Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

Down with…Fall Back!

Posted by Ralph at 04:51 Down with

Nov 092011

A photograph from Harleysville, Pennsylvania o...

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I hate the time changes twice a year because each time, it disrupts my schedule and makes me testy at the best and sick at the worst. The one I hate most is the one in the fall because this change is for the worse. I used to get confused about which way to adjust the clock but once I memorized the little crutch- Spring forward, Fall back, that is no longer a problem. I just hate the change. An hour doesn’t seem like much but it takes me at least a week to get my head adjusted to the disruption to my schedule and the sudden change in when the sun goes down.

It’s not sunrise I care about.

I never have a problem with when the sun comes up. I can get up in the dark just as well as I can in the light. When I was working, I even enjoyed going to work in the dark. It even made me feel good to be getting a head start on the day. Nowadays the dark of early morning in winter seems to energize me. It isn’t the dark in the morning that I can’t stand.

It’s the sunset while you work

What I hate is going home in the dark. Driving home from work in the dark makes me ready for bed upon arrival. Even when I am working at home, just the idea of the sun going down before I stop my daily work is depressing. So this week while my body is adjusting to the shift in my schedule, my mind is trying to adjust to the sun going down while I’m still finishing up my day.

It’s depressing.

I’ve never understood why we just don’t make daylight savings time permanent. Sure it means that some folks get up in the dark but it lets us all come home before sunset. Much better all around. I know the usual explanation for not keeping daylight savings time all year around is kids waiting for school buses in the dark. I think that excuse just doesn’t work. I can’t believe that the kids would prefer more light on their way to school than more light after they get out.

So three cheers for daylight savings time!

So I don’t oppose daylight savings time. What I oppose is ever changing back to standard time. In fact I would be very down with daylight savings time if it were made the permanent time setting. Anybody with me on this? Who wants more light in the morning? Raise your hands.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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CNS November 6, 2011 No Naked Dining?

Posted by Ralph at 05:17 Headline News

Nov 062011

What’s your image of San Francisco?

Forbidden pleasures? Anything goes? The BART tunnel under the bay? Alcatraz? Hordes of smelly homeless people?

SF has a well deserved reputation.

It is stunning visually with graceful towers rising out of the bay and a unique cable car experience to get visitors up and down the steep hills. Then there are the great restaurants catering to every budget and taste. It’s also the place were individual liberty is indulged, protected and encouraged from the homeless people clamoring for change on market street to the gay lovers holding hands in the Castro. San Francisco is the place where anything goes without even a pretense of old fashioned conservative values. Los Angeles is often satirized as the home of the fruits and nuts but LA is more like your grandmother while San Francisco is a high priced slut.

San Francisco is a great place to visit because you can pretend that you are crossing the line while remaining perfectly safe. All that tantalizing and questionable living going on right under your nose but you can enjoy it vicariously without risk. When in LA you quickly penetrate the facade of glamor and sin and discover that underneath you find a lifestyle that wouldn’t be out of place in Des Moines. Not so, San Francisco. Wherever you scratch the surface in San Francisco you find life that is bohemian at its best and downright otherworldly at its worst.

The possibilities are limitless!

Everything in San Francisco is geared for possibilities. The City fathers don’t like to inhibit your expression of whatever might be going on in your head. It has never been clear to me whether the motivation is to make a city which is comfortable as an old shoe to weirdos of all types or just a magnificent marketing ploy to attract schlumps with aspirations. Whatever the motive, San Francisco today is a place unlike any other and world renown as a place you want to be. But look at this.

San Francisco Bans Naked Dining…Here’s Why

So what’s up?

So when I saw this headline about San Francisco banning naked dining I was very confused. For years San Francisco was constantly looking for limits to push. No barrier was too trivial to break in the search for limitless options and opportunities. And yet, here in the 21st century, instead of breaking down old barriers, San Francisco begins to build new ones. Now, after all the years of freedom from convention, you can’t dine naked in San Francisco. Think about that! Something is actually banned in San Francisco. It is mind blowing. Now two of the three great desires of man cannot be enjoyed together. (The three are food, sex and money, of course .) Now in San Francisco, if you want food and sex, you need to have them separately or remain fully clothed- and what’s the fun with that?.

It’s the end of the world as we know it!

I think this means the beginning of the end for San Francisco. It marks the weakening of the resolve and clarity of focus that has marked San Francisco over it’s history. Never before has San Francisco buckled before a challenge. Never before has the city by the bay taken back a freedom. When I see that the only reason given is that it endangers public health, I know that the end of San Francisco as we know it is near.

What’s next? Air freshener in Chinatown?

When public health is considered more important than personal freedom then San Francisco has sunk to the level of Los Angeles or even Des Moines and with that kind of thinking, how long will San Francisco continue to be a tourist mecca. I think it’s all over.

I have to admit that naked dining is not a frequent pastime around our household and it isn’t a calling card at any of the local restaurants we frequent. Still the idea of naked dining does stoke some inner fires and the reality that when San Francisco bans naked dining it makes me wonder what they will be banning next.

So what do you think?

Does this new ban make you think differently about San Francisco. Will you be seeking a different city for that vacation you have been saving for? And what’s your take on naked dining? This may be an opportunity for Des Moines.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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CNS October 30, 2011 Light up with Cain

Posted by Ralph at 05:54 Headline News

Oct 302011

Cover of Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Burned out with politicians

I don’t think there is any group of people for which I have more contempt and frustration today than politicians. Now it is always easy to have contempt for the politicians on the ‘other’ side. I’m not talking about that. The politicians I really can’t stand are those that pretend to be on my side of the political spectrum. To a man (at COC we very strongly take the position that the pronoun ‘man’ is generic and includes both sexes without discrimination) every politician seems to undergo some ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers‘ moment after election and become an alien who speaks in code, has no honor and thinks that voters are dumber than doorknobs. From my side of the politics, it’s hard to know if voters on the other side feel the same way about their politicians. Since they are dumb enough to vote those lying scum bags into office, it is hard for me to imagine that they would even notice how they are betrayed and misled. Still, I suspect that this contempt for politicians goes beyond party affiliation or political philosophy. I think we all know, whichever side we are on that the people we send to Washington are worthless dirt bags. We rationalize the stupidity of our behavior by saying that our worthless dirt bags are better than the other side’s worthless dirt bags.

And so we feel OK.

The whole election process is so grueling and demeaning that real human beings turn away in horror from the idea of running for elected office. Our candidates are all masochists, psychopaths or suckers and getting elected takes them to full out sociopath level. Trying to find a real , sincere human being on the ballot is a hopeless task. Which brings me to Herman Cain.

THE NUMBERS ARE IN: HERMAN CAIN’S STRANGE SMOKING AD IS PAYING OFF

I know that some will reject Mr. Cain outright because they can’t support a candidate who thinks that Americans can do better without all the government intervention. But I’m asking all you government-dependent suck ups to cool your jets for a moment and just consider the man himself. If he has managed to score in the polls, it’s not because he’s a union whore dependent on the labor leaders. There aren’t any big corporate sponsors either. And all you have to do is listen to the man for a moment to know why. No filters! No pandering to special interests. No layers of political speak.

He’ll never make it to the finish line.

Have you wondered how and why the country has gone loony over the last 50 years? Granted , you have to have a few years under your belt to actually know what this country used to be like but I believe that even a relatively young 40 year old knows that America is not the home of the free when smokers are forced to huddle in the alley under an umbrella to get a smoke and it is illegal to smoke a cigarette in a city park because of the horror of second hand smoke. I don’t smoke. I have never smoked. I hate the smell of cigarette smoke and always request non-smoking hotel rooms. But I know that the American way of life is dead when people are not free to light up a fag. Free enterprise invented smoking and non-smoking zones and life went on without jackbooted thugs to make sure that no whiff of smoke ever inadvertently entered your lungs.

So three cheers for Herman Cain

So even if Herman Cain was not a creature on my side of politics, I’d be singing his praises as a real human being and wishing him well with his political career. If only there were more honesty and transparency in politics and politicians maybe we wouldn’t have the mess we have today and maybe there would be elected officials that we could really like and respect.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Coots News Service Good News Report for June 12,2011

Posted by Ralph at 07:25 Uncategorized

Oct 172011

Image by Enokson via Flickr

Who do those reporters think they are?

This news situation isn’t getting any better. This week was another bust for positive news. I don’t know what those reporters think they are doing. It’s like they know better than we do what we want to read. Last time I checked, this was still a free country. Maybe we have to buy health insurance but so far we don’t have to buy newspapers or turn on the TV. They still have to make us want to.

So how can we take the news business back?

It’s going to take some discipline because it’s hard to take control when you have been conditioned to get your news from the ‘experts’. It’s not easy thinking for yourself and deciding what you think is important. Still the time is here when we have to take actions. I have never seen such a flat our refusal to give us good news in my lifetime, and I’m no spring chicken.

Is it intentional?

I don’t know whether the reporters are doing this on purpose or if they are just too fat-assed lazy to dig deep enough to find the silver linings. I’d like to think that reporters are real people just like you and me but I’m beginning to doubt it. They seem to think that we should lap up any old stories they find, especially if they are bad news. Reporters these days only know how to parrot press releases and follow the bandwagon. I hate to be negative about anybody but when they go negative on me it’s hard to hold back.

It’s not that hard to go positive!

Take this story.

JPMorgan Forecasts Another Drop in Home Prices

Sometimes it only takes a tweak to change bad news into good. Look at it from another perspective and it all changes. Take this news about further drops in the housing prices. Sure it may be bad news for homeowners who are under water but think about what it means for the homeless. Each time the price of housing drops, more homeless people can afford to get off the street and into a home. Why didn’t they say it like this?

Good news for the homeless with anticipated further drops in housing prices.

In this next story, it’s similar. Europeans were fearful of eating vegetables because of recent illness. Early news suggested that the only way to protect yourself was to stop eating vegetables but now there is good news. Broccoli and zucchini are fine. Just pass on the sprouts. I was doing that anyway.

Germany: Sprouts are cause of E. coli outbreak

Change the headline and it becomes positive.

It’s OK to eat those veggies, just hold the sprouts.

So that’s my suggestion for reporters this week. If you can’t find good news then take the bad news and dig deeper. Get off your duffs and do a little work.

And now for some of the good news we want to hear. It’s not true but then 95% of the stuff on the news is made up anyway so why not make it cheery?

“Don’t Fear the Beer!” Beer bellies are healthy.

New Obama plan to stimulate the economy, Michelle to vacation in the US this year.

College tuition rates drop as students decide college is not worth the bother

Now it is your turn. Either turn around a bad news headline from the paper today or make up a good news headline of your own. Don’t let the media ruin your life. You are more than qualified to do it all by yourself.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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CNS for October 9, 2011-It’s the end of the world as we know it.

Posted by Ralph at 04:31 Headline News

Oct 092011

As you avid readers of the Coot’s News Service know, we have abandoned our comprehensive news report on whatever we can find good in the news for a good old fashioned rant about how it is all going to hell in a hand basket. While you might think that this makes it easy for our reporters, you would be very wrong. Finding good news was a time consuming pain but it was no less difficult than deciding what story is more deserving of a rant- a big challenge in these progressive times. Well, this week it is easy. Einstein was wrong! And the boomers are scared shitless.

Heads of top physics labs wary of speed of light findings but see beyond Einstein

If I didn’t fear the copywrite police, you’d be listening to REM crooning in the background. These days you would think they’d be grateful for any publicity they can get. You will just have to use your imaginations. For my unnamed generation that predates the boomers, this is no big deal. We are used to handling things by ourselved, Nobody held our hands. Our parents had a war to win. Einstein was a big deal because he had something to do with the bomb that finally ended the damn thing. We liked results. Boomers go for feelings, especially their own.

Relatively Speaking, we don’t get it.

We never really got the ‘relativity’ thing anyway but this is going to shake up boomers who grew with E=mc² thinking. To them “It’s all relative.”

Well, if these Europeans are right, it’s not all relative. Some particles are more equal than others.

European neutrinos don’t know their place.

That’s right some impudent European neutrinos were clocked going faster than the speed of light on their way from Switzerland to Italy. That means that you’d be hit by the neutrino before you could see it coming. Mind blowing! But if it is true it means that Einsteing is all wet.

Batten the hatches!

As usual the scientific establishment (probably dominated by boomers) is pooh-poohing this research even as other researchers attempt to replicate the accomplishment, Secretly (or not so secretly) they want to fail. It’s a cozy little world in the shelter of Einstein’s theory. If he is wrong about the universal speed limit, then what else has he got wrong? We may be stuck with Quantum Mechanics after all.

The breakdown of the laws of physcis may just be part of a new order that will profoundly affect boomers boomers as the march proudly into retirement expecting the world to make them happy as it always has.. All through their lives, reality has bent to provide their every want and need. Nobody ever said no to the boomers. The world was their oyster and each oyster had a pearl. Everybody pulled out all the stops to make sure boomers got whatever they wanted. It was all about them. In the 60’s boomers even changed the rules. Up was down. Black was white. Life was sacred – unless you were pregnant. Men were pigs. Women were perfect. Everything was relative. It’s all about me. Kids were optional- and a damn expensive nuisance. They could wait until after that ski trip.

Somehow the universe never got the message.

Boomers thought that the rules they made up would see them safely and comfortably to their graves with all the deference and indulgence they were used to. They had made their bed and expected to lie comfortably in it for all eternity. They expected their kids to indulge them just like their parents had. They expected the rules they made up to prevail against reality.

They were wrong.

Another less self-indulgent generation might have made it work. A generation that valued life and traditional values enough to raise children to replace them in the market place and support them in their old age might be finding a secure and happy retirement supported by a growing population of breadwinners and taxpayers. But not the boomers. They weren’t their stupid parents all cought up in making a better world for their children. It was all about them- and it still is.

If Einstein and relativity tank, it is a fitting companion to the empty and self-indulgent reign of the baby boomers who are learning too late that only their parents loved them. The rest of us are getting the ice flows ready.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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