Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

Jan 082012
 
Young chinese water dragon

Image via Wikipedia

Are you prepared for the year of the Water Dragon?

Well we may be looking at the Chinese New Year of the Dragon in a few weeks but here in California we are celebrating the Year of the Wolf. It’s been 90 years since anybody saw a wolf in California but now we have a wolf from Idaho seeking fame and fortune in California.

With all the government regulations, only wild creatures like wolves get to roam at will even if they do have to wear the mandatory tracking devices like California’s newest transient OR7. In the old days, wolves were evil creatures who devoured livestock and small children. One of the marks of civilization was eliminating threats like wolf packs; so primitive, our forbears.

That was then.  This is now.

Wild wolves were exterminated from the West in the early 1900s because they were viewed as a threat to livestock. Biologists now recognize that wolves play an important role in managing deer and elk herds and, in turn, the forests they live in.

Now in the more enlightened and nuanced 21st century, it is humans who are seen as the threat. Civilization stops in its tracks because of some obscure snail or bird species and enlightened regulators shut down California agriculture because of some insignificant fish. You might think that Californians would take action to change this destructive course but the reality is that people that actually earn a living in the private sector in California are outnumbered by people who live on the dole- government employees and welfare recipients. The whole state is a Ponzi scheme sucking the life out of anybody stupid enough to work for a living. But I digress.

 So far so good!

gray wolf

Image by U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service - Midwest Region via Flickr

So here in California, and specifically Northern California we all anticipate the return of the wolf. OR7 seems to be remarkably well behaved during his trek. There have been no attacks on livestock or small children along the way. Of course the scientists have kept track of him as he crossed Oregon and entered California, apparently looking for his own version of a California girl. So far so good. He may be happy in Siskiyou county where there aren’t many people. But I doubt it.

The experts think he is looking for female companionship but nobody seems to have thought about letting him range so far on this foolish quest. There aren’t any other wolves here, male or female. I see disaster in the future for OR7. He is either doomed to a long and lonely life or even worse, those unstoppable government busybodies will intervene and play dating game with OR7. It’s either a lonely future or an arranged marriage. I can’t believe the government will let OR7 die lonely. For California, it’s the year of the wolf.

 

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Jan 012012
 

 

It’s here! 

Well, by the time you read this it will be 2012 and if you believe the Mayans, 2012 is all they wrote. I remain skeptical. After all, if the Mayans knew so much, why aren’t they still around? Still, lots of people like doomsday threats and we still have almost a year until 12/21/12 when it is all supposed to end.  So expect to hear a lot more about the end of the world.

Of course, like all predictions, there are plenty of ambiguities and weaseling when you actually get into what those Mayans really intended to say. It seems that they might have been saying that 2012 marked the end of an era which began long before Mayan civilization arose and ends long after it disappeared. It is hard to believe that they put much faith in either the beginning or the end.  They couldn’t even handle the middle.

Coots are skeptics!

The Coot’s don’t hold much for doomsday scenarios. We don’t hold much stock in Global Warming and if we remember right there was some kind of Raelian end of the world predicted a year or so ago that fell through. We don’t expect the Mayans to do much better. None-the-less we know that our readers are thirsty for more information and so as we begin what may be the last year ever we provide our readers with some links to help  sort it all out.

First, what are the End of the world Predictions for 2012

Second, what are believers and skeptics saying

 And finally, if you just want it all to go away National Geographic debunks it all.

It’s all up to you from this point. The Coots wash their hands of 2012 doomsday predictions. If 2012 is like 2011 it will be bad enough. And if 2012 goes any worse than 2011 we might just welcome doomsday as an improvement.

All things considered, we recommend that you party hearty. It might be your last chance.


Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Dec 252011
 

This is part two.  If you missed part one of Down With Flying then follow the link.

It’s our own fault!

I say that the problems with flying are all our own fault. I think it comes down to two things – Americans have rejected the concept of class and we are cheap.

The airlines, just like any other business in the free world, cater to their customers and compete to provide what customers demand. Today , we insist on cheap transportation- at least when we fly. Since 1995 airfares have increased about 20% (my mental trend line analysis of the chart below) while inflation has been nearly 45%. It is not a perfect measurement because not everything increases in cost but it suggests that airlines have had to compromise to keep airfares from increasing to provide the same levels of service  1995. Something had to give and it was service.

The more complicated question is why we tolerate the degradation in service levels since we manage to pay for increased costs in other areas of our lives and take for granted that we are entitled to cost of living adjustments for wages. For most of us, travel is not a regular part of our lives. We fly infrequently and are therefor more willing to put up with occasional inconvenience.

I think the biggest problem is that Americans have lost respect for class. I don’t mean social class like living on the right side of the railroad tracks.  I mean having class:  dressing up rather than down and looking like you matter.   People associate class with snobbery or pretense. Nobody cares how they look or wants to be seen as pretentious. Look at your plane-mates next time you fly. Try to imagine what went through their minds selecting their wardrobe for the day. You can be sure that they weren’t thinking that the wanted to make a good impression. Everybody is afraid of looking classy. Nobody minds looking like trailer park trash, shlepping all their worldly belongings on and off the plane in their ratty luggage. And if you do check your bags (at additional cost on most airlines) and dress in a civilized way you get looks from the other passengers as if to say. “You think you are too good to shlep bags?”

Yes I am!

The answer is easy. Yes, I do think I am too good to shlep bags and while you are at it, I’m too good to look like I took a break from slopping the hogs to fly to Cincinnati today.  People don’t respect themselves enough to dress themselves well.   I don’t think anybody thinks they are worth getting good treatment these days or care enough about how they look to dress like somebody deserving of respect. So if the airlines treat passengers like cattle these days, don’t blame the airlines. They are just providing the good customer service demanded by most of their passengers who don’t think they are worth any better treatment and dress to prove it.

Somebody tell me I’m wrong.  I dare you!

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Dec 252011
 

Maybe you don’t need to know this story

English: As happy as a cow in clover Couple of...

Image via Wikipedia

But, after all, today is Christmas. After you discover how misguided and stupid your friends and family are when you open your Christmas gifts and while you wait to stuff you gut with calorie laden Christmas treats that will only add more yardage to your waistline and make your New Years resolve to loose weight even more difficult, here is a heartwarming story about a cow who yearned for freedom.

 Yvonne the Cow to Become Hollywood Star

Alas for Yvonne, the dream of freedom was short-lived. The idea that a cow should be free was just too much for the public. Unable to stand the idea that a cow should be free while humans have to put up with government tyranny, Yvonne had to be locked up.  In liberty challenged Germany, the public just couldn’t allow a cow doing what she liked. It was setting a bad precedent.

But she did avoid execution.  Finally captured and subdued, Yvonne’s dreams of freedom were dashed. She now lives in a gilded cage like the rest of the German public and her story will become an animated movie.  What more could she ask?

It’s a wonderful life.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Dec 182011
 

Image by KeiBi via Flickr

It’s almost here!

Don’t tell me that the Coot’s are out of touch. Just a week ago I recounted my own personal dilemma about Christmas cards, Merry Christmas sentiments and the whole idea that Christmas is a religious holiday central to European heritage and Western Civilization.

Maybe I didn’t say all that but down underneath my words, those deep undercurrents of thought were swirling violently as I described my journey from simple country boy to nuanced, sophisticated and effete college grad. Now, in my dotage, I am learning that the nuance and sophistication don’t wear well and erode the spirit. I am drawn more and more back to the simple world of my youth where faith, trust and belief brought people together in a common cause and patriotism wasn’t embarrassing.

We can’t teach them to read but we must send them to college.

One of the casualties of today’s mission to inflict a college education on everyone is the adoption of this nuanced sophistication as SOP. Faith is stupid is today’s mantra. Religion therefore must be tempered with nuance and sophistication. No eternal damnation for the unbeliever! No absolute right or wrong. But still some intransigent people cling to faith and hold our society back from moving to the next level of transcendence where all is relative and nothing has meaning.  This can’t be tolerated!

Lib Radio Host Bill Press Tells Tebow: ‘S-T-F-U’ (Shut the F**k Up) About Jesus

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

Guys like Tim Tebow with their simple humility and faith just can’t be allowed to express their conflicting world view these days because kids might hear him and notice that there isn’t much meaning in the nuanced and sophisticated world they live in. He must be mocked and ridiculed into submission no matter what the Bill of Rights says.

 Congressmen can’t say ‘Merry Christmas’ in mail

Well today, nuance and sophistication hits the Congress. Congressmen can’t wish their constituents Merry Christmas unless they want to pay the postage out of their own pockets. Now that the nuanced and sophisticated have nearly completed their takeover of government, it is time to ‘Tim Tebow ‘ the members of Congress. No matter that most of their constituents would welcome a Christmas greeting from Congress. It might help them feel better about being raped and pillaged the rest of the year.

The takeover isn’t quite complete, however. The article explains that for some strange reason, the Senate is still free to say Merry Christmas. I’m waiting for the cries of complaint. Shut the F*** up, Senators!

And while it is still allowed.  “Merry Christmas to you all”

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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