Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

Jun 022014
 

Get it while you can!

You may all envy the Cantankerous Old Coot Lifestyle.  Who doesn’t want it- or at least what they think it is?

American Coot

The end of the American Coot? (Photo credit: ap2il)

It seems ideal, doesn’t it; take no responsibility, complain about anything that you don’t like and then move on without ever having to fix a darn thing.  So different from all the crap your mother mad you do as a kid; more pleasant than attempting to satisfy your sadistic, incompetent boss; safer than  driving in the right lane and way less frustrating than all the  bureaucratic folderol that goes with life these days. Who doesn’t want the Coot Lifestyle?

It seems that every day somebody makes up new rules to follow.  Every time you think you have them mastered you discover that someone slipped in some new ones when you weren’t looking.  Where did freedom go?  Where did the independent, take charge way of life that used to be the American way go?  What happened to the pragmatic, problem solving mentality that made America the world leader?  Why do we suck up to assholes in Washington instead of doing what we were born to do-think?  How did we evolve from lone wolves to Pavlov’s dog?  It would take Einstein to figure it out.

Too erudite for me.

I’ll leave all that intellectual stuff to Bob.  It’s been my experience that thinking doesn’t do much about fixing things.  I’m more the take action kind of guy- do something that feels right and then decide later whether it made any sense or not.  I’ve heard this called ‘Ready, Fire, Aim’.  What’s great about this plan is that you either lead into a great new future or you make a big mess and sometime you can’t tell the difference.

Somehow it seems that I got diverted from my original topic- the Coot Lifestyle- into a rant about the country and how it has gone to the dogs but I suppose it all is related somehow.  All I know is that most people these days are too hung up about what somebody else thinks; how many government programs they can get stuff from and finding a drug to solve their most pressing problems (from my informal survey of TV ads, I conclude that for men it is getting it up and for women it is fear of falling down).

LIFE IN A BUBBLE

Bob’s solution is, no doubt, the Constitution- probably the second amendment- and Justin would write a poem.  I can’t be bothered with all that.  Mine is letting it all hang out and living the Coot Lifestyle- calling things as I see them, ignoring stupid rules and letting life happen instead of controlling it and living in a bubble.

Somehow people today expect a life with no downside.  There should be no disastrous acts of nature.  There should be no unpleasantness.  There should be no risk.  And we are all paying the price in a world of rules that only a fool needs.  This new world is boring with no adventure, no surprises, and no disaster.  But it is also a world with no excitement, no thrills, no imagination and no real fun.  All our fun is the safe, sanitary kind with imagined threats and such careful management of risks that even the fun is imaginary.  We are living in Disneyland.

I’ve gone off on a tear again.  Back to the Coot Lifestyle.  Like I was saying earlier, the Coot Lifestyle is all about doing what feels good, calling a spade a spade and getting yourself in deep shit from time to time. To quote somebody “It’s a wonderful life” but if you want it, you had better grab it fast before the government makes a rule to ban it.

 

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Up with Old Age

 Posted by at 17:01  Up With
Jun 022014
 

Making a Silk purse out of a sow’s ear is a life mission.

The Old Coot

The Old Coot (Photo credit: goingslo)

One of our principles here at Cantankerous Old Coots is not to hold back. We believe in straight talk, calling a spade a spade and facing the music. We understand that those are the behaviors embraced by a man of integrity and we firmly support the notion that in the English language, at least, a man of integrity is generic, encompassing both major sexes and even a few of the minor ones. Cantankerous Old Coots aspire to be men of integrity but we also modestly confess that telling it like it is is also a direct product of the aging process.

What else can you do when all those bodily functions and physical abilities desert you? You rant. And when ranting just doesn’t satisfy you start picking the world around you to pieces. You notice it’s failures and you tell is like it is. You can’t change reality or bring back your youthful energy, physical prowess and libido but it serves notice that you have had it up to here with old age and you aren’t going to take it any more. You channel Howard Beal. Of course, it doesn’t fix anything but, at least, it distracts you for the moment.

Which came first? The cantankerous or the coot.

One of the explanations for the existence of cantankerous old coots is the aging process. Getting old makes you just naturally turn cantankerous and, of course, when you turn cantankerous what is more natural than being called a coot. Most people will accept that as a straightforward explanation. Most people are fools. This is a very superficial perspective on aging , the kind that you develop when you are a youngster and don’t know any better. When you are young and everything works like it is supposed to, you just don’t know what you don’t know. Youngsters imagine that they understand life when, in fact, they are clueless.

Aging is one of those facts of life that we learn early on and think we understand. We observe old people but can’t fathom that life will take us all there- if we are lucky. The young mind sees old people and can’t truly believe that they were once young. They also have no way to understand their future; what it is like to be old. They believe it is all cosmetic, wrinkles and gray hair with the body still willing..

The Young don’t get it.

Youngsters can’t get their heads around the physical reality of aging. They don’t believe that it will actually happen to them. The young mind refuses to acknowledge it’s own aging . The young mind denies the physical deterioration of his body but each year that denial becomes harder to justify.

At some point the reality hits. Denial become impossible and the true test of life begins.

You begin to ask the important questions. What good are you? What justification can you find in struggling on? Who really cares? This is a painful and humiliating process: accepting old age after decades of denial. Some deal with it better than others. Many wilt with this acceptance and meekly surrender to decrepitude and dependence. Others just give up and expire. A few refuse to go quietly into the dark night of senility. They get mad. They fight back. They protest and complain. They get noticed. Sometimes they even matter. Those are the Cantankerous Old Coots.

