Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

Apr 082012
 

Down with consistency!

hobgoblins abound

Nothing to fear

They tell you that consistency is  the hobgoblin of small minds- whatever that is supposed to mean. We can’t be bothered by consistency here at Cantankerous Old Coots. One reason is that by the time you get into your dotage like this Coot, consistency is out of the question. I have done so many things in so many ways that practicing consistency would mean complete paralysis.

So today, Up with Inconsistency. 

The Coot’s News Service is a perfect example of inconsistency. We’ve reported good news. We’ve reported bad news. We have even reported no news. There is no question that CNS is not burdened with any hobgoblins, small though our minds may be. We go all over the map for our news report each week. The news stories today are no exception.  Today we’ve got News you can use.

Most news is useless. 

Most of the time news is titillating but essentially useless. You may be interested in a story about a military jet crashing into an apartment complex but aside from the fact that it wasn’t your apartment complex, you are no better off reading it. Newspapers, TV newscasts and the entire content of CNN and Fox News do nothing to make your life better. They sure won’t make you happy and there is nothing you can do to affect any of it anyway.  Bottom line, the time you spend watching or reading is a total waste of your time.

Today’s CNS is a game changer.

Today’s stories actually provide useful, actionable information that, acted upon can change your life for the better. Take this first story.

All Academic Fields of Study, Ranked by Realness

These days picking a major in college can be very difficult, with all the new categories. How can you pick a field of study that actually contains real, useful information that might actually prepare you to provide value to an employer? Use this handy guide to keep your college education real and avoid courses that contain only empty calories and leave you holding a big student loan debt when you can’t get a job.  Choose wisely!

The next story is valuable only to residents of my state of California who live in constant denial of reality. Californian’s are brainwashed from birth to believe that the way things are in California is the way things ought to be. The group think, government overreach and lack of accountability are accepted as good and the sniping from lesser states is dismissed as mere envy. Californian’s are blind to the truth of their own dysfunction and refuse to accept that Americans despise California and all it stands for.

Americans Hate California Even More Than They Hate New Jersey

There is probably nothing that can wake California from it’s mindless self worship unless and until the 30 percent that can still think for themselves take what resources the state has let them keep and moves out. Dream on California.

Take the stories today and make your life better. If you still believe that a college degree makes you more valuable then at least pick a major that is reality based. And for your own sake build your life in a state with a future. Leave California and head for New Jersey.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

Apr 012012
 

Have you been fooled today?

sporting index april fool

sporting index april fool (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

Don’t feel let down or left out because the Coot’s News Service is here to help with our April Fools Day Edition of CNS- Headline News.

It’s April Fools Day.

To celebrate the Coots News Service presents a plethora of stories today. I can’t help loving that word plethora. It is so much fun to mouth that laws should be passed to make sure people use it frequently. It means ‘ a bunch of’ so make a note to self that every time you think about saying ‘a bunch of’ you say plethora instead. Your mouth will thank you and your friends will be impressed at your erudition.  But I digress.

Moving along to the news, my original thought was to make up a news story in honor of the day and then confess at the end that it was merely an April Fools joke. What I discovered is that making up a news story is hard work so today’s post is a compromise. Only one of the stories today is made up. The task for our faithful readers this April Fools Day is to guess which story is false and the reason you know it to be false. There is a bonus for identifying the true story contributed by our very own Coot, Bob who, uncharacteristically put in extra hours this week.

So examine these headlines carefully. There will be no links to the news stories since those links would reveal which story is a fake. Instead post your guess in the comments and then check back tomorrow to find out if you are correct. The winner will receive a certificate of honorary Coot-hood and an interview by yours truly so don’t miss this opportunity for fame.

Now for the stories.

The first story involves animals, actually several animals attacking a lone hiker.

Man claims attack by lion, saved by a bear

In the second story we have a jogger threatened by a predatory animal

Predator Shocks Jogger

The third story tells how the Subway Foot-long has become an endangered species in San Francisco

$5 FOOTLONGS CUT SHORT IN SAN FRANCISCO

And finally, a developer in New York City plans an apartment building taller than the World Trade Center.

432 Park Avenue Will Reach 1,397 Feet, Taller Even Than the World Trade Center

Put on your thinking caps and tell me which of the stories is a fake. Bonus points tie-breaker if you can tell which story was contributed by Bob. Check back tomorrow for the answer and discover who is our next honorary Coot.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

Mar 252012
 

Well, I did get one vote last week.

That’s one third of the votes cast in our survey. Maybe it’s not a mandate but it’s better than a kick in the teeth so here we are with another edition of the Coots News Service. Trying to find upbeat stories gets harder and harder. If there is good news going on anywhere, the reporters sure do a great job in covering it up.

Too old to drive?

