Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

Jun 262011
 
Sunflowers in Fargo, North Dakota.

Image via Wikipedia

Continuing the quest for good news!

Mixed results today as the Coots News Service searched for signs of good news in the media. With school out and people taking vacations, you would expect a more carefree mood even among the gloom promoters in the media. It’s too early in the political season, for the government to start bombarding us with what a wonderful job they have done in restoring the country to economic vitality.  That won’t start coming until later.

So looking further we find that the Japanese are workikng to repair the radioactivity from their damaged nuclear power plants by growing sunflowers. I always associate sunflowers with Kansas– the sunflower state, where my parents were born. What could be more cheerfull than fields of sunflowers all over Japan just soaking up all that errant radioactivity. If’s even better because all around the world, people can help by growing sunflowers and sending the seeds to Japan. No explanation about what to do with all the radioactive sunflower seeds however.

Sunflowers to clean radioactive soil in Japan

In Russia, another example of botched news reporting. Miraculously, a woman pronounced dead in a local hospital wakes up at her funeral. It’s good news if you stop there, unfortnately the reporters just can’t let well enough alone. They have to give your the whole story.

Russian woman, Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov, dies at her own funeral after being mistaken for dead

Closer to home, tbe state of Nevad has taken a stand on increasing road safety by approving legislation that eliminates the biggest threat to safety on the roads today, the drivers. In Nevada, from now on you can let your car do the driving. I don’t have a clue what Google has to do with this but maybe the video can tell us.

Google good news: Nevada’s yes to driverless cars

Canada, our neighbor to the north, provides the US with many things- Comedians come to mind. Someone should do a study about why Canadian comedians flee to the US. Still Canada provides us with inspiration for social issues. It all started with socialized medicine, a specialty in the great white north and moving south but there is another social trend in Canada as well- sexless children.

SORT OF A TREND: RAISE YOUR KID TOTALLY ‘GENDER NEUTRAL’

Talk about an important issue for today. With all the issues caused by sex and the trouble that kids get into because of it, what could be better than getting rid of sex altogether. Heck, if you don’t know that sex exists and can’t tell a man from a woman, how could you get into trouble? Those Canadians are brilliant.

Finally for good news we fall back on our old standby- Justin Bieber. The plucky lad just launched his frangrance line at Macy’s and despite all the crowds and mayhem, our hero is doing just fine.

Justin Bieber gets tackled during fragrance unveiling in New York

Good news is still hard to find but I’m encouraged by today’s stories suggest that reporters may be responding to our program. Support the good news cause by ignoring bad news and spreading the good.  Got some good news you want to share.  Add it in a comment.

 


Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Jun 192011
 
behold... the funky turkey baster!!

Image by limowreck666 via Flickr

It’s Father’s Day!

Did you notice? Maybe you missed all the TV ads reminding you to remember your dear old Dad with a nice wrench. Cut the crap! Everybody knows that Dads were rendered unnecessary by the feminist revolution and the discovery of new ways to use a turkey baster. When is the last time you saw a TV show or movie with a Dad that mattered? It might be 60 years in my case. Maybe you young sprouts have never seem one- ever. Dad’s today are always dumb, often venal and would be living on the street without their wives to keep them from disaster. (What this says about women today is a question we won’t even ponder.) Marriage is a cruel mockery of its former glory. No wonder the only people who want to get married today are homosexuals. Somebody should warn them about being careful what you wish for.

But back to the news.

Trying to find good news is always hard but trying to find good news about fathers is almost impossible. I was looking for inspiring stories about fathers today, men who stepped up. Men who, in spite of all the criticisms of fatherhood and the built-in limitations of the male gender, took charge and showed their little nippers how to take on the world and win. Alas, that’s not what the reporters want us to see. Today’s model Dads are metro sexual wusses sharing their tender moments in carefully staged photo shoots to reveal their softer sides.

Hollywood’s Most Sporting Dads

The wussification of Dads is old news by now, even rock stars want to fit the model.

Dads Who Rock

The true feelings of the media show up most clearly in movies. Not only are fathers unnecessary, they reflect the base and venal nature of the male sex and nothing good can be expected from that combination. Usually the media avoids stating this directly. We have been so conditioned that a mild suggestion will cause us all to break into enthusiastic agreement just like Pavlovian dogs. Salon Magazine is an exception.  They keep it right up front.  Today they provide a  top ten list of bad father movies just in time to head off any warm fuzzies you might have about dear old Dad on his day.

The 10 worst dads in movie history

There is not much to say about being a father these days. You don’t get much respect anywhere you look. Nobody remembers Ward Clever or Robert Young and even if they did, they would turn masculine responsibility and family leadership into a joke. My suggestion for modern-day fathers on Father’s Day is just not to play the game. Ignore the whole thing. Everybody else will too and tomorrow will be just another day.

 

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Jun 052011
 
finally...some good news!

Image by debaird™ via Flickr

It’s official.

The world has gone to hell. As the indefatigable Coot’s news staff scoured the news sources today, they were unable to find a single bit of good news. The weather is bad! The economy is getting worse by the minute. You can’t even eat vegetables or drink green tea because instead of making you healthier they can lay you flat. It’s enough to depress this Coot.

Still, whining is not the American way- at least the American way I learned. I’m not about going negative about all the negative news. The Coot’s News Service is going pro-active.

