Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

Mar 182014
 

“Travel is only glamorous in retrospect.” Paul Theroux

 

In my dotage, I’m incurably drawn to travel. It’s hard to understand because these days, travel is a drag. Back when I was young, it was different. People dressed up to travel and service was everywhere. There were porters, bell hops and skycaps, eager to help you board. Travel was exciting.

DENVER - NOVEMBER 22:  A traveler undergoes an...

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These days, service is hard to find; getting on a plane requires standing in long lines, awkward screening procedures to ensure that you won’t blow up the plane and embarrassing wardrobe adjustments. By the time you reach the relative sanity of the boarding area, all sense of adventure has been drained and even if you started off dressed to kill, you now appear to have spent the night sleeping in the waiting room. And you still have to board the plane.

In the old days, you used to check your luggage leaving you with a briefcase, purse or other case to take on the plane. You boarded, found your seat and waited. Now, you stand in line to board, wait forever while your travel companions wheel steamer trunk sized luggage on board and heft it in the overhead bins. Boarding is interminable and then you have to squeeze into seats designed for underweight midgets. Heaven forbid you have the aisle and get seated before your 300 pound travel mate takes the center seat.  Air travel these days gives a whole new meaning to intimacy.

Back then there were complimentary soft drinks, snacks and on long flights a meal. These days, you might get a drink but nothing else is free. Thank heaven the airports have food concessions but that just means more for you to lug on board.

So air travel isn’t what it used to be. Why do it?

For me, it is spending some time in a different world. Like I said earlier, I didn’t do much traveling in my younger years. I spent a summer in Europe when I was in graduate school and at the time imagined that I’d do much more. The realities of career and family made that impossible so now with impending decrepitude staring me in the face, my wife and I decided to go for it. We spent two weeks in Venice earlier this year to see how two old coots could manage. We didn’t take the tour and we stayed out of hotels. Renting an apartment was cheaper and we used frequent flier miles accumulated from work. It wasn’t much more expensive than staying home. The big question was would we get bored.

Come back next week for the continuation of the story.

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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This will be painless!

 Posted by at 13:05  Uncategorized
Mar 182014
 

Despite a healthy readership here at COC, we’re flying blind when it comes to knowing our readers.  This is principally because we don’t get feedback or comments.  There could be many reasons for this state of affairs ranging from:  ‘What can I possibly add to this wisdom?’ to “This is so ridiculous that it doesn’t warrant a reply.’   You can understand how guessing wrong might put this whole operation in peril but Coots are either stubborn,  fearless or stupid and we persist.

How often do you visit

It is apparent that we have no way to get comments from our readers so, in lieu of comments, today I’m requesting that each and every visitor to this blog answer just one question in our simple survey.  It’s a small and painless step that I hope you will be willing to make to help the Cantankerous Old Coots get a better handle on our readers.  Our desire is that when you discover how easy and painless it is to answer one survey question without revealing who you are and exposing yourself to the possible embarrassment of admitting that you read COC, you might be willing- down the road- to take a further step and leave a comment to encourage us about a post you like or tell Bob he is full of crap.  Heck, what is life all about if not for dreams? Continue reading »

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Down with Aging!

 Posted by at 13:05  Down with, rants
Mar 182014
 

It’s a devious process that creeps and crawls, moving in fits and starts when you aren’t looking, stealing life and energy and gradually but unrelentingly replacing vigor and strength with sloth and infirmity. Worst of all it introduces pain into your life as a constant companion. No wonder no one ever talks about it.

Spending those golden years on the bench?

Spending those golden years on the bench?

I’s practical to be philosophical about aging. You can’t stop it or slow it down. You can mask it’s effects with creams and chemicals. You can mitigate the damage with exercise. You can confuse it with drugs. In truth, however, it makes you mad because it’s a death sentence. No matter what you do (or don’t do) aging just keeps rolling along and finally carries you off. You die. In the meantime you have to manage its consequences during all those years of decline. It is 40 years of denial.

Society plays along with the fantasy of those ‘Golden Years’ full of happy youthful and active senior citizens living a fantasy life of old age bliss. The reality is better depicted in the TV drug ads targeting a multitude of debilitating conditions and in those ads you never see old people. The ads imply that everything that comes with aging is merely a treatable condition. Any one might need these drugs and if you find yourself needing them, it’s just a normal thing. It has nothing to do with your age.  Drugs are the key to a healthy life.  What a load of crap! Continue reading »

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Mar 092014
 

Did we miss the exit?

It mystifies me!

Sometimes I don’t even understand what’s going on. Life is a great adventure and it is easy to get lost in the weeds and focused on minutia. One way for that to happen is when you let yourself get sucked into the news. The media only make money after they persuade you that what they are selling is something you need to know. And they work damn hard at it.

