Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

Coot’s News Service for April 29, 2012

 Posted by at 04:25  Headline News
Apr 292012
 

It’s not nice to fool with Mother Nature! 

waters on the Adams river thick with Sockeye s...

waters on the Adams river thick with Sockeye salmon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Once again it’s time for our Cantankerous Old Coots news report. I don’t know if Bob is getting to me but all of the stories today are about government. Now that I think about it, these days it is hard to find any aspect of life where the government hasn’t gotten itself involved. And as soon as the government starts messing with something, they find unintended consequences that they have to fix which cause other unintended consequences and soon enough we have a whole government bureaucracy to manage something that took care of itself for millions of years at no cost. Once you intervene into Mother Nature’s affairs, there is just no getting out. As they are finding out it Oregon. It’s not so easy to do something nice for the beleaguered salmon. First you have to say ‘May I’.

Oregon asks to kill salmon-eating birds

In California, lawmakers discover that loveable sea otters just can’t play nice with fisherman and don’t believe in the rule of law.  Bill would keep Southern California’s controversial ‘no-otter zone’ in place

Bill would keep Southern California’s controversial ‘no-otter zone’ in place

Don't fence me in

The other story this week takes us back to Germany. German politics is always interesting because Germans seem unable to manage with only two parties. With two parties, politics is simple and boring. You have a majority party and a minority party. One controls and the other fusses. When you have three or more parties, then nobody has a majority and politics is a mess. Messy politics, coalitions of people that don’t get along and gridlock are probably the main reason the European Union was formed. With the EU, bureacrats run everything and voters don’t count. Like the EPA back here. Governing is easy unless you are the poor citizen.  But I digress.

German’s used to love the Green party but with the solar debacle, Green has gotten a bad name and out of nowhere a new party has emerged to take it’s place.  Move aside Christian Democrats.  Make way for  – The Pirate Party. ARRRRG!.

German Pirate Party Attempts to Reinvent Politics 

Don't mess with the pirate party

As usual, Bob has sent some more stories that titillate his funny bone.  Don’t blame me.

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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The lights went out!

 Posted by at 04:16  Reflections
Apr 252012
 

Time flies

even when you are home plugging through all the old stuff. Two months since we left our idyllic foothill home for the delights of exotic Venice. Wonderful as Venice is and delightful as the Italian lifestyle my appear, Italy is a foreign country, full of foreigners with strange habits and strange devices. Even when you begin to feel that Italians aren’t so different after all you get a slap in the face. Something that looks ordinary and familiar turns weird and strange. Like our stay in the Courtyard Marriott at the Venice Airport.

We checked in at the Venice Airport Hotel winding down after ten days in Venice and preparing for an early flight back to the states. And then the lights went out.

 

Getting ready for the trip to Venice where we would be staying in an apartment instead of a hotel and getting close to the normal lifestyle of real Venetians, we wondered if there would be surprises. The biggest surprise to us was that we weren’t really surprised. We were prepared for having no automobiles and water based rapid transit. We anticipated daily food shopping and climbing stairs. What surprised us was he local supermarket which managed to cram most everything we needed into a convenience store sized space, We found pretty much everything we needed and even more surprising many familiar brand names.

 

With the exception of the bathroom, the apartment was pretty much like home. We had a dishwasher, a clothes washer, a refrigerator and stove. The refrigerator was a small under the counter unit with a tiny freezer sized for the daily shopping lifestyle. Not a problem. We soon adjusted to life in Venice.

 

The Venice Airport Hotel just happened to be a Marriott Courtyard. We were surprised to find the familiar chain in Venice but we figured that staying in an American hotel chain on our last night in Italy would be an easy transition back to our old American lifestyle. We were very wrong.

 

Courtyard Logo

Our Venetian Marriott Courtyard used the old familiar graphics but on every other level, it was the most alien environment we experienced during our entire trip. And it began when the lights went out.

 

The answer was simple but not obvious to Americans. We called the desk bewildered. The clerk patiently explained that there was a slot near the door for your room key when you are in the room. Putting the key in the slot keeps the power on in the room. Otherwise the power will shut off after a short grace period. Since this was our only hotel sty in Europe, I don’t know if every hotel room is equipped with this feature but I suspect that they are. It also explains why they only gave us one room key. They certainly wouldn’t want guests to circumvent the conservation program by leaving an extra key in the slot at all times. It isn’t annoying once you understand about that slot because the power is activated when you enter the room but it is a program that hasn’t yet been embraced in the States and it is certainly a shocker the first time it happens.

 

The important key slot

Insert Key or lights go out!

Then we also anticipated that an airport hotel- and particularly an American chain would have 24 hour room service if not a twenty four hour restaurant to cater to the odd hours of travelers changing time zones. We had an early flight and were told that we should be ready for a 5:30 shuttle in the morning. We wanted dinner so we could get to bed early but the restaurant was fully Italian. No dinner until 7:00 but we could get a pizza. We had a pizza after checking out the neighborhood for other possibilities. Then we ordered room service at 7 and went to bed.

 

Apparently there is breakfast included with the room but service only starts at 5:45 so we headed to the airport empty. The food selection at the airport was totally continental. You could have anything you wanted so long as it was coffee and pastry. No juice. No eggs. No fruit. The Madrid Airport wasn’t much better but by then it was lunch time and even Europeans need real food for lunch.

 

I’m not complaining. We wanted to experience the Italian lifestyle. We just never expected it to embrace an American hotel chain and an international airport. C’est la vie!

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Coots News Service:Is it time to change course?

 Posted by at 10:05  Uncategorized
Apr 222012
 
American Way

Image by MrVJTod via Flickr

It’s a dilemma!

Dealing with the news here at Cantankerous Old Coots is difficult. Coots are sick of the preachy, nagging news coverage from the newspapers and broadcasters. So the approach we have followed is to look for positive news stories each week that encourage a positive outlook. Each week, we shift through the stories looking for upbeat and encouraging news. It’s a diffciult task and frankly, we are getting pretty darn discouraged. First of all, there just isn’t much good news out there these days and second, there just isn’t much cantankerosity involved in good news. Those stories are either sickly sweet or blandly boring. It’s time to shake things up.

So now what? 

The problem is deciding what to do. We’ve got Bob going political with his political coot podcasts, at least when the stars align.  On the rare occasions that Bob actually delivers  Coots would be over emphasing the political arena. Not that there isn’t enough political lunacy to fill hundreds of blogs. The world is fast going to hell in a handbasket- whatever that means. There is oppression all over the world. Cultural values are degraded. Morality is compromised. Facebook has changed. The American way of life is eroding. It’s not a pretty picture.  Still when it comes right down to it, COC is not about politics, it’s about lifestyle.

So, here we are.

Up a creek without a paddle so to speak and without a pot to piss in. So what does a resourceful Coot do when he is out of options? He polls the readers. One of the secrets to our success here at Coots is responding to our readers. So here, at this crossroads, the direction we take is entirely in your hands. Take the survey. Let us know what you think.  And then we can proceed to do whatever we darn well please anyway, just like the politicians.  So anyway, here is the survey.

What should we do about the Coots News Service?

  • 3. Just let it out. I want to read a good rant. (100%, 2 Votes)
  • 1. I love the CNS, don't change a thing (0%, 0 Votes)
  • 2. I think the emphasis on good news is whimpy, get real (0%, 0 Votes)
  • 4. Replace it with a podcast. (0%, 0 Votes)
  • 5.Those are lousy. I will leave a suggestion in the comments (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 2

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Coot’s News Service- A Little Help

 Posted by at 10:05  Headline News
Apr 222012
 

Got Friends?

Friends make life worthwhile

From time to time we all need ‘a little help from our friends’ as a obscure song by a long forgotten European rock band puts it. The trouble is in perspective. The times that I need a little help from my friends, it seems they are otherwise occupied and oblivious to my need. When I’m coping like a champion and fully engaged, in charge and taking no prisoners, everybody wants to help.

Regular readers understand that the Coot’s News Service is not like CNN. We don’t have the puffed up notion that news actually matters in your life or that there is anything noble about telling the dirt about other people. Out mission is to find a story or two that might actually turn on a light bulb and reduce your confusion. We don’t succeed all the time but it is our philosophy that you don’t fail until and unless you quit.. Sometimes, whatever your good intentions, the stories just aren’t there.

 

When the stories aren’t there, we do what we can to finesse the situation. We lower our standards.

 

By now you are probably convinced that all this blather is just to excuse another lame report. You are wrong. We have an outstanding CNS report for today. And, even better, we have a bonus. But back to the news.

Swedes move on

Just two old fashioned Swdes

Last week’s report showed how Swedes have decided to eliminate sex, Today’s story shows you how they do it. Normal people might question how you would eliminate something as universally admired as sex from life as we know it  The Swedes aren’t normal;  Brits either.  The Brits apparently don’t have a problem with sex, what they want to eliminate is friends. It seems that having a friend just sets you up for disappointment in life. Imagine how happy you might be if your weren’t burdened with fulfilling the obligations of your sex organs and you didn’t have to worry about losing your best friend.  Well, the sophisticated Europeans have the solution.

 

Early Childhood Reeducation Camps

 

Norman Bates mother

Mother knows best

Back home, the pitiful space agency, NASA has finally died. Not literally, of course. We still spend money we don’t have on meaningless programs but at least we aren’t spending in on the useless and , lets face it, incredibly ugly space shuttle whose only purpose was to carry supplies to a functionless space station. NASA died with the Apollo program and has been pretending ever since, sitting in a rocking chair like the mother in Psycho while we pretend that nothing is wrong. Government lost it with the space program but now there is hope- the private sector.

Let the Private Space Race Begin!  

 

So that’s the CNS for this week but I did promise a bonus and an explanation for the introduction so here you go-

a little help from my friends.

Bob pops up from time to time with a story. ‘Here you go.’ he will tell me ‘A story for CNS.’

So here they are.

Workers comp in Germany

Your tax dollars at work.

 

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Coots News Service for April 15, 2012

 Posted by at 04:03  Headline News
Apr 152012
 

The end of sex in Sweden

Fragaria vesca close-up 1

Fragaria vesca close-up 1 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s the end of the world as we know it once again. This time has nothing to do with the Aztek calendar. It’s not some made up fantasy. This time it is serious. Sweden has decided to eliminate sex.

It was always strange to me growing up that Sweden (the home of my father’s forebears) epitomized sex during my formative years. The closest I got to this seathing hotbed of Swedish sexuality was movies. American movies only suggested that there was something called sex. If you wanted to know more, it took a trip to the ‘art’ theater where the topic was flaunted in European films particularly Swedish ones like Wild Strawberries and I am curious yellow. Sweden was known for sexy women like Anita Eckberg and it was every teenaged boy’s dream that his parents would engage a Swedish au pair to watch his younger siblings.

That was then but apparently all that is water under the bridge because Sweden has declared an end to sex. From now on no more male and female. No more he (hon) and she (han). From now on no matter what your sex you will be hen.  From now on, Swedish sex kittens will be unisex.  Where’s the fun with that?

Sweden’s New Gender-Neutral Pronoun: Hen

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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