But you never win.

Of course in the end, it makes absolutely no difference. Life on earth is finite. At some point the perceived advantages of continuing to exist start to lose out to the difficulties. Cantankerous Old Coots might hold on longer just for the sheer, good-matured fun of messing with Mother Nature but that is an individual decision. Cantankerous Old Coots aren’t in it to win. Nobody wins. For a Cantankerous Old Coot it is the battle. Did you give it all you had? And did anybody notice?

So where do you stand?

Are you a Cantankerous Old Coot, a foolish youngster or in denial? Going down easy or hard?

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Down with Birthdays

 Posted by at 17:01  Down with
Jun 022014
 
birthday cake

This is Birthday Week at COC

This is turning into a heavy week here at COC and it is all because of birthdays. For some unknown reason both Justin and I have birthdays in the same week. Well I suppose that the reason is known but the synchronicity is a mystery. Who knew we were working with such a handicap.  Try to imaging two Virgo’s working together and you will get the picture.  Even though there is a small difference in our ages, we both have our cantankerous spirits to support the effort.  Justin admits to being a mere babe at 36 while I am a bit older.  I’ll just let the readers guess at my age.  I will even give you a clue.  I am not a boomer.

To party hearty – or not?

My birthday was Monday and it is all over now. No party. No cake. No presents. I did get two cards, one from my insurance agent and the other from my wife’ s broker. I think that tells everything you need to know about me.  Justin celebrates his on Friday and I am sure that it will be party central at his house so I am not expecting much out of him here at COC until next week.  He does love attention, however, so be sure to drop by his home base, ring his kettle bell, leave a comment and wish him well. At 36, he probably hasn’t yet realized that each year past 21 represents a decline in something although it is hard to notice what those somethings are until 40 or so – at least that’s they way I remember it. Besides thinking about your decline never makes you feel better.

Birthdays are for kids.

Each one is a happy event because it marks a progression toward the ideal of adulthood and control of your life. At least that is the fantasy that kids have about being a grown-up. Let them live in their fantasy world.  The truth will hit them soon enough.   A birthday is a day of recognition with a present or two and some very unhealthy food. No matter because youngsters can eat anything without worrying about health. All in all birthdays are pleasant events for kids.

But not for adults

After you reach drinking age, there is nothing much good to say about birthdays. Being one year older doesn’t help you one little bit. By the time you get to be my age, the last thing you want is another birthday. (Well let me qualify that a bit – continuing to live through another year is always good but recognizing that year is not.) I’m happy enough to be alive and kicking but there is no reason for anyone to know that that I’m even older than I was last year.

That’s my take on birthdays.

Don’t give me a party. Don’t buy me a present. Don’t rub it in that I have survived another year and look pretty good for my age. If you feel the compulsion to celebrate somebody’s birthday, focus on baby faced Justin. He is young enough to still be in denial about his imminent decline but with four kids, it won’t be long.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Jun 022014
 

Got my mojo working again.

I like the Christmas season. It’s great feeling those warm and wonderful urges to buy somebody a gift, eat too much and get all warm and fuzzy about those yearly roundups stuffed into Christmas cards. But enough is enough.

Back to reality.

mojoMost of the candy is gone, the leftovers are eaten and the packing trash hauled away. Slowly but surely, I can feel the old cantakerosity coming back. Last week I was worried that maybe it was gone for good and I would have to hang up the towel here at Cantankerous Old Coots. I have to confess that it is a great relief.

People age in different ways. Sometimes people age like a fine wine getting more and more mellow over time. Others take the wine of life experience and turn it into vinegar. Last month was making me worry that I was going out with a whimper. But now it seems there is still some vinegar left in this old Coot.

 How do I know?

You see after the euphoria about New Years and all the belated hoopla of the New Years Day bowl games the TV has finally gone back to regular news. At first it was a relief to listen to the pathetic drone of the interminal bad news but as I began to sift through all the drek I discovered something that really frosted my pumpkin. Those ridiculous Iowa caucuses are still not over.

It seems like years that the media have been talking about the Iowa caucuses. I had reached my limit long ago and was blissfully relieved when the seasonal stories pushed them into the background. “Surely nobody wants to know anything more about Iowa or the caucuses,” I kept thinking. But the networks believe otherwise. I guess if you live in the pathetic state Iowa, it’s your moment of glory. The moment when you get to make up for four years of neglect and abuse from the other 49 by inflicting your will on the political system.

 It’s not even an election.

It’s bad enough that we are stuck with Iowa setting the tone for the Presidential campaign but they can’t even manage a real election. They have this abomination called a caucus process where apparently you waylay unsuspecting voters over to your house and then harangue them into supporting your candidate. What are they afraid of in Iowa? Don’t they trust citizens to vote? It wouldn’t be so bad if it only affected Iowa. After all who cares about Iowa anyway? We can just build a fence to keep all the crazies in. The problem is letting them steer a course for the rest of us.

Been there.  Done that!

We’ve been down this road before, stuck with looser candidates, one of whom goes on to become President and drag us all down.

Anyway, I’m staying away from the TV until the dust settles and the damn caucuses are over. We will all be stuck with the damage of letting Iowa set our course but at leas I can forget about Iowa and what Iowans think for another four years. Blessed relief!

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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