It may not be good news but the environmental disaster that is Germany just keeps rolling on as this story tells.  It seems that senior drivers in Germany are causing more accidents and nobody wants to do anything about it.  It’s not that German seniors are bad drivers so much as the German driving laws don’t account for diminished driving skills with aging. The German philosophy is ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’. They don’t ask seniors to prove that they still have the chops to drive.  Once you have a drivers license, you never have to requalify.  The result is more accidents involving seniors. But the politicians, as usual, don’t want to antagonize a voting block even if it means putting everybody at risk.

 Unrestricted Seniors Endanger German Roads 

Germany still shies away from stricter rules, insisting that retirees’ right to drive should not be restricted. Anyone who has ever passed the driving test is allowed to get into the driver’s seat, even if he or she is 95, has been using a stair lift at home for years and no longer recognizes the neighbors. The only thing government officials, doctors or relatives can do is to encourage them to give up driving.

I spent some time trying to find stories that are upbeat or provide help in making life better and finally inspiration stick. It’s always been my thought that if people stopped spending $10 or more a day on fancy coffee drinks at Starbucks, the recession would be over. Saving that money would probable make up for the surge in gas prices and eliminate hunger as well. It isn’t that there is anything wrong with coffee. Coffee is good. Recently, scientists have actually proved it. But who needs all the extra calories and the extravagant costs of those fancy coffee drinks? Nobody, that’s who.

Be a Better Home Barista 

There are nearly 7 million tons of coffee beans consumed worldwide on a yearly basis. Coffee consumption is rivaled only by tap water in North America. If you’re a coffee drinker and you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you had coffee but no coffee maker, you know how frustrating it can be to figure out a way to brew a cup of morning coffee to start your day. Here’s a quick, easy method for brewing a pot of coffee when your resources are limited.

 

So today, the CNS serves you up information on how to get that healthy coffee working for you while saving money. Drop the barista at Starbucks and do it yourself at home., Everybody wins.

If anybody still has a suggestion for this CNS assignment, even though I won by a landslide, you can still cast your vote right here.

 

Enhanced by Zemanta

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

Mar 212012
 

Travel raises questions!

When in Italy, blend in

Is it time for lunch yet?

A Cantankerous Old Coot is inclined to be set in his ways. It’s not exactly a job requirement. It just seems to work out that way. Maybe it’s the number of miles on the odometer that makes you finally decide that what you are used to is what needs to happen. Maybe the mind gets rigid and fixated over time. Maybe it’s a personality disorder. I can’t explain. All I can say is that somewhere along the line I decided that some things are right and others are not and that I’m not the one that needs to change.

I never gave it much thought but lately I pretty much knew the way things ought to go, what ought to happen and how I like things to be. I have been around the block. All the years invested in life have left me feeling pretty comfortable that I have life all figured out. No need now to make any changes or consider alternatives. But then I had to complicate things and travel to a foreign country.

Those foreign countries are different.

Let’s face it. Foreign countries are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you will find. To start off, foreign countries are full of foreigners and foreigners have odd behaviors, odd systems and as the icing on the cake, most of them speak a foreign language even though they may call it English. I’ve just returned from Italy where they do speak a foreign language and I have to say that if a country has to speak a foreign language, Italian seems like a pretty good choice. It is lyrical to listen to, has lots of cognates and many Italians know enough English to get you by with basic needs. Besides, Italians seem to like people and want to help. Language was an obstacle but not a problem. Nothing odd at all about foreigners speaking a foreign language. I can live with people speaking Italian.

It’s their priorities! 

What shook this Coot up was some other odd things Italians do. They don’t think that commercial activity is all important. They shut down at noon and don’t open up until after 3:00. They throw away three hours of good selling time. What a waste. In America, we pretty much expect a store to be open all the time, even 24 hours. Nothing odd about that. After all the customer is always right and so whenever the customer wants to buy something, the store should be open to sell it. It makes perfect sense. Italians, however,  see it differently.

Don’t mess lunch! 

They like their lunch hour- or three. The stores open at a reasonable time- say 9:00 in the morning and then stay open until noon when they close for lunch. Lunch can be until 3:00 or 3:30 and then they open again until 6:00 when it’s time to get ready for dinner. They don’t actually eat until 8:00 but they have to get ready. There is a definite sense of priorities here and it is not selling that last damn widget.

It looks odd at first.

They all look so good.

Dinner isn't until 8:00

To a tourist fresh off the plane, this whole commercial schedule seems lunatic. We can’t imagine setting up a business for the convenience of the store owner and not the customer. We can’t figure out what to do in that empty time slot when the store is closed. It is maddening to throw away good hours in the middle of the day when money could change hands, profits could be made and people could be working. To an American, the waste of time and resources is appalling. No wonder Italy is not a world power. It’s very odd, at least until you stay in Italy for a while..

