Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

Down with varmints

 Posted by at 17:01  Down with
Jun 022014
 

Don’t hurt Bambi

In the Northern California foothills, the varmint most discussed is deer. Bambi love on the part of the 99 percent of Americans who never see a wild animal means that those of us who live where they do are powerless to stop them from eating their landscaping. Deer are not the problem in my patch of suburbia dropped in to the mountain wilderness. Too many fences and dogs to make it worth their while. No, the big problem in my environs is voles.

What the heck is a vole?

Those were my exact words upon moving to Nocal and chatting with the local nursery man. It turns out I had seen them but had thought they were mice. Voles are related to lemmings and muskrats, I learn and are omnivores but as I am also learning this year, they love plants especially mine.

Population explosion

For some reason this year, the hills are alive with the scurrying of voles. I was oblivious to this population explosion until my bedding plants began to disappear the night after planting.. “Snails!” I thought and  began baiting the next planting with no results. Next my green bean plants were cut off as they began to unfurl the first true leaves. My response was more snail bait but the results were unsatisfying. There were no snail trails and no dead snails in spite of the continuing damage. I tried a new snail bait with no better results. I was getting really cantankerous at being outsmarted by varmints that I couldn’t even identify.

Eureka moment!

Then it hit me. All summer, our cat had been bringing carcases to the back door. We thought this quite cute and bragged about our mouser. Then  I began to notice that the backyard slope was an active rodent zone. There were so many voles that you could put yourself to sleep counting them as they ran from bush to bush. Now I knew my antagonist but what could I do. Mousetraps seemed unworkable. Poison would endanger our cats. Surely there was something that would protect my plants from these voracious varmints.

When in doubt ask Google

Google turned up a solution. Not only did it promise to keep the voles from my plants, it was ecologically friendly and wouldn’t even hurt them. It was too good to be true. This solution didn’t have the satisfying closure of dead bodies but at this point, my honor and my garden was at stake. I was willing to accept a compromise. I got some of the stuff and scattered the granules around my flowers and vegetables, hoping that it would at least allow some of the plants to recover.

It is like watching BP control the oil spill

Now, a few days later, I check every morning. The damage seems to have stopped in the treated areas but I can’t be sure. Maybe the voles are just waiting for the plants to grow a little more before finishing them off. Meanwhile the pest control guy left some sticky boards scattered around the yard. He said that the voles would stick to the sticky boards and die. I laughed at him but said to go ahead. This morning I found two corpses. I am exhilarated.  My first victory.  What difference can two dead voles make against the horde? It is a small victory but I will take it.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

May 182014
 
Fireworks on the Fourth of July, 2009; Happy B...

Image via Wikipedia

Happy Birthday USA

OK, our country is 235 years old tomorrow and maybe the old girl is starting to show her age. Too much good living is beginning to take it’s toll. Still it’s the best place on earth and I’m glad to call her my country. What we too often forget is that our neighbor to the north celebrates her birthday just three days earlier. It is such a blessing to have that thin red line of Canadians protecting that border. These days no thinking Canadian would want to storm that border looking for a better life. They’ve been doing better than us for years now.  The most they might want is to cut a few years off the wait for medical treatment. No, it’s a great blessing to have Canada to the north and populated with people wiling  to stay there.  The Coots want to wish our Canadian neighbors a very happy birthday.

Canada Day draws crowds from coast to coast

Here in the states, the fourth of July means eating- mostly stuff you cook on the grill in your backyard or at the park. In case you don’t have enough family favorites – or maybe you are looking for something new, check our these recipes.

Great Summer Cooking Ideas

Outdoor dining 101 – plus some hotline help

All the odd weather (and global warming is wrecking havoc this year because there is so much snow that people are still skiing on the fourth. It’s the best ski season in years. IF it keeps up maybe we can ski all year long.

Wacky West weather means snow on the 4th of July

Not only is this a happy birthday weekend for Yanks and Canadians, it seems that there is actually some good news this week. Let’s start with a lucky Brit who survived a nasty accident during a trip to Germany. I got Google to translate this headline but it didn’t come out so well. Anyway, the lucky kid is 17 and is planning to spend the rest of his life avoiding archery ranges.

crossbow arrow in the head: British (17) survived

These is good economic news too. The business of building bespoke accordions is booming, attracting accordion aficionados to Italy. If you missed this breaking trend, wake up and place your order. Each one is made to order and takes months. You don”t want to let that guy down the street be the first in your neighborhood.

An Accordion Epicenter Shrinks and Thrives

But the piece de resistance this week is a stunner. You know how everybody says that the reason that the schools are so bad is that we aren’t spending enough money? Well it turns out to be a lie. When California curt school spending, test scores went up. Maybe with a few more cuts California could get back to number one again instead of being at the bottom. I makes you wonder what else might improve if we cut spending? Got any ideas?

Public schools see paradox of lower funding, higher test scores

Happy Fourth of July and Canada Day to all. Eat big and stay out of range of the fireworks

 

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

Another Old Age Rant

 Posted by at 12:34  Reflections
May 182014
 

Much to fix, little time

I live now on borrowed time, waiting in the anteroom for the summons that will inevitably come. And then – I go on to the next thing, whatever it is. One doesn’t luckily have to bother about that.

Agatha Christie (1890 – 1976),

Time is running out.

Time is running out.

Getting old changes many things. I’ve ranted about many of them from time to time. You get fat. You get clumsy. You look like shit and everything hurts. It is frustrating and there isn’t a darned thing you can do about it. About all you can do is to stay away from mirrors and cameras. You may be able to forget about the ravages of time but unfortunately you can’t do anything about how you look to others. They see you for what you are – an old guy and act accordingly. People treat you like an old guy instead of a regular human being. There isn’t much you can do short of becoming a hermit so you ignore them and pretend you are still 40. You move on. Continue reading »

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

May 042014
 

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Douglas Adams 

American life is a string of deadlines- hard cut-offs which restrict moving on in life. We Americans live by schedules and time lines, starting with the first day of school and ending when we put in for retirement. We like to think that American’s are ruggedly independent, forging forward through chaos and distraction to win the day but the truth is more mundane. We are much more like lab rats running a series of mazes put in our path, competing against our brother rats for rewards. Those rewards seem wonderful at the time but don’t provide long term satisfaction- not so much diamonds set in gold but zircons set in brass- and with each deadline we move on the the next maze.

deadlinesSuccessful people get conditioned to this pattern early in life. They embrace the competitive environment of the deadline and it becomes their life model. Everything is about the end and nothing important is happening along the way. Success is crossing the finish line, in first place if possible, but definitely finishing. Americans like finishing what they start but there is more to this lifestyle than just crossing the finish line. You also have to finish within the allotted time. For that reason, Americans invented the term deadline- the drop dean point in time when finishing no longer matters..

Americans didn’t invent deadlines.

There have always been deadlines whether from natural processes or human design. But until modern times no one ever applied a name to them. Continue reading »

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

May 042014
 
Disney - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Image by Express Monorail via Flickr

New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Mark Twain

Coots are ready for 2011

Well, it’s almost New Years Eve and the Coots are ready for 2011. Not that we are complaining about 2010, mind you. It’s been a fine year. First Justin got the hair-brained idea that there was a market for cantankerosity and then built a stable of cranky, opinionated guys to do the work. Between maintaining his virtuosity on the kettle bells, running his web commerce sites and adding a fourth kid to his household, he has a full plate. Well, the man is obviously a genius. Coot’s isn’t even a year old but each month sees the readers growing as does his stable of hacks.

The Team of Hacks

So far, Justin has snagged me and Bob into regular participation and occasional posts from Jen to give a feminine touch. Over the year , I have enjoyed the opportunity to release my inner curmudgeon- letting it all hang out so to speak. It surprised me that saying what you really think is harder than you would think. There have been times when I have had to sweat in order to dredge up feelings suppressed by years of employment. I find that I actually do have some opinions and that they aren’t the ones I see in the news. As I get older and free from the constraints of a job, I’m finding that the more I see, the less I like.

Bob, the newest addition to Justin’s stable is a young pup too but the man has a lot of experience under his belt for his tender years. He has taken some hard knocks and popped right back up. He has had lots of experience and has done his share of pushing the envelope, surprising me and maybe even himself at every turn. And the man has opinions that just won’t stop. I can make an outrageous statement and he can come back in a second to bury my puny outrage with an avalanche of pure cantankerosity. I can’t imagine what Bob will be able to do when he gets a few years on him.

Looking forward

As the year winds down for the team at Coots, we are just getting our second wind. We have learned some things and forgot some others, We have gotten some things right but we are still clueless about  many others. For 2011, we want to take Coots to new heights of cantankerosity. We want to make Coot’s University a real resource for those who are cantankerously challenged. And we want to get down to your core where true cantanerosity begins and shake up all that conventional wisdom. Our loyal readers deserve no less.

Happy New Year

On behalf of all the Coots, I wish you a very cantankerous New Year. The world needs more people to say “Hey, wait a minute. That makes no sense!” when they listen to the news. It needs more people to tell it like it is. It needs more people to stop taking crap and smiling about it. It needs you. You know it’s true. You know you’re a pussy. So make a resolution to make Cantankerous Old Coots a regular read in 2011.

And give us feedback.

Finally, Coot’s want you to tell us what you need. What do you enjoy most from Coots and what could we do to increase your enjoyment and help you become a Cantankerous Old Coot (whatever your age)? Is there a cantankerous corner that we have missed? Let us know.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook