Ask A Coot Saturday: Question 2

 Posted by at 04:53  Ask A Coot!
Sep 202012
 

Hello out there!  I hope that you are having a great Saturday today and the rest of the weekend is looking up.

Today’s question comes to us from “Jane” in Phoenix, AZ.  I do have to apologize to Bob for not getting this question to him sooner, he will have to have a cantankerous response in the comments.

“Jane” writes,

“Dear Cantankerous old Coots,  I just read your Friday column about Black Friday and I had to ask a question.  I just got back from a madcap day of shopping and spending way too much time and money for way too little items to hold.  I have seen that Bob likes to make his gifts and Justin will be doing similar things, so when is the right time to say goodbye to the shopping and spending hamster wheel and give homeade items?  And, If I give homeade stuff, will my family be mad that I didn’t spend money on them?  Just wondering, “Jane”.”

Well “Jane” as usual this is not a question that is easily answered.  Bob will probably have a better take on it in the comments.  I for one like to spend money on my kids.  I like to give them toys.  I like to give fun things for Christmas.  But, the past couple of years there has been so many toys that they don’t care about at the end of the season that we are scaling back.  We are having each of the kids make presents for their siblings instead of picking up the first thing that they see in the store that is in thier price range.  They are very excited about it.  As for other family members, (extended) it just gets to be a silly hassle trying to find gifts.  My parents don’t need anything, I don’t have the money to buy all of my nephews presents as well as my sisters so they get a family gift.  And this year family gifts are baked.  We are going to make cookies (from Bob’s shortbread recipie check it out at juicy maters.com) and these cookies will also be given to the neighbors for the holiday on fancy paper plates.  We may even spring for some colored plastic wrap but it is not likely.  So if the family doesn’t like the fact you are not going to spend money on them tough.  Maybe you should have that talk with them now, the we can’t afford much, let’s just do family presents talk.  That should help.  if not, screw ’em. –Justin

Ralph chimes in:

Dear Jane,

As you think about making your own Christmas gifts, I suggest that you keep this in mind.  When was the last time you received a homemade gift and how did it make you feel.  For me, it brings back all the Christmas gifts my kids made for me over the years.  Were they great gifts?  I have to say no.  Did I use them?  I have to say no.  Did I like them?  I have to say no.  What I can say is that I pretended to like and use them because I loved my kids.  So my advice to you as you consider giving something homemade for Christmas is that you ask yourself if the recipient will love the gift because it is you that is giving it.  If you have a speicial relationship then it won’t matter what you give and homemade is ok.  Otherwise, I suggest going to the store.

Ralph

Thanks for the question “Jane”!  If you have a question that you would like a cantankerous take on email us at askacoot@cantanerousoldcoots.com or leave it in the contact form to the right.  Thanks for reading!

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Ask a Coot Saturday: Holiday Confusion

 Posted by at 04:23  Ask A Coot!
Sep 252011
 

Hello folks.  Today marks the first installment of our Ask A Coot segment!  To submit questions, use the form over on the side of this page or use askacoot@cantankerousoldcoots.com.  Today’s question comes from “Rachael” (names have been changed to protect real identities) in Grand Rapids, MI.

“Rachael” writes: “Dear Cantankerous Old Coots, Long time reader, first time writer. I was at the store on November 1st when I saw Christmas items for sale while the Halloween stuff was just being pulled off of the shelf and the Thanksgiving stuff was being put on clearance. What do you think of that?”

Now in order to get a proper Cantankerous response from your favorite coot, we are all going to respond, independently and then debate in the comments.

Bob answers Rachael’s question with:

“Frankly, I’ve quit shopping anywhere that puts out Christmas stuff before Halloween, and I’ve mostly quit buying Christmas stuff at stores that put it out before Thanksgiving. That means my shopping locations are limited, so I make most presents I give, mostly baked goods like cookies, pies, and cakes.

One of these days I’m going to walk down the baking aisle at Kroger and the sugar is gonna be on a Christmas sale before Thanksgiving…then I’ll have to sharpen my pocketknife and learn to whittle Christmas presents.”