Somewhere about the fifth day in Italy, a seismic shift happens. The world starts to look different. You begin to tell yourself, “What’s the hurry?” All the rushing around seeing things, the frantic urgency of checking items off the list begins to raise questions. What is the point of pushing yourself to fatigue and dealing daily with sore muscles and aching bones when you can kick back and enjoy life. After all, this is a vacation and not a work assignment. There is nobody to please except yourself.

Oddly, it stopped seeming odd. 

I soon discovered that there was nothing I needed to buy during those three hours. If I don’t manage to buy it later, I’ll figure out something else to use. I can make do or just do without. No need to rush my digestion or move away from the sunny campo. I might even take a nap. By this time, it was hard to remember what was so important anyway or where I put my list. Italians may not get much done but they sure have a good time not doing it.

So back in the states trying to make sense of my time in Italy and put my life back in order, I’m struggling to regain my old priorities. I still know that a country like Italy is odd with its emphasis  on personal time and the joys of a leisurely lunch and I’m not about to change my opinion. After 70 years, that old American drive is there to stay. I do admit to wavering some about which lifestyle is better. Somehow, it seems to me that an unbiased appraisal might suggest that the American way is not the best after all but I’m not going there. It’s nearly noon and I can think about it over a glass of wine or two after I eat lunch.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

Mar 182012
 

It’s all over!

In Justin's kettlebell studio

I’m talking about the vacation- not the Coots News Service.  Darn!  The vacation is over and it’s time to get back to the old grind. I’m not even rested yet.  Still, I have to thank Justin for stepping up with the news reports while I was away playing. I don’t take this effort lightly.  It can’t have been easy on him to pick up the slack after years with his feet up in the back office.  I know he has a lot on his plate as a stay at home Dad with a serious kettlebell fixation but he definitely delivered the goods this time.

He had six stories!

That’s seis if you happen to be in Italy which, of course I was just last week. The man knows how to deliver. He does have four kids after all. If he weren’t the boss, I’d suspect that he is after my job. Not only that, he got comments out of Ella and Amy, something I have never accomplished. If I didn’t know about Justin’s aversion to actually doing the work, I’d be worried.

Still, Cantankerous Old Coots is all about making customers happy so long as it doesn’t involve compromising our standards so it’s only fair to ask our readers to vote their preference for the COC news correspondant. Let us know who you want to find the weeks best stories to keep our readers au currant and cutting edge. Share your feelings in a comment or if you hesitate to associate yourself in any public way to our site, vote in our survey. We promise that no one will ever know you were here. But first, here is this weeks CNS report.

Germany has problems – again. 

It's not easy to put out the trash

It’s probably because I just got back from Europe that I was drawn to the first story. It’s from Gernany but I think that envronmental craziness has infected Italy as well (expect more about this later). A few weeks back I reported that Germany was going bankrupt- not from bailing out Greece but by building solar energy facilities. The big problem is that everybody forgot that the sun don’t shine in Germany so there is very little output from these wonderful, state of the art facilities and they are driving the cost of electricity through the roof. This week, it seems that there are problems with other German environmental wacko programs that Germany has espoused contrary to reason and judgement.(Do you ever wonder why we always think that Germans are smart?)  For example, they make you seperate trash four ways and then just destroy all four in the same way (except for token amounts of recycling.) Water conservation has meant that the sewer systems do not self clean and the water savings must be used to flush them periodically to eliminate serious bad ordors. Mercury pollution is introduced into the homes from the energy saving lightbulbs mandated by the state and the air tight new insulation standards have caused mold to grow everywhere it shouldn’t. Environmentalizm is causing an ecological nightmare in Germany.

Germany’s Failing Environmental Projects 

People who shop in organic grocery stores, eat a vegan diet or drive an electric car are free to do so. But this should not give them the right to lecture others on the environmentally correct way to live their lives. Things are sometimes more complicated than they seem at first glance.

Newspapers in the news.

Back home, in a story near and dear to the CNS, we find that the newpaper business is collapsing. Print newspapers are an endangered species, apparently unprotected by the EPA and they struggle to survive by charging for online content. It all seems like a questionable strategy to this Coot. I can’t imagine how long CNS would stay wround if we depended on readers to pay for our insights. Still there may be hope in nich marketing.

Bleak outlook for US newspapers 

” newspapers also still have some unique content to draw readers in, from sports to local politics. He added: “Obituaries are a good thing. You’re not going to find out whether your friends are alive or dead any place else.” 

So that’s the CNS report for this week but before you forget, take a moment and leave a comment telling us which correspondent you prefer- Justin or yours truly.  Or just answer the survey question.  We aim to make it painless so that we can deliver the customer satisfaction you have come to expect from CNS.

Who do you prefer to deliver the CNS news report?

  • Find somebody good! (67%, 2 Votes)
  • Ralph (33%, 1 Votes)
  • Justin (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 3

Loading ... Loading ...
Enhanced by Zemanta

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook