of reasons.  I am not going to count them.  Anyway, I have an interesting situation over here.  Ralph and Bob have already been through this stage but it is new for me. That stage is puberty.  For my DAUGHTER not me you tools.  Yes my 10 year old is starting that horrific  special wonderful incredibly necessary but oh my dear lord how are we going to live through the hormones shift so innocently called puberty.

While I am not exactly terrified, I am planning a fortified bunker in my basement so that I can lock her away into it.  With these hormones that are beginning to rage, I can see another form of rage building in her.  That rage is quickly becoming cantankerosity.  She has a way to go of course but I am not sure how I am going to handle this.  Do I let her develop on her own or do I give gentle nudges and tuition in Cantankerous Old Coots University?  I am leaning towards the latter.

I can see now just how valuable the lessons of Cantankerous Old Coots University are when I have someone to mold into her own coot.  She has been in training for a black belt in sarcasm for 10 years now.  She is no where near the Jedi level that I hold, but she is coming along.  Focusing hormones and rage into sarcasm and cantankerosity is a challenge that I am at least uniquely qualified for.  I have to get her away from the fatalistic attitude that she is starting to get.

It is time to form her and guide those hormones into a cantankerosity worthy of the great masters, Howard Beal, Ralph, Bob, Redd Fox and others.  But she still has to be a decent girl that people will want to hang out with.  Someone who will bring boys home that I won’t have to bury in the backyard after the first date.  There is a particular challenge there, she is a good person now, but I can see how easily she could rebel and turn into….well…that girl I need to lock in the basement.

So, what to do?  The first step is a deep breath.  Next, subtle guidance to channel the onslaught of hormones into something productive.  I see her own blog in the near future.  After that, more deep breaths and the lessons of Cantankerous Old Coots University.  If you haven’t checked them out, you really should.

Thanks for your support and remember that tuition dollars are due by the end of March.

Later.

Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Coots Lesson #6: Never Underestimate Sarcasm

 Posted by at 06:02  Coots Lessons, Plain 'ol Cantankerous
Mar 232012
 
swearing in cartoon
Image via Wikipedia

I am working hard to refine my Cantankerosity and hone it to the rusty butcher knife edge that Ralph has achieved.  One of the tools that must be used to acheive fine Cantankerosity is Sarcasm.  Sarcasm, done correctly, is one of the finest things the English Language ever produced.

Done poorly, well, you may as well type it out and let a computer try to read it.  It just doesn’t have the same punch.  Kids will cry and adults will tremble when they are faced with a truly masterful sarcastic stream of consciousness.  I have heard say that the British are the 7th degree Jedi Masters of Sarcasm, I am working up to that.  I believe that I am at about level 5.

Now, Sarcasm is not for everyone.  Some people try, but most of their sarcastic powers are lost in turns of the language that either make no sense or are trying so hard to be sarcastic as to just be a joke.  Sarcasm is like Cantankerosity.  Many can try, but only a few can truly wield the power.  It must be learned and then practiced in order to be effective.

Sarcasm can sometimes be misinterpreted.  Subtle digs at peoples lineage are usually sarcastic.  Calling someone a Son of a Whore is more descriptive and probably truthful.  You see how I wove sarcasm into the end of that sentence?  Subtle sarcasm is something that must be deftly handled or you are just muttering under your breath.  Of course, maybe you are doing that as well, there is plenty of room at the Coot house for you people.

Sarcasm is also able to fit just about anywhere you are.  It can be laced with enough profanity to make a sailor fall to the ground weeping or it can be clean enough for church, I just would keep it out of the prayers.  The big guy has a way of making lightning hit juuuussstt where he wants to.  Personally, I think it is more difficult and requires a higher mastery of the sarcastic ways to leave the profanity out.

Even the lowest most uneducated lout can spout off a string of profanity, but it may not be sarcastic.  The Definition of Sarcasm tells us that it comes from the greek word that means to tear flesh.  That is exciting.  Not only is Sarcasm fun, but if you take the word very literally, you will be a murder suspect.

That is where the mastery comes in.  You can give someone a complex that will take years and thousand of dollars in therapy to undo.  You can make the weak cry.  You can make your dad punch a wall and hit a stud.  Your goals will have been realized.

So take this from Coots Lesson #6, Never Underestimate Sarcasm.  If you use it correctly, you will not only be Cootish but very Cantankerous.  If you use it incorrectly, you will just sound like an idiot.  If you want some really good sarcastic training, go watch some British Comedy.  Monty Python has some of the best ever filmed.

Your homework has been assigned.

That is all.

-Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Coot’s Lesson 12 – Leave them wondering!

 Posted by at 12:12  Coots Lessons
Feb 022012
 
Fotografía tomada en Brunete, Madrid, España.
Image via Wikipedia

Don’t waste your time

One of the benefits when you are a cantankerous old coot is the time you save. People can be so demanding – especially friends. They have to know everything. How are you doing. What are you thinking. And, of course, the ever popular How are you feeling? They really don’t care about any of that. What they do care about is being known as the kind of person who cares. They will go to any length and waste any amount of your time just to make sure that you (and everybody else) know that. What a waste of your time and energy. Today’s lesson will teach you how to take control of your time by not answering questions. You have an important mission. It is your life and it isn’t a team project or a collaboration. Anything that is important to share, you will share when and how you think is right. And when is never after someone asks you a question. Don’t pause. Don’t ponder. Just keep moving.

Don’t  explain yourself!

You are in charge of your life. You don’t owe anyone a response. You don’t have time to spend explaining yourself or your actions to anybody. We get hung up today because society expects niceties like answering your friends questions and explaining what you are doing and thinking. As a result we end up being pressured into wasting our time. Being a pushover never made anyone like you. Being a Coot lets you drop all the pretense. There is no need to explain yourself. There is no need to respond. Friends will understand. After all you are a Coot. You have your own drummer to march to and your friends will respect that. Sheep love to follow – even over a cliff.

Don’t argue!

Another reason not to respond is that people will argue with you. They either want to change your mind or understand your thinking. Either way you don’t give a rip and besides you don’t have time to waste. When you get a question it is like someone has thrown you a baseball, They gave you the ball. Just keep it. There is no need to throw it back. So long as you keep it you control the game. Take the ball and go home.

Don’t seek their approval.

They don’t have anything you want. You don’t need or want them to give you a thumbs up. Who are they to tell you what to do? You aren’t seeking to be chosen Miss Congeniality. You aren’t needy and you aren’t indecisive. You know what you are doing and even if you don’t, there is nothing gained by sharing that with anyone else. So when your friends, neighbors, coworkers, family want to know what is going on, don’t get sidetracked into explanations or arguments. Just keep on with what you are doing. Tell them what they can do if they want to help then keep moving. Let them make up their own reasons if they decide to help. Otherwise just leave them wondering about what you are doing and what is important. And they will be sure to understand that whatever you are doing is more important than anything in their trivial lives.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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