Ralph chimes in with: ”

Dear Long time reader,

You describe a situation that I find very frustrating as well – the stores seem to have a completely different t holiday schedule than I do.  Clearly there is something going on here but it isn’t so clear to this coot what it is.  I think that perhaps there is some kind of evil plan at work to encourage us to buy more, whether from confusion about what holiday is up next or our eagerness to find a bargain.  I think it is really a big game of chicken.  They want their holiday goods up early so that anal compulsive people will stock up.  Then they wait as long as they can hoping that people will get excited about holiday shopping and buy it all.  Then as the holiday approaches, they start gaming us.  They want to clear their shelves so they are willing to cut prices but they wait as long as they can.  Customers are on to this game and so  savvy shoppers wait for the pre-holiday sales.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.  If they economy is good,  the stores don’t have to start their sales early.  When they economy is as bad as it is today those sales start right away and escalate.

This coot refuses to play the game any more.  Unfortunately this means that when I want to buy Christmas stuff the week before Christmas, it’s already on clearance and the choices are limited.  The best solution I have come up with is that I buy whatever they are selling when I want to buy.  This, of course means that my Christmas presents are Valentines and our trick-or-treaters get toy turkeys but  somehow it all works out. Those stores won’t get the best of me!

My advice is for you to follow my example and block out all that store propaganda and keep you own holiday schedule like this coot.

Sincerely,

Ralph”

And Justin finishes up with: “Dear Rachael, as much as it pains me to say it, this is just the world we must live in now.  I miss the days of seasons to the stores.  When the Fourth of July stuff came out in late June, Back to school sales were Mid august, and you never saw a pumpkin before October 10th.  In those days Thanksgiving was important.  People looked forward to the kick off of Christmas season when Santa Claus waved from the back of the Macy’s parade.

Now, we are just filled with money grubbing Christmas pimps who want to get as much money as they can.  Sure you could call that capitalism and in a way it is, but there should be a freaking law.  My wife wants to put up the Christmas tree this weekend, before Thanksgiving and it hurts my head.  Literally.

It is very hard to have any season.  But until I am in charge (sometime about 14 years after Hell freezes solid) we will have holiday’s early so that the stores can grub all of the cash that they can.  Pretty soon it will be Christmas all year round with a small section of shelf dedicated to the holiday at hand.  And when we fail to spend all of the money that they expect for each little holiday it will dissappear and it will be Christmas all year long.

I am fairly certain that other religions would revolt at that time and boycott.  Hopefully that will solve the problem but it may not.  Be prepared to take matters into your own hands, don’t shop at those stores who have such a need to pimp Christmas for their own gain.  Do your kids a favor and make them something for Christmas this year.

And for the love of all that is Holy and Right, do not give them cash.  They will only be spending it on Labor day merch 2 days after Christmas.

Go forth and revolt, you can build some cool things.

-Justin”

I hope you enjoyed this first question from the Cantankerous Old Coots advice department.  Please send us more!  askacoot@cantankerousoldcoots.com

The comments are open below….we want to know what you think of this feature and of our first question.  Leave a comment below and put this out on all of the social networks you can before your eyes start bleeding.  Me, I am going to play some flag football.

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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New Feature: Ask A Coot!

 Posted by at 08:26  Ask A Coot!, Coot Comedy
Sep 192011
 

Hello there!  There have been no questions asked in the past week so here it is again! I know there have been times when you are reading all of the fantastic posts here on Cantankerous Old Coots and you have said to yourself, “Man what an interesting position. Those Coots sure are smart. I wonder if they could help me with my problem?”
Well, up until now, you have been on your own. You can guess at the cantankerous advice needed or you could wait until a post comes along to relieve your quandary.

But not anymore!  As of today last week the Coots are open for business as advice experts, er givers.  Email us your deepest questions pertaining to life, liberty or the pursuit of happiness and we will answer them.  You can then search wikipedia.  We only promise that your questions will be answered and you may or may not be satisfied with the results.

So, send your question to us at askacoot@cantankerousoldcoots.com or use the nifty contact form over there on the right hand side of the page.  We will review and have a set of Cantankerous answers ready for the world on Saturday Mornings.  We will do more than one letter so send in any question you have or I will be forced to make some up.  And they are a bit scary if I do say so myself.

So, ask us a question: askacoot@cantankerousoldcoots.com and lets have some fun!

-Justin

Please Digg, Stumble, RT, use any other way to get the word out or comment to your hearts content!

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Ask a Coot Saturday: Question 3

 Posted by at 10:50  Ask A Coot!, Plain 'ol Cantankerous
Dec 112010
 
IMG_1143
Image by PSPMeet via Flickr

Hello there!  I hope this week was full of both Joy and Cantankerousness.  Today we have another Question answered by the Coots.  If you have a question that you would like Bob, Ralph and myself to answer, send it to askacoot@cantankerousoldcoots.com and we will bring 3 different takes on Cantankerosity.

First, I have a small bone to pick with you all, the reading audience.  I have not received nearly the response that I had hoped when we started the Ask A Coot feature.  As a matter of fact, I have no, I repeat NO more questions waiting.  I will have to make some more up.  And again, I really freakin’ confused at why these pictures keep showing up when the text is analyzed.  If you have a suggestion, let me know.

Today’s Question is almost philosophical in scope.  It comes to us from our own Ralph.  He wrote: :  So tell me, since the President pardons the Thankgiving Turkey every year, what does the President eat for Thanksgiving?

A great question.  I think it is only fair to let him answer first.

Ralph:

This seems to be a closely guarded secret leaving this Coot to speculation and reason in search for an answer.  Clearly it would be hypocritical for the President to pardon Turkey 1 and then kill and eat Turkey 2.  The Presidential turkey surely follows the same convention as the Presidential  airplane. Whichever one he is on is Air Force 1.  Applying this logic, any turkey reaching the President’s table is automatically Turkey 1.  Therefore the President cannot be eating turkey without at the same time being a total hypocrite.  Totally unacceptable.

As to what the President does eat, the mind can certainly boggle over the possibilities:  a nice rib rost, maybe a goose or an exultation of roasted larks.  Eating meat at all after pardoning the star seems to this coot to be the beginning of a very slippery slope.  Imagine what PETA would say?

Surely they would demand the pardon of any beasts destined for the President’s Thanksgiving or multiply pardons in the case of larks.  Being surrounded with PR geniuses, I am sure that the President plays it very safe on Thanksgiving.  First, the menu is top secret to protect against any misinterpretation of his sensitivity but second my theory is that Thanksgiving at the White House means the very safe and delicious vegetarian delight – tofurkey.

Justin:

Personally I think that this year he ate crow.   In more ways than one.  But in reality, I think that the White House is only occupied by liars and hypocrites.  Over the years the job has evolved to require it.  I don’t think there is any room in Washington for people to be totally honest anymore.  Abraham Lincoln would be sad.  Thomas Jefferson would shrug his shoulders.  George Washington would probably try to philosophize about the problem.  And all of them would be eating a lovely Turkey Dinner.

There is quite a mentality of “Here is what I believe, this is policy” and “don’t look this way because “policy” doesn’t apply to me.” that happens at the same time in modern politics.  All I can see is a bunch of posturing for cameras and the press, hoping to put a positive spin on whatever crisis is facing the country at the moment.  Behind the cameras, things go on as normal.  Now I am not saying that the men we elect to be president are not good people to start with.  (hold your protests even Jimmy Carter was good when he was a baby)  Politics changes men into people who pander to popular opinion and lie and breed hypocrisy.

Pardoning a turkey is just a silly thing that provides a photo opportunity for the President.  The turkey used to go to Disneyland and live a life of luxury, in turkey terms that is.  The turkey federation has been bringing turkeys to the White House for years, Eisenhower and Johnson ate their birds.  It took Kennedy to let the bird live.  It’s all silly.  Eat the damn bird, that is what they are bred for.  Besides, have you ever actually looked at a turkey?  Ugly as sin walking around, a beautiful thing roasted golden brown with dressing and cranberries.

What should the President eat?  Eat the Turkey.  Maybe we should start a new tradition where the president chops off the turkey’s head right there on national TV and then proceeds to field dress and pluck it.  Of course we would have to start beheading PETA’s people and that would be fine with me.  I don’t know that most of the current presidential prospects could handle dispatching a turkey.  I’ll bet Eisenhower could have without blinking an eye.

Well Folks that is a lot of information, and we have yet to hear from Bob.  he will weigh in in the comments and probably blow us all away.

Thanks for reading, and remember, send in your questions no matter the absurdity of it!  We will answer and change your name for anonymity’s sake.  Submit questions to askacoot@cantankerousoldcoots.com

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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