I’ve learned over time that stuff happens whether I know about it or not. I have about the same influence over events whether informed or ignorant. However I find that I am much happier when I am ignorant. So I turn off the news and ignore the newspapers. This allows me to pretend that the world isn’t falling apart right before my eyes. It keeps me closer to sane and reasonable than I would otherwise be. When the wheels fall off the bus, with any luck I will be otherwise occupied.

It’s not easy! 

It takes superhuman effort to block all the news however. Here and there a story will leak through my protective shield and over time, it is impossible not to notice that the world is changing. And not for the better.

One of the things that really bugs me is the future. Back when I was a kid we worshiped the future and believed in progress, technology and science. The future was where life got even better, where there were new worlds to conquer and frontiers to explore. Cars changed every year. And those changes were substantial. Tail fins came and went. Windshields wrapped and unwrapped. Everybody knew when you had a year old car and snickered unlike these days where cars hardly change at all and nobody can tell that your car is five years old and they are all ugly.

Or take airplanes. The 707 was a breakthrough but 40 years later today’s planes don’t fly any faster, they just carry more people, have overhead bins and lousy service. The Concorde was a dead end and the airliners on the drawing board are just effete refinements of old technology not breakthroughs.

Who killed the future? 

Not in your future

When I was a kid, the future was exciting. We would be traveling at supersonic speeds long before the new century. Where are those supersonic airliners?  Nobody is even dreaming about them any more.  And take space travel. When President Kennedy launched the Apollo Moon Project we all got excited because it meant that man would finally escape Earth and embrace a new frontier. Well America had enough oomph to get to the Moon but that was it. NASA frittered away our space heritage and technology for the timid and useless space shuttle which could never reach a useful altitude for space exploration and bored us to tears even when it crashed.

What impresses me today is that it isn’t part of our culture anymore to embrace the future. NASA has turned into the IRS with no vision or dreams about space and no magic. Our leaders don’t talk about the future like they did when I was a kid. And people aren’t upset that we don’t have a future. It is all they can do to keep their eyes on the ground for fear of making a misstep and falling. These days we can’t afford a future.

So what went wrong? 

I don’t know for sure what went wrong. I don’t know why people stopped dreaming big and expecting the future to be bright. I do have my suspicions. For me, the optimism stopped when President Kennedy was shot. It was the end of the era of optimism and can do spirit and the beginning of second guessing America and the American way. It was the end of progress and the future and the beginning of self-doubt and introspection. Take it for what it is worth but my judgment is this.

The future died with President Kennedy

What! Me worry?

The future of America died with President Kennedy. All the problems, loss of focus and dithering in our country started with one man and his anti-American agenda and once the country made a worng turn, nobody has ever even tried to get it right again (well maybe one guy but it is going to take an army).

So who might I be talking about, you ask? Who was that destructive, subversive man and what was his anti-American agenda? I’ll tell you.

It was Lyndon Johnson and the catastrophic Great Society.

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Mar 092014
 

Yogi Berra is reported to have said. “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

Coots and Coots in training are well advised to remember this advice because decisiveness is more important than being right. Others may worry about making the right decision. Cantankerous Old Coots know that getting all the facts and weighing the pros and cons is less important than action. Right and wrong are irrelevant so long as you keep moving. Hesitation is for the weak and insecure. Action is for the Cantankerous Old Coot.

This may be difficult for some who have been trained to analyze and ponder about consequences. Society encourages hesitation and caution. If you have been over socialized, this may make it difficult for you to act. You continue to let your mind consider the possibilities and judge the outcomes and the decision keeps getting deferred. You dither. Nothing undermines the essence of Cootness more than hesitation. It looks weak. It says that you have no convictions.

But how do you break those life-long habits? The best answer is to let your gut decide. There is always that little voice that tells us what to do right before we break it all down into percentages and probabilities and go all indecisive. If you can learn to hear what that voice tells you and then shut the brain down, then your problem is solved. Hear the voice, act on what the voice tells you and don’t look back. That is the way of the Coot. Claim victory and move on the the next lesson.

For some of us, however, it is not so easy. If you can’t turn off the analysis and let the voice speak, I have another suggestion. Just say no. Immediately you eliminate any analysis. You know the answer before there is even a question so the analysis can just stay in bed. You might ask if yes would work as well. In theory, yes or no should be equally useful. It is just that yes usually involves some action on your part where no does not. Say yes and you have likely committed to doing something you might not want to do. Say no and you are protected.

To sum up today’s lesson, always act immediately when you face a decision. If possible always go with the little voice in your head unless you can’t turn off the analysis and begin to dither. If you can’t then just say no. And don’t forget that practice makes perfect.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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