If the news media can’t be bothered to find good news in spite of the billions of dollars we throw at them, then, by golly, we are just going to find our own. Long study of the news profession has convinced me that the reporters make up at least 125% of all the stuff they print anyway. If they can do it , then certainly I can. And I know that you, the Coots readers can as well. I’m thinking of the news headlines that I would like to see on my morning newspaper. What would make me happy to face the new day and confident that we are heading to a bright future.  Headlines like this.

Scientists discover how to end the heartbreak of baldness.

Global Warming is over. New glacier formation reaches all time high.

Economic boom floods governments with cash. Legislators hard put to spend all the money.

Lawmakers lengthen each day to 25 hours giving everyone 7 extra hours of leisure time each week.

Government refines health pyramid. Fast food is declared healthy. The new motto is “If it tastes good then it’s good for you.”

So those are my good news headlines for this week. Now it’s your turn. What headlines would you like to see in your morning paper. Share your suggestions and lets put the news media on notice that since they make it all up anyway, we want them to give us good news.  Add your headlines to the comments and from all the Coots,

Have a Happy Week.

 

 

 

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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May 292011
 
Reefer Madness

Image via Wikipedia

Well, it’s the big Memorial Day Weekend, and I know that everybody will be busy visiting the cemeteries and honoring the heroes that kept our nation free and safe.  Still the idea of a three day weekend just gets everybody thinking about vacations.   With the economy tanking and gas prices soaring, I don’t know how to find the money for a vacation, even a staycation.  Still  the tourism boom seems to be continuing, meaning that somebody has money. Maybe my turn is coming!   Last weeks good news noted that tourism was way up in Miami. This week we find more good news from Mexico. In spite, or maybe because of those big drug wars, tourists are flocking to Mexico as never before.

Mexico tourism booms despite drug violence

Tourism is driving the Netherlands to make some changes as well. The government has decided that it’s fine for natives to get high but they want their tourists clear headed. The future of tourism is riding on the outcome. Which country is going to be the tourist destination for the future- drug dominated Mexico or clear headed Holland? Will those tulip fields look the same without reefer madness?  Inquiring minds want to know.

Dutch government to ban tourists from cannabis shops

Closer to home, North Carolina hope to benefit from the hype from the new Pirates movie.

Blackbeard’s anchor recovered off NC coast

Gas prices seem to be down a bit over the past week but the long run prognosis seems bad what with the shut down of drilling in the Gulf and the myriad strange creatures that are doomed by any attempt to find energy in the US. Still those energy companies won’t give up. They keep on looking and darn, if they just don’t keep finding more oil. The economy will boom if only from the increased research to find some ugly critter that will die if we drill. It’s a win-win.

Shale Boom in Texas Could Increase U.S. Oil Output

Most of us have given up on getting any efficiency out the the government. It just seems like a loosing cause no matter what we do. Give it up for the President this week for making a new breakthrough. You know those wasteful bill signing ceremonies and all the time when the President could be playing golf or doing something else? Well they are a thing of the past. We don’t need the President any more.

If a machine can sign for the President, could Sasha, too?

This final story is bittersweet. It’s good news for these young stars but bad news for their heartsick fans. Justin Beiber is in love.

Selena says Justin is her ‘thunder’ as the pair frolic on the beach

Let the miracle of young love keep you going through this next week. It’s the future of the world as we know it.

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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May 222011
 
OBAMA, FUKUI, JAPAN - JANUARY 20:  A visitor p...

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

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The World  didn’t end!

There’s good news this week. In fact, it’s hard to know just where to start but since the economy has been such a bummer, I’m drawn to the good news on the economic front first. It seems that tourism in Miami is booming.  Hold on, I’ll explain. You may be thinking that tourism in Miami doesn’t mean much for Detroit but think about it. Tourists don’t live in the places they visit so if people are finding the money to travel to Miami and boost the economy, it must mean that the economy where they live is turning around too. Where else would they get the money?  So things must be looking up in Detroit.

What Recession? Miami-Dade Tourism Soars

But there is more good news. We have all been enjoying the peace and security courtesy of the current Presidency. All that old divisive rhetoric and partisan squabbling from the old regime has been replaced by care and sensitivity. Sure, we still have problems. We are strapped for energy and the prices are through the roof but help is on the way. When we finally work our way out our dependency on energy we will put the old money grubbing attitude on hold and free our inner ying- or is it yang. Why am I so optimistic about the new world our President is leading us to? Easy it’s already started.

GAS STATION RENAMES ITSELF AFTER BARACK OBAMA

The First Lady is part of the solution too. By helping us see the danger in the food all around us, gradually we are learning that we have to say no to tasty food. The evidence of how her message is resonating is everywhere. Everybody is helping and using whatever tools they have at hand.

Woman Threatens Dairy Queen Employees with a Grenade

Louisville woman pulls sword at Pizza Hut

It;s even catching on next door in Canada.

Canadian hospital group bans doughnuts

So today, the economy is on the mend. We are getting our heads straight about energy and food. That’s all well and good but there is more to life than basic needs. Man does not live by bread alone, they say. What about pleasure. Well never fear, our boy Justin is looking out for that.

Justin Bieber to launch perfume line

So that’s the good news for this week. I’m feeling better about things, particularly since I just noticed that the world didn’t end yesterday. It’s all